Lil Heifer...

So me and Cousin T pull up at SuperSlag's house for MonkeyGirl's birthday dinner and here is lil miss thing standing there looking like a junior me.  I have on black skinny jeans, she has on black skinny jeans.  I have on some Coach high top sneakers, and she's got on the low top version.  I say, "Hey Monk, do we have on the same sneakers?"  And this lil shits gonna say, "Uh uh, mine are Coach!"  with full attitude.  I swear I fell the fuck out and then informed the lil heifer that mine were Coach too!

Oh can I just say I put my whole mutherfucking foot in them red velvet cupcakes!  Cousin T's dad (my actual cousin) used to make THE best carrot cake until his diabetes got out of control.  He never gave the recipe to anyone, not even his daughters.  But he's giving it to me after tasting my cupcakes.  And its a good damn thing he got the diabetes under control cause he ate like 3 of them joints.  Even Mommy, the red velvet hater, ate two and was trying to steal more before I left the house with them.

Oh and I'm working on my homework PrettyBlack!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONKEYGIRL!

on this joyous day, in 1995, my god daughter was born.  A whole 4 pounds of eyerolling, hair grabbing, hollering, side eyein bundle of joy and rebellion.  Only baby in the incubator room lifting her head up and I think trying to get out of that damned plastic box.  Gosh I love that kid.  You see, she was born my senior year in high school and at the school I attended, seniors were pretty much finished with classes by the end of March.  (The rest of the year was spent preparing for the senior play and doing community service.)  So I spent alot of time with her, I watched her just about every day until I left for college.  And when I was away, my Mom used to get her and bring her up to see me.  They would usually come up on the weekend and I will never forget the time they were there for one of my volleyball games.  She charmed just about everyone in the stands by the time the match was over.  My coach had to cut the post game meeting short because MonkeyGirl would not be denied!  And she was absolutely adorable with her too small self walking and talking when no one would expect her to.  We were once at the library in the children's room at Grand Army Plaza (it a huge library in Brooklyn that in this amazing building - actually alot of the libraries in Brooklyn are architectural gems) and this maybe 8 month old baby waddles by.  MonkeyGirl was about 2 at the time, and still small for her age, she's gonna look at me and say, "Babies can't walk!"  The kids Mom looks at Monkey at says, "well they aren't supposed to talk either, but look at you!"

She's almost as tall as me now, in fact she can fit most of my clothes and some of my shoes.  We're even built alot alike.  Shes a dancer where I was an athlete, so she's not a musclely as I was at that age.  Lucky her.  The summer before my sophomore year, my varsity basketball team went to an Invitational Basketball Camp.  I spent 2 weeks doing nothing but playing basketball and running basketball related drills.  Two days after I got home, I had to go to a wedding.  It was the first time that I had worn anything besides workout gear since being home.  I put on my girly pink dress, took one look in the mirror and burst into tears!  "I look like a boy!"  It was terrible, I looked like a body building reject.  Mommy still made me go to the wedding though.  What's one of my post without a crazy tangent!  I know alot of you were expecting it and I sooo hate to disappoint!  You should see my biceps after I've actually been working out consistently...

Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled post, I am so glad to have that no longer little girl in my life.  So I'm making her Red Velvet Cupcakes for her party tomorrow!  I might even whip out Mommy's decorating tools and get my icing flower on!

AND as a bonus tangent I present to you my theory about birthdays.  When I was a kid and someone asked me how old I was I would say something like, "well traditionally I'm 10 years old, but actually I've been alive for 11 years."  It used to piss Hautechick off for some reason.  But its true!  When some one celebrates a birthday, they are actually celebrating the completion of that year, so when you turn 30 (like I did last November) you are actually beginning your 31st year of life.  I used to wonder about why age was counted this way.  I also wonder if it has anything to do with high infant mortality rates that used to exist before medical practices were standardized.  AND since this post was in honor of my 13 year old god daughter, I didnt even curse!

The Skin I'm In

• lots and lots of water, I drink that is.  Plus the MAC doesn't hurt a bit
• speaking of makeup, the handle on my makeup train case broke this morning and I'm really sad about it, I think I'm going to take it to the shoemaker since its leather and see if he can fix it.
• remember I used to do those post on things that every woman needs?  well I just thought of another one, a really good old school shoe maker.  They can take the calf of your boots in, or if they are really good make them a little bigger.  Stretch your too tight leather shoes (or do it yourself with some wooden shoe trees and some rubbing alcohol) fix the run down heel on your favorite shoes, replace a worn down sole, fix the leather strap on a makeup case, at least I hope so
• i actually had a really bad case of the chickenpox when I was in the 4th grade.  So bad that I missed the last month and a half of school.  I still have the dots all over including one on my right cheek and a couple on my nose.  They just dont show up in pictures for some reason.  Then again people usually think they're birthmarks...
• speaking of the chickenpox, did I ever mention that I have a half brother?  He's a real shit.  Anyway when I got the chickenpox, he was in the Marines and he came to see me when he was home on leave.  that would have been strange considering that we spent hardly any time together when I was a kid, but our dad had just passed away the year before, so he was trying to pretend that he's not an asshat.  Anywho, guess who gave the fucktard the chickenpox and guess who ended up in military quarantine for 2 months?
• and continuing on the theme of my shitwit brother, have I ever mentioned that I'm an aunt?  dont think so.  well anyway come to find out I'm an aunt again.  How did I find out?  My buppy cousin gets an email birth announcement from Shitwits (I really like that one, and it really fits my brother) wife, Shitwitta (shes an ass too), so she forwards it to my Mom, who checks her email like maybe 4 times a month (and that does not mean once a week) who mentions it to me last week.  The kid, a boy, was born on Valentines day.
• my home phone went out this weekend, actually all three lines in the house were acting wonky, so Mommy called Verizon and they said they would be here on Monday morning.  wait I should correct that, the first dumbass broad that answered the phone told Mommy that it must be a problem with one of our phones.  I said that was bullshit and told Mommy to call them back (after she made me check all the jacks - good thing the designers of this house were asses and there are only three of them, one on each floor) and THEN they said they would come on Monday.  And what a day Monday was...
• I'm knocked the fuck out, and I kinda hear Mommy's line ringing on Monday morning, but I rolled over and what do you know, it stops.  then my cell phone rings, it the verizon guy and he's outside.  oops!  So I throw on some sweat pants and a hoodie and answer the door.  Hello!  I was for a minute regretting my choice of attire when I realized that the sweats are kinda low rise and show off my flat belly very nicely and actually make me look like I have hips!  it didn't turn into anything but flirting, but that was my choice.  he called me once after he left to make sure that everything was ok, then he stopped by a little later to "make sure."
• so the verizon guy leaves and Mommy comes home and says, "huh, i thought that they were going to come and read the meter today." and right on cue the door bell rings.  I'm right there, so even though this is something that Mommy usually does, I answer the door.  First off, by this time Duke is pretty sick and tired of getting locked up everytime someone comes to the door, so he sticks his snooze in the door and follows me out into the vestibule.  Good thing I hadn't yet answered the front door.  So after a brief yet frenzied battle with the hairy beast I answer the door.  Dog hair everywhere and a tall young cutie here to read the meter!  Sheesh!  That boy better be happy Mommy was home cause I was seriously thinking about jumping the young man right there in the basement.
• My god daughter is going to be 13 on Thursday!  She wants a Sidekick and/or to go to Dave and Busters with a crew.  I'm all for the Sidekick - shes a good kid and she doesn't have a cell phone, but me and Cousin T had a long ass talk about the Dave and Busters thingamajig.
• I was in Filene's Basement shopping for MonkeyGirl's birthday and I saw the most adorable Ralph Lauren baby girl clothes.  I really was debating with myself if I should buy something for NewBabyGirl, SuperSlag's newest kid, but I decided against it.  She'll take it as were cool again and as always expect more.  It tears me up that I can't buy something for the kid without her Mom trying to hit me up for more.

Sesostris

• I was watching Engineering an Empire : Egypt and now I can't get the name Sesostris out of my head or Snefru for that matter
• ella ella ella eh!
• Last weekend I went to my godson's (MonkeyBoy) basketball game with Cousin T.  We showed up in time for his second game (the first was at some ungawdly hour in the morning) and the other team hasn't shown up, so it was a forfeit.  
  

1. Superslag was there with NewBabyGirl and WackThug showed up.  We're watching the kids shoot around for a while and there's this little boy who is pretty damned good.  Doesn't hurt that he's taller than most of the other kids, but his Jordan's are barely tied.  So I say, "That kid would be awesome if someone took the time to tie his sneakers."  And Cousin T starts choking and everyone else (SuperSlag and WackThug) get quiet.  Cousin T told me later the kid was WackThug's son...
2. MonkeyBoy makes the same stink face as that his mother (SuperSlag) used to make when she was upset about something as a child
3. Cousin T and I went to see her Mommy in the hospital after we left the non-game.  She was doing much better (trying to get us to bring her some real food!) and is actually home now.  I promised her that I would make her some incense...

• Memory foam Sock Monkey Slippers (from Target) are apparently "gangsta."
• can I just say "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" ah, much better
• I had the worst cereal I have ever eaten this morning.  It tasted buttery and sweet and sour, it was in a word disgusting.
• So I usually do my locks myself.  Its a long and arduous task, but I'm always happy with the results when I'm done.  The worse thing that happens when I do it, is that I think my curls are too tight, or something else trivial.  The same can't be said for when someone else does it.  

1. There was the African Hair Braiding place where I used to have to wash it first (if I wanted it really clean) and bring all of my own supplies.  And forget asking them to style them.  And I usually would have to tell the woman not to use so much product in my hair.
2. Then there was the professional loctician.  She was right near my house, and not too expensive.  Sistah can really do hair, but she has no customer service skills or personality at all as far as I can tell.  I went twice.  Both times it was just me and her in the shop and she said about 20 words to me.  The first time, I kept trying to ask questions, one word answers.  I'm not asking for your life story, but if we have to sit here together for 2 and a half hours, the least you could do is turn on some fucking music or talk to me!    The second time I wore my ipod and brought a book.  Yeah my hair looked nice, but I always left there feeling uncomfortable, like she really didn't want my business.
   
3. So now I found a new place.  I know I'm just being completely and utterly lazy, since I'm home all day it's not like I couldn't do it myself.  But I kind of want to get out of the house.  So I walked over there the other morning, and they weren't open.  I think that's a sign that I should get off of my ass and do it myself.  No curls this time though, they take too fucking long to do.
4. Speaking of hair, but almost completely unrelated (like something in this post was related) you know I really can't cornrow.  Lately Mommy has been making me practice on her, talkinbout what if I have little girls.  But PYT has braids and asked me if I could do his hair, I was like, "Uh..."

• I was going to say that I was verrrry goood last month in terms of not shopping.  But thats not entirely true, so I was going to amend it to say that I didn't buy any clothes last month.  But thats not true either...

1. I got my rose gold and black diamond ring.  To say I love it would be an understatement.  I also have to learn to stop staring at it like an idjeet, but I'm fascinated that something sooo black could be sooo sparkly
2. And I got a pair of high top Coach sneakers that I could not resist.  The look like Chucks (which I also love) and they are all black but they fold over to a leopard print (real genuine illegal leopard - sorry, the Artist used to say this to me all the time)
3. I got the Coach Chucks when I was looking for a pair of black pumps.  Which I realized that I didn't have when I was cleaning out my closet.  I got a fairly standard pair from MaxStudio with a rounded toe, but they have really great toe cleavage.  
4. And I got a dress, hammered silk off the shoulder BCBG.  But I'm not sure if its for me or for my goddaughter (MonkeyGirl.)  She has a formal event coming up next month and I saw the dress and kind of thought of her, even though I already gave her a dress.  But I was also thinking of me a little, since we wear the same size.  Can I just take a moment to say that I'm really kind of pissed and proud of that!?!  I mean what the fuck the kid used to fit on my lap, her whole freaking body used to fit on my lap!  And now the kid can borrow my clothes AND shoes! So anyway, the dress came (I got it from my favorite BCBG seller on ebay) and welll, I tried it on.  I really have no where to wear it, but it looks great, and I'm kind of hoping that she won't like it.  that is a really fucked up thought
5. I also got some lingerie from Victoria's Secret, they're having a clearance sale.  I haven't worn any of it yet though

• Speaking of the Artist, he is the worst joke teller ever!  But he always manages to make you laugh, just not at the joke he's telling.  So, he calls me up and is like "Hey Troubsy, what do you call cheese, that's not your cheese?" and he's cracking up while he's asking me.  I can hear Hautechick in the background saying, "Nooooo Artsy!" and I'm like, "I don't know Artso (*ahahahaha I dont know Artso! that rhymes) stolen cheese?"  And he's all, "Nnooooooooooo! (giggle giggle guffaw guffaw) Nacho cheese!" and then falls into a fit of hysterics.  Hautechick picks up the phone and says "He told that sooo wrong!  He was supposed to say, what do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you!  He's soo silly."  (she said it in that gushy "aww I love him" kind of way)
• This post is just a lame attempt by me to put off doing my hair as long as possible.  Thank you for playing along!  If you don't hear from me in awhile, no, I'm not being my usual flaking self.  I'm probably just tangled up in my hair.  Wish me luck, maybe I'll take a picture when I'm done

Some Shit

No, no more poop tales.

• from time to time, Hautechick and I will end up in hysterical laughter when talking to one another on the phone.  Most recently, she said something about how I always got along with the Artist and that I need to find her a brother in law that she gets along with too.  That lead me to saying that, no, actually I didn't always get along with the Artist, he used to get on my last nerve.  It was Hautechicks fault, she used to tell him all of these embarrassing stories about me, usually things that I did as a child, and he would tease me.   I hated it.  So Hautechick asked me what happened that got him to stop teasing me.  And for a second I couldn't remember.  Then it hit me, it was the time I was hanging out with the two of them (Hautechick, Mommy, and I all still lived together then) and we were inebriated, to say the least, and the Artist went upstairs to use the bathroom and passed out.  He hit the floor so hard that we heard it downstairs.  My mom ended up calling Hautey to come check on him and she found him on the floor with his pants (and underwear) around his ankles.  Just typing about it makes me incredibly giggly.  
• So I think it was yesterday that I got this email announcing $8 fares on a certain airline.  Then today on the news I hear that same airline has been under investigation by the FAA for flying planes that have not been inspected.  
• My god daughter, Monkey Girl, had another recital tonight.  I love that child but can I just say shit, damn, motherfucking 3 hour program, including a got damned dance piece that I saw last time, a whole bunch of teachers on stage so called modeling, and Monkey Girl was only in the last 5 minutes of the damned thing!  I swear...
• Speaking of the recital, I heard about it from Monkey Girl's step family, Step Grandma called me and asked me to get her a leotard and for my help in finding a dress for a formal event coming up in April.  But thats not the point.  The point is, I walk in start looking around for familiar faces and who should wave and quietly call my name, SuperSlag.  Don't choke someone out one time and they think yall cool again.  Buuuut, she had the baby with her and oh does she know how I am a sucker for baby girls.  Actually, its the clothes shopping that I love.  I swear Monkey Girl was dressed to the nines when she was a wee one, and the new one reminds me alot of her.  She's so tiny.  So I sat, behind not next to her, I still don't trust her with my back.  Her and WackThug (baby daddy) actually drove me home.  
• Cousin T's Mom is in the hospital, I'm gonna send her some flowers tomorrow.  She's in my thoughts...
• I had a discussion with Mommy about me moving out of state.  But that lasted just until she told me that I couldn't take Duke with me.  Any time something needs to be cleaned because of him, he's my dog, which is 98% of the time.  Of course he would become her dog on this issue.
• This is kinda wussy but, I can't leave Duke.  He's getting old, I dont know how much time I have left with him, and I'd really be mad at myself if I missed out on it
• My mom has one of those KitchenAid Stand Mixers (how gorgeous is this dark purple one?) my dad brought it for her as a gift.  That means its really old (if you haven't been following along, my dad died when I was 8) and kind of precious to her.  That mixer has made plenty of delectable treats so I've always loved it, but I've also always shied away from using it.  That has soooo changed.  One of my favorite things to make is pizza with homemade dough.  That mixer cut my prep time down by so much and made everything sooo easy.  I've fallen in love with it.  I usually only make pizza about 4 times a year, cause the dough is such a bitch to make.  I made it twice in the last two weeks.  The one with wine soaked mushrooms was reallllly gewd.
• Someone set off a small explosive at the Military Recruiting Station in Times Square early this morning.  Its the third incident in which a man on a bike has set off a small explosive device in the early hours of the morning in NYC  since 1998 (I think it was 98)  No one was hurt.
• I made a bouquet of balloon tulips for Monkey Girl...

SuperSlag Update

I actually spent about 2 hours with my worthless cousin yesterday. Cousin T was there to make sure she didn't say something she might regret, and that I didn't choke the shit out of her on gp. I also finally got to meet her new daughter. She's looks a lot like her older sister did when she was that age. But she's having problems pooping. Usually I dont talk about baby poop but I'm putting it out there cause child is not at all happy.

Seems that the formula that she's on (I'm all for breast feeding!) has a lot of iron in it. Plus something else that she takes has a lot of iron in it, so shes all backed up. Someone (ghetto) suggested that she put some soap up the baby's butt, but that just seems wrong to me on sooo many levels. I mean, soap kinda burns doesn't it? There's got to be something a little more natural and less burny than soapy for the little monkey, right? So any suggestions on how to get a backed up baby to poop?

The reason that SuperSlag and I were together was to go to her sons basketball game. He was supposed to have 2 games yesterday, one at 12 and another at 2. We get there at 2 and SS dont know where the game is going to be at. We finally get in touch with SuperSlags ex and he tells us the games, both of them, are already over. Way to keep track asshat! I mean I know you have the baby and all, but you can't write the information down on a calender or someshit? What the fuck. And stop letting people put soap up your babies butt! Sheesh!

The Recital

So I actually ended up taking some video of my God daughters performance.  She was pretty good.  I can't even lie and say that most of the program was boring as fuck though.  I clapped for all of the kids, and none of it was actually painful, but boring.  They have a drumline thats pretty damned good.  I liked it even more since it included three young ladies.  But I felt bad for them since they were so much better than the rest of the band.  Most of the drumline looked bored to tears.  

Both sides of the family were there.  Monkeyboy (he is such a serious seven year old, but his deep voice always makes me smile) Monkeygirls stepdad, stepgrand, step aunt, and I think what might have been his new lady friend.  Plus Monkeygirls best friend and a friend of stepgrands. On our side was me, Cousin T, Grandma (Cousin T's Mommy), Greatgrand (who is my dads sister, and who lived downstairs in the house I grew up in.  She still lives there and boy do I have some crazy stories about Aunt Bling), Granddad (Cousin T's stepdad and Superslags dad), Aunt (u know her as Coco of the brown teeth, but boy has that changed! Superslags sister and Cousin Ts stepsister) Superslag, and Wackman (her man that she accused me of sleeping with.)  What struck me was the was that Superslag and her man were dressed compared with the way Stepdad and his lady were dressed.  One couple looked like two people past their prime still trying to dress like teenagers, and the other looked like two people much about their business, young professionals if you feel me.  I think you all are smart enough to figure out which couple was which.

There is this teacher at Monkeygirls school, ooooooh boy is there this teacher.  It was a full house and he was trying to make sure that everyone had a seat.  He sure as hell could have sat on my lap.  And do I know my god child or do I know my god child?  Cause something told me when I was buying her tights to buy an extra pair.  Good thing cause she has an obsession with being properly lotioned, just like myself, put on too much and got grease stains on the first pair she put on.  GodMommy Troubsy to the rescue!

I was going to post some pictures of her but then I decided against it.  It seems hardly fair when I never post pictures of myself.  Not to mention they all include other peoples children.  With all the pervs that slide through here looking for black chicks fucking in boots it was a no brainer.

Bad God Mother

yes, I will admit it, I'm a terrible God Mother.  I don't see my Monkey Girl nearly as much as I should and she is such an amazing young lady.  She is going to be 13 in March and while I absolutely adore her alot of shit gets in the way of me spending time with her.  Namely her mother, Superslag (she and the baby are out of the hospital, so I can go back to calling her Superslag without feeling bad) not that she stays with Superslag.  She actually lives with her stepfather, his mom, and her little brother.  I think that her stepdad and his family are an amazing bunch of people for raising a little girl that they certainly didn't have to.  And it pisses me off to no end that my family didn't step up and keep MonkeyGirl with us.  They all talk about the Steps like they are better than them, but my family has their own issues, and Superslag is like the carrier for all of them.

But Monkey Girl does not let me get away with slacking, and since the Steps like me, she calls me pretty often.  Boy do I need to teach that child phone manners cause whenever she calls there is no hey Trouble or anything, she just starts talking.  Luckily I don't know any other sweet voiced 12 year old girls.  Figuring out what she is talking about is a whole nother story.  

It was back in August, and I was chilling with Hautey and the Artist, my cell phone rings "Trouba what kind of smoothie did you get that time?"  Huh?  Ok the nickname stems from when she was a wee one and couldn't say my name so I know who it is.  What smoothie though?  Oh shit, she means the smoothie that I got July 4th weekend when we were in the Vineyard.  Like the hell I remember!  So I had her read me the flavors when she got to the bakery.

Two days ago, I'm playing with Pooper and my cell phone rings, "Trouba whats the address of the Capezio store by your job?"  Huh?  I swear the kid probably thinks I'm slow.  Oh thats right she switched programs at her Junior High School and is now in the dance program.  So I spent a good portion of yesterday running around looking for footless flesh tone tights in a S/M.  And getting them to her for her performance today.  I can't wait cause I usually miss her performances because of my work schedule, but I'm not missing this one!  I'll be sure to take lots of pictures!

Oh and she gets all the clothes that I'm giving away, the little shits legs are almost as long as mine! (and thats saying something cause I'm about 3/4 legs!)  And the reason I called her a little shit just now, is cause I'm telling her that I look and see if I have any size 0 pants and jeans for her and shes scheming on how to get me out of the J Brands that I had on, "Why don't you let me try those on to see what will fit?  Who makes those again?  What size are they?"  

I Wasn't Gonna Do This...

...another post that is. But I managed to wrangle a half an hour to myself and made the rounds. (I think I got to everybody) Well actually I was on The Skirkle cause for some reason my link to PrettyBlack didn't want to work. So I saw that it was word association day, (I'll be back Shay! I like to at least read what you guys write cause I really preciates it when you guys read what I write! Even went to Texas to visit Madame Harley! - you know they've been trying to inject radioactive dye into my thyroid for the last 9 months?) but then I headed over to PrettyBlackGold and I am so glad that I did cause she sent me here.

http://www.1hivpositivegirl.blogspot.com/
check it out because HIV and AIDS effects us all
Thanks PrettyBlack!

And on a lighter note, I don't know whose cuter the duck or the ladybug! PrettyBlack and LadyShay have some of the cutest little brown girls I evah did see!

Hello Kitty! are you out your damn mind?

You know, two years ago I brought a ring that looked like this for my god daughter. It was like 7 bucks and she loved it and I thought it was cute. Now this lil motherfucker is nothing like the one that I bought MonkeyGirl. For one thing those are real gems. Yes sire, that is about one carat of diamonds on that thing. And those are rubies in the bow, all on a white gold ring. For the dazzling price of $4250 (matching pendant same price.)

And even though it looks just like the $7 Sanrio ring I got 2 years ago, this one is apparently "designed" (the quotation marks are a physical expression of my sarcasm by the by) by the one and only overblinged, overhyped Kimmora Lee Simmons. Who obviously has a thing for kitties...

If your interested in looking at more of her crap, you can find it here

Must Be Something in the Water

Cause now Giraffe and his wife have announced that they are having a baby as well! To celebrate I brought a pizza for Giraffe and I to share, but then Frenchie was there so of course she can have some pizza. I heart that chick! We are chilling with a couple of other people in the pantry eating pizza, shooting the shit, and here comes Rudenik, a turkish guy I work with who has no social skills what so ever. Rudenik hears Frenchie ask is she can have some pizza then this ass goes and gets him a slice and one of the free sandwiches that were left over from this morning meeting!

Me Frenchie, Giraffe and Buzz are all looking at each other like "What the fuck?!?" and after he left everybody decided that it was just easier to stare at him like he was nuts than to say anything to him. When we first moved up to this floor we didn't have any furniture, and Rudenik goes on Staples and picks out like $3500 worth of furniture. BossMan told me to tell him that there was a $200 limit on temporary furniture and he's gonna come at me on some, "Who are you to tell me how much I can spend?!" and I came right the fuck back with "Who the hell are you to spend $3500 of someone elses money on some temporary furniture?!" He went to Bossman on some she doesn't know her place, and shortly after I got promoted from Office Assistant to Bossman's assistant.

Not the Momma

I don't have any, but Trouble luvs the kids! I am queen of peek a boo - I can get even the fussiest toddler gigglin and all I need is my two hands and a smile (I told you I was great at kids parties!) And for some strange reason pre-adolescent boys adore me - well actually my love of cartoons, video games, and candy might have something to do with it. I'm still a little skittish around teenaged girls (flashback to the awkward years) but I'm working on that seeing as my God Daughter Monkey (she only gets mad if I call her that in public, but when she was a toddler she used to screech like a monkey for me!) will be 13 next March.

Ah, I remember when she was born, March of my senior year in high school. Her mom is my cousin and after I graduated from High School I watched her everyday while her mom was at work. I spent so much time with her that summer that alot of people thought she was mine. And when I went away to college, Mommy used to bring Monkey with her when she came to see me. Then when Monkey was 5, her mom got preggo again (second daddy but he and his fam have always treated Monkey like she was theirs - to the point that she lives with him these days not her worthless mother) and Monkey became Monkey Do. Her little bro was Monkey See at that point cause all he ever did was sleep so all we did was look at him - they switched nicknames when he turned 5 and turned into a little hellion with one hell of an arm and she decided she was too cute to be silly anymore. (I'm trying to learn her that cute and silly go hand in hand. And that dumbing down for your friends is not cute at all)

But she thinks she's grown. And she wants things like a skirt suits, two piece bathing suits, and high heels. And she knows all about Coach and Juicy Couture and shit. (ok so the Coach is partially my fault, but the butterfly nano case I got for her was only 12 bucks on ebay!) And last year she asked for a pair of Seven Jeans for her birthday. And my first response was "Hell No! Your not even going to be able to fit them in about a year and I'll be damned if I buy you some $130 jeans when I dont even pay full price for mine!" (That was before my $170 J Brand Doll Jeans - which I love and I'm an adult damn it!) But in my head I was thinking, well maybe if I come across a cheap pair in my shopping adventures. Then I wondered if she was talkinbout Seven Jeans or 7 for All Mankind jeans. And then I said does it really make a difference cause she's not getting them from me

But then her aunt called me asking me how much was I chipping in to get Monkey See the jeans. And I asked her if she was out of her got damned mind. I have a theory about buying stuff for kiddies. Quality is important. Now I have some 7 jeans and I never paid full price for them. Why not? Cause I dont think they are worth it. They split at the seams and the denim is on the thin side. I had a pair of Levi 501s for about 10 years before I got a wear hole in the knee, my 7s I got a hole in the ass after a year (by the pocket, what the fuck?) I have no problem buying the Monkeys stuff from Gap cause I once got Monkey See a fleece there when she was a baby and it lasted long enough for Monkey Do to wear it too. Same goes for a Polo Ralph Lauren sweatshirt that I found on sale at Century 21 (if you dont know what this is, boy are you missing out - sorry bitches they are only in NY and NJ!) I've found Old Navy is good for basics, tshirts undies and the like, but the clothes aren't as tough as at the Gap. And H&M stuff is only if they want something trendy cause it sooo doesn't last.

Recently I got this catalog
And I love how the stuff is sooo classic. I also like how they have sister dresses (Mommy used to make Hautey and I sister dresses!) and how the older sister stuff is not too grown. The prices are HIGH, but it looks like quality. If I had two girls I might considered buying a dress or two from them, specially since I would be able to hand them down. I'm considering getting Monkey See a coat from there cause I am so sick and tired of seeing her dressed up wearing a bubble coat!