Idiot Box

Here's a list of random, sometimes crappy stuff that I watch on tv regularly. Now take into consideration that I have never in my life had cable, and The Muppet Show is probably one of my favorite shows of all time. Just a twinge above Sesame Street, I got a real thing for Big Bird...

• Bones - for some reason I love this show. If you've never seen it, it comes on fox, but you can watch it online at fox.com or at hulu.com (more on hulu later) Its about a ferensic anthropologist who works with an FBI agent (Angel, you know David what's his name from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which by the by you can also watch on hulu) to solve murders. Its kinda grim but theres some humor and I like all of the characters. And its based on the life of Kathy Reichs. The anthropologist on the show - Temperance Brennan (can't remember the chicks real name and dont feel like looking it up) is insanely smart, a social misfit, and kicks ass from time to time
• Extreme Makeover Home Edition - I really can't put my finger on why, but I really like this show. Maybe because I love real estate, or I think the idea is a noble one, but in any case it usually makes me cry or at least sniffle. The show actually got sued a while back. Because of the rehabilitation of the properties, the owners property taxes went up and they wanted the show to cover the increase.
• I didn't watch it, but Mommy and Other Mother both watched A Raisin in the Sun and thought that Puffy must have paid someone to get that part. I don't know, maybe he financed the production. But speaking of plays, Mommy (if I'm not mistaken) is currently at the matinee preview performance of Cat on A Hot Tin Roof with James Earl Jones, Phylicia Rashad, Terrance Howard and Anika Noni Rose (you know the other woman in the Dreamgirls remake - which I never bothered to see)
• The Pussycat Dolls Presents Girlicious - its soooo very vapid and terrible, that its enjoyable. I think there are only about 2 or 3 girls on the show that can actually sing, but then again I always thought the same thing about the Pussycat Dolls.  I'm not even going to lie and act like I didn't watch the one the had one last season too.  Very fucked up what they did to Asia after she won...
• Girlfriends - although it hasn't been the same since the departure of Toni, its been pretty good lately. I was, however highly dissapointed with the last episode I saw in which Joan goes to visit her fiancee's public school. What a deragatory picture of a inner city school they painted! My cousin (Cousin T) has taught at one of the lowest performing schools in NYC, and while shit went down, it was never like that bullshit. Maybe I'm overreacting and shit is really that terrible out in CA. PB, did you see that episode?
• A-Team, Fantasy Island and Air Hawk on hulu.com. Its a really great site that lets you watch episodes and clips from multiple networks as well as some shows that are no longer on the air like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. You have to be invited to be a member or do like I did and sign up to be a beta tester at hulu.com. Bravo kinda squelched on the deal cause they took their content off of Itunes and claimed they were going to put it on hulu but all they have on their is clips last time I looked, no full episodes. In the clips of Project Runway, they don't even show you what the finished designs look like.
• CSI - the original one. Actually haven't caught too many this season, but last season with the miniature killer was kick ass. Loved that it turned out to be a woman. NY and Miami versions are alright too, but they really don't compare to the original.
• Law & Order SVU - I used to love the original but I guess Jerry Orbach was holding the whole thing together cause after his death, I really didn't enjoy it anymore. I watch the reruns whenever I'm at my sisters house (she has cable.) I used to like Homicide: Life On the Street when Munch was on it and I like him on SVU. Plus everyone else, specially Olivia and Elliot. And the new guy is fun to look at
• World News Tonight with Charles Gibson - mainly cause he calls himself Charlie.  I find the news depressing most of the time and think alot of news anchors are phony.  Overly sad on the bad stories and frighteningly cheery on the good ones.  Charlie Gibson seems genuine to me, I appreciate his delivery and never feel like he is forcing his opinion (or someone else's) down my throat.  I tend to like the news team on ABC the best out of all the local networks, especially when they put Marvell Scott in a tight fitting t-shirt (and he's a MD!)

Da Biznass

Since Afro likes my random post I've been talking about sex a lot recently, I decided to combine the two...

• You know Lady Shay, I've turned down a tongue lashing on more than one occasion.  For one thing, I had a very strange relationship some years ago where the sexual aspect of it mainly consisted of him going down on me while he jacked off into a pair of my panties.  I shit you not.  Not that his head games wasn't incredibly tight, but it kind of left a sour taste in my mouth for lick with no stick.  Then there was the dude that, shit I don't know what the fuck he was doing but it wasn't nothing nice.  And don't forget about the dudes that say "Oh I just want to taste it, nothing else" when they know full well that ain't all they want. 
• Speaking of that rather strange relationship of my youth (there is so much shit there I could do multiple posts on Chef and me) he first explained his sexual restrictions on my age (I was 16 he was 19) then on the fact that he was sort of in a relationship with a chick who was away at college in Florida, but the real reason was that his dick was about 3 inches long...
• Thats not to say that some men don't know how to work 3 inches.  Ok, so I've never had a fabulous lover with a 3 inch winky, but I'm sure that there are some out there.  Somewhere.  I've also known some men with 10 inches of thunder who don't know how to bring the rain.  The thought of bad sex with a big dude makes me cringe a little more than the thought of bad sex with a little dude.
• Did you know that some bodegas in the hood sell counterfeit Magnums?  I'm sure that some people don't even notice that they aren't as large as the real ones.  And the latex is different.  What the fuck is the world coming to when big dicked men in the hood (and the women that luv them) have to worry that Jose at the corner store is trying to dick them on the condoms.
• It's really not fair, if someone is tickleish and the other person isn't, the one who isn't should not be allowed to tickle the one who is.  Specially if there is a danger of said person peeing themselves.
• I couldn't laugh, at least not in his face, but PYT busted his lovely tight ass in the snow last night.  All I could do was say, "Oooo damn!  That looked like it hurt sweetie!  Are you alright?" then duck the snowball that headed my way.
• Fucking snow!  I love to look at it, maybe ski on it, but gotdamn if I dont hate to have to shovel that shit!
• In the recent past, I had a man tell me that I made him feel self conscious about being naked.  Needless to say that was the wrong dude for me.  First off,  I'm either in as little clothes as possible, or as many clothes as possible, depending on the weather.  If I'm in some coochie cutters and wife beater, I sure as hell don't want my dude to be in a turtleneck sweater and corduroys.  Secondly, I love to be naked.  It's fucking natural.  I'm not a flasher nor do I dress obscenely in public, but in the privacy of my own home, hell the fuck yeah I'm gonna walk around bare ass.   And lastly, I'm not the chick you want if you need a woman who is going to boost your ego.  I give compliments where they are due, not when they're asked for. 
• Speaking of compliments, twice in my life have I reached into a man's pants and said, "Wow that is really quite large" (or something like that) and the dude was kinda surprised at the compliment.  I think I mentioned that I don't give compliments unless they are due

Troub the Perv

• In answer to your query PrettyBlack - you know I did!  Don't know about the taming part, I kinda like them spirited.  Its when they turn into whiny bitches that I kick them to the curb.  Nothing worse than a dude that acts like a chick.
• Speaking of which, I saw Big Mr. Sad yesterday.  I had lent him a book and he finally returned it.  I was gonna chalk the cost of the book up to the price I pay for dealing with a man with bitchlike tendencies, but he made a big deal out of returning it.  I'm talking asking other people to give him Cousin T's phone number so that he could talk to her.  (It didn't happened, but if it had Cousin T probably would have laughed at his punk ass.)
• In case you didn't know, I have a serious thing for firemen.  I think Mr. March and Mr. August are my favorites from the 2008 FDNY calendar, even though I'm pretty sure that Mr. March is married (Go Head with Your Bad Ass Mrs. March!)  Don't ask me why, but they have fascinated me since I was a wee one.  Sooo, there is a fire house about 4 blocks away - Hello Tin House!  and about 2 weeks ago I saw the truck go by and noticed a new brown face in the bunch.  And yesterday I was driving past with Mommy and who should be standing outside but the new guy, and good lord is he fun to look at.  Me and Duke may have to take a walk down there soon.
• I have Nicaraguan neighbors.  I really can't figure out the family except to say that there are the parents, then they have 3 grown daughters, and then there are 4 grandkids.  I'm not sure which kids belong to who and that includes the grown daughters cause one of them calls the father by his first name and one of the grandkids calls him Daddy.  In any case one of the grandkids is a baseball player.  About 16 or 17 and I just noticed that he is fucking gorgeous.  Not that I would hit on a kid, especially one that I've know since he was about 9, but damn!  I mean really damn.  No wonder there has been a influx of teenage girls hanging around the block lately.  I feel kinda protective, I want to give him some condoms and the watch out for scheming trickettes talk.  I really not sure when he went from being a cute kid to a gorgeous young man but the teenaged girls better watch out for that smile.
• Speaking of gorgeous young men that I know, OtherMother's grandson is grounded.  Seems he came over to OtherMother's house afterschool with two friends, a boy and a girl.  OtherMother decides to fix some snacks for the kids and is heading down to the basement when the boy friend tries to intercept her.  Talkinbout he'll bring the snacks downstairs and its no problem, just stay upstairs.  Yeah right.  OtherMother goes downstairs and finds her grandson hopping into the bathroom trying to pull up his pants and the girl (I started to call her a young lady, but that is so not the case as you'll see in a minute) wiping her mouth.  OtherMother goes off on the boys and then tries to have a talk with the girl.  Tries to tell her that she shouldn't be giving out sexual favors like gum samples and that she needs to be careful about sexually transmitted diseases (OtherMother got them to admit that she was going to blow the other boy too) and this little shit is stoopid enough to tell OtherMother that she doesn't have to be careful cause she's already pregnant.  (Not grandsons)  This poor child is 14 to hear OtherMother tell it and living with her grandmother. 
• I have a crush on Bill Goldberg the jewish wrestler....

Jump on it in the morning and ride it til the night...

...wanna give you real jewelry so when it hits the light, bitches will momentarily lose their sight.  She said, "I know what boys like, I know what they want, they want to sex me, they think I'm sexy.  I know what boys like, boys like me."

Just a little trip back in hip hop time when I actually liked Jay-Z.  This is going to be another one of those random post that I do from time to time.  Bear with me...

 I recently realized that I've never slept with more than one man at a time.  Wait, I'm not sure how you took that, but what I mean is that if I'm sleeping with one man, I don't sleep with anyone else.  I guess you would say that I'm sexually exclusive.  I just couldn't see myself going back and forth between men.  Twins on the same night at the same time, now thats another dirtier story.  I don't expect my lovahs to be sexually exclusive, but I do expect them to be discreet and most importantly clean.  Dont you ever fucking come to my house smelling like some other woman or just as bad, you own funky ass.

I thought I lost my The Incredibles DVD.  I love that movie!  Shit, who am I kidding I love Pixar almost as much as I love Jim Henson and thats saying alot if you know how I feel about the Muppets.  Speaking of the Muppets, I just got The Muppets Take Manhattan on dvd!  How cool is that!  (ok maybe not that cool to you, but cool as shit to me! fuck you very much if you think I'm a dork.  But I'm pretty sure dorks don't have head game like I do...)

Speaking of head game (is it wrong to segue from Muppets to Blowjobs?) can I just say as a woman, that I actually do quite enjoy the power of giving a blowjob.  The feel of having something so vulnerable yet so hard in the palm of my hand.  Doing just the right thing to make him hiss and that extra swirl of the tongue that will having him calling out.  If you're a woman and you're thinking that its an act of submission, than sweetie, you really haven't been doing it right.  And to the maybe 3 straight guys that may be reading this, if you learned to really enjoy eating the puss, (that is if you already don't) you'd probably get a hell of a different reaction than if you just eat it cause you think its what she wants you to do it.  If you don't enjoy it, chances are you're partner won't enjoy it either.

Sorry I haven't been around the blog world lately, I've been off playing with a boy.  Well at least part of the time.  I've also been cleaning this sty I call an apartment, fine tuning my resume (I should start sending it out by Wednesday) and trying to groom Duke.  It took me about 4 hours just to give him a really good brushing.  Then I spent another hour using the undercoat rake.  Then I needed a break so the next day I got started with the clippers, and we were doing pretty good until I tried to cut him back left leg.  He didn't want me on that side.  So I was pretty tired and said I would try the next day.  But then it snowed.  And since we live on the corner and own the lot next door I had to shovel all of that shit and I think I pulled something.  So the haircut is incomplete.  He looks alot better, but my back is fucking killing me from the snow shoveling.  Then it had the fucking nerve to rain the next day and most of that fuck ass snow disappeared and today it was in the 60s!?!  Fucking weetodd weather, I blame it on the industrial revolution.  Fucked up weather, cancer and pollution.  What a great fucking time in history that was...

Introducing PYT

You're probably thinking Pretty Young Thang, and he is that, but he is also quite light skinded or as my sister has put it, he's high yellow.  If you don't know what that means, good.  If you do and think thats wrong of me to say, fuck you.  I'm joking.   About the yellow thing, not about the fuck you thing.  

you know in real life, I absolutely can not stand when people say things like likedided, or lookdided, or skinded...

Anywho, I met PYT (he's the 22 year old if you've been following along) back in November.  I tagged along, as I'm wont to do, with Cousin T to a party.  Now, I must say that Cousin T knows my varied taste in men quite well.  She's just about the only woman that I would trust to pick out a man for me, cause she knows what interest me in terms of appearance.  We often point out dudes that we think the other will like, and we are hardly ever wrong.  So when we walked into the party and she saw where I was looking she chuckles and says, "I thought you'd like him, he works at my school."  First thing out of my mouth, "Is he legal?" 

There was some flirting and an almost double date that never happened.  Then a couple of months passed.  I ran into him again at a house party.  That was the same house party that I met Big Mr. Bad at.  Needless to say, nothing continued to happen with PYT.  Then came the party the week before last.  And there he was again.  About 6'1", thin, and the most amazing amount of heat coming off of his crotch.  (You see I have this theory about the amount of heat relating to the size of the male appendage.  Let just say that it seems to be true...)  What can I say, I'm a bit of a perv and proud of it.

We finally got around to exchanging numbers and he finally thinks to ask me how old I am.  Proudly 30 and not showing it, thank you very much!  "Really?! Well maybe you can teach me a few things and I can return the favor."  Boy do I hope so!  So far he's proven himself to be well mannered, adventurous, adorable and proof positive that my aforementioned theory may very well be true...

Cocky

My mom always taught me that there is no shame in giving yourself a compliment.  To paraphrase Muhammad Ali, humble people don't get very far.  You don't know how many times she's sat back after eating a meal that she just cooked and said, "That was exactly what I wanted, it was delicious if I may say so myself."  So lets just say that at times, I'm cocky as hell.  I mean, when things are down, it always helps to take a look at the things that you have going for you.  

For example, I'm young, I'm pretty, and I hit hard.  Not to mention that I own my own home, an incredibly dangerous and cunning mind, and a shitload of very nice clothes.  The world is my runway, and I own that bitch, if I may say so myself.  No matter how I may be feeling, the face that I present to the world is polished, clean.  My clothes are my armor, my bag my shield, my smile my trusty sword, my mind that hidden dagger that will strike the final blow.  (if you're wondering where that last bit came from, I just finished watching The Return of the King, it got me kinda hyped.)

But even the baddest bitch has her moments of self doubt.  That runway is fraught with possible slips and falls, and no matter how many times you practice walking in those 5 inch heels (like the ones from my Polyvore below) there is still a possibility that you'll end up ass out and eye to eye with the cameras.  I slipped this week.  It could have been a full out face plant, but I managed to get my equilibrium and turn it into a full out twirl.  I was feeling a bit, anxious, out of sorts, paralyzed with fear at thought of the future.  So for a minute I retreated.  I've never had a problem being alone, I find myself wildly fascinating, plus I'm a great listener.  My imagination is powerful enough that I can disappear into the world of fiction, snuggled deeply in down (that is until it was fucking 68 degrees, what the fuck), a mug of tea at my bedside, a large snoring dog on the floor under the window.   And it was warm, and comfortable, and not in the least bit scary, or anxiety ridden.  Then Friday rolled around and Cousin T called, "Still want to go to that party with me?" It's Cousin T, so despite my internal hesitation, I immediately replied, "Yes."

Fuck!  A million little niggling thoughts are going through my mind.  Is Big Mr. Sad going to be there?  Is it going to be a bunch of 22 and 23 year olds?  Do I really have to get out of the bed?  What the fuck am I going to wear!?!?!  A couple of (*ahem) inhales later, and I calmed the fuck down.  What the hell am I so worried about.  Just get clean, then get dressed and represent in my usual you aint got shit on me style.  (That is after a couple more inhales.)  Two hours, one shower, some MAC and a banging outfit later (off the shoulder sweater tunic, with my leather look leggings over the knee boots, and a vintage rabbit fur jacket - everything was black except for the boots which are a deep red) and I was really feeling my self.  Four hours later and I had two new numbers in my phone and had refreshed my status as a Baby Cougar - 22 and 25 if you're wondering...

DID YOU FUCKING SEE THAT!!!

that being my Giants winning the superbowl!  That's right all you nay sayers and shit talkers - THE GIANTS WIN!  THE GIANTS WIN! 

And that wasn't fucking luck either.  The fucking amazing Giants Defensive line had Brady on the ground 18 TIMES!!  Did you see that Alford sack?  Did you see my newest boyfriend Osi Umenyiora (I am sooo buying myself his jersey tomorrow) and gap toothed Strahan hounding your boy Brady?  Had him sooooo fucking jumpy that shit was ridiculous!  And did you see soft ass looking Eli shake off those boys trying to sack and the fan fucking tastic catch made by Tyree?!?!  He caught that shit in the air with his helmet and one hand and still managed to hold on to it!  Take that New England, cause all anyone is going to remember of your almost perfect season is how you guys BLEW IT in the end. I bet Tiki Barber is feeling like a bit of an ass right now.  Never win a ring with Manning huh?  oh and in case you missed it the first time

THE GIANTS WIN! THE GIANTS WIN!!!

This message is brought to you by Trouble the tomboy

Ollie Ollie Oxen Free!

Soooo Shay Shay La Femme (of The Skirkle - private blog, sorry!) has tagged Leggs Diamond.  If you're not familiar with blogger tag, you get tagged, you share 7 things about yourself on your blog and you tag some other people that you would like to know more about.  Since LadyShay picked Leggs and not Trouble, I'm gonna let Leggs take over....

hello darlings!  So Shay would like to know 7 delectable things about Leggs Diamond.  Oh where to begin

1. I love to dress up.  I'm not talking about a nice dress and some heels, well I do like to dress up that way too.  But I'm talking about in the bedroom.  Wigs, costumes, dance wear (i.e. stripper gear), impossibly high heels, shit I even have a pair of butterfly wings!  I recently rocked some leather look leggings, a cashmere halter and some 6 inch stiletto slides (I really need to get a new pair of the furry kind.)  And then there was the gym class hero outfit; some cheeky little gym shorts (I brought a size too small, navy blue with orange), with footless fishnets (orange), a tight and tiny wife beater (orange), and some Michael Kors stiletto slides that I can't walk in (orange suede.)
2. I think women are beautiful.  I have no problem if a man wants to watch a porno, but the chick in it better be cute as hell, otherwise you run the risk of me snarking on her the whole "film."  And on the same subject, just because its your fantasy to be with two women, does not mean its mine.  I have no problem looking at another women, but I'll be damned if I stick my face in her cooch!  Penis fascinates me in large part because I don't have one.  Can't say the same about pussy...
3. I do however have a fantasy that involves me and two very gorgeous men.  We're (THIS PORTION HAS BEEN REMOVED BY TROUBLE TO PROTECT SOME SMALL SHRED OF DECENCY ON THIS DAMNED THING! )
4. A dude I was seeing once asked me to put on a strap on and make him my bitch.  He didn't say "make me your bitch" but thats what I heard, so I passed.  It's not that I have anything against anal sex, (and yes Afro, Leggs knows that a prostate is the same on a man and a woman) but I really didn't know dude like that.  Maybe if he had waited a month or two...
5. Speaking of anal, I don't do booty duty.  Do enjoy a stiff finger every now and again, but I feel like I should have something that I saved for my husband.  That is if he wants it.  Strange I know...
6. I don't swallow either!  I think I've made this clear so this will be a freebee.  Ok, well there was that one time, but I was drunk, which was a bad thing for him when I gagged that shit back up in his lap!  I kid you not.  I spit that shit, and what I think was a little vodka, right back at his ass.  Don't try coming in my face either, unless you want me to take a bite out of your shit!
7. I love a talker, but just don't say anything ridiculous, cause I will crack the fuck up.  There was the little dude that asked me to call him Big Dick Daddy - "What!?! Are you fucking kidding me?  You did not just say that shit!  You were joking right?"  Or the guy that said, "Tell me its the best you ever had!"  only to be greeted by silence.  Or my all time personal favorite, "Whose pussy is this?!"  Well it's mine tardo, "Legg's fucker, and don't make me have to tell you again!"
8. I can honestly think of only one man that I regret sleeping with.  He had been my best friend Freshman and Sophomore years.  Even punched a dude in the face for trying to play me.  Would always take me to the supermarket when he knew I wasn't eating the food at school.  Tried to teach me how to drive in his car with crappy ass brakes!  Talked him out of driving drunk one night when he could barely stand up but insisted he had to have some fried chicken from the gas station down the road (and every one else was going to let him go) 6'5" about 220 lbs and in the best damned shape of any man I've ever been with (my gawd the physique on that man!) and I loved him (not in love, but I loved him) and we slept together.  I think we giggled through the whole thing!  And then I left school to take a job in NY, but I would still travel to go and see him.  But things had changed, and suddenly he didn't get my sense of humor.  And I knew him too well, so I knew when he started seeing someone on campus.  And then he told me that he got my old roomates best friend pregnant.  And I wanted my heart to be broken, but it was so easy to tell him to "kiss my ass, you dipshit!" 

Oh, Leggs wasn't as bad as I thought she was going to be!  I do however think she has something else planned so stay tuned.  And since all of the TypHo's have been tagged.  I'm gonna go with Seattle Slim at The Beatniks, Lyrically Speaking of Lyrically I Am Yours and Girly Longings, and Mr. Swag. Game on...

The Bullshit...

Any woman who has lived in New York for some period of time and reads the weekly mags like New York Magazine or Time Out New York and loves shoes has seen the ads.  The ones for the massive warehouse clearance sales, designer names including Burberry, Juicy Couture, Frye, Ugg and more!  4 Days only from 9 - 7!  New merchandise daily!  45 - 75% off retail!

Wellll I finally went to one today.  Before I tell you about it I feel like I should give you a little more background about that snarky black chick known as Trouble.  Despite the fact that I love to shop, I generally hate outlet stores.  There are a few exceptions, like Off 5th and Nordstrom's The Rack, but for the most part I find the stuff to be mostly picked over and damaged crap.  That is if said outlet store hasn't decided to produce a lower cost lower quality line of clothing to be specifically for their outlet stores (*aaaaaaaagapbananarepublicoldnavychoooooo! - excuse me!)  But I love a good shoe and today was the first day and what do you know it, I'm at home, so I went.  

Can I just say ewwwwwwww!  Ok I found a couple of pairs but the smell of the carpet in the place where they held the sale was making me not want to bend down to try them on.  But before I could steel my stomach to actually bend down, I noticed that 3 of the 4 pairs of shoes that I found (a pair of Burberry suede loafers for 89, a pair of Frye boots for 89, a pair of Converse one star sandals for 29 and some bad ass silk satin evening pumps by a famous designer whose name escapes me at the minute for 89) were damaged.  One of the Burberry loafers looked like someone wore it for a month and then returned it, while the other one only showed a little wear.  Do you know how hard it is to clean tan suede?  They would have had to be about 29 to be worth the effort of even dyeing the bitches dark brown.  The Frye boots were scratched the fuck up, of course they were displayed good side up.  And I think I could get the Converse sandals for the same price at Century 21 (another discount store that I love) and they probably have them in more colors.  Not like it isn't winter and I really need some sandals now.  And I really don't have any place to wear the silk satin dress shoes, even though they were gorgeous and had the most exquisite toe cleavage, so I didn't buy those either.

Although I gotta tell yall its been about 60 degrees the last two days in NYC.  Of course you know that means that folks lose their got damned minds, try and act like its really winter, run around in spring weight clothing, then cough without covering their mouths on the train two weeks later thereby infecting all of the people who had good sense to not be stoopid when the weather went wonky!  Saw a bitch in shorts today.  Not wool shorts either, those shits looks like cotton, maybe a poly blend.

And there was this black woman there.  I don't know, maybe she had on too many clothes and she started sweating.  At least that's the best case scenario that I can come up with.  But in any case bitch stunk, pure and simple BO.  And then some random West Indian woman happens to tell her that she looks familiar and she says, (in her best snooty voice) "I'm an actress, I've been in lots of things" and ducks away like someone was going to ask for her autograph.  How successful of an actress can you be if you can't afford deodorant?  Just asking...

Did I mention Mommy was with me?  Well she didn't find anything either so we left in search of sustenance.  We were going to go to Wendy's (I love the Spicy Chicken Sandwiches with cheese and everything except for tomatoes they have the worst tomatoes at Wendy's -  for some reason if you just say cheese when ordering they wont put anything else on the sandwich)  But then after remembering how expensive fast food can be in Manhattan, especially in the touristy neighborhoods (we were by Madison Square Garden) I decided that I would rather take Mommy somewhere nice.  So we walked downtown to Cafeteria, this very trendy restaurant thats open 24 hours and makes realllllllly delicious fries with truffle oil and shaved parmesean cheese.  yum!  

Sidenote:  Is parmesean a place?  why the fuck does spell check always want me to capitalize that shit?

So I had the fried chicken salad, which was watercress arugula, fresh corn salsa, haricot vert (french green beans) and a big ole fried chicken breast.  It was soooooo good.  And Mommy had the BBQ pulled pork samich which comes with red cabbage cole slaw and plantain chips.  She said she was ruined for other BBQ pork sandwiches.  Oh, and Mr. J from America's Next Top Model was there having lunch as well.  He tried to recruit me for next season but I had to tell him, "Honey, I'm old enough to have given birth to one of those younguns!"  Ok, so not really, but it would have been funny if it happened.

And Cafeteria is right across the street from Loehmann's which is another discount designer clothing store.  Some people swear by it, but I have to say that I'm really not a fan.  I once got some dark red leather Seven for All Mankind jeans from there for about $70, but that was about 9 years ago.  Nothing so good since.  Annnnnd they were selling the same cashmere sweaters that I just saw on sale in Marshall's for $29, but at Loehmann's they were $49.  There were a couple of other things that I saw at other stores for less, so I didn't buy anything.

We headed home on the train, me reading my book and Mommy reading the paper.  As is my habit, I look up whenever the train doors open.  I look up this one time and had to mutter, "Damn!" this brother was looking mighty mighty swaggerlicious!  He was actually just alright in the face but the whole package was delicious.  And Mommy, with out even raising her head from her paper says, "I knew you were going to say that."  I love my Momma...

Fingers in my hair

Its been such a long time since I fell asleep with someone else's fingers in my hair and a quiet mind...

So what the fuck am I doing up at 6am?!?  Maybe I'll tell you later when my brain is functioning correctly

Mmmmmm

I was heading downstairs to my apartment when I heard Amy Winehouse singing Back to Black.  In case you didn't know, that's one of my favorite ringtones, along with Chocolate Rain (T. Zonday), I Need You (A. Keys), The Pinball Number Count (from Sesame Street) and Birk's Works (D. Gillespie).  So I run down the stairs cause I know it's Big Mr. Bad...

Little Ms. Bad aka Me: Hello (of course you know I was practically purring)

Big Mr. Bad:  Hey Gorgeous, I'm about to drive past your house and was wondering if I could trouble (*tee hee - he said trouble!) you for a hug and a kiss...

Little Ms. Bad: No trouble (*tee hee) at all

Big Mr. Bad: Good, come to the door I'll be there in a minute.

I don't know, something about his politely forceful swagger is doing things to me.  It was one hell of a kiss, and have some pretty high expectations for that "Later..." he gave me.

The Soapbox and the Slippery Slope!

All credit for the incredibly cool name of this post goes to my bro in law, The Artist, cause that was the name of his gallery exhibit that I went to see tonight.  I'm drunkish by the by, so blame any mistakes on Grey Goose and his slippery slope. 

Would you believe that I was doing my hair?  Yeah that sounds good, I've been doing my hair since Christmas eve.  Or how about I was playing with boys?  That sounds even better!  How about I won the lottery and was making arrangements to fly you all to Barbados?  Nah, don't believe that one cause I would hate to disappoint you all.  I'm a flake and thats all the explanation that you need.  Mind you, you all love me for my fickle ways so get over it and enjoy the story.  (I kid I kid!)

So I met a new guy and Hautey started calling me a Baby Cougar cause Young Buck was about 24.  Unfortunately Young Buck was a lil nutzo and went the way of the dinosaur, he disappeared and I can't really offer you an explanation.  Last Friday rolled around, and I was in the house, but I left my cell phone in my apartment (which is on the first floor) while I was watching tv in Mommy's room (which is on the third floor)   I came downstairs to get something (look away Daners cause you luv me! that should be legalized damn it! and yes Mommy knows I do it) and noticed that Young Buck had called twice no message.  So I call him back leave a message and make sure that I bring the phone upstairs with me.  Except, I stopped in Mommy's kitchen to get some Limeade and left the phone on the second floor.  By the time I noticed that the phone wasn't with me, Young Buck had left me a message that went a little something like this!  Hit it...

"Troub I'm sorry, I don't know where I went wrong but I haven't heard from you so I'm gonna assume that you don't want to deal with me anymore.  Which sucks cause I was really feeling you, you have such a great spirit and I was looking forward to spending time with you.  But I guess its not meant to be.  If I did something to offend you, please know that I didn't mean to offend you and I'm sorry.  Damn!  I was really hoping that this would work out.  But my phone is fucked up and I can't even see if you called or check my messages.  I'm sorry but I'm gonna try and call you from time to time to see if I still have a chance.  Take care, damn!"

Ooooooohkay, Young Bucks new name is Idjeet!  Cause we hadn't spoken for 3 days and the fucker gave up!  What kind of half assed cockamammy shit is that!?!  And I thought every one knew how to check their messages when they dont have their cell phone with them?  (Seriously if I have to explain how to check you messages when you dont have you cell phone you are too dumb to be cool with me.  I'm dead ass serious about this!)

So, the next night, I was supposed to go see the Rza with Hautey and the Artist, but Cousin T called me that afternoon to see if I wanted to go to a house party.  I hadn't see Cousin T since my birthday (and yall know I loooooooove me some Cousin T) and I when I brought the ticket to the show (it was only $10) I got the members of Wu Tang confused and later realized that the Rza hasn't had any new music out in a minute, and I felt like getting drunk as shit without paying more than $20, so I went to the alcohol heavy house party with Cousin T. 

What a great decision that was!  I wore some grey J Brand skinny jeans, my patent leather Coach boots and a t- shirt that said "Little Miss Bad".  I see this adorable guy that I think I saw at a BBQ that Cousin T invited me to earlier this year, and his dimples are calling my name.  Then in comes this illegal looking (could pass for 19) hottie that I've been digging for a minute that I met at yet another function that Cousin T invited me to (I checked, he's actually like 23.)  Illegal is acting, well he's actin like a 19 year old, flirting from afar, shooting me looks like I'm supposed to be chasing him or some shit.  And Dimples is like fuck that, can I be Big Mister Bad?

Needless to say, Dimples aka Big Mister Bad and I had our first date tonight.  It was kinda high pressure too cause I invited him to come with me to the Artist opening and all a good majority of the people that are important to me were there.  Including Mommy, Hautechick, the Artist, OtherMother, Mommy'sBuddy (that used to watch me and Hautechick afterschool when I was in the 2nd grade), PFunk (the Artist Cousin) and his girl Lovey (she is the sweetest thing you ever met!  Everyone who meets Lovey can't help but like her) plus a bunch of Hautey friends.

Ok, I want to just take a minute out to say the show rocked, my Bro-ham is a talented dude and his shit is hot!  And I also want to say hi to Hautey's girl I, who I've heard so much about and finally got to meet!  Hi I!  Thanks for reading my blog!  She's one of the few people that reads my blog that actually knows who I am!  Very cool!  

So OtherMother gives Big Mr. Bad a hug before she gives me one!  Then she whispers in my ear, "Oh I like him, he gives good hugs!"  Later she tells him that she wants to be a bridesmaid.  I was to busy choking to hear what Big Mr. Bad said next, but was later told that he said, "I'm glad, cause that means I've already got someone on my side."  I should point out that Hautechick was carrying her ginormous leather bag, and inside was some cans of Sophia Coppola's champagne and a bottle of rum.  I should also point out that when Mommy, OtherMother and Mommy'sBuddy get together, I call them the bottle killers.  

And in what might be deemed a first, Hautechick actually approved of my date!  "He's fucking adorable, I want to tickle him or something!"  She later called him an adorable cub, you know to my cougar, he's only 25.  She said the tickle him thing cause he is a big guy, and I think cause of the dimples.  He smiles alot, which I dig.  So after we left, we headed back to Brooklyn and picked up his Uncle (not too much older than him) and his girl and went to play pool.  I actually beat Big Mr. Bad one game and we were killing them when we played as a team.  Mostly cause he's pretty good (I think he threw the game so I could win, although I'm not terrible) and cause like I said, I'm not terrible.

We have another date tomorrow, we're supposed to go see a high school production of Othello (long story that I may tell if we actually go.)  I like this guy for the fact that he gives me butterflies when he kisses me, and he was nice to my Mommy and her drunk friends, and he let me beat him at pool, and the dimples are simply lovely (another thing that OtherMother told him!) 

Young Buck

So I figured out what the Young Bucks name is, but he will be known (for however briefly) on Snarky as Young Buck. As I will it, so mote it be!  ( I would apologize for the last sentence, but you guys should be used to my irreverence by now)  Anyway, we talked a couple of times and he makes me laugh so thats a plus.  BUTT (thats a really big butt - who knows what movie thats from?) I feel a way cause Hautey and the Artist called me a baby cougar cause he's younger than me.  I'm afraid to ask exactly how much younger he is.  ANNNND cause we were speaking the other night and got cut off.  He called me back, we spoke a little longer and then got cut off again.  When I tried to call him off, I got the out of service message and haven't been able to get through since.  So its not looking good for the Young Buck.  

And Brownie is looking for me, but I have yet to answer the phone...

I hate old ladies...

...not all of them.  But the ones who think that having some wrinkles and grey hair entitles them to speak to people any old way.  Sorry old bitch, my respect is earned, but you knew that didn't you?

So last night should have been a wonderful evening, I took Mommy to go see ALVIN AILEY!!!!  and you know how I feel about Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater. (NYC residents - if you were unable to get tickets to this years City Center performances, they will performing at BAM in June)  Plus it was a night of all new works, including Firebird, which was first.  In this staging, the lead role of the firebird was danced by a male, Clifton Brown.  And oh boy did his ass and thighs make me forget where the hell I was!  Then the other firebird comes out, and boy was he ever the perfect compliment to Mr. Browns light and lovely looks.  Jamar Roberts (I think) is a luscious piece of chocolaty man candy, yes indeed.  We also saw Unfold, which while short was phenomenal!  I think that was my favorite piece of the night.  It was danced my Linda Celeste Sims (who is one of the more recognizable faces of Ailey, she appears in a number of their promotional materials and is really quite beautiful, then she starts dancing and it becomes impossible to take your eyes off of her) and Clifton Brown, Mr. Firebird.

There were two other pieces, The Groove to Nobody's Business and Saddle Up, both were being preformed for the first time this year.  They weren't bad, but I think I prefer the older choreography.  They seems to beheading more towards a modern dance flavor and I'm hesitant to like it since one of the things that I find so mesmerizing about AAADT is their ballet skills.  The leg extensions, the beautifully pointed toe, all of that seemed lacking in The Groove.  Saddle Up was better, but Mommy didn't get it.  Part of the reason that I like Saddle Up is that they used the music of Yo Yo Ma and I dig him.

Now about the old ladies.  If you've ever been to the theater, you know that if you arrive late, they usually make you wait and watch on a closed circuit tv until intermission.  Well thats what happened to the 6 old ladies that were sitting next to and behind me.  And of course I would get stuck sitting next to and in front of the most annoying old biddies in the bunch.  The one next to me, comes in and sits down and decides that I'm in her seat.  I know its not because not only do I know what seats I bought (I looked at the seating chart with the ticket agent when I got them) but we were also seated by an usher, and I'm pretty sure she would know.  Also I heard one of the other women say, "we have the three on the end in both of these rows."  So when she looks at me and says, "You're in my seat!  I'm not going to ask you to move, yet"  I looked at her like, bitch you better not ask me to do shit but excuse your rude attitude!  So the next piece starts and the one behind me, who of course has the most annoying voice you ever heard, decided now is the time to complain about having to wait outside during the first piece.    And my seat mate decides to continue talking about how I'm in her seat. 

Luckily it was a short piece and they shut the fuck up when just about everyone in the section around them cleared their throats as a subtle hint to "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU OLD BAG!"  Oh how I wanted to say that last night.  So its a brief pause in the show and the old bitch next to me finally realizes that I'm not 19 like she first assumed, and she changes her tone.  "I'm pretty sure that she's in my seat and I can't see anything from here, but I don't want to cause any trouble."  So now she's gonna play the poor old woman card.  Sorry bitch not buying it, and neither for that matter is Mommy.  

"What the hell is she going on about now.  Like it wasn't bad enough that they were talking all during the beginning of the piece.  If you were in her seat, don't you think the usher would have asked you to move already?  Sheesh!"  "It's alright Mommy, I know what seats I bought and since she doesn't feel its necessary to address me directly, she can kiss my ass."  I dont think that I need to mention that these women were sitting right next to us so they undoubtedly heard everything Mommy and I said, just like we heard everything that they said.  All of a sudden old bitch wants to check her ticket and lo and behold, she is in the right seat.  Which of course she doesn't want to sit in anymore, she ended up going upstairs to the cheap seats by herself.  Honestly, I think she was annoying the snot out of her friends too, cause no one offered to go with her. 

Lord, please don't let me grow up to be a bitter old woman.   Please!

*le Sigh

Can I just say, Mommy rocks!  Seriously, best birthday gift evah! (at least that I can remember)  So the seats weren't the best, but that was my fault (more on that later, if I remember) and I could still see all three dancers and their feet.  But damn if I didn't have a cheesy grin on my face from the moment Savion stepped out on stage, wearing a Gregory Hines t-shirt I might add,.  Part of the reason that I had such a good time was because you could tell that he was having such a good time.  He was smiling and "Yeah Baby!"ing it up, but I think he had the most fun when he was watching the other two dancers (who were bad ass by the by) do their solos.  

The name of the set was "Music from the Sole" and he and the other two dancers basically made music by hoofing.  There was also a sax/coronet player and a steel pan player, but for most of the set it was either Savion by himself of with the other two dudes backing him up.  They horn dude was good, but the steel pan dude blew my mind.  He played everything on that pan from jazz to hip hop to rap (cause its not the same thing to me) to pop to fucking Chopin.  My favorites of the horn guys pieces were Night in Tunisia and My Favorite Things, which just happen to be two of my favorite jazz songs.  I kept hoping for Naima by John Coltrane, but alas it wasn't meant to be...

So I was late, cause all those fuckers I work with broke the fuck out and I don't feel right leaving OfficeManager in the office by herself.  Persian Royalty showed up and he's a gentleman so I knew she'd be alright, but by the time I met Mommy at BB Kings, the place was pretty packed.  So the host shows us to this table and its kinda cramped but its two seats and we could see the stage.  I must have made a face or something cause while we're standing there with the waiter, the manager (kind of a cute if somewhat preppy black dude) appears out of no where to assure us that these are the best seats that they have left.   Mommy's giving me the smirk, the one that means "look at my child, flirting again" which I wasn't!  But somehow, that manager was always nearby.  Despite that I was able to get some pretty ok pictures and since my camera rocks I was also able to get something that I was supposed to but I don't know how to get it off of the camera and onto the blog, so somebody send me an email on how to do that shit.

And can I just say that I was a complete and total fan girl.  Since I posted those pics of Savion yesterday, I had them on my ipod so I was showing them to Mommy who shows them to the woman sitting next to her who happened to be a Psychology teacher at Queens College.  She was this adorable maybe late 50 ish vegetarian who was taking the tap class of one of the backup dancers - who also teaches at Queens College.  So there is a possibility that Savion will hear about the adorable thin chick whose turning 30 on Saturday and has pictures of him and Tony Curtis on her ipod.  Speaking of Tony Curtis, Mommy did something ("I don't know, I pressed something!") and the picture of Tony Curtis popped up and Mommy and the Psych Prof were like, "Uh?" so I told them it was Tony Curtis and they were both like, "He used to be so cute" (ha Danae!)

AND HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY SAVION! ( it was on Monday)

Tomorrow

When I was a kid, Mommy enrolled both me and sisty in ballet classes. It didn't take long for her to discover that I have a bit of an issue sitting/standing still and I only listen if its interesting. So into gymnastics I went, it was perfect, until the gym I went too closed. So back to dance, but this time into jazz and tap, and I loved it. Then at 12, I saw Tap, starring Gregory Hines and Sammy Davis Jr., and fell in love with Savion Glover. I know, I know, he's kinda scruffy now, but he is where my love of dancing men began.

Maybe a year ago, I was riding the bus cross town and I saw him walking by. I jumped up, squealed like a stuck pig, and ran to the window. Then I had to explain that Savion Glover just walked by and then who Savion Glover is. So guess where Mommy is taking me tomorrow night? TO SEE SAVION GLOVER!!!!! And I'm so excited its ridiculous.

And as if I needed anymore reason to love he, he was on SESAME STREET FOR FIVE SEASONS! I swear thats like my dream job. So there was a little incident with some greenery, that doesn't make him a bad person, just chillaxed as all hell...

I forgot some people

From my neighborhood that is.

CFO - this is the guy that hired me. We have a very strange relationship, in that sometimes I want to jump his bones and ride him til we both pass out and other times he gets on my last damned nerve and I can't believe I even thought about putting it on him. My first impression when I met him at my interview was, "Whoa momma! Keep Trouble in control. Whatever you do DO NOT let Leggs out to play! REMAIN PROFESSIONAL!" and I did even though he's is sooooo much fun to look at. But, he's a spoiled brat. Being one myself, it was quite easy to spot. He's a bit messy, again something that I recognize from being a bit messy myself (though I AM NOT messy at the office.) And he farts. In the privacy of his office, but for some reason I always end up having to go into his office right after he does it. Speaking of coincidences, at least once a year we run into each other. He'll be coming around a corner from one direction, me from the other, than BAM! Full body contact that sends a deliciously naughty zing through my system. I swear if I was half a shade lighter I'd blush every time. Last week I was sitting in my office, being slightly goofy as usual. CFO is having a meeting in the conference room thats right across from my office. I look up and he's staring at me gives me a saucy little wink and goes back to his meeting. The man drives me crazy...

CAL - Crazy Asian Lady. She's crazy, a lady (I use the term loosely) and Asian. She's also one of our accountants and very strange. I know she makes nice money, but for some reason she always steals the left over sandwiches that we have from meetings. I'm not talking about taking home whats left after everyone has eaten. I mean homegirl stalks the pantry and the conference room until she is sure that all the participants of the meeting have eaten, then swoops in and takes all the good sandwiches, wraps them up and sticks them in her bag before anyone else in the office can score free lunch. It's gotten so bad, that we post a look out to make sure that we all can eat. She's also the person that will see a dessert tray and take a bite out of every single morsel on the platter just so she can try it. Ooooo or my favorite is when she smells everything. But the greatest thing about CAL is her leopard print leggings and fake fur cardigan sweater. It was one of her favorite Friday outfits until about 3 months ago when in a fit of sophmoric fun, we all growled at her all day. I have never in my life seen a pair of leggings that were so stretched in the front, over her pot belly, and baggy in the back cause of her lack of booty. And the poor teddy bear that gave his life for that sweater. CAl has a penchant for cheap looking hooker shoes, platforms and big chuncky-funky heels, with GoodWill grandma suits. I mean the suits that your grandma gave away cause the lining has been repaired one too many times and it hangs a little funny. CAL is also a bitch on wheels when she wants to be, which makes her a great accountant ("What are you talking about?! We pay you over a million dollars a year and you're giving me a hard time over a $2500 bill being late! Get over yourself, you'll get the money!" all said with her somewhat thick Chinese accent) but a pain in the ass to deal with around the office. During that lunch from hell two Friday's ago she stole Giraffe's order and he let her rather than deal with her mouth. Me however made it a point to go to her office and let her know that that wasn't her food and to let her know that the only reason she pulled that shit was cause me and OfficeManager weren't there.

Persian Cutie - le sigh, alas he is gone. Persian Cutie used to work with me but took a job back home on the left coast. We worked together for about 3 or 4 years, I can't remember. He's actually Persian Royalty's cousin (more on him later) and adorable. I know guys don't like to hear woman say that about them, but he is. I think its the dimples, they make him look kinda innocent and young. I think he's 33 though. He was one of those people that you don't realize you're going to miss until they tell you that they are about to leave. We've kept in touch since he left via email and he was actually at the office two Friday's ago (part of the reason we did the whole office lunch thing.)

Persian Royalty - He was the first non related person to be hired at the company after me. Before me, the 5 people that worked there all knew each other in some way or fashion outside of the office. So I kind of latched on to him. Outsider solidarity and all that. He got married last summer to a beautiful Persian woman, and they just found out that they are having a boy. They are so gorgeous and shiny with love that I call them Persian Royalty and I wish them all the best. Even if her brother calls the office and tries to trick me into thinking that he's her with a cold...

BossManLite - That's my bosses business partner. He has his own company, which shares the floor with our offices, but him and BossMan do most of their deals together. They are good friends outside of work, but where BossMan is intense and yells alot, BossManLite is very chill and I've yet to hear him raise his voice, even when he is uspet. I always feel bad for BossManLite because he sometimes gets lost in BossMan's shadow, though I've been told he prefers the background. He's got the most wonderful hybrid accent and always smells wonderfully, like fresh clean laundry. People often forget to tell BossManLite about meetings and no one likes his assitant the Albino so I usually earn points with him for keeping him abreast of the meetings and shit. He gets slightly ruffled when the don't tell him about meetings and he arrives late. Quite rude!

The Albino - that's BossManLite's assistant, kinda like bizarro me I guess. Thinking about her that way gives me the willies, eeesch! The people in the office like to make jokes about what time I come in everyday, but at least I'm willing to stay when BossMan needs me. This chick here leaves everyday at exactly 4 pm (by which I mean she's waiting for the elevator at exactly 4 pm) and does not work on Friday's. I call her the Albino cause she had them remove all of the lights from her office. All of them. Its like a little cave or some shit, she works by the light of the computer. And she's a pain in the ass. She's one of those women who thinks every man is looking at her "funny" She told OfficeManager that we need to keep the door to the women's room locked because Hottie was looking at her "funny." He was probably looking at her like he wanted to choke her out. She also got my dude Ali the security guard in trouble cause he let a guy up to our floor to deliver my lunch one time. Said she saw the delivery guy in the hall and he was menacing. Yeah meancing all right, all 4 feet 5 inches of him. Dude was practically a midget, oh my bad, a little person.

Heeeeeeeeeeeey!

A big old hey and how u do to

Harlequin!

Swag Ambassador

M A L A !!!!!!

Lyrically Speaking

and

Don

thanks for stopping by to Don and Lyrically Speaking!
Welcome back Swag!
Heya HarleAidenQuinn!!!!
and where the hell you been girl to Mala!

and kisses to my TypHos!

"Left Cheek! Left Cheek! Left Cheek!"

I spent the weekend watching Transformers like 3 times. Hence the title. If you dont remember what I'm talkinbout, Josh D. and Tyrese were in the desert under attack and Josh is looking for Tyrese's wallet. Anywho, here's some things that I learned this weekend

1) I'm not really excited about this upcoming birthday (19 DAYS!!!) It may have something to do with the fact that I'm turning 30, but I'd like to believe that I'm not that shallow. Oh, don't get me wrong, I have my inch deep moments, but I'm not that bad.

2) After 30 plus years of driving a manual, Mommy's shoulder is starting to bother her. I also was kidding about one of her calfs being bigger than the other from all the shifting, but it turns out that one is more defined than the other. Weird!

3) My Mail people are the worst in Brooklyn! I get a slip on Friday for a package that they supposedly tried to deliver on Thursday. But Mommy was home on Thursday, and I was home on Friday. Lucky for me it was the postal supervisor (idk what hes really called, dude had a badge) that helped me when I went to pick up my dvds. I sure did complain bout that shit.

4) For some reason, my mother has picked up the quirky habit of flashing her lights at people when were driving. You know, someone will be going what she thinks is too slow, and rather than go around them, she'll flash her headlights, repeatedly, until the move. She also seems to think that the speed limit is somewhere around 78 miles per hour.

5) If I think its going to rain later and I put on my rain boots and Mommy says, "What are you wearing those for?" its not going to rain. At least it won't rain wherever I'll be so I'll be the ass walking around in galoshes for no reason.

6)Pumpkin Cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory $45 (I might have rounded up) same exact Pumpkin Cheesecake presliced and errything! at Costco $18 (GO COSTCO! They also had my apple cider!)

7)Last year around this time, I bought some copper bottomed cookware even though I hardly ever cook. This year I bought the vacuum even though I hardly clean...

8) I have too many clothes, its kinda ridiculous.

9) A valerian root based tea actually helps me to fall asleep, but only if I'm already a little sleepy and can't drift off. Its no help what so ever if I'm not already sleepy.

10) Those shots the dentist gave me had me loopy for, well I'm still kinda loopy

11) Even though I reminded you all to FALL BACK, it was noon on Sunday before I figured out that it was really 11 am and I had gotten up waaaaay earlier than I would have liked. I did get to see The Artist formerly known as Hobbles though. He's pretty great! He got Mommy an airplant - google that shit if you like plants, this one doesn't need soil or a pot! (if your saying who? the Artist is my brother in law, he was hobbles when I started writing cause he had just torn his ACL)

12) Mommy and I act like fussy sisters sometimes. We went out on Saturday and stopped to get pizza. I ask what she wants and she's like "Oh, just a regular slice." I ask her like 10 times if shes sure then I get her the one slice and get myself a white cheese slice and a regular. I sit down and she's all "Oh, that white cheese is for you?" Uh, yeah, you asked for regular. "Oh, cause that looks really good." I asked you 327 times if you wanted anything else. "Can I have a bite?" You ever tried to tell your Mom no for something? Then she starts listing all the times since your birth that you asked her for something and she said yes? Well I didn't want to have that conversation again so I told her to go ahead. And you know what she does? Rips off half my crust and a nice hunk of pizza too. How the hell and I supposed to eat my slice with half of the crust aka handle missing? And I ask her and she's all "Oh I didn't think about that" and ended up giving her the slice rather than get pissed. So she ate it and her regular and I had to wait while a new pizza finished baking. There should be some kinda rule about misinvoking motherly guilt for pettiness! Cause that was straight some shit that Hautechick would have done...

13) I still haven't spoken to Hautechick, Mommy keeps asking me if I called her. I think she feels guilty cause she often is the hype man for our battles.

14) I was sooooooo gonna tell Brownie that I didn't want to see him anymore, but then I read this horoscope that was basically telling me that all my relationship drama should happen around the 24th (my birthday coincidentally) so I decided to put it off til then.

Mwahahahahahahah!*

*no reason for this title except its Halloween and you can always use a good evil laugh on All Hallows Eve. Or Samhain, (blooger must be strictly Christian cause it don't know that word) which means Summers End in some other language.

DONT FORGET TO SET YOUR CLOCKS BACK ON SUNDAY (fall back momofoko, I don't know you like that!)

So I gave myself the day off, cause I was hella busy today and I noticed that I've been doing a lot of post lately. Each month has more post that the one before it. But as you can see, I couldn't stay away. I got the broadband fixed on the macbook, but I spent last night watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition on abc.com. I really like that show, even if it makes me cry every week. This week they helped out a Navajo boy and his family. This little dude didn't have heat in the trailer that they were living in so he invented a solar powered heater for his mom and little sister. I mean homeboy went to the junkyard found some old cans and made that shit work. AND all the while he was going to a school that lacked proper science equipment. They built him and his sisters a green house, complete with sedum on the roof, solar panels that following the sun, and a wind turbine. Plus it lookded (sorry I typed that by mistake but left it in cause it irks me to no end when I hear people say it) amazing.

Something weird happened to me last night. I was walking to the train station after work, on the phone telling Mommy that I was on my way, when I hear someone say, "Wow, beautiful locks." I turn around and look up into some of the nicest eyes I've seen in a long time. No need to tell you that I got off the phone with Mommy quick fast in a hurry. He introduces himself asks if I'm on my way to the train station and if he can walk me. Big pretty man wants to walk me to the train, heck yeah! Pleasant conversation for the most part, but he was weird. He had locks too, but he cut them off, and was carrying them around in his backpack. He's telling me how he's gonna glue them on a cap and wear them for All Hallows. Typical, he cute and crazy. So we get to the train station and he's all, "Well it was nice meeting you Trouble" and I'm all "It was nice meeting you too!" eyes all a twinkling smile all bright and shiny, but I gotta admit that I forgot homeboys name as soon as he told me about the hair in his bag. And he's kinda holding on to my hand, and I let him for a minute. But I have a short attention span so I pulled free and he let me go with a maybe I'll see you around.

Not that I was into crazy pretty boy but I think I'm a little offended that he didn't ask for my number...