Grrrrrrrr, partie duex*

*no I don't speak french, Mac Dashboard translated it for me (Non, je ne parle pas francais, Mac Dashboard traduit lui pour moi!)

So I went on the interview at the international corporation today.  Nice office, super tight security as is found in most NYC office buildings these days.  Let me start off by saying that when I was talking to the TempAgent, she kept saying to me how they had placed the woman that I would be meeting with sometime ago.  And although she (the TempAgent) had only met with my interviewer two or three times, she could just tell that we were going to get along.  I took this to mean that I was meeting with a black woman, and I was correct.

Can I just state for those non-black people out there that might not know, that just because two women share a racial designation and a similar occupation, does not mean that they are automatically get along.  Case in point, my fucking interview today.  Homegirl didn't like me from the minute she saw me in my Calvin Klein linen blend herringbone suit and Max Studio pumps.  Actually I should list those in opposite order since when I turned around to meet her, she was working her way up from my bad ass round toe pumps.  I'm sure some of you out there reading this are probably thinking I'm a conceited lil bitch whose just a tad full of herself, and honestly you'd be mostly right.  I'm also secure enough with my own shit that if I see another woman with some nice sandals (the lady in the nail salon last week) or a great dress (that sister on the C train) I will give you a compliment.  So I know when someone is looking at me like, "Ooooo those shoes are nice!" and when someone is looking at me like, "Look at this uppity bitch!"  But I am a professional, professional what I don't know, so I smiled my brightest and friendliest and greeted her with nothing less than grace (with a tad of humility thrown in to make her feel better about herself.)

We get down to the interview and errrrrrrrrrrrrkkk! wait a minute, TempAgent told me I'd be supporting 9 executives but Interviewer is telling me it's actually about 12.  And the position is for about 6 months instead of the 3 TempAgent implied.  I already know that they DO NOT want someone who is going to be interviewing during lunch.  So I guess asking for an hour off to go to an interview is out as well huh? Let me ask you this, what the hell am I supposed to do 7 months down the line if they decide not to hire me on full time?  Do I explain on my next set of interviews that I took a job at half my normal pay when they ask me what I've been doing for the last six months?  And if they do hire me, do you really expect me to believe that they are going to automatically double my salary upon hire when I've been more than happy to do the work for less for the last 6 months?  Somehow I don't think so...

 And why the hell can't this damn woman look me in the eye!  Not a fucking good sign.  Is there something hanging out of my nose?  Is my eyeliner smeared across my face or some shit?  I KNOW there's nothing between my teeth - I didn't eat anything, I was a little nervous.  The fact that this woman is looking everywhere but in my eyes is distracting the fuck out of me and I'm not answering her questions with my usually savvy or panache.  My wit is abandoning me and my nerves are starting to take over.   I'm second guessing my decision to wear my suit.  I mean after all Interviewer is wearing some slacks with an open knit sweater and tank underneath (next time she should opt for either a neutral shade or a matching one, cause the white tank under the navy blue sweater was what I would call corporate.)  Then she's telling me that she wants me to meet with her supervisor and an older white woman enters the office.  Interviewer exits and my next interview begins.

Complete opposite experience.  She's looking me in the eye.  She's smiling at my answers, shit, she's actually listening to my answers.  I've gotten her to laugh.  What's the difference?  It surely isn't me.  I'm acting the exact same way with the Supervisor that I was with the Interviewer.  Maybe it's because Supervisor has only been there for 6 months herself so she's got no reason not to like me.  Maybe it was all in my imagination....

Grrrrrrrrrr

I reallllllly am starting to be very skeptical about employment agencies.  The latest one that I've hooked up with is not giving me a confident feeling to put it mildly.  It started off pretty well.  I was especially excited because the Treat's Truck was close to their offices.  If you're from NYC and like desserts, you really need to check out the Treat's Truck website and get a cookie or some shit.  Lady is like my fucking hero!  She's got a tricked out old fashion ice cream truck named Sugar, wears a kitschy lil uniform, and makes delicious treats.  What's not to love?  I once got a caramel creme sandwich cookie and gave it to a dude I used to work with.  He looked at it all kinds of funny cause it wasn't fancy looking at all, in fact, they kind of look like sand paper.  But then he took a bite, and that was all it took to get him hooked.  Their motto is "Not too fancy, always delicious!" Anyway, enough about the Treat's Truck for now...

I was also excited about The Agency because it's a certified women owned enterprise, which I thought was cool.  So I get there and the young receptionist asks me to fill out an application.  I was in a snit about it at first, but the application actually asked alot of good questions - things that you couldn't find out by reading my resume.  And she also gave me this sheet with tips for a good interview.  For the most part I agreed with all of the tips, but one kind of bothered me.  It said that you should always wear a suit to interviews.  It went on to say that by a suit, they meant two pieces of the same color purchased together, clean and well fitting.  Now first thing that bothered me about this was that I was sitting there in a black button down shirt, black pencil skirt, (black sheer pantyhose) and round toe black pumps.  Second thing that bothered me about this was that in all of the interviews that I've been on so far, only the men that I interviewed with (3) had on suits, and one was extremely ill fitted, and one didn't even bother with his jacket.  None of the women I met with had on anything even close to a suit.  

The funny thing about it was that I had just bought two new suits and had them tailored so they fit properly.  (Shopping note: If you buy anything from Syms, they have tailors in the dressing rooms and the fee is rather cheap for the work they do.  Turn around was pretty quick too.)  I would have been a little pissy if I walked in there in my new Calvin Klein herringbone suit only to find this maybe 21 year old receptionist in her motorcycle boots and short skirt.  And there there was the other candidate in the reception area in his older brother's suit.  At least thats what it looked like to me.  But I didn't wear a suit and I still looked professional.  And some days a working woman can't go wrong with a nice professional yet feminine dress.  

Anyway back to The Agency.  The interviews went well, and they didn't ask me to test.  I mean really, who works somewhere for 7 years, with references provided, and doesn't know how to proficiently use Word and Excel?  I think it's a little insulting when they ask me to test my skills.  Especially when they tell me that I can't use all of the nifty shortcuts that someone who has used Word or Excel for over 10 years has picked up.  And then when I left the interview and stopped by the Treat's Truck, she was sold out, but she gave me a free cookie!  I seriously have a thing for that woman now.

A couple of days pass and I hear from the permanent placement counselor that I met with.  She tells me about a job that sounds pretty interesting but just got listed, it going to be a while before she hears back from them.  Next day, the temporary placement counselor that I met with calls me.  She has a long term temp job working at a well known firm, replacing someone on maternity leave.  She tells me that they tend to keep people that they like and it sounds like an interesting thing to do for a little while.  (how long in general is maternity leave anyway?) Then she tells me the pay per hour and I say send my resume.  I get off the phone and pull out the calculator and wait a second, it's like half my last salary.  Seeing as I'm still getting paid from The Last Job for a little while longer, I technically could take a pay cut IF it was something amazing that I really wanted to do.  But I'm tired of sitting at home so I figure I'll talk about it with the Temp Counselor when I hear back from her.

When I do, and bring up my concerns, chicky starts whining.  "Well we really like for our candidates to tell us no before we send their resumes and you're putting me in a really uncomfortable situation!" she screeches at me.  Hold on, I simply pointed out to her that the pay was a large step down from what I use to make and I asked her if it would end up hurting me in the long run.  For instance, I said, if they decided to hire me full time, would they expect me to receive less that my last sizable annual salary because I have already done so?  "Oh! Well, um, no!  I mean they would in most cases look at what your last full time salary was. And if you're really worried about the decrease, I can up the pay by $2 an hour."  She really never should have told me that.  Because now I think I can get more money out of her.  Not to mention, I know someone that does temporary placement and if I'm going to give someone my commission, I would much rather it be her.  And because I've known her for so long, I know that she probably won't try to fuck me on the deal, at least with out some dinner and a good lube....

Strange ting gwan

Hautechick is famous for telling me how she saw this guy and he would be just perfect for me!  She never really knows the guys, usually she sees them in the street or on the train and I always end up saying to her, "It's not like you're going to run into dude when I'm with you."  So her tactics have changed.  Recently she's been coming to me with guys names.  She and the Artist are renovating their house, so she called up some contractor tells him her name and the guys says, "Oh, you must be Omar's wife."  Actually she's not but dude has the same last name as her hubbie.  So she says to me, "That would be soooo cool if you married Omar and we had the same initials again!"  How or where I'm supposed to meet this guy, I'll never know.  Sheeet we don't even know what dude looks like.

A couple of weeks past and she says to me, "Hey remember Omar?"  like we really knew dude or some shit.  Well turns out she's was standing in line at the post office behind a guy who she thought was even more perfect for me than the possibly imaginary Omar.  And she knew his government.  Of course my snarky ass says, "Well thats nice that you know his name, but where the fuck do you suppose I'm going to meet him?!"  Weird ass sister comes back with "Google him!"  I'm starting to think that either my sister has stalker tendencies that I knew nothing about, or she really has no faith that I'll be able to find the man of my dreams.  

So, skip forward a couple of days, I'm over at Hautechicks for a visit and decide I'm gonna make a pizza for dinner and want some fresh mushrooms.  Hautechick and the Artist don't have anything to dinner so we all take a trip to Foodtown (one of the local stoopidmarkets).  The line was ridiculous, so I'm standing on line with Hautechick while the Artist (who has the longest legs of the three of us) ran around getting the rest of the stuff that we needed.  Hautechick's running her mouth and I'm only half listening when I spy with my little eye a gorgeous specimen of man candy.  Tall, thin, gorgeous locks I would luv to play in, and I can't take my eyes off of him.  I hear Hautechick gasp then she says, "Oh my Gawd, thats RN! I told you, you would like him!"  It would have been perfect, if it hadn't been for the older woman that was sure not his momma that was with him....

Huge Pain in The Ass

Seriously!  I'm feeling kinda crappy, more on that latah, so I haven't been posting.  Plus mother's day was a huge production - more on that latah also.  But I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still alive but unemployed and frustrated!  I also wanted to vent about this enormous pain in the ass that has been plaguing me.  I've always carried my stress in my back - knots, spasms, etc - but this pain that I've got is driving me crazy!  It's like a  huge ass cramp! Like I'm clenching my right butt cheek and forgot how to unclench!  I can't sit down and I keep wanting to rub my ass! Or like I've got a leg cramp that migrated north....

The Answers....

1. True - I'm good as long as I don't see the needle
2. True - but in my defense, she never knew I did her man, she suspected but its not like she could ask me straight out.  Well she could have but I think I already established her ass was weak anyway.  Seriously, if thats your homegirl and I'm sleeping with her man, let me know on some real shit not on some "Ooooo let's jump her ass!"  cause its not like I knew.
3. Hell Naw that shit is false
4. Truly
5. True!  I love NYC cause you never know who you'll run into!
6. True - I really really really don't like eggs
7. True - for some strange reason (probably cause the fish know I can't eat them) I always catch a shit load of fish, but someone has to bait the hook and retrieve the fish for me - even touching them makes my throat itchy.
8. False - at least not to my knowledge, but I have been in the room when other people had sex - not by choice, they thought I was sleeping and I couldn't exactly get up and walk out of the room!
9. False - I have dated someone that was 15 years older than I was.  The youngest person that I've dated was 8 years younger than me.
10. Sadly true - I wasn't aware of it when we first started seeing each other, he said they were separated, but not separated enough for my ass.  They still lived in the same house with their two kids....
11. True, but I'm not telling and I doubt you guys could guess who it is....

I think Swag was the only one who got them all right.  Don't know what the questions were?  Go Here

Haven't Done One of These in Awhile

I was on craigslist, looking for jobs when I came across this ad...

Sexy, Open minded, Latina, Middle Eastern or Black
Secretary
Sucessful businessman in search of a hot, open minded personal assistant
for a brand new home office your daily attire will be panties and socks, or
pantyhose, or panties and a tank top...etc. you must be a bit submissive, and
open minded. Latina, middle eastern or black preffered...white girls welcome to
apply. 18-40...hours are flexible...pay is high. send pic and phone number for
details and to set up your personal interview. pretty feet, nice round tits and
a tight ass are definite pluses!
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with
services or other commercial interests
Compensation: 1500 per week
PostingID: 670403933

That's like $78,000 a year if anybody's interested....

Check It...

maybe some of you have noticed that when you click on my profile, it shows that I have more than one blog.  welll, I finally decided to post some of my creative writing on Trouble Ink.  I haven't written in awhile, and as most of you know I have a serious problem with commitments of any kind, so alot of the poetry and short stories that you will find on Trouble Ink will be incomplete or works in progress.  There is only one rule for the new blog - Feel free to criticize or compliment, but if you copy - I'm coming after your ass!

True or False

Blog reader participation time!  below find some statements about yours truly.  its up to you to determine whether they are true or false....

1. even though I absolutely hate needles, I've been inked twice and plan on getting another tattoo.
   
2. once when I was away at college, I was seeing this guy, not too seriously.  I showed up at a small get together with two other guys -friends, and found a whole bunch of my guy's friends including one chick that I thought I was cool with.  I wanted to make sure that they all knew I was just cool with dudes, not banging,  so I approached her and explained, thinking I was coolest with her.  She not only tells dude I showed up drunk with two guys (Everybody was drunk!) but she also tells his other chick (the one that thought they were serious) and tried to set me up to get jumped.  Unfortunately for them, suburban chicks ain't got shit on Bed Stuy when it comes to a good old beat down.  Saw that shit coming a mile a way.  I was feeling a might vengeful after that so (and here's the true or false part) I slept with chick-who-ratted-me-out's man as payback for her running her mouth and starting the whole mess.
   
3. I've been eaten out by another woman
   
4. I can play the trumpet and own an electric guitar and amplifier
   
5. The other week, I was in Katz's Delicatessen (best fucking pastrami in the whole fucking city! also the place where Meg Ryan faked an orgasm in When Harry Met Sally) late night and I turn around after ordering my $16 sandwich (you can make two out of it and it is soooooo fucking worth it) and (here's the true or false part) there was Danny fucking DeVito!
   
6. I haven't eaten an egg - scrambled, fried, poached, over easy, deviled or otherwise - since I was 7 years old
   
7. even though I'm allergic to fish, I'm often found fishing and I once got a fish hook embedded in my middle finger
   
8. I've had sex while other people watched
9. I've dated someone who was 23 years older than I was
10. I've dated a married man
11. I have a blog crush

Make your guesses, and I'll provide the answers on Wednesday...

Back to Black

or Brownie as the case may be.  

It was around this time last year that he first got back in touch with me.  It had been about a year and a half since we had spoken that time.  And I was single, and had fired enough brain cells to forget why I had stopped seeing him in the first place, so we hooked back up.  I said to myself (and a couple of you said it too I believe) that there would be no harm in spending some time with him.  And there really wasn't.  But there really wasn't any gain either...

Honestly, I'm probably the last chick that you have to worry about pressuring a dude for a commitment.  So it wasn't that I was expecting a ring or anything even close to that.  Shit, I wasn't even looking for a toothbrush in his bathroom.  All the fuck I wanted is to feel like I wasn't wasting my time.

What do I mean by wasting my time?  Hmm, let's see.  If you invite me out to eat and spend the night at your house, and I'm wearing the hell out of a gorgeous white sundress and some sexy ass platform sandals and you're wearing basketball shorts, socks and sandals, I think you're wasting my time.  If you call and tell me about this comedy show that your going to this weekend and was wondering if you could stop by on your way home from the show, I think you're wasting my time.  (Really dude, why even tell me about the show?  If it's just about ass, why not just wait til you're on your way to the show and then call and see what I'm doing later?)  If I have to take a two fucking trains (LIRR no less) and spend an hour and 20 minutes just to get out to your house and you tell me that your not going to be able to drive me home (last time he saw my ass by the way) then I think you're wasting my time.

So, why was I chilling with Hautechick and the Artist when my phones starts trilling, "we always said goodbye with words, I died a hundred times, you go back to her and I go back to..."

Appropriate, no?  Wellll, would be if I'd actually said goodbye.  I really just stopped returning his phone calls or answering them if I was by the phone.  I just can't understand why he would call me again.  Ok, so I do have a little inkling as to what might have made him take the chance, but the sex wasn't that good.  At least not on my end.  You know, I really really really really miss having my mind blown.  I keep saying that I'll abstain for awhile, absence and fondness and all that jazz.  But all that ends up happening is that I have all of this unused sexual heat and longing that build and build and build until I can't take it any more and I do someone (usually stoopid) and I end up unleashing all of that on them, which to be honest they usually can't handle, but then their smitten or lusty or whatever the fuck you want to call it and then I can't get rid of their asses.  Or its halfway decent but my aggressiveness scares them off.  Punk asses.

But, that's besides the point.  The point is Brownie called me again, after about a year.  And while I'm not horny, ok so I'm not that horny.  Actually forget I said that part at all.  Anyway, I have a lot of free time on my hands, and he has a pool.  And the weathers nice.  And fuck a dress - sweats and a bikini ya feel me.  But I'll be damned if I drag my ass both ways on the LI fucking RR again....

A Peek at My Playlist...

some of the stuff that I'm currently listening to...

I Will Not Apologize - The Roots ft. Porn & Dice Raw, Rising Down (am I the only one that hears Talib on the chorus? for all of my people who understand and truly recognize, some won't get it and for that I won't apologize...)

Lost Desire - The Roots ft. Malik B., & Talib Kweli , Rising Down (BUY THIS ALBUM!!!! I'm exhausted but I'll never ever forfeit, yall just bullshit while I knock a nigger off quick - We on some casualties of war shit, what you stand for kid? We in the city where they definitely lost it-and that ultra smooth outro)

I Like - Guy  (The things you do to meeeeeee, it brings out exctaaaaaaassseee, fucking classic)

The Show - The Roots ft. Common & Dice Raw, Rising Down (did I say BUY THIS ALBUM? I can't stop, I won't stop, I will not, I will rock...)

Touch My Body - Mariah Carey, E=MC2 (cause I'm really wanting someone to touch my body who knows what the fuck their doing, cause if you run your mouth and brag about this secret rendezvous, I will hunt you down!)

Press Play - Snoop Dogg, Ego Trippin (soooo fucking smooth)

Let It Out - Snoop Dogg, Ego Trippin (you should buy this album too, but then again I'm partial to Snoop)

Take Your Time (Do It Right) - The S.O.S. Band (do I really need a fucking reason for this one?)

SD Is Out - Snoop Dogg, Ego Trippin (I don't know if I would have named the song that but it gets me hyped)

Just A Touch of Love - Slave (a little bit, 6 minute and 31 seconds of funk and I love when they say a little bit, a little bit)

The Way That I Love You - Ashanti (I repeat, I AM NOT A FAN OF ASHANTI, but I really like this song...)

Sexy Can I - Ray J ft. Yung Berg (I really have no excuse for this one...)

Going On - Gnarls Barkley, The Odd Couple (I always end up dancing around when this shit comes on)

All Night Long - Mary Jane Girls (hey boy, would you meet me on the roof tonight, I got a surprise for you...)

Soldier - Erykah Badu, New Amerykah (I really haven't gotten too much into this album but I'm digging this track)

A Little Bit Better - Gnarls Barkley, The Odd Couple (I don't this this album is as good as their last, but its not bad either...)

White Lines - Grandmaster Flash, Melle Mel & The Furious Five (no explanation needed)

Teen Spirit - Nirvana (this is probably one of the most played songs in my ipod, blame private school though I don't think I pick this up from Bubba.  Alvin Ailey ADT actually sampled this song for one of their pieces.)

High Hopes - Frank Sinatra (what?!? it's Sinatra!)

My Moon My Man - Feist, The Reminder (blame Verizon, they had this song all up in one of their commercials and it got stuck in my head, I actually like Feist...)

Naima - John Coltrane (I've always loved this song...)

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger - Daft Punk, Discovery (I always embarrass the shit out of Cousin T when we go out and some Daft Punk comes on...)

Lovefool - The Cardigans (Saaaay that you love me!!!)

A Night In Tunisia - Art Blakey, A Night in Tunisia ( I was raised on jazz but I specifically love horns - trumpets, saxophones, coronets, tubas, trombones...)

Trouble says Stand The Fuck Up!

I'm sure you all know about the acquittal of the cops that shot Sean Bell.  If you don't, take your fucking head out of your ass and read a couple of fucking newspapers you asshat!  Seriously, more than one.  Pick up a Newsweek from time to time.  Anyway, on Monday people were asked to wear black in Sean Bell's honor.  I've said this once and I'll say it again, I don't see how wearing black shows any kind of support.  Especially in a city like New York where people routinely wear black all the time anyway.  It gets really hard to tell whose showing support and who just didn't feel like matching colors that morning.  I can steadily rely on the fact that my sister wears black on most Monday's and at least 2 other days out of the week.  That is if she's not sporting all black all week long.  But that's not the point, the point is what I WILL be doing to protest the death of a young black man in a hail of 50 NYPD bullets.  

On Saturday May 3 I will not be spending any money.  No quick trips to the corner bodega, no half priced or better bargains, no ebay, no gas, no IronMan, no ATM trips, not a bloody dime damn it.  I received a text message about the economic embargo on NYC and was asked to pass it along to all people of color in NYC.  But I think I can do a little better than that. I'm asking that all my blog folk pass along the message to all their blog folk to not spend a dime on Saturday.  It's a little bit of inconvenience that will have alot of impact.  Shit, things are so expensive nowadays, you'd probably be doing yourself a favor.  And if you are a business owner and you can do it, keep your doors closed on Saturday.

Honestly, I don't think that most people will do it.  But I'm putting it out there and hoping that you all will prove me wrong...