You Know What's Good?

• Adele's album 19
• Creme Puffs from Beard Pappa
• The Treats Truck
• the softness of my sister's afro
• gorgeous brown babies
• me in one of my favorite outfits (I have about 20)
• well groomed little girls in pretty simple dresses
• that gorgeous chocolate man that I work with that called me Lady Trouble when he introduced himself to me - swoon fucking worthy
• the fact that my job has absolutely no problem with coworkers getting it on
• my Momma's limeade 
• that Paul Frank Julius hoody with the puppets on the sleeves 
• love
• that moment right before orgasm when your breathe catches and the world seems to stop
• sweaty sated bodies intertwined
• watching Katee and Will dance the Pas de Deux choreographed by Desmond Richardson and Dwight Rhoden again, even with the flight flub on the turn the first time it was still so much better than good
• me on top

579

I grew up in house number 583, and two doors down there was a house for mentally challenged individuals.  Back when I was growing up, it was uncommon for someone to call them retards.  But I grew up on the block, and some of those people were there just as long, if not longer, than I was.  One of my favorites, well at least one of the most entertaining, was Rosemary.  Whooo was that broad sometimey.  One minute, she'd be all, "Hi my Friend!" the next, "I don't want to talk to you, you bore me."  

Rosemary was also a compulsive nose picker, so it was best not to shake her hand.  And of course for some reason she always wanted to shake hands.  I think I was about 7 when I finally told her that I wouldn't shake her hand cause I knew she picked her nose, I saw her do it.  It didn't stop her from picking her nose, or trying to shake peoples hands, but at least I tried.  Rosemary was also one of the first white people that knew.  They were kind of hard to come by in Bed Stuy in the late 70s early 80s...

Then there was Donald.  He was much more independent that most of the other residents of 529.  He worked part time and used to go to the same church as my aunt.   He actually was in the choir.  Donald was a nice guy, he once gave me a quarter when I didn't have enough change at the corner store.  I gave it back to him, but I never forgot that he helped me out.  

Another big influence on my childhood was Derrick.  He needed more help than most of the other residents which meant that he wasn't outside as much as the rest of the guys at 529.  But like Rosemary and Donald he lived there for a long time.  Derrick loved music and even when he wasn't able to come outside, you could hear him playing jazz in his room.  Derrick also loved my Dad, so that always made him special to me.  My Daddy was a big jazz collector and it wasn't uncommon for him to pick records up for Derrick too.  After my Dad passed, Derrick would still ask me where Clarence was, and I'd have to explain.  It broke my heart each and every time he asked.  But then he'd tell me a story about him and my Dad, he had a million of them and he'd somehow find a way to make me smile again...

A Lil Bit Of Trouble (aka Tiki)

My adventures in mischief began at an early age.  I think I mentioned getting my head stuck in a banister.  For the most part it was all petty stuff like sticking my finger in freshly iced cakes, or asking too many damn questions for the likes of some adults.  I didn't step up to the big time until the 2nd grade...

I was still in public school, in the Astor program for gifted and talented children which basically equated to a bunch of smartass trouble makers.  Boy did we pull off some scams back in the day, but this little caper was done all on my own.  I'm not sure if schools still require parents to sign all of their children's test, but I had this science test and I was pretty sure that I could forge Mommy's signature.  

I found something that she had signed in her desk drawer and set to work.  I'm not going to reveal my methods, but thinking back, they were pretty sophisticated for a 2nd grader.  I'm feeling pretty good about myself.  Wondering if maybe I should offer my services to some of the other kids.  I hand in my signed test at the end of class, gathering up my stuff when the teacher says, "Trouble can you please stay after class."

Busted!  The teacher took one look at the signature and knew it wasn't my moms.  She was confident that my mother wouldn't sign her name in erasable ink, at least not with so many smudge marks.  Guess I made too many corrections.  What Mommy couldn't figure out was why I would try to forge a signature on a test that I got a 89 on.  I guess I just wanted to see if I could do it.  That extra book report and chores sure served to teach me my lesson.  I never used erasable ink again...

Showerworks...

I grew up in a brownstone.  A lovely gem of a house with stained glass windows, wainscoting, multiple fireplaces, built in bookcases, and my favorite thing - the huge bathroom on the third floor with the clawfoot tub.  I loved that tub.  It was soo deep that I used to be able to float in it as a kid.  Many a great naval battle was waged in that tub.  I had a flotilla of toy boats to play with.  Oh, and a rubber duck.  And a frog.  I loved that frog.  Anyway, bathtime was always a production for me.  And it was always fun.  

Sooo, when I moved into the new house a little over 8 years ago, to say I was disappointed with the bathroom was an understatement.  Sure the old bathroom was drafty, and the clawfoot didn't really have a shower (or a shower curtain for that matter.)  But it could all be forgiven soaking in that tub, burning something and reading a book on a Sunday afternoon.  I could escape into that bathroom for hours.  The new bathroom - can I just say that the tub doesn't even come up to my waist when I'm sitting in it.  

I try and make the most of it though.  That little ass bathroom is packed with color.  And bath products.  Hautechick was over here on Saturday.  She went into my bathroom for some shampoo and came out with; a hairdryer (why the hell I have a hair dryer when my hair has been locked for 8 years we'll never know), some eyelashes, facial loofahs, some shower gels, some lotions, some band-aids, a new toothbrush for her and one for the Artist, some toothpaste, and some conditioner.  I didn't have any shampoo.

At any given time, you can find at least 5 kinds of shower gel (the Lemon Sugar is one of my favorites Shay), at least one type of Dr. Bronner's Soap, and 3 kinds of facial cleanser in my bathroom.  Not to mention at least 5 kinds of lotion (some coordinating with the shower gels and always at least one kind of cocoa butter - I'm currently loving the body butter that Vaseline has come out with), 2 types of body butter, and 2 lip conditioners.  Bath and Body Works is having a sale, so I am currently stocked with mostly stuff from there.  For the winter I like the soap free body washes because my skin gets dry and I obviously am a SBCAA (Snarky Black Chick Against Ashiness)

And lets not talk about all the stuff that I have for my locks.  Whoever said that dreadlocks are low maintenance has obviously never met me...

ps - I love Dr. Bronner's Soaps!  It's a great thing to keep in your bathroom.  I use it to wash my locks, and my face and my body!  It can also be used in a pinch as toothpaste if you run out - I only suggest using the peppermint one for this purpose.  And you can always use the bottle for reading material if you're on the can!

Coockaberry

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree

Merry merry merry merry life had he

(that's how I learned it but its supposed to be Merry, merry king of the bush is he)

Laugh, Kookaburra, Laugh

Kookaburra gay your life must be.

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree

Eating all the gumdrops he can see

Stop, Kookaburra, Stop, Kookaburra

Leave some there for me.

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree

Counting all the monkeys that he can see

Stop, Kookaburra, Stop Kookaburra,

That's no monkey, that's me

Kookaburra had two little girls

Sweet as sugar

and smiles like pearls

Laugh, Koookaburra laugh Kookaburra

Gay your life must be...

This song always makes me a lil weepy, cause my Daddy taught it to me and Hautechick when we were little.  I always thought that he made it up, but its actually an Australian Children's Song.  I also always thought that it was Cookaberry, hence the title of this post.  And I always thought that Cookaberry was my Daddy.  My lyrics are a little different than the original.  The second line is supposed to be Merry, merry king of the bush is he.  But that didn't make sense to lil girls from Bed-Stuy.  Why would anyone want to be king of the rose bush in the front yard?  That thing used to always stick me.  And the last verse I made up when I was 8, after Daddy passed away...

It was all a dream...

...I used to read WordUp Magazine!  (whose got the next line?...)

As a kid, I really wasn't into watching tv too much.  I was more of a doer than a watcher.  Still am.  But there were some exceptions.  I've mentioned a couple of them, The Muppets, Sesame Street, Electric Company, Mr. Roger's Neighborhood (although I really only like the Land of Make Believe.  You know, the whole puppet thing...)  I also really really really loved ice skating.  Which is completely strange.  I got kicked out of more than one ballet class for my inability to stand still (or pay attention if you have them tell it.)  And I was never ever anywhere close to what you would call a girly girl.  Yet I loved ice skating.  

I think I was about 5 when I finally got a chance to actually ice skate.  I had just started kindergarten, and one of Mommy's co-workers was taking her two kids (a daughter thats younger than Hautechick and older than me, and a son that younger than me by about 2 years) and asked Mommy if she wanted to make it a playdate.  Of course this was the early 80s so no one called them playdates back then.  I was fucking stoked!  I talked about it all week.  Could not wait.  Didn't even care that I couldn't stand the two kids we were going with.  I was gonna ice skate!

So, Saturday comes.  Its a cold clear perfect fall evening for ice skating in Prospect Park.

Mommy:  Tiki (that what Mommy called me when I was a youngin), slow down!  I know you're excited, but you need to slow down and find out what you need to do.  Please be careful!

Trouble/Tiki:  But Mommy, I dreamed about ice skating last night!  I know how to do it!

Mommy:  Tiki just listen to the lady, she's going to explain it a little, ok?

Trouble/Tiki:  Ok, Mommy

She should have never turned her back.  My mother that is.  (What's my name?  Trouble, in case you forgot.  Eh, who am I kidding.  I just wanted to get yall to say my name)  Cause as soon as Mommy turned her back, I was off.  Laced up my skates, and hit the ice!  Ah ha!  I know what you're thinking, that I literally hit the ice.  Shoulda bet you a dollar, cause not only could babygirl ice skate,  I was like a fucking ice skating prodigy!  By the time Mommy found me, I had figured out how to turn!  And you know what she said to me, "Shit!  You really did know how to skate!!"  

I never did figure out that sitting still and listening bit, so I never took any lessons.  But I'm still pretty damn nice on a pair of ice skates.  I could give Apollo Ono a run for his money!  Weirdly enough, I can't get the hang of rollerblades...

Happy Birthday Hautechick!!!

in case you dont know, Hautechick is my sister.  Basically snarkyblackchick v1.0.  I'm v2.0, I was gonna say less kinks, but it depends on what you're talking about.  She turned 3, 2 months after I was born, and the jerk bite me!  Couldn't stand to have someone cuter than her in the house, so the jealous lil heifer bite baby Trouble.  She told our Mom that she wanted to see if I was real.  

So today, Hautechick and I went for 90 minute deep tissue massages.  Can I just say, "Ahhhhhhhhhh!"  I'm of the opinion that if it doesn't hurt a little, the massage isn't worth my time or money.  And I gotta say Graceful Spa (and Services) always delivers.  It's not luxurious, but its clean and I've never gotten a bad massage at either place.  Be sure to request one of the newer treatment rooms if you go to Services though.  That one is more of a quick stop, perfect for a lunch time massage if you work in Midtown East.  And you really can't beat the prices.

This was actually the first time that I had a male masseuse.  I think I actually prefer them now.  My lil dude Jacky, found every little knot I had.  And something must be said for a man's larger (and sometimes stronger) hands.  But the real reason that I think I prefer a male is because if Jacky was any indication, they respect your personal space a little more than a woman would.  Yes, I want you to reach that knot in my shoulder.  But do you really need to rest your saggy tits on my side in order to do it?  Women have no problem yanking down your panties to tuck in the sheet.  Dude today was very subtle and efficient.  No excess touching, nothing of his resting on me.  and did I mention the whole, "Ahhhhhhhhhhh" thing?

I am totally relaxed.  But that also might be contributed to this fondness for mojitos that I seem to be developing.  Drunken lunches are grrrrrrr-eat!  Even better when the come after a 90 minute massage

Tiki's Turn

So I let Leggs do the 7 things about me post and now Tiki is jealous.  So here she is with 7 things that you may not know about my silly side...

1. When I was 3, I got my head stuck in a banister.  Still can't figure out how I got my head in there (my head always looks really BIG in pictures from when I was little) but I scared the crap out of Mommy.  She screamed and screamed until Aunt Bling came upstairs and helped to grease my head up...
2. I once almost drowned in a bubble bath that my cousins (Superslag and CoHo) were taking.  I don't remember this, but apparently I was about 2 and was fascinated with bubbles...
3. Clowns used to scare the crap out of me as a wee one.  And men on stilts, I was not a fun kid to take to the circus.  I would scream my head off just about the entire time
4. When I was 9 I almost drowned at Sesame Place.  I went down the water slide and I was having the time of my life til I hit the water.  I remember very vividly watching the lifeguards hand reaching down to me under the water.  Even after the near misses, I love the water
5. You know how some people can make a U out of their tongues?  Well I can make a W! (this might be something thats best explained in person) 
6. I used to make up songs as a kid and I would walk around all day singing to myself.  Never really had a problem entertaining myself, which is bad cause I never really felt pressure to make friends.  But since I can't stand to see people be uncomfortable (which alot of kids are when they don't know anyone), I usually befriended those kids.
7. I had my first fist fight in the 2nd grade.  Daddy was sick and this fat dumb bitch named Rebecca thought it would be a good time to pick on me.  We were in the auditorium after lunch (do they still play movies in public school after lunch?) and Rebecca said something about me being flat chested.  And I might have come back with something about her not having tits, she was just fat, and she decided she was feeling froggy and jumped.  Weeeeeeeeelll that was also the day that I found out that not only do I talk alot of shit, but I can back it up!  Since there was an auditorium full of kids that said that Rebecca started the fight, I never got in trouble, but her father did try to intimidate me one day after school, I told Mommy and she got all in his ass and the teachers for pointing me out to him.

           BONUS:  I used to be obsessed with telephones!  My Aunt Bling used to work for the telephone company so she had of these fancy phones in her apartment.  Good thing for her that telephone employees used to get free long distance calling, cause I was a dialing fool!  

           I was also quite the little thief, as a toddler I used to take people's earrings and necklaces off, mostly without them noticing.

Magnetic Poetry...

...from my fridge. I tend not to pay attention since I have a shit load of words on there.  But from time to time I stop and look like I did recently.  Some I wrote, others popped up and I'm not sure who put them up.  Some I'm pretty sure I know who wrote them.

house dirty when I'm crazy

clean up day needed (by Mommy most likely)

pet me please!!! (Duke?!)

chocolate worship tantalizes (?  Big Mr. Bad was in there yesterday)

fever moist gleaming beauty (been on there for a while, author unknown)

oh god (Dear God, its me Trouble...)

what will we whisper passion so sacred

tell him you was out (? Slick maybe)

father how good things were past

what can't you do

taste my sweet wet naked love (Big Mr. Bad?)

magnificent lust

drench his fantasy

in vast delicious life

paradise between the flames

haunts her dreams

body  &  soul (author unknown)

they mate like roses

not for time

the moon hungers for thy joy

I run open (author unknown)

hair

my wildest gift

next century

bright rises

dark angel

freeze out dry death

gentle love

linger eternal morning

gaze out on turquoise oceans

warm honeyed evening

hungry wild chocolate

he said please

lets live

and feel day turn to night

cherish dark blue days

touch this beautiful promise

trust the rhythm of pleasure

on his love

I danced

clutching to careless summer

bathed in sugary kisses

drunk with desire

hmmm, I think I have the erotic set and maybe the love letters set.  some of them aren't half bad.  they aren't half good either but thats another story.  Anywhoo, the clean up process continues...

Don't ask me why this popped into my head

A little ditty from my school bus riding days!

You're Momma don't wear no drawers,

I saw her when she took them off.

She threw them on the wall,

Spider Man refused to crawl!

Dong dong dong

donka ding dong

dong dong donka ding dong

 

You're Momma don't wear no drawers,

I saw her when she took them off.

She threw them in the sky,

those birds refused to fly!

Dong dong dong

donka ding dong

dong dong donka ding dong

You're Momma don't wear no drawers

I saw her when she took them off.

She threw them in the sea,

those sharks said, "Ooooooooooh weeee!"

You're Momma don't wear no drawers

I saw her when she took them off.

She threw them on the tracks,

those trains jumped 50 miles back!

there are about 80 more verses, but thats all that popped into my head.  Maybe I should go put on some panties...

A Spoonful of Sugar

• I'm going through some shit right now. Not my usual, I don't feel well, I'm too busy to blog type shit. I'm talking life altering. I'm not really sure how I feel about it so I'm not in any mood to share. At least not yet. So forgive me if I start rambling and you aren't really sure what I'm talking about. But just know that there was no loss of life limb or livelihood. Oh and I'm not pregnant

• I'd love to become a pastry chef (I think I mentioned this last week) but the program that I want is $33,000 for the 6 month program with internships and job placement.
  
• I'm sorry I haven't been leaving comments for you guys, Snarky has become straight out Bitchy lately and I didn't want to subject you guys to that. But I have been reading up.
• I WILL NOT LET MYSELF FALL INTO A FUNK!
• I love commercials, but there are a couple out there that annoy the shit out of me... The Sandwich shop one where the dad starts whining like a brat so the wife will buy him a sandwich, and the kid misses his baseball game because of it. The Office Supply Store Holiday commercial where Santa gets snowed in and calls in the Office Supply Store for help, it shows kids getting excited because they got a stapler AND pencils and Rudolph stealing a truck. (excuse me for a moment while Tiki takes over) Uh, Santa lives in the North Pole, you really think he doesn't know how to handle snow? And what the hell does Rudolph need with a truck when he can fly? Don't even get me started on the shiteous gifts. Oh and lastly the credit card commercial where there are all these scissors on the ground - thats the stuff of nightmares for me.
  
• A couple of months ago, LadyShay pointed out this medication that had some pretty scary side effects. Well I was looking at a commercial for this drug that is supposed to be for men that have an overactive bladder. The premise being that its embarrassing to have to pee all the time. BUT one of the major side effects is loss of consciousness upon standing. So let me get this straight, taking a piss isn't manly, but passing the fuck out everytime you stand up is?
• ALVIN AILEY AMERICAN DANCE THEATER has started its new season AND THEY ARE DOING FIREBIRD! They are performing in NY until December 31st and for the rest of the stops on the tour go here

They are going to Jacksonville FL, Costa Mesa Berkeley and Davis CA, and Seattle WA. I don't see any Texas dates though...

The view from my roof

dont worry the roof is flat I was in no danger, at least I wasn't in alot of danger.  More of a controlled danger really...

Who are the people in my neighborhood...

...in my neighborhood, in my ney-bor-hood! Oh! Who are the people in my neighborhood, the people that I meet, when I'm walking down the street. The pep-ple that I meeeeeet, eeeeeeaaaachhhhh daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Thank you thank you! You're too kind really.

So anyway, here's a little recap of the people in my life. Just in case you've forgotten, or gotten confused, or just started reading along.

Trouble - thats me you doofus! I write this shit. Well, sometimes I just cut and paste shit, but thats another story. I'm gonna be 30 in a few weeks. I've got no kids, never been IN love, own my own home, make very nice money for an executive assistant. Strange things happen to me on the train to and from work, including rat encounters and rampant erections. I've been at my job for 7 years, I work in the real estate industry. Before this I worked in the community development department of a major bank. I was a production assitant at the MTV Awards, twice. I've worked in the continuing education department of leading art institution. I was also the secretary on the board of the directors of a community development organization in Bedford Stuyvesant Brooklyn, where I was born and raised. Holla! I went to an independent school (private is an elitist term) from 7th grade to the high school graduation. I'm a little under 5'7', and weigh about 113. My apartment is a mess, mainly cause I'm usually at work til about 8:30 and I have way too many clothes. Which is another thing, I probably shop more than I should. I think the thing I heard most from teachers was, she doesn't live up to her potential. I love music and I play the trumpet. Well, I used to. I read alot, mostly fiction. I've never had cable tv. (I don't think WHT as a kid counts. Does anyone else remember that? Or when HBO was just a box and their call sign was a black cat?) I'm also something of a antisocial misanthrope at times. Hence my "People Suck" label.

Leggs Diamond - thats my sex crazed single and lovin it alter ego. Leggs Diamond has been known to have one night stands, stare at men's pimply penis' and kicked them the fuck out, and pick up men on the internet. I want to stress that Leggs always practices safe sex on her little adventures. She's also not above kicking a man in the ding a ling. She's also been on hiatus for a minute.

Tiki - me again! Thats my silly side. Mommy used to call me Tiki-tot when I was a kid and I always liked that nickname. Tiki is fascinated by The Muppet Show and Sesame Street. She's also partial to the Thundercats, Transformers, Smurfs, Scooby Doo (the original, not all this new crap they got out now) Jem, Knight Rider, Tigger (the tiger, not the mtc personality)Magnum PI, Kung Fu that came on Channel 5, and pretty much any cool tv show that was on in the 80s when I was a kid. Tiki's been causin trouble since 1977. I had this great night shirt when I was a kid that said "Here Comes Trouble" My Daddy got it for me. Tiki also hates eggs, clowns and bananas (except in fresh hot banana bread.) She's also the reason I have a serious jelly bean fetish. Well all around love for all things sweet. And commercials, Tiki's fscinated by commercials.

Duke - thats my 118 pound Belgian Shepherd mix (I think he's a mix) He also is known as Pooper and my puppy (even though he's about 8) He also likes candy (been known to unwrap and eat an entire pack of hi-chews and will hold the stick of a lollipop between his paws and lick it) and womens feet (he's a toe licker) He enjoys scaring unsuspecting thugs when he's out in the yard, sniffing the flowers my mom grows, and belly rubs. He also thinks that he weighs 18 pounds and that its ok to sleep on my bed when I'm not at home. Duke was rescued and he brings me alot of joy. Even when he tries to run between my legs and knocks me flat on my ass.

Mommy - duh, thats my Mommy. She lives upstairs and is my bestest friend. We bought a house together almost 8 years ago. She got the duplex, I got the studio. She pretty much raised me and my older sister on her own since my dad died when I was 8. I've been trying to get her to retire but she's not quite ready yet. One of the many reasons that Mommy rocks is cause she can cook her ass off. I mean seriously. I'm hoping that she'll make her braided bread for my birthday this year. Which is November 24th, I was born on Thanksgiving.

Hautechick - thats my sister. She started this blog, but you'll never find her here. I either think she's the greatest thing in the world after Mommy, or want to rip her head off. She's also be known as RipeShit when she pisses me off. No one else can talk about my sister though, I'll kick their ass. Seriously, don't test me on that one, I'm not above fightin dirty.

BossMan - thats the man who pays my bills. He's also the man that drives me nutso and one of the most intelligent driven people that I have ever met. You'll see that I vent about shit that goes down between us, but its just that. Me venting. I don't hate my boss. I do however, hate some of the dumb shit he does. But he pays me extremely well and lets me roll my eyes at him whenever I want! I kid about the last part. He hates when I roll my eyes at him. But he doesn't mind my endless questions and keeps me around for the comic relief that I provide my tripping over nothing, spilling water/tea/coffee/soda on his keyboard.

OfficeManager - thats BossMans sister. She runs our office, head bitch in charge. BossMan wouldn't be able to do shit without her and he knows it. And the rest of us know it. We used to hate each other (I once told her that if she wanted to get rid of me, she was going to have to fire me and we both knew her brother wasn't going to let her do it) but now she buys me lunch and gossips with me about the rest of the people that work there. I still don't entirely trust that she won't turn on me agian, but I'm all about the free lunch.

Brownie - he's my off again sex partner. I've known him for about 3 1/2 years now. He's got a kid that he doesn't spend much time with. He never invites me out. He made me take the fucking train home from his house one time talkinbout oh I gotta go to work I didnt tell you and bullshit motherfucker, bullshit! Sorry. No, actually I'm not, that shit was theraputic. I haven't told him that its over yet but I kinda feel like it wasn't shit to begin with so do I really owe him an explanation as to why I stopped calling?

KingofCrap - dude I was seeing right before I started dealing with Brownie again. Fed me some bullshit bout dont you think its time you settled down, I wanna be your man. And I wasnt buying it really. Its just not my style to be sleeping with more than one person at a time. Unless its at the same time, but thats another story. My "relationships" may be short lived, but they are exclusive, at least for however long I'd doing dude. Not really suprised to find out that he was dealing with someone else at the same time, just disappointed in myself for giving him another chance to make me look stoopid.

TheRecept/Crapcakes - she's the receptionist at my job. She's dumb as a post but not as dim witted and clueless as Bambi.

Bambi & Madame BigShot - she's new at my job. She's the assistant to Madame Bigwig. She's a cute girl, but she uses that to try and get people to do shit for her. Since I'm stricly dickly and consider myself an attractive woman who's best feature is the brain in her head (the other brain is serious as shit please believe) I find her very offensive. Not to mention she has one of my skirts. Madame BigShot is her boss, she just started working for us exclusively. I admire her in alot of ways, but she quite often rubs me the wrong way. Then again, most people rub me the wrong way.

Hottie - he was my first friend at my office. When I first started, I was the only American born person there. Not to mention they all knew each other from back home and I was the youngest. He's not really a hottie anymore, but he cracks me up and that really counts for something in my book. Plus he's an internet romeo. He's got all sorts a chicks on his shit based on his typing game. That two finger peck swagger is no joke. I just saw a picture of him when he was 20 and he was a hottie back in the day. Now he's married with twin boys. One looks like a miniture Hottie, and the other looks exactly like his wife.

Frenchie and Giraffe - shes (Frenchie) probably the only woman I work with that I would hang out with outside. He (Giraffe) lives in my hood so we sometimes take the train together. He's cool too and he's like 7 feet tall. I might be rounding up, but he's tall as shit.

Cousin T - my favorite female adult cousin. She's like 8 months yougner than me and not really a blood relative, but I love her and her family. She has the best stern grandmother and jazz lovin fishing grandpa. And her little cousins are the best. Cousin T is a teacher, and her mom married my cousin when she was a kid. My dad was the second youngest of 6 and my mom was 11 years younger than he was, so alot of my cousins have kids that are my age.

SuperSlag - thats one of Cousin T's sisters and my actual blood relative. She's three years older than me, Hautechicks age, and she's got two kids, one on the way. I don't call her SuperSlag cause she's happily married living the white picket fence dream. In alot of ways I feel sorry for her. In fact we became close when I found out that she was pregnant my senior year in high school. She had always been closer to Hautechick up until that point. We were pretty close until about 2 years ago. So close in fact, that she better pray that her ex doesn't call me as a witness in their custody hearing. Cause both of her kids live with him. Including the baby girl that she had when I was a senior in hs that's not even his. (he knows shes not his, but he raised her) That baby, now going on 13, is my god daughter, Monkeygirl. I don't get to see her or her brother much for a number of reasons. One being that her mother threatened to "Fuck you up!" cause I can only assume she thought I had slept with her drug and dick dealing man. The dude she's knocked up by. I got no problems with hustlas, long as they aint got no problem with me or mine, but dont call yourself one when you rocking the same shit all the time. I mean I could keep track of the days by what shirt dude had on. And don't call yourself a pimp with lines like "I got a scar on my ass you wanna see? I gotta take off my pants though." No! WeTodd I dont wanna see! Anything that SuperSlag is shaggin is not gettin touched by me.

Coco - CousinT's other sister. This is the chick with a boob job and 14 teeth, 12 of them brown and the other two are chipped. It's hard to believe, to me at least, but dudes look right past the rotten teeth, straight to those fake ass look 32D's.

Bobby - she grew up with Cousin T, and her wack sisters. I can't say that we don't get along but I can't say that I really like her either. She's also known as Gutz cause her's is huge. A comedian once called her broad backed. I don't remember the rest of the joke but needless to say she was shooting me dirty looks as I proceeded to crack the fuck up! I swear I almost peed on myself.

Stu - my 19 year old cousin. He's in college in Philly. I was there when he was born and I love him to distraction. I bought the kid $198 jeans for pete sake! I once picked all of the nuts out of a brownie for him. He never thought I was strange when I was younger and he always wanted to hang out with me. I don't want you to think I was unpopular, cause I wasn't. It's kind of hard to be unpopular when you go to a high school with 87 kids in it. Or when you're as cute as I am. But Stu always knew me, in sense that a lot of people never did. He still does.

Bubba- that's my white boy. We met in the 7th grade and have been friends ever since. He's another person that knows me better than most. We don't see each other much, in fact we stopped going to school together in the 9th grade. But no matter how much time passes, we just click. It also doesn't hurt that I think he's gorgeous and he's got one of the best asses I've ever had the pleasure of groping.

That's all the people that I can think of for now. TTFN!

I've got a Daemon!

Ok, so I told you I was excited about the Golden Compass movie, and I posted the preview, but I forgot to mention that I spent about an hour and a half on the movie's website. And I found my daemon! His name is Aenad, he's a crow don't ja know! Apparently I'm modest, spontaneous, inquisitive, proud (and modest? ohkay) and assertive....




And did I mention that DANIEL CRAIG IS IN THE MOVIE!!!!! I think I forgot that part, he's Lord Asriel... (and Eva Green, Nik Kidman, and Sam Elliot)

The original books are by Phillip Pullman, he rocks hard in my humble opinion

The Golden Compass!

I removed the preview, but you should still check that shit out...

Puppy Love

I think the first person that I ever had a crush on was Smokey Robinson. It's actually kinda ironic considering I hate clowns, but something bout those eyes just did something for my 6 year old brain. Hautechick teased me endlessly. Then I had a crush on Billy Dee Williams. Still do. Then in the first grade I met Lloyd and I was a goner.

His sister and my sister were in the same class, so we would often be the only younger kids in the group. And he had a widow's peak that I thought was adorable. Other than that I can't really remember why I liked Lloyd. As is the way with all great tragic romances, I didn't find out that he liked me too til 6 years later when we were at separate schools and he had a girlfriend. A really really really nice girlfriend actually. I was in the seventh grade, my first year at private school, and my best friend from public school was having a birthday party. Lloyd was there with his new girlfriend, and she introduced herself, told me she had heard alot about me and said it was ok if Lloyd and I danced together. Cool as shit. I can't remember her name for the life of me. But I ran into her many years later at Hunter College. She was still one of the most laid back, self confident women I have evah met. She told me that Lloyd ended up in the NFL...

Strangely enough, my next crush came in the seventh grade. Bubba. Yup, if you haven't been following along, he's one of my best friends. TO THIS DAY. I love that man. We might not talk all the time, but when ever we get together its like no time has passed at all. He knows me better than most people, he probably always will. But back the, he was the most popular boy in class. And his blue green eyes used to drive me to distraction. Seriously. This was the first time in my life that I had ever been attracted to someone who wasn't brownish. And boy was my crush a doozy. I got dentention about 4 times a week because of that boy. I found him absolutely fascinating. And apparently he thought the same about me cause we would pass notes all during Lucette's lessons (we called the teachers by their first names) and she always caught one of us. Usually me. My face has always given me away and I think I've mentioned that I'm a terrible liar.

Where I can only really remember two things that I liked about Lloyd, there's alot that I remember about why I liked Bubba. His ass being first and foremost. That man has the best ass I have evah seen and one of my greatest regrets in life is that I will nevah get to see it naked. I've palmed that shit more than enough though. Best believe. Better move on before I distract myself with ponderings on Bubba's butt. I mentioned the eyes. He was also the most popular boy in our class. Not that I was into that, but what I was into was the fact that he didn't care if his other friends liked me, he did. And that was enough. Shit, some of my friends didn't like him. But that never stopped us from hanging out.

He was the best athlete too and was a huge part of the reason that I started playing sports. I'd like to think that I started because of the joy I saw that he got from playing, and thats true to a certain extent. But some of it was the chance to spend more time with him. Sports were co-ed in 7th and 8th grade. Don't think that I was following him around like a love sick fool. Never that. He was taking me with him to practice. Showing me how to shoot a basket, or hit a softball, or trying to teach me to kick a soccer(foot) ball. I never did get the hang of that one. And I ended up being alot better than him in volleyball. By the end of 8th grade he was the top male athlete and I was the top female. I actually one upped him in basketball, cause by then I was playing on the high school team. And I had actually started a game for the varsity team. But the point is, he showed me that I was good at something. A couple of somethings actually and I will always love him for that.

Went bowling

and scored a 144 pissy drunk! I dont even remember what was in the Purple Frost's that I was drinking, but it was pretty and gooooooood. I needs to get me one of these t-shirts....




I actually wore some black skinny jeans, a black racer back wife beater, a off white puff sleeve track jacket, and my off white and black high heeled saddle shoes with my black leather motorcyle jacket. I was going for a 50s rocker glam kinda vibe. And yes I had socks in my bag. It was some chicks birthday and I was tagging along with Cousin T who got a new car. This one broad didn't have any socks and even though I had two pairs, I didn't know chicky so she was shit outta luck.

And I know Pretty Black is gonna say that she hates those lil booties...

Damn You Off Fifth!

Off Fifth is Saks Fifth Avenue's outlet store in case you didn't know. They have the most ridiculous sales, where you buy one thing and get something else for 50% off. This weekend the Westbury store was having a sale on shoes, boots and handbags. I found a pair of boots. Patent leather Coach...



What do you think?

Nordstrom's The Rack was also having a sale, 15% off of all non Clearance merchandise. I got a Diane von Furstenberg silk shirt dress for $80. Mommy was absolutely no help in curbbing my spending. "Well, they are real patent leather Troubsy, and they fit your skinny ass leg. You've got 30 days to return them..." " Ooooo, thats going to look really nice on you and its so well made." I got her a pair of Swavorski (sp? ) earrings from Off Fifth.

Then we went to Macy's in Roosevelt Field Mall. Would you believe that they don't sell BCBG or French Connection at that store? Well actually they were missing alot of the brands that I go to for work clothes. I wondered around the woman's comtemporary floor for like 30 minutes and didn't see a damn thing comtemporary. Mommy of course loves that Macy's. It's either clothes for women Mommy's age or clothes for teengers. I did see a couple of cute wool jackets but nothing that I wanted to buy.

So since I was in the mall I went to the BCBG store (if youre thinking thats why they dont have BCBG in Macy's, Mommy would agree with you, but I still say thats stoopid specially since the BCBG is small) I walk in and there are like 5 sales women for this one tiny assed store and they are all standing at the register yukkin it up, loudly. So I'm there for like 10 minutes. I'm turning pants inside out (checking for fabric content and to see the stiching), I'm checking to see if shit has a lining, how the embellishments are attached. I'm bascially being my mothers daughter (she sews and will stand in the middle of a store and tell you exactly what they did wrong or right with a garment, if she can't find anything wrong, you'd besta buy it) plus I'm a little off put that none of these retail bitches are even acknowledging my presence so I'm making a little bit of a mess as well. I can admit that I look a little young, but I dont know many teenagers that are checking out career spearates in BCBG. And its not like I'm in sweats or something. I had on my off white BGBG short sleeve sweater, J Brand Doll Jeans, some tan suede Kors lace up wedge booties, carrying my Botiker bag and rocking my banging Coach shades. Granted you wouldn't know to look at me who made any of the stuff that I had on, except for maybe the sunglasses, but I was polished.

Then here comes Mommy, and she picks up right away on whats going down. All of a sudden 2 sales bitches are jumping through hoops to ask Mommy if she needs some help. "Well, first off I dont wear this stuff, and I'm not the one with the money, my daughter is. You know the nicely dressed young lady whos been in your store for about 15 minutes. I may not be the one with the money, but I sure as hell can stop her from spending it, come on Troub lets get out of here." Not that I was gonna give any of them my chippers but still Mommy rocks. Just don't call her heat increases hot flashes, she'll go off on you. I learned that about 20 minutes later in the car when I tried to turn off the air conditioner (it was like 50 degrees outside!)

Mmmmmm Donuts

Actually I dont really like donuts all that much, except for the chocolate ones with the clear glaze. Just wanted to say that cause Homer makes me giggly

What I really really really want is pastrami on rye with mustard from Katz Delicatessen - you know the place where Meg Ryan faked an orgasm in How Harry Met Sally? And maybe a knish. And a pickle. And a Dr. Browns Black Cherry Soda. And then a chocolate donut with clear glaze!

mmmmmmmmmm

Oh!

and I think the Johnny Rockets order taking dude loves me!

ok so maybe not really, maybe its just wishful thinking that someone will hook me up with a damn discount!