Jump on it in the morning and ride it til the night...

...wanna give you real jewelry so when it hits the light, bitches will momentarily lose their sight.  She said, "I know what boys like, I know what they want, they want to sex me, they think I'm sexy.  I know what boys like, boys like me."

Just a little trip back in hip hop time when I actually liked Jay-Z.  This is going to be another one of those random post that I do from time to time.  Bear with me...

 I recently realized that I've never slept with more than one man at a time.  Wait, I'm not sure how you took that, but what I mean is that if I'm sleeping with one man, I don't sleep with anyone else.  I guess you would say that I'm sexually exclusive.  I just couldn't see myself going back and forth between men.  Twins on the same night at the same time, now thats another dirtier story.  I don't expect my lovahs to be sexually exclusive, but I do expect them to be discreet and most importantly clean.  Dont you ever fucking come to my house smelling like some other woman or just as bad, you own funky ass.

I thought I lost my The Incredibles DVD.  I love that movie!  Shit, who am I kidding I love Pixar almost as much as I love Jim Henson and thats saying alot if you know how I feel about the Muppets.  Speaking of the Muppets, I just got The Muppets Take Manhattan on dvd!  How cool is that!  (ok maybe not that cool to you, but cool as shit to me! fuck you very much if you think I'm a dork.  But I'm pretty sure dorks don't have head game like I do...)

Speaking of head game (is it wrong to segue from Muppets to Blowjobs?) can I just say as a woman, that I actually do quite enjoy the power of giving a blowjob.  The feel of having something so vulnerable yet so hard in the palm of my hand.  Doing just the right thing to make him hiss and that extra swirl of the tongue that will having him calling out.  If you're a woman and you're thinking that its an act of submission, than sweetie, you really haven't been doing it right.  And to the maybe 3 straight guys that may be reading this, if you learned to really enjoy eating the puss, (that is if you already don't) you'd probably get a hell of a different reaction than if you just eat it cause you think its what she wants you to do it.  If you don't enjoy it, chances are you're partner won't enjoy it either.

Sorry I haven't been around the blog world lately, I've been off playing with a boy.  Well at least part of the time.  I've also been cleaning this sty I call an apartment, fine tuning my resume (I should start sending it out by Wednesday) and trying to groom Duke.  It took me about 4 hours just to give him a really good brushing.  Then I spent another hour using the undercoat rake.  Then I needed a break so the next day I got started with the clippers, and we were doing pretty good until I tried to cut him back left leg.  He didn't want me on that side.  So I was pretty tired and said I would try the next day.  But then it snowed.  And since we live on the corner and own the lot next door I had to shovel all of that shit and I think I pulled something.  So the haircut is incomplete.  He looks alot better, but my back is fucking killing me from the snow shoveling.  Then it had the fucking nerve to rain the next day and most of that fuck ass snow disappeared and today it was in the 60s!?!  Fucking weetodd weather, I blame it on the industrial revolution.  Fucked up weather, cancer and pollution.  What a great fucking time in history that was...

My perfect job...

1. Voicing a character on the Muppets!  But since the Muppet Show is no longer on the air, I may have to settle for...
2. Voicing a character on Sesame Street!  le Sigh, if only Savion was still on there.
3. Being the person at the porno shoot that tells them, "Ewwww, are you fucking kidding me, that dude is gross!"  and "Can't we cover up the scar from her cheap breast implantation surgery?"  and "Sweetie, take 15 minutes and go get that finger nail fixed." and don't forget my favorite, "Cut!  Her tracks are showing!"
4. Running the TypHo estates in the Caribbean.  I call dibs!
5. Shopping.  
6. Being Lewis Hamilton's favorite midnight snack (in a lascivious not cannibalistic way)
7. Being Savion Glover's blunt roller
8. Being Gerard Butlers fluffer
9. Restoring old homes...

Hey, if you believe, you can achieve!  Right?  But just in case I'm pretty sure that I'm going back to school to become an interiors architect...

Who Knew!

This is Lady Shay's fault!

You Are Miss Piggy

A total princess and diva, you're totally in charge - even if people don't know it. You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won't settle for anything less. You're going to be a total star, and you won't let any of the "little people" get in your way. Just remember, piggy, never eat more than you can lift!

The Muppet Personality Test

Rudolph Nureyev

In case you couldn't tell he was a cutie in Swine Lake, here's a better look. Who else wants his jacket? And Afro peep the crotch, I think he stuffed it cause it looks bigger here than it did in his tights. And peep Kermit getting manhandled by Sam...

Tight Tushy

Cause I'd hate to have lead you guys on. Some of you didn't like the Big Wangeroo I showed you, so here's a tight tushy, Mr. Rudolph Nureyev, who is kindof a hottie yes no?

Ah Ni Malllllll

Greatest puppet drummer ever with a true Drumming Gawd...

(said in my best Kermit the Frog voice, which basically sounds like a nasally me)
And now, it is my great pleasure to present to you Buddy Rich and our very own Animal! Yeaaaaaaaaaaa!

It's Not Where You Start

Didja know that it takes two people to do these piano sketches? Jim Henson would control the head and someone else would do the hands...



which means there were 4 people around the piano in that Fozzie and Rowlf sketch

When All Else Fails...

...the Muppets always make me smile. So here's a classic clip of two of my favorite Muppets, Fozzie Bear, and Rowlf (who was almost named Barkley - like the Sesame Street Dog,Woofington, Howlington, Beowolf, or my favorite Barkus)

Rowlf was the first member of the Muppets to gain nationwide fame when he appeared on The Jimmy Dean show from 1963-1966. But he first appeared in 1962 in some Purina Dog Chow commercials. He was designed and preformed by the late Great Jim Henson and was built by Don Sahlin. Henson preformed as Rowlf until 1990 (the day the Muppets went silent) when Bill Barretta took over. Rowlf has a huge crush on Lassie and contrary to popular belief, he was not a member of Dr. Teeth's Electric Mayhem (which is what I'm naming my band - who's in?)

Fozzie is Kermit's best friend and was performed by the enormously awesome Frank Oz (dude was Yoda and Miss Piggy, how fucking cool is he!) Fozzie and Kermit once even played twin brothers in The Great Muppet Caper. Here is a picture of their dad
In case you can't tell, he's the one on the right. And here are Fozzie and Rowlf, ready modulate!

Off My List...

Ben Vereen is officially off my list of favorite Muppet Show Guest stars. Something about this is just downright creepy...


Didja know that's Usher's Gawd Daddy? And that in 1975 he recorded a song called "Stop Your Half Steppin Mama"? Or that in 1985 he was named the King of Brooklyn? Or that he was adopted and didn't know if? "Ben Vereen is a raging queen but he rocks the house..." (Tenacious D said that, not me)

Guess What I Got!

Welllll, I got to test drive the new Mercedes Benz C Class (I'm Middle Class Bitch!)and that was cool. Leggs got to ride Brownie and that was fun! But the coolest thing I got this weekend was The Muppet Show, Season 1 and Season 2 on DVD!

I actually first saw the DVDs about a month ago when I was at Costco with Mommy. (Yes damn it I am thiscloseto 30 and I will forever call the woman that birthed me Mommy!) I got really excited and freaked out in the middle of the store, but Mommy had to go and ruin my fun as only a mother can and suggested that I could find it somewhere else for cheaper. Needless to say, sometimes you SHOULD NOT listen to your mother cause homegirl was oh so wrong. Not only could I not find it for cheaper, the only place I could actually even find it was on Amazon. So 4 weeks and an apology from Mommy later I FINALLY GOT THE MUPPET SHOW SEASONS 1 AND 2 ON DVD! whoot whoot whoot!

I'm only on disc 2 of Season 1 but I already love it. That disc covers the 1976 season which was a year before I was born! Here's some interesting tidbits about Jim Henson's The Muppet Show!

• It originally ran from Sept. 1976 to June 1981, 5 seasons, 120 episodes (only season 1 and 2 are currently available) It went off the air in 1981, not because of lack of viewers, but because Jim Henson wanted to do bigger projects.
• Henson's Muppets received invaluable exposure when the began appearing on Sesame Street in 1969 (sheeesh I did not know Ernie was that old!) but fearing that he would be pigeonholed as a children's entertainer, Henson sought to create a program for both children and adults.
• Until I was 7, the only tv I was allowed to watch was Sesame Street and The Muppet Show.
• The Muppets were once featured on Saturday Night Live, but creative differences ended that partnership.
• Mahnahmahnah appeared on the very first episode to air.
• Jim Henson made a syndication deal with British commercial station ATV, which produced The Muppet Show at its studios in Elstree, England. ITC Entertainment was the vendor in the US and non UK markets. As a result, their were several segments that only aired on the UK version of the show. (I watched The Muppet Show on CBS, thats back when CBS had all the hot shows...)
• Originally, each guest star was going to be given a Muppet version of themselves (how fuckin cool is that?!) but this idea was scrapped after the third episode because of the cost. Only Juliet Prowse, Connie Stevens and Paul Williams received them (Wikipedia says Any Williams but I didn't see it and they were wrong about the next fact sooo)
• Wikipedia claims that the Muppet Show had problems attracting guest until ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev appeared but the Muppet Facts on the DVD says that Lena Horne was the first big name entertainer to appear. Several people told her that she would ruin her career but she went on to do both The Muppet Show and Sesame Street.
• No guest star ever appeared twice, but several of them also did Sesame Street, the tv specials, and the theatrical releases (The Muppet Movie, The Muppets Take Manhattan, The Great Muppet Caper, etc...)
• When Richard Pryor was unable to make the taping (how fucking funny would that have been?) one the the series writers, Chris Langham, filled in for him
• I love them all, but Sweetums is one of my favorite muppets!
  
• Some of my favorite guest stars are: Ernie & Bert (Bert wears a tux and tries to seduce Connie Stevens!), Rita Moreno, Jim Nabors (Well, Gooooolllly!), Lena Horne, Ruth Buzzi, Sandy Duncan, Candice Bergen, Ben Vareen, Vincent Price, Phyllis Diller, Twiggy, Steve Martin, Bernadette Peters, Elton John, Lou Rawls, Cloris Leachman, Gilda Radner, Pearl Bailey, Alice Cooper, Diana Ross, Harry Belafonte, Debbie Harry, Linda Ronstadt, Liberace, Carol Burnett, The Cast of Star Wars, Leslie Uggams with Big Bird, and Dizzy Gillespie
  

Awwwww!
Robin got on Top of the Pops for this!

Cause I'm still kinda weepy...
ok, not really but like I really need a reason to post The Rainbow Connection!

I don't know whether to name this post Bad Po Fo or The Ning-ening...



You decide

Jabberwocky

The Muppets do Lewis Carroll

Just Cause It Makes Anners Sad...
Do di o di o di o....

Mahnahmahnah!

So you can stop singing the Llama song!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

The Best of Sesame Street


Me and my Llama
Me and my Llama
Goin to the Dentist today!
Me and my Llama
Me and my Llama
No one's gonna stand in our way!
Cause me and my Llama
Are goin to the Dentist today!

anyone else remember that? again something that needs to be on YouTube!