Boo!

Yes I know it's been awhile.  And a lot has happened in the land of Trouble...

• Almost got back with PYT
• Got back with Brownie
• Went to Martha's Vineyard with Cousin T and The Gang
• Got the plague from Gutz (she's Bobbie when she ain't giving me contagious viruses)
• hung out with J.O. (he's Cousin T's best friend)
• hung out with Bubba a couple of times
• saw Grant Hill!  (oh my Gawd! can I just say that I have had a crush on that man since he played for Duke and if that didn't make me feel old, the 10 year old twin boys I was with at the time had no idea who he was - the man is still fine.  No disrespect Tamia)
• went on my annual trip to the movies (I am REALLY not a fan of sitting in the cold cold dark with a bunch of strangers surrounded by surfaces whose cleanliness are entirely too questionable for my liking. I saw Hancock - felt like it was missing a half hour, but entertaining for the most part.)
• found a temp agency that actually got results.  as in sent me on more than one interview within the first week of me interviewing with them.  as in ALL of the jobs that they sent me on were in my salary range AND interesting as hell.  as in bitch got two offers...
• oh, did I mention I got a job?
• got a kick ass job
• got an exciting wonderful challenging engaging lucrative position 
• did some serious shopping on a budget
• ran into Giraffe from the OldJob on the train one morning.  Congratulations on the baby boy!
• went to a couple of parties
• i think i might have run into a boy that i used to love when I was a freshman and sophomore in college.  shit, he loved me too, a least a couple of nights. well anyway, dude was a lot paler and not as cute as i remember.  hence, the i think i might have, instead of a oh, i ran into.
• made some spec-fucking-tacular red velvet cupcakes for MonkeyBoy's 9th Birthday.  It was at Dave & Busters and half the staff was lingering to see if they could get a left over. 
• got really fed up with Brownie's bullshit and came to the conclusion that some dudes just don't change and I am in no way shape or form interested in trying to change any damn body.  I'm not one of those women who is going to tell you what I think you should or should not be doing.  I expect to be dealing with a grown ass man who knows what the fuck is right and what the fuck is going to make me suspect that some shit just ain't right with you.  And if I come to the said conclusion, that some shit just ain't right with you, I am not going to waste any more of my time.  
• told Brownie to have a nice life - wait that's on my to do list...
• saw all kinds of short pant atrocities!  I'm talking ass hanging out the bottom AND the top, thighs that should have been far from hungry devouring inseams like they were baby carrots in a room full of dieting women, all kinds of colored printed and patterned underwear underneath white of all things.  I gotta say ladies, some of you are really trying to give short pants a baaaaad name.  
• saw one of the WORST TATTOOS EVER!!  it was so bad and horrific that I dont even think I can describe it properly.  I was on the beach, and there was a woman in a bikini with flames tattooed around her torso.  But, my gawd, her torso.  And I think the tattooist might have been on crack, or having a seizure, or a heart attack.  Or that might just have been the impression that her cottage cheese gut and stretch marks gave his work...
• bowled a 146! (in Wii bowling but I think it should count, that's my best score evah!)
• I have not been online for more than downloading music/movies/porn (all legally of course!  itunes is my false idol.) so I haven't been reading your blogs.  sorry!  I'm a flake like that.  You should forgive me cause I'm cute.  And did I mention I got a job?  You should be proud of me. I promise to heaps loads and loads of (unwanted) attention on you immediately.  kisses, bitches!
• I missed you all terribly! even that sassy bitch I've been stalking...
• decided to change the blog a little, nothing drastic.  Just realized that a lot of my old content was focused on the OldJob.  I will never say that I didn't enjoy being there at one point, but I am so grateful/thankful/blessed that things worked out the way they did.  I wouldn't be where I am today without them and for that the OldJob will always hold a special place in my heart.  Sadly, it also still leaves a bit of a sour taste in my mouth and I am determined to start fresh.  So, no talk about my job.  Not even a hint, except to say it's great and I love my new boss.  Seriously, love.  But not like that.  Anyway, I started this blog with funny stories about taking the train, and my luck or lack there of in love.  A snarky black woman takes on the world with a bit of humor, a hell of a lot of sass, and a shit load of curiosity.

*Please note that the above list is NOT in order of occurrence.  Names have been changed to protect me from the dumbasses out there, what can I say they outnumber me.  and HI SWAG!

The Answers....

1. True - I'm good as long as I don't see the needle
2. True - but in my defense, she never knew I did her man, she suspected but its not like she could ask me straight out.  Well she could have but I think I already established her ass was weak anyway.  Seriously, if thats your homegirl and I'm sleeping with her man, let me know on some real shit not on some "Ooooo let's jump her ass!"  cause its not like I knew.
3. Hell Naw that shit is false
4. Truly
5. True!  I love NYC cause you never know who you'll run into!
6. True - I really really really don't like eggs
7. True - for some strange reason (probably cause the fish know I can't eat them) I always catch a shit load of fish, but someone has to bait the hook and retrieve the fish for me - even touching them makes my throat itchy.
8. False - at least not to my knowledge, but I have been in the room when other people had sex - not by choice, they thought I was sleeping and I couldn't exactly get up and walk out of the room!
9. False - I have dated someone that was 15 years older than I was.  The youngest person that I've dated was 8 years younger than me.
10. Sadly true - I wasn't aware of it when we first started seeing each other, he said they were separated, but not separated enough for my ass.  They still lived in the same house with their two kids....
11. True, but I'm not telling and I doubt you guys could guess who it is....

I think Swag was the only one who got them all right.  Don't know what the questions were?  Go Here

The Where I Was...

So last week was ab-so-lute-ly gorgeous in NYC.  I'm talking perfect late spring type weather.  (If you're not from NYC, than that means upper 70s and sunny, slightly cool at night.)  So I spent alot of time out of doors.  I spent about two days giving Duke a shape up.  Of course, a week later and he looks like he could use another trim.  Then I spent an afternoon with Mommy at our local Lowe's Home Improvement.  I found a exotic houseplant whose common name is Lipstick Rasta so of course I had to get it.  Not to mention that its tendrils look like my hair when I put it in curls.  I paid for Mommy's lil Lowe's adventure and she thanked me for her Mother's Day gift. 

For the past couple of years, I haven't remembered when Mother's Day is.  So instead of missing it and being a jerk, I always try and buy Mommy something in early April just to be safe.  As it turns out, thats also the time that Mommy starts to plan out her garden for the summer, so I usually end up getting her plants or garden related items.  Now when ever I buy her any thing of that sort during the month of April, she adds it to the Mother's Day gift list.  She kind of gets over.

So then the next day we spent in the garden together, planting all the shit she got.  I'm not allowed to plant things with out her permission and can only plant things in the places that she designates.  She's a really strict gardener and shamelessly uses me for cheap labor.  On the up side, my ass and thighs are gonna be right for the summer.  All that damned bending, squatting, and lifting is doing a body good!

The whole time, Duke is laying in the grass doing his best impression of an urban lion.  I wish I could say that old age has mellowed him, but every time someone too rowdy got too close to the gate, he would take off like a bat out of hell and scare the crap out of them.  He finally seems to have tuckered himself out, and here comes this little boy from up the block.  I'm hidden behind one of Mommy's ginormous evergreen bushes, and I hear him say to Mommy, "Excuse me miss, where's your dog?"  Mommy points to Duke, splayed out in the grass, and right on cue, he yawns huge at the kid and rolls his eyes.  I love that dog!

And of course after all that time outside, my hair was dirty.   Didn't smell of anything, but I had been sweating and I can't stand nasty dreads.  Since I was at it I put the curls back in.  That shit took forevah, but they look amazing, if I must say so myself.  Then I made lemon cupcakes with raspberry buttercream icing.  I have to admit that I ate most of them myself, but I did give two to Cousin T, Mommy ate probably one less than I did, and I gave one to Hautechick and one to the Artist.  Everyone loved them, except for Hautechick, the asshole.  I'm on the phone talking to her about the Tupperware that Cousin T brought me (its a cupcake carrier!) and she says, "Why would Cousin T buy something for you?  Oh and I meant to tell you your cupcakes were dry."  I said, "What?!" to give the insensitive chit a chance to rephrase and she says, "your cupcakes were dry"  I hung up on her ass and she has the nerve to call me back and then leave a message repeating that she thought my cupcakes were dry, "since you didn't let me finish."

Lil Heifer...

So me and Cousin T pull up at SuperSlag's house for MonkeyGirl's birthday dinner and here is lil miss thing standing there looking like a junior me.  I have on black skinny jeans, she has on black skinny jeans.  I have on some Coach high top sneakers, and she's got on the low top version.  I say, "Hey Monk, do we have on the same sneakers?"  And this lil shits gonna say, "Uh uh, mine are Coach!"  with full attitude.  I swear I fell the fuck out and then informed the lil heifer that mine were Coach too!

Oh can I just say I put my whole mutherfucking foot in them red velvet cupcakes!  Cousin T's dad (my actual cousin) used to make THE best carrot cake until his diabetes got out of control.  He never gave the recipe to anyone, not even his daughters.  But he's giving it to me after tasting my cupcakes.  And its a good damn thing he got the diabetes under control cause he ate like 3 of them joints.  Even Mommy, the red velvet hater, ate two and was trying to steal more before I left the house with them.

Oh and I'm working on my homework PrettyBlack!

Vice

• today I did post on sex, violence, and politics.  i guess you could say I'm feeling horny, angry, and argumentative.  you could say it, but you might get cut.
• Did anyone hear about the fatal crane collapse that happened last weekend in NYC?  I mean besides the people that live in the metro area.  It is sometimes an amazing thing to watch those cranes put up skyscrapers, especially in NYC where space is always at a premium.  But it is also terrifying.  They are these amazingly tall structures that look so delicate.  My heart goes out to the families of the 7 people that lost their lives...
• sheesh and I dark and moody today or what?!  I think its the rain, cause it couldn't be that whole no job to go to thing.  Good thing a bitch is still getting paid.  A check for doing nothing will lift your spirits like nothing else will!
• there was an FDNY ambulance and a police car in front of my house today for awhile.  I saw them helping a woman into the ambulance and then the cops talked to her for a while.  am I smart or paranoid to want to go outside and take pictures of the sidewalk around my house just in case?
• I really dont think that really high class call girls would advertise their services on websites where any dick tom and harry who had a good night at the craps table and little sense can acquire their services.  I'm just saying
• I think that it is toooooo huge a coincidence that our guvnuh is forced to step down for a sex scandal right before the ever problematic NY State budget is due.
• I remember what it was like to be 22.  to think that being with your friends and partying was the most important things in the world.  i also recall that I didn't really date 22 years olds even when I was 22.  Back then I was a lolita instead of a baby cougar...
• when I was 19, I decided to leave the college that I was going to in CT in order to take a full time job back home in NYC.  So when I was in my early 20's I had already been working for awhile, had my own little bit of money, and was cocky as shit.  I also used to smoke and met a number of men when they asked me if I was too young to be smoking.  I dated alot of 30 year olds during that point in my life.  A LOT and I'm pretty sure that there was a 40 year old in there somewhere briefly
• before I left that school in CT, I managed to make my way through a crew of guys.  I don't think that most of them even knew that I had dealt with the others despite the fact that there weren't too many people of color on campus.  I actually didn't sleep with all of them, but I was courted, coddled or spoiled by each and every one of them.
• People tell me that I look innocent, and I used to take great advantage of that.  I think thats a major reason why I was able to get away with pulling that last stunt pretty much unscathed.  The scathed part was that I didn't figure out that the dude that was acting like my brother, was the one that was the most interested in me.  Of course he was the one I was least interested in and he started talking shit about me.  It only took about two sentences for people to figure out that he was just jealous of the dude I was seeing (not one of the crew.)  Note to guys: never finish slamming a girl by saying, "You should have been with me!"  
• The other scathed part was the fight I almost had with this chick over the one dude in the crew that could have been considered my man, sort of.  He was sleeping with her too, which was cool because while I didn't want to know who, he did tell me that he was seeing someone else on campus.  She unfortunately wasn't as realistic with the situation as I was.  She was also older than me and to say marriage minded would be an understatement.  Anyway, one night at a semi formal party, she and a friend walked up on me while I was dancing with another guy (part of the advantage of being a tom boy and a seductress is that people never know if the dude is a friend or a luvah - this one was currently a friend but was a past luvah) he was a (something I can't say cause it will give away more than I want) but saw the set up and warned me.  She managed to get a swing in, but then again so did I.  Let's just say, I was a little more accurate.  I lost a $5 necklace and had a scratch on my neck, she had some bruising.
• Got damned confused as fuck seagulls!  Cawing out my window like I give a fuck.  Bitch this is CENTRAL Brooklyn, take your ass back to the sea and leave me alone damn it.  Fucking bird goes off, wakes up Duke, then he starts barking cause he don't know what the fuck that is. It's happened twice this afternoon. Sheeet....

SuperSlag Update

I actually spent about 2 hours with my worthless cousin yesterday. Cousin T was there to make sure she didn't say something she might regret, and that I didn't choke the shit out of her on gp. I also finally got to meet her new daughter. She's looks a lot like her older sister did when she was that age. But she's having problems pooping. Usually I dont talk about baby poop but I'm putting it out there cause child is not at all happy.

Seems that the formula that she's on (I'm all for breast feeding!) has a lot of iron in it. Plus something else that she takes has a lot of iron in it, so shes all backed up. Someone (ghetto) suggested that she put some soap up the baby's butt, but that just seems wrong to me on sooo many levels. I mean, soap kinda burns doesn't it? There's got to be something a little more natural and less burny than soapy for the little monkey, right? So any suggestions on how to get a backed up baby to poop?

The reason that SuperSlag and I were together was to go to her sons basketball game. He was supposed to have 2 games yesterday, one at 12 and another at 2. We get there at 2 and SS dont know where the game is going to be at. We finally get in touch with SuperSlags ex and he tells us the games, both of them, are already over. Way to keep track asshat! I mean I know you have the baby and all, but you can't write the information down on a calender or someshit? What the fuck. And stop letting people put soap up your babies butt! Sheesh!

Hot Damn!

Its late but I need to get this out before I forget.  Sorry if it doesn't make too much sense but I dont think I'm going to get much sleep until I get my day off of my chest.  (Current song : Sexual Eruption, Snoop Dogg) What a fucking day.  My interview wasnt until 1 but I was up at 7.  I stared at the ceiling for awhile til I got a huge hairy paw in my face.  Took Duke out, ate a doughnut (mmmm doughnuts), showered and headed upstairs to get dressed.  (And my curls dropped some in the shower!) Wondering why I had to go upstairs to get dressed?  Well, while I live in the studio on the first floor, Mommy occupies a very nice 3 bedroom duplex.   I'm currently keeping my work clothes up there while I continue to renovate my apartment.  Keeps down on the dog hair on them that way too.  Last minute I decided to wear all black.  Good fucking decision.

I'm moving and shaking, even managed to put a coat of neutral polish on my nails.  Then I can't find my mittens.  I love those mittens!  And they go perfectly with my long black shearling coat.  So I settled for some black knit gloves and stuffed a hat into my newish Coach bag.  (Newish cause I bought it in December and haven't ever carried it, til yesterday)  I'm out the house ahead of time and when I hit the subway platform, heres the momo fucking train.  Owww!  I get to the city a full 30 minutes early for my appointment.  Head up to the office and first impression was that maybe I had made a mistake.  The people in the reception area weren't what I would call quality applicants and the former crackhead looking black receptionist was hating on me from the moment I walked in and took the attention of the former crackhead looking dude waiting in the lobby.  Lucky me.  

Then this chick is asking me to fill out an application.  Would someone please explain to me why I have to fill this shit out when I gave yall my resume and all that shit is on there.  And fuck no I'm not giving you the name , cell and HOME phone numbers for references!  Just when I'm thinking this might have been a waste of my time, here comes my Agent.  An adorable incredibly well maintained upper middle aged Italian woman dressed very nicely in ALL BLACK (go Troubsy!) with some funky colorful glasses on.  We head to her cubicle and pictures of her kid, grandkid and her dogs!  

Sidebar: Would someone please explain to me why I have been given the task of changing the opinion of what dreadlocks are?  I sit down and first thing she says is "Ok, first off, I think your gorgeous, but can I ask are those dreadlocks?!  Whatever they are, they're gorgeous..."  15 minutes later, the woman that sits behind her says "Excuse me, your curls are beautiful, I've never seen dreadlocks like yours." (Current Song - Honey, Ms. Badu)  

After about a half an hour of talking to her and doing some MS Office testing (I had to do some mail merge labels LaShay!) what do you know, I'm on my way to interview at this great little company.  I was supposed to meet with the Head of the Company's assistant, but I ended up meeting with her, one of the partners and the Head.  Go Trouble!  Not only would the job give me the opportunity to do something that I really love, but because of my major it would be the perfect place for me to advance as well!  Only thing is I would be taking a pay cut.  Nothing that would hurt me financially, especially since BossMan is still paying me for awhile longer.  But do I really want to go backwards?  On the other hand, the benefits are really really good and one of the perks is that I wouldn't have to pay for breakfast or lunch.

Shit, I mean this company does exactly what I told Mommy I was interested in when she asked me what I Wanted to do.  I might be jumping the gun, but I'm pretty confident that I impressed them.  I mean the fact that they interviewed me alone told me something, since they had stopped interviewing yesterday.  And I was the first person to meet with more than one person that worked there.  The job would be replacing an admin that is relocating to another state.  Her last day is tomorrow....

Introducing PYT

You're probably thinking Pretty Young Thang, and he is that, but he is also quite light skinded or as my sister has put it, he's high yellow.  If you don't know what that means, good.  If you do and think thats wrong of me to say, fuck you.  I'm joking.   About the yellow thing, not about the fuck you thing.  

you know in real life, I absolutely can not stand when people say things like likedided, or lookdided, or skinded...

Anywho, I met PYT (he's the 22 year old if you've been following along) back in November.  I tagged along, as I'm wont to do, with Cousin T to a party.  Now, I must say that Cousin T knows my varied taste in men quite well.  She's just about the only woman that I would trust to pick out a man for me, cause she knows what interest me in terms of appearance.  We often point out dudes that we think the other will like, and we are hardly ever wrong.  So when we walked into the party and she saw where I was looking she chuckles and says, "I thought you'd like him, he works at my school."  First thing out of my mouth, "Is he legal?" 

There was some flirting and an almost double date that never happened.  Then a couple of months passed.  I ran into him again at a house party.  That was the same house party that I met Big Mr. Bad at.  Needless to say, nothing continued to happen with PYT.  Then came the party the week before last.  And there he was again.  About 6'1", thin, and the most amazing amount of heat coming off of his crotch.  (You see I have this theory about the amount of heat relating to the size of the male appendage.  Let just say that it seems to be true...)  What can I say, I'm a bit of a perv and proud of it.

We finally got around to exchanging numbers and he finally thinks to ask me how old I am.  Proudly 30 and not showing it, thank you very much!  "Really?! Well maybe you can teach me a few things and I can return the favor."  Boy do I hope so!  So far he's proven himself to be well mannered, adventurous, adorable and proof positive that my aforementioned theory may very well be true...

Cocky

My mom always taught me that there is no shame in giving yourself a compliment.  To paraphrase Muhammad Ali, humble people don't get very far.  You don't know how many times she's sat back after eating a meal that she just cooked and said, "That was exactly what I wanted, it was delicious if I may say so myself."  So lets just say that at times, I'm cocky as hell.  I mean, when things are down, it always helps to take a look at the things that you have going for you.  

For example, I'm young, I'm pretty, and I hit hard.  Not to mention that I own my own home, an incredibly dangerous and cunning mind, and a shitload of very nice clothes.  The world is my runway, and I own that bitch, if I may say so myself.  No matter how I may be feeling, the face that I present to the world is polished, clean.  My clothes are my armor, my bag my shield, my smile my trusty sword, my mind that hidden dagger that will strike the final blow.  (if you're wondering where that last bit came from, I just finished watching The Return of the King, it got me kinda hyped.)

But even the baddest bitch has her moments of self doubt.  That runway is fraught with possible slips and falls, and no matter how many times you practice walking in those 5 inch heels (like the ones from my Polyvore below) there is still a possibility that you'll end up ass out and eye to eye with the cameras.  I slipped this week.  It could have been a full out face plant, but I managed to get my equilibrium and turn it into a full out twirl.  I was feeling a bit, anxious, out of sorts, paralyzed with fear at thought of the future.  So for a minute I retreated.  I've never had a problem being alone, I find myself wildly fascinating, plus I'm a great listener.  My imagination is powerful enough that I can disappear into the world of fiction, snuggled deeply in down (that is until it was fucking 68 degrees, what the fuck), a mug of tea at my bedside, a large snoring dog on the floor under the window.   And it was warm, and comfortable, and not in the least bit scary, or anxiety ridden.  Then Friday rolled around and Cousin T called, "Still want to go to that party with me?" It's Cousin T, so despite my internal hesitation, I immediately replied, "Yes."

Fuck!  A million little niggling thoughts are going through my mind.  Is Big Mr. Sad going to be there?  Is it going to be a bunch of 22 and 23 year olds?  Do I really have to get out of the bed?  What the fuck am I going to wear!?!?!  A couple of (*ahem) inhales later, and I calmed the fuck down.  What the hell am I so worried about.  Just get clean, then get dressed and represent in my usual you aint got shit on me style.  (That is after a couple more inhales.)  Two hours, one shower, some MAC and a banging outfit later (off the shoulder sweater tunic, with my leather look leggings over the knee boots, and a vintage rabbit fur jacket - everything was black except for the boots which are a deep red) and I was really feeling my self.  Four hours later and I had two new numbers in my phone and had refreshed my status as a Baby Cougar - 22 and 25 if you're wondering...

DID YOU FUCKING SEE THAT!!!

that being my Giants winning the superbowl!  That's right all you nay sayers and shit talkers - THE GIANTS WIN!  THE GIANTS WIN! 

And that wasn't fucking luck either.  The fucking amazing Giants Defensive line had Brady on the ground 18 TIMES!!  Did you see that Alford sack?  Did you see my newest boyfriend Osi Umenyiora (I am sooo buying myself his jersey tomorrow) and gap toothed Strahan hounding your boy Brady?  Had him sooooo fucking jumpy that shit was ridiculous!  And did you see soft ass looking Eli shake off those boys trying to sack and the fan fucking tastic catch made by Tyree?!?!  He caught that shit in the air with his helmet and one hand and still managed to hold on to it!  Take that New England, cause all anyone is going to remember of your almost perfect season is how you guys BLEW IT in the end. I bet Tiki Barber is feeling like a bit of an ass right now.  Never win a ring with Manning huh?  oh and in case you missed it the first time

THE GIANTS WIN! THE GIANTS WIN!!!

This message is brought to you by Trouble the tomboy

Trouble's Corn Chowder

this is in honor of LadyShay, without whom I would have never had the idea.

I can never leave a recipe alone.  Just. Can't. Do. It.  I have to add something, change it and some way, claim it as my own.  So when Lady Shay posted a link to this recipe for Corn Chowder, I had to do something to it.  I couldn't resist.  For one thing, I was out of chicken stock.  And vegetable stock.  And I'm not really a fan of cream of corn soup, although I actually do have that in my kitchen cupboard.  So I searched for other recipes.  I found ones with evaporated milk.  And half and half.  And lobster.  And crab.  And bacon.  Wait a minute that bacon one has a corn stock base, and I have fresh corn.  But I didn't want to use bacon fat to fry my onions.  And I wanted to put red peppers in it.  And carrots, I love carrots.  And I didn't want to make that much soup, cause its just me and Mommy.  So a recipe was born, makes about 3 servings...

2 Ears Sweet Corn

1/4 onion (I used red and yellow cuase there were two small pieces left over in the fridge, I also prefer small onion pieces, so cut how you like them)

2 cloves of fresh garlic, diced

2 small potatoes, peeled and cut into small cubes

3/4 cup of milk

just enough olive oil to coat the bottom of a small skillet

a nice fat pat of butter, almost a tablespoon

6 baby carrots, cut into bite sized pieces 

a little section of fresh red pepper, seeds removed, cut into small pieces

seasoning to taste

sharp cheddar cheese (optional)

grilled chicken breast (optional)

Cut kernels from cobs, set aside.  Break cobs into 1/3s and place into what I like to think of as a small soup pot aka the pot I use to boil pasta in.  Add a little more than 1 1/2 cups of water.  Season to taste.  (I used a little salt, some cayanne pepper, garlic and onion powders) Bring to a boil then reduce to a simmer and cook for 20 minutes to make corn stock.  Remove the cobs, make sure there is no silk in the stock.  (The original recipe said to drain the stock, but I just used a slotted spoon to make sure there was no corn silk...)

While the stock is simmering, warm a small skillet over a low fire, coat the bottom with a little olive oil, and melt your pat of butter.  Add chopped onion, garlic, and red pepper, cook for about 5 minutes or until the yellow onion is translucent.  

Add the potatoes, carrots, milk, and onion mixture to the corn stock.  Taste and season according to preference.  (I added some thyme, rosemary, and a little more salt - I tend to be very light on the salt usually, thats why I needed more)  Bring to a simmer and stir to prevent foam from forming (its hard to skim with the kernels of corn)  Cook until potatoes are tender.  Taste and adjust seasonings if necessary.

I cut up a piece of grilled chicken breast and mixed it in with the chowder.  Then I shaved a nice little cheesy mound of Cracker Barrel Extra Sharp Cheese on top.  It went great with the biscuits I made from scratch yesterday...

Yeeeeeoooooouuuuuccchh!

I SLAMMED MY POINTER FINGER IN A FUCKING CAR DOOR!  And I was drunk enough that I didn't really feel it.  But it was gross looking.  So I cleaned it and slapped a bandaid on it.  I don't know, I've always had a thing for bandaids.  When I was little I used to sneak them out of the medicine cabinet and put them on myself.  In the morning, I used to take the off before Mommy or Daddy found them.  But of course they always did when the changed my sheets.  Anyway now my finger is starting to throb.  And its my right finger too!  I need that finger!  And that means I won't be able to change my polish for a while cause the gash is right under my nail.  At least it's good polish, Chanel.  I don't care what anyone says, that shit is worth the money.  Goes on smoother, dries a lil quicker, last a lil longer.  If you can afford it try it.  Shit, I got distracted!  What the fuck was this lil rant about again?  Oh yes, my fucking pointer finger and how I fucked it up.  I deserve some chocolate for my pain....

I'm Going Going Back Back to Cali...

ok so actually this will be my first time.  Going to visit Oakland and my god mommy!  She's gonna introduce me to a doctuh!

Blame this on Wanda...

cause I was lurking on her site and she had a link to a Thin Lizzy video on YouTube.  And next to the video, they had another link to a Sheena Easton video, which reminded me about how much I used to love Sheila E!  Oh how I wanted to play the drums!  Ended up with a trumpet and an electric guitar.  Oh well, such is life.  Enjoy the Glamorous Life (Fergie is a biting hag who probably never had an original thought in her life!)

Don't ask me why this popped into my head

A little ditty from my school bus riding days!

You're Momma don't wear no drawers,

I saw her when she took them off.

She threw them on the wall,

Spider Man refused to crawl!

Dong dong dong

donka ding dong

dong dong donka ding dong

 

You're Momma don't wear no drawers,

I saw her when she took them off.

She threw them in the sky,

those birds refused to fly!

Dong dong dong

donka ding dong

dong dong donka ding dong

You're Momma don't wear no drawers

I saw her when she took them off.

She threw them in the sea,

those sharks said, "Ooooooooooh weeee!"

You're Momma don't wear no drawers

I saw her when she took them off.

She threw them on the tracks,

those trains jumped 50 miles back!

there are about 80 more verses, but thats all that popped into my head.  Maybe I should go put on some panties...

Huh

Apparently I'm a member of Team Celine, so if any of you are interested in Celine Dion tickets, holla at your girl! You know I got that hotness! Owwww

And I think "Don't Forget to Hide A Pickle In The Solstice Tree" has got to be one of the best titles that I've come up with, if I might say so myself. I think thats going to be the name of my novel...

And TRexy is still making me giggle like a loon.

I had to take the train with high school kids this morning and for some reason that always makes me nervous. By the by Afro, I was right, that was my train!

Wish me luck, the NY Mega Millions Jackpot is now 96 million dollars! That's 96 million dollars! Ah ha ha ha! (sorry still channeling the Count) I promise to buy you all something (or at least come and visit you all) if I win. Hmmm, I'm thinking TypHo estates in Canada, Hawaii, Turkey, Barbados, Seychelles, Belize or Ecuador, Thailand, Italy, and New Zealand.

For some reason this morning I said to Persian Royalty, "I need tea and sympathy!" he cracked up and told me thats the name of a restaurant. And don't worry I don't really need the sympathy, I'm in an exceptionally good mood! Which is hella strange considering...

How Cold Is It?

Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra! Cold enough to freeze the balls off of a brass monkey! (Buzz taught me that one!) It's fucking cold! And it snowed again last night.

I'll be back I'm going to buy tickets to Alvin Ailey! Firebird here I come! I don't know if I mentioned this but the lead dancer for Firebird is a man! I remember watching Judith Jamison dance the lead part as a kid, and am soooo excited to see it from another perspective.

If anyone out there knows any dancers, here is the audition schedule for The Ailey's School. Auditions are being held all around the country.

Totally random: I've realized that I can now say "20 years ago I was..."

my obsession with Walter continues

This is the dress I got for $69! (see below for the story)  And did anyone see The Game tonight - ok yesterday, cause when MedSchool aka Girl Melanie was knocking on Derwin's door to get the Little Black Boy picture, she was rocking my Diane von Furstenberg dress!  Owwwwww!

Guess What, Chicken Butt!

ahahahahahahahaha! Sorry, that always cracks me up.  Soooooo I hope you're not thinking that I went to some incredible party on Saturday, met an amazing gorgeous man and have spent the last two days dying a million little deaths (fun fact in case you're wondering what the fuck that meant, the french refer to an orgasm as la petit morte)  That was sooooo not the case...

I woke up on Saturday in a wonderful mood.  I laid in bed awhile thinking that I wanted to go buy some black J Brand skinny jeans in case I decided to go out later.  Duke peeked over the edge of the bed to wish me Happy Birthday and I threw back the covers and launched myself out of bed, prepared to face this day with aplomb.  Only to hop right the fuck back in the bed almost as soon as my feet hit the floor.  Shit it was cold!  So I laid there awhile longer, and Duke was patient, I think that was his gift to me.  It took me a while but I finally got myself up and Duke out to pee and poop.

We get back inside, I give Popper breakfast and I'm standing there thinking maybe I should get back in the bed for a little while longer.  Then the phone rings, Hautey calling to wish me Happy Happy Joy Joy.  (We're speaking again, reconnected over taking pictures of her husband sleeping at the table on Thanksgiving, yet again)  She wants to know what I want to do today.  "Nothing much, I need some new black J Brands, so I'm thinking about buying them as a gift to myself."  (Cause if you've been paying attention you know that I hate to pay full price for anything)  And she's all, "I want to go to the City too, so I'll just OH SHIT IT FUCKING COLD!"  I guess thats when she finally got out of bed.  I know my sister, so I know whats coming next, she's not going to want to go.  "I don't want to go outside, it's too cold!"  told ya!  Ok, well I'm gonna go by myself.  "No!  You can't go shopping on your birthday by yourself!"  Uh why not?  So I hang up and go upstairs to get Thanksgiving Dinner 3.5.  

Mommy's all, "what do you feel like doing for your birthday?"  I tell her about the conversation with Hautey and tell her I'm going to the City.  "By yourself?  You can't go by yourself on your birthday!"  Again, why not!?!  She convinces me to wait and she'll drive out to Westbury (home of the best of the Century 21 Department Stores, Roosevelt Field Mall, Off Fifth, Nordstrom's The Rack, The Cheesecake Factory AND Costco) So we both eat and then the turkey hits.  "I really don't feel like driving, how about I take the train with you to the City?"  She got a little offended when I told her no thanks, that I could be to the City and back faster if I went by myself.  But I didn't end up going anywhere during the day, Hautey was right it was too bloomin cold!

So later that afternoon Cousin T calls me, "Happy Happy, what are you doing later?  I'm helping Bobby move some furniture, and I have to go see SS in the hospital later, and drop some stuff off to MonkeyGirl but its your birthday so what do you want to do?"  She didn't really tell me all of the things that she had to do that day cause she's not one to complain, but I figured it out.  Slick also called to see what I was doing that night.  So I looked into a couple of parties, but by 7 I didn't really feel like dressing up, wearing heels, fighting crowds, or paying for an overpriced drink, specially when I had drinking free Prosecco all day.  (free as in Mommy and Hautey bought it)  So I called Cousin T back and asked if she just wanted to go bowling.  I was hoping it would just be the two of us, cause she is my favorite and comes with the least drama and fuckery.  Plus I knew she had been having a hard week with SS's still in the hospital (she's out of the coma and semi back to her slaggish ways. named the baby after her babydaddy's mom that shes known all of 2 years instead of the woman that raised her, Cousin T's mom is SS's stepmom)

So I went bowling with Cousin T.  Wore my favorite limited edition Jimi Hendrix t some tight ass jeans and my over the knee boots.  Comfortable yet sexy.  We got drunk, bowled crappily, and talked about a whole lot of shit.  It was great.  The next day Mommy, Hautechick and I went out to Westbury, Hautey said she would buy me and Mommy lunch for my birthday.  We hit Century 21 (sorry to anyone who doesn't live in NYC or know what Century 21 is, sucks for you!  Its the #1 discount department store in NYC according to Zagat)  Not only did I find my black J Brands (tiny hole on the left thigh, $69)  but I also found that grey and cream silk Walter dress that I lusted over and put on Polyvore.  $69 for a 100% silk dress that was $258 (I think) like 2 months ago.  I.  Love.  Century 21.   Hautechick called me last night to see if the dress fit cause she was sweating it.  And my cashier was the cutest!

I almost got some Chanel platform pumps for $220 with 20% off, but alas they were too small.  And I walked through that store that sells Sarah Jessica Parker and Serena Williams' clothing lines (I really can't remember the name of the store but I know that SJP's line is called Bitten and Serena's is called Eleven) and the challenge winners outfit from Project Runway.  First of all, kudos to Serena.  The stuff looks great and feels pretty good and doesn't smell like I've noticed some items from that store do.  Its mostly sweats and workout gear but the pieces have a nice cut to them.  SJP's shit on the other hand, looked like crap.  And that dress and vest looked a hell of alot cuter on Project Runway.  I would have gotten one to sell on ebay, but I don't believe in selling crap.

And Daaaaaaaaayaaaaaaaam Hautechick!  Did you even take a breathe the whole 30 minutes it took us to get back to your house?  She sure as hell didn't stop talking...

And what the hell is up with telling me you'll take me to lunch then trying to buy me lunch from Ranch 1?  (didn't fall for the banana in the tail pipe, I was a brat but I got my lunch from the Cheesecake Factory and ordered a fried chicken sandwich just to piss her off) Oh and I spent all day sleeping...

Yippie Kaiyay Motherfucker!!!

Its My Mother Fucking Birthday!!!!  Owwwwwwwwwww!

(thanks Danae!)