Sesostris

• I was watching Engineering an Empire : Egypt and now I can't get the name Sesostris out of my head or Snefru for that matter
• ella ella ella eh!
• Last weekend I went to my godson's (MonkeyBoy) basketball game with Cousin T.  We showed up in time for his second game (the first was at some ungawdly hour in the morning) and the other team hasn't shown up, so it was a forfeit.  
  

1. Superslag was there with NewBabyGirl and WackThug showed up.  We're watching the kids shoot around for a while and there's this little boy who is pretty damned good.  Doesn't hurt that he's taller than most of the other kids, but his Jordan's are barely tied.  So I say, "That kid would be awesome if someone took the time to tie his sneakers."  And Cousin T starts choking and everyone else (SuperSlag and WackThug) get quiet.  Cousin T told me later the kid was WackThug's son...
2. MonkeyBoy makes the same stink face as that his mother (SuperSlag) used to make when she was upset about something as a child
3. Cousin T and I went to see her Mommy in the hospital after we left the non-game.  She was doing much better (trying to get us to bring her some real food!) and is actually home now.  I promised her that I would make her some incense...

• Memory foam Sock Monkey Slippers (from Target) are apparently "gangsta."
• can I just say "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" ah, much better
• I had the worst cereal I have ever eaten this morning.  It tasted buttery and sweet and sour, it was in a word disgusting.
• So I usually do my locks myself.  Its a long and arduous task, but I'm always happy with the results when I'm done.  The worse thing that happens when I do it, is that I think my curls are too tight, or something else trivial.  The same can't be said for when someone else does it.  

1. There was the African Hair Braiding place where I used to have to wash it first (if I wanted it really clean) and bring all of my own supplies.  And forget asking them to style them.  And I usually would have to tell the woman not to use so much product in my hair.
2. Then there was the professional loctician.  She was right near my house, and not too expensive.  Sistah can really do hair, but she has no customer service skills or personality at all as far as I can tell.  I went twice.  Both times it was just me and her in the shop and she said about 20 words to me.  The first time, I kept trying to ask questions, one word answers.  I'm not asking for your life story, but if we have to sit here together for 2 and a half hours, the least you could do is turn on some fucking music or talk to me!    The second time I wore my ipod and brought a book.  Yeah my hair looked nice, but I always left there feeling uncomfortable, like she really didn't want my business.
   
3. So now I found a new place.  I know I'm just being completely and utterly lazy, since I'm home all day it's not like I couldn't do it myself.  But I kind of want to get out of the house.  So I walked over there the other morning, and they weren't open.  I think that's a sign that I should get off of my ass and do it myself.  No curls this time though, they take too fucking long to do.
4. Speaking of hair, but almost completely unrelated (like something in this post was related) you know I really can't cornrow.  Lately Mommy has been making me practice on her, talkinbout what if I have little girls.  But PYT has braids and asked me if I could do his hair, I was like, "Uh..."

• I was going to say that I was verrrry goood last month in terms of not shopping.  But thats not entirely true, so I was going to amend it to say that I didn't buy any clothes last month.  But thats not true either...

1. I got my rose gold and black diamond ring.  To say I love it would be an understatement.  I also have to learn to stop staring at it like an idjeet, but I'm fascinated that something sooo black could be sooo sparkly
2. And I got a pair of high top Coach sneakers that I could not resist.  The look like Chucks (which I also love) and they are all black but they fold over to a leopard print (real genuine illegal leopard - sorry, the Artist used to say this to me all the time)
3. I got the Coach Chucks when I was looking for a pair of black pumps.  Which I realized that I didn't have when I was cleaning out my closet.  I got a fairly standard pair from MaxStudio with a rounded toe, but they have really great toe cleavage.  
4. And I got a dress, hammered silk off the shoulder BCBG.  But I'm not sure if its for me or for my goddaughter (MonkeyGirl.)  She has a formal event coming up next month and I saw the dress and kind of thought of her, even though I already gave her a dress.  But I was also thinking of me a little, since we wear the same size.  Can I just take a moment to say that I'm really kind of pissed and proud of that!?!  I mean what the fuck the kid used to fit on my lap, her whole freaking body used to fit on my lap!  And now the kid can borrow my clothes AND shoes! So anyway, the dress came (I got it from my favorite BCBG seller on ebay) and welll, I tried it on.  I really have no where to wear it, but it looks great, and I'm kind of hoping that she won't like it.  that is a really fucked up thought
5. I also got some lingerie from Victoria's Secret, they're having a clearance sale.  I haven't worn any of it yet though

• Speaking of the Artist, he is the worst joke teller ever!  But he always manages to make you laugh, just not at the joke he's telling.  So, he calls me up and is like "Hey Troubsy, what do you call cheese, that's not your cheese?" and he's cracking up while he's asking me.  I can hear Hautechick in the background saying, "Nooooo Artsy!" and I'm like, "I don't know Artso (*ahahahaha I dont know Artso! that rhymes) stolen cheese?"  And he's all, "Nnooooooooooo! (giggle giggle guffaw guffaw) Nacho cheese!" and then falls into a fit of hysterics.  Hautechick picks up the phone and says "He told that sooo wrong!  He was supposed to say, what do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you!  He's soo silly."  (she said it in that gushy "aww I love him" kind of way)
• This post is just a lame attempt by me to put off doing my hair as long as possible.  Thank you for playing along!  If you don't hear from me in awhile, no, I'm not being my usual flaking self.  I'm probably just tangled up in my hair.  Wish me luck, maybe I'll take a picture when I'm done

Randomly...

• Hey did you know Blogger is now available in Arabic, Hebrew and Persian?  I thought that was kinda cool...
• So sometimes I miss comments that you guys leave for me and for that I apologize, but I can't believe that I missed that whole Anal Sex conversation!  Here's Wiki's article on Anal Sex if anyone is interested...
• "A maiden before and a martyr behind"!  Not me, but that line cracked me the fuck up!  Don't know what I'm talking about? Anal sex and Norman Mailer's Harlot's Ghost
• I just read this article about the recent changes in animal behavior; stingrays attacking humans (there was another incident shortly after the one with Steve Irwin), packs of wild dogs coming into towns and attacking people, monkeys holding water deliveries hostage, and ELEPHANTS RAPING RHINOS! (type that phrase into google and you'll get over 84,000 hits)
• Speaking of animal behavior, did you know that a Florida man was shot by a puppy in 2004?!?  It was considered self defense since the man was trying to kill the puppy and his six sibs.  He couldn't find them homes and had already killed 3 of the pups.  Then there is also the case where a hunting dog shot his owner in the leg.  Apparently its not uncommon for hunters to get shot by their dogs.  I also heard there was the dog that shot his owner in the back when the owner was beating his girlfriend, but I can't find a source for that story...
• LadyShay (fresh from Gasparilla) finds the coolest food shit!  Make and publish your own cookbook

C- c- c- c- c- crackhead!

You know I'd do it!  I'm sorry this shit shouldn't be funny but it is.  Specially when you realize that Viv is Halle Berry...

I Swear fore God and 4 Other White People...

so today I heard that ALLEGEDLY Amy Winehouse is in rehab and has admitted to using crack. (see that ALLEGEDLY Afers?) Well there were those pictures of her and what appears to be a crack pipe and while I enjoy her music, I can't help but think, what an asshole! 

I grew up in NY, so I remember a time when you couldn't walk down a street here without seeing or stepping on a crack vile.  And it didn't matter where you where, all neighborhoods were affected.  Families were destroyed.  All over a stoopid little rock.

So I'm posting this video of Gator from Jungle Fever.  Yes, it is slightly funny, but it is also a very real portrayal.  A little reminder that crack is whack...

What set me off...

you might want to take a look at the definition of defamation.  and by the by it would be comprehends, not has comprehension.

Listen Trouble.  You said that it was 'one-sided' ...I will repost everything, because I clipped it.  Think for two seconds that neither of us had colour.  I apologized to Pretty on her blog for my behalf and if this has turned into a laughing matter between all of you, that is fine.

Trouble, it was not your place to get in our argument.

As for visiting blogs, I came to yours constantly, and left comments.  You only came to mine recently and then you have been acting like I am a leper.  I don't care.

And from what I just read that Anners posted, it looks like a bunch of you are talking smack about me (how mature!). You have my email.  Write me.  Or post it on your blog.  I read it.  Do not speak of me as if I don't exist.  I have never seen anyone turn their attitude as quickly as you, Trouble, and I really thought highly of you at one point.

If PB don't want to come back, not many of us knew her anyways.  She never made it a point to come to my blog and still never could answer the 'loopy' question. Look back and tell me one reference to my medications making me loopy.  Try not to be so one-sided yourself, Trouble.

I don't even have a problem with PB because I never knew her.  I didn't get a chance to meet her...but you...I can't believe your ways.  But it's the internet.

Maybe Anners, in some small way, is playing you, but in a mature way, and let's pretend I am PB.

Don't worry, when I am done with the CSS here, I am going to start on my blog and if you like I will send you an invite to see how I really, really, really feel.

This comment was posted on TypHo Boulevard prior to the posts below.  Of course you can no longer find it on there because someone erased it.  Anyone else remember the Pink Elephant post?

Bullshit and Fuckery

If anyone has a problem with me, fucking say that shit in the comments and stop beating around the fucking bush.  Grow the fuck up people!  

So let me get this straight.  I'm not allowed to come to the defense of people I like?!?

A Tribute to PrettyBlack

because this is my blog and I can say whatever the fuck I want.  I dont mean to offend anyone, but on the other hand I don't really care.  I'm kinda newish to this whole blog shit, but in the time that I've been on this shit, I've "met" a lot of interesting people.  But one of my favorites will always be Pretty Black.  Thats my cyberhomie right there and to me, she will always be my mutherfuckin pottymouthed TypHo sister.

Danae, Anners, and LadyShay are some of the first people that started leaving regular comments on Snarky and because of that (and other reasons) they are my sisters too.  I've made connections with others, but to be honest when I think of the TypHos I think of Daners, Anners, Janers, Afers, and LadyShay.  I realize that most of you might not be as familiar with PrettyBlack as LadyShay and I are.  I see her comments on PrettyBlackGold all the time.  So I'm going to use my blog to say what I don't feel comfortable saying on the Boulevard.  

I don't want anyone to take this to mean that I don't want to be a TypHo anymore, cause fuck that, I was there the first time the phrase was used!  But I think alot of you jumped to the wrong conclusion.  And to live up to the name that Pretty Black gave me, to Keep It Real Harley, if someone had responded to me the way you did to PrettyBlack, I would have thought you were offended too.  Mainly because its not the first time that you brought up the fact that you were a child prodigy.  What does being a child prodigy have to do with not being loopy?  I'm fucking loopy and I don't go through half the shit you do.  And I'm pretty sure that most of the TypHos are smartyfarties so its really not saying much.  I like you, but you have a tendency to brag.  It doesn't bother me, I'm just stating something I noticed.  You should be proud of yourself.  And I've never felt that PrettyBlack was coming after you either on the Boulley or anywhere else, and I've read the post and the comments.  

I think I might be more qualified to speak on the matter than ANYONE else for the simple fact that I participate on both of your blogs.  I don't think anyone else on the Bouley can say the same.  But I think you (and Anners to a certain extent)  should realize that in previous comments and post, Harls you've called yourself loopy.  Maybe not in those terms but you have said that you feel crazy from the spasms.  I think loopy is a lot less offensive then if she had called you CrazySpice or ComplaininSpice or some shit.   And fuck and begorrah, it was a got damned joke!  I thought that was one of the fucking rules, dont take shit personal!  

If you've read PrettyBlackGold you would know (I think she posted about this just last week?) that she curses on her blog and on the net because she does not do so in everyday life.  So she may use an extra fucker every now and then, its nothing personal.  But it might be taken that way if you're not familiar with her writing style.  I'm not going to say I know her, but I sure as hell know the way she writes.  I've read ALOT of her stuff (it copyrighted so don't try and bite!)  Anners I think you would really enjoy some of her poetry.  I think a major part of this problem is that there are alot of TypHos and not all of us are familiar with one another.  And I can say this honestly and openly knowing that most of the TypHos won't ever read it.  Part of the reason that I'm doing it here is that if I do it on the Boulley, it is very likely that people will jump down my throat for the simple fact that they aren't familiar with me.  I really don't give a fuck but I dont feel like defending myself to people that I could give two shits about.  And I dont give two shits about most of the people on there.  But there are those who know things about me that others dont, who I communicate with via email.  And there are people on there whose blogs I enjoy.

But I don't think its fair to have people join the TypHos who don't have or maintain their own blogs.  And if we are supposed to be a network, is it really fair to ask people to join who only visit one or two of our blogs?  Not for nothing but when I fly you guys to Barbados, I ain't paying for some chick that ain't never been on my blog!  I'm dead ass!  

Like I said at the beginning, I don't mean to offend anyone, but this is how I feel.  And I'm gonna have to remember that fuck and begorrah thing, that was pretty fucking funny...

Uh yeah, about that

it seems rather quick, but I'm having second thoughts about Big Mr. Bad.

So yesterday, out of nowhere, he starts talking about how many bills he has to pay, then proceeds to give me an itemized breakdown.  My suspicious mind jumped right to the conclusion that this lil summabitch is hinting for me to help him out with his bills.  Well, I'm hard of hinting and I don't give money to men (cause I don't ask for money from men!) 

And then I was online checking out the new condos at One Hanson Place (remember the picture that I posted of the clocktower in Brooklyn? well that is One Hanson Place) and I start talking about housing prices.  "You're buying another house?  I really want to buy a house."  Yeah well you might want to take care of that college loan that you were just telling me about.  No! I'm not buying another house, but I love real estate so I am always going to check housing prices and see whats on the market.  He couldn't seem to understand why I was checking prices if I wasn't going to buy and that kinda bothered me.  (What?, I'm a picky fussy bitch! but I never pretend to be anything else)

And then he was telling me about how he missed my call yesterday morning cause he was in church.  But then I asked him what church he went to (just curious) and he starts hemmin and hawing.  No need to hurt yourself boo-boo, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.  It really isn't that serious, but I hope for the salvation of your soul you weren't lying about church!  (I may not be into organized religion but you don't lie about church!  thats just wrong!!)

So, I'm still taking his phone calls, but I will be watching my wallet.  I refuse to settle, but I'm not above him taking me out from time to time...

Don't Forget to Hide a Pickle in the Solstice Tree!

* you show me where in the Bible is says that JC was born on December 25th and I'll start calling it Christmas. Some Pope back in the 4th Century choose December 25th, which was already an established holiday among Pagans. (by the by Pagan comes from the word paganus which means rustic, and refers to people that adhere to a Pre-Christian religion - mostly nature based or polytheistic. Oh shit look at the Dumb Rexy knowing shit! owwwwww!) That shit is Winter Solstice or Brumalia if you want to go waaaaay back. Christmas didn't even become a federal holiday in the USA until 1870.

When you're setting up your Solstice tree this year, don't forget to hide a pickle! Its a German tradition. And whom ever finds it on Solstice Eve, gets a special gift! Just some random winter knowledge that I picked up working in a Holiday Ornament store in high school. We used to sell glass pickles. I also know from working there that the man who used to play the Lone Ranger is delusional (dude you were on tv before I was even born, of course I didn't know who you were! Shit even the older folk didn't know who the hell you were, even AFTER you said your name, which I still dont recall) Rosie is hell on assistants and something of a meanie (we sold these ruby slipper ornaments that were covered in glitter and kept sending her assistant back to exchange them cause she didn't like the way the glitter was placed. I should point out that she picked them out herself but blamed the assistant) And Gregory Hines was exceptionally nice, a true gentleman and entertainer! RIP Mr. Hines...

Yeah Bitch, I'm Talking To You, The Remix

Just in case you missed it, I got this comment to the last post

Anonymous said...

Now, I think you are funny as all hell but as I read this post I couldn't help but wonder... what's the need for all the negativity? Especially towards another Beautiful, Talented, Black Woman. I'm not some crazed 13 yr. old Beyonce fan either, I'm a mid 20's sista doin' her thang & I'm secure enough in my womanhood to give another woman her props. Are you that easily intimidated? & I know everything ain't for everybody & you have the right not to like her & all that good stuff but My question to you is ... are you parched from all that hatin'?

4:36 AM

Negative, yes, I'll own that. But to be honest, I'm not exactly sunshinny happy fun land here at Snarky Black Chicks. In case you didn't notice moron, the name of the site is SNARKY black chicks, not Star Dick Riders. You like me? That's nice. You don't? What the fuck do I care?! My world view isn't going to change because someone didn't like something I said. In fact I hate it when people agree with me all the time, that shit is boring. But if you are going to come at me, come a little stronger than that please. Have a valid argument, make an interesting point, but most importantly OWN UP TO THE SHIT YOU SAY! I take you alot less seriously if you post anonymously, specially when you're mouthing off about "hating" (an overused and under defined term if ever there was one.) Let me ask you a question - Why would I be intimidated by Beyonce? Maybe you picked the wrong word, but last time I checked I wasn't up against old girl for a lead role and The Camel was not my love interest. The only place I sing is in the shower. She doesn't sign my paycheck, and I do not make my mortgage check out to the Bank of DeReon (or however you spell her crappy clothing line - and yes I said crappy because it uses synthetic materials horrendous designs and substandard manufacturing. That shit is like the Hyundai of the fashion world, bitches is always on sale.) So intimidated, mmmm not so much. What I am is inundated with her damn face and voice every got damned place I go and I'm sick of it!

Trouble said...
I dont like her thats my opinion based on what she presents to the public. Is it hate? No its my truth. I don't know her from a hole on the wall to waste that much time on "hating" someone that has no bearing whatsoever on my life Anonymous.
So just because she's "black" and successful I'm supposed to love her?! I'm sorry but its gonna take more than the color of her skin and a few catchy hooks to sway me to the point where I feel its necessary to leave anonymous comments on someones blog when they don't like her.
It was a three sentence post that took me a minute and a half to write. Trust me, my hate is alot more time consuming than that.
And if youre such a strong independent woman, why the anonymous comment?

Kisses Bitches!

Yeah Bitch, I'm talking to you...

...let me just say that if I happen to see your Josephine Baker biting, Spanx and butt pad wearing, hooker red lipstick rocking, camel fucking, polyester satin wearing, gold killing, just ok singing, no hairline having, pushup bra wearing, dead eyed Robohoe ass on the street, its on.

Bitch gets on my last nerve. How many of yall are chipping in for my bail, cause I know where she lives!

(sorry, but I see that picture of her sticking her ass out at the AMA's one more gain, I'mma hurt somebody)

Unusual Deaths In Antiquity...

I don't know I thought they were interesting. And if you don't chuckle at dude who got a turtle dropped on his head, than you must have broken your funny bone! Cause that's funny! Or fucked up or something (very little sleepies last nighties!)

Antiquity

Note: Many of these stories are likely to be apocryphal (uncertain authenticity)

• 458 BC: The Greek playwright Aeschylus was killed when an eagle dropped a live tortoise on him, mistaking his bald head for a stone.
• 270 BC: The poet and grammarian Philitas of Cos reportedly wasted away and died of insomnia while brooding about the Liar paradox.^[1]
• 207 BC: Chrysippus, a Greek stoic philosopher, is believed to have died of laughter after watching his drunken donkey attempt to eat figs.^[2]
• 53 BC: Following his defeat at Carrhae at the hands of the Parthians under Spahbod Surena, Marcus Licinius Crassus was executed by having molten gold poured down his throat. Some accounts claim that his head was then cut off and used as a stage prop in a play performed for the Parthian king Orodes II.
• 48 BC: The Roman general Pompey, fleeing to Egypt after being defeated at the Battle of Pharsalus by his rival Julius Caesar, was stabbed, killed, and decapitated: his head was then preserved in a jar by the young king Ptolemy XIII and presented to Caesar, with whom he intended to ingratiate himself. Caesar was not pleased.
• 43 BC: Cicero, the great Roman statesman, was labelled an enemy of the state by the Second Triumvirate. Like all those proscribed by the Triumvirate, he was hunted down and killed; his severed hands and head were then displayed on the Rostra in the Forum for several days, during which time Fulvia, wife of Mark Antony, is supposed to have stabbed his once-skilled tongue several times with a hairpin.
• 42 BC: Porcia Catonis, wife of Marcus Junius Brutus, killed herself by supposedly swallowing hot coals after hearing of her husband's death; however, modern historians claim that it is more likely that she poisoned herself with carbon monoxide, by burning coals in an unventilated room.
• 4 BC: Herod the Great suffered from fever, intense rashes, colon pains, foot drop, inflammation of the abdomen, a putrefaction of his genitals that produced worms, convulsions, and difficulty breathing before he finally gave up. ^[3] Similar symptoms-- abdominal pains and worms-- accompanied the death of his grandson Herod Agrippa in 44 AD, after he had imprisoned St Peter. At various times, each of these deaths has been considered divine retribution.
• 64 - 67: St Peter was executed by the Romans. According to many sources, he asked not to be crucified in the normal way, but was instead executed on an inverted cross. This is the only recorded instance of this type of crucifixion.
• 69: The short-time Roman emperor Galba was killed after becoming extremely unpopular with both the Roman people and the Praetorian guard-- however, 120 different people claimed credit for having killed him. All of these names were recorded in a list and they all were later themselves executed by the emperor Vitellius.
• C. 98 Saint Antipas, Bishop of Pergamum, was roasted to death in a brazen bull during the persecutions of Emperor Domitian. Saint Eustace, as well as his wife and children supposedly suffered a similar fate under Hadrian. The creator of the brazen bull, Perillos of Athens, was according to legend the first victim of the brazen bull when he presented his invention to Phalaris, Tyrant of Agrigentum.
• 258: St Lawrence was martyred by being burned or 'grilled' on a large metal gridiron at Rome. Images of him often show him holding the instrument of his martyrdom. Legend says that he was so strong-willed that instead of giving in to the Romans and releasing information about the Church, at the point of death he exclaimed "I am done on this side! Turn me over and eat."
• 260: According to an ancient account, Roman emperor Valerian, after being defeated in battle and captured by the Persians, was used as a footstool by the King Shapur I. After a long period of punishment and humiliation, he offered Shapur a huge ransom for his release. In reply, Shapur had molten gold poured down Valerian's throat. He then had the unfortunate emperor skinned and his skin stuffed with straw or dung and preserved as a trophy. Only after the Sassanid dynasty's defeat in their last war with Rome three and a half centuries later was his skin given a cremation and burial.^[4] (Interestingly, a recent report from Iran mentions the restoration of a bridge supposed to have been built by Valerian and his soldiers for Shapur in return for their freedom).^[5]

• 415: The Greek mathematician and philosopher Hypatia of Alexandria was murdered by a mob by having her skin ripped off with sharp sea-shells and what remained of her was burned. (Various types of shells have been named: clams, oysters, abalones. Other sources claim tiles or pottery-shards were used.)

They soooo should have put that Valerian shit in 300! And by the by you can take the herb Valerian to help you sleep! (but it stinks to high heaven)