Patterns

I don't have a type of man really. I've dated tall, short, skinny, fat, fit, muscular, light, dark, medium. But I definitely have patterns. I have great sex with guys named Jason. But the relationships were 3 of the most emotionally trying and most fucked up of my life. Guys with B names are great friends, like Brian and Ben. But they both disappear from time to time. They are the only two men that I actually chase after. That is if you call chasing calling them about every three months and leaving a crazy silly voicemail to let them know that I'm thinking about them, and that I'm still a nut.

Ron's, are difficult. One is my godfather and the other is the only man that I think I could have fallen in love with.* I already loved him as a friend and when we took the next step it could have been right but it soo wasn't. My godfather moved out of state and lost touch when I was 16. He still comes back to NYC, all of his family does. But they never contact me and whenever people that know me and my family ask him if he's talked to us, he says that I stopped talking to him when he moved. He never gave me the address and it still stings a little. Just like what happened between me and the other Ron. He was my best friend when I was away at college. It wasn't until I came home after my sophmore year to take an offer I couldn't refuse that it turned into more.

I would travel to see him on weekends. Even went up to see him at our old school. Then he stopped returning my calls. 3 calls. That's all anyone gets before I stop calling. Maybe less. So about a year later he calls me and tells me that he stopped calling because he got my old roomates best friend pregnant. You could say that still stings a bit too.

Freshman and sophmore year of college, I dated mostly athletes, mostly basketball and soccer. After I came home from college, I dated about 3 dj's. Within the last 5 years, I've dated 4 corrections officers (none of which knew each other.) And I've had two crushes on guys named Ian. Guys with D names are some missed and mishandled opportunities for the most part.

*I think that there is a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. While I have loved a select few men, I have never been in love. (but I'm dying to try it, I hear it's great fun)