Teenage Boys

So Four asked me to do him a favor since he's in Philly this week. A good friend of his, and a guy who went to high school with both of us (and I actually likes as a person even back then) runs a basketball camp for teenage boys one week each summer. It's actually not just a basketball camp because they also teach the boys leadership and life skills. They talked to them about how they can turn something they love (basketball) into something that can help them advance their lives. So I really had no problem saying that I would help out. And boy am I glad that I am for several reasons.

First, there is no better balm for a 31 year old woman's ego than to be the only female in a camp full of 30 boys and about 15 college educated men. Especially if she knows a thing or two about basketball which of course I do! The second reason is kind of related to the first. Since I'm the only woman, I naturally get alot of attention from the guys. But because GoodGuy and Four are such good friends they usually talk fairly often and I suspect GoodGuy must have mentioned something about that to Four because he has been calling to check on me at least three times a day. Once in the morning when he wakes up. Once while I'm at the camp to make sure things are going ok. And then there is our usual 2 hour conversation at night when I get home. Four has always been attentive but me being surrounded by males for 5 hours a day has taken it to another level.

Then there is the fact that it is rewarding as all hell. I highly recommend that everyone find a way to volunteer in their community in some way shape or form. There is no greater reward than making a difference in someone elses life. I haven't actually played ball in years so I dont think there is too much that I can offer the boys in the way of that, but I have yelled at alot of them about speaking up, introducing themselves with some pride, pulling their damn pants/shorts up, etc. I always leave tired but refreshed if that makes any sense. Yesterday I spent a good 45 minutes of my nightly convo with Four talking about various boys in the program and the potential that I see. I'm pretty sure that there are a couple of future stars in the program and one kid who is definitely going places - his personality and level of maturity is amazing, not to mention he's adorable and has a pretty good game.

So thank you Four for asking me to help, because I've really been enjoying myself!

The Answers....

1. True - I'm good as long as I don't see the needle
2. True - but in my defense, she never knew I did her man, she suspected but its not like she could ask me straight out.  Well she could have but I think I already established her ass was weak anyway.  Seriously, if thats your homegirl and I'm sleeping with her man, let me know on some real shit not on some "Ooooo let's jump her ass!"  cause its not like I knew.
3. Hell Naw that shit is false
4. Truly
5. True!  I love NYC cause you never know who you'll run into!
6. True - I really really really don't like eggs
7. True - for some strange reason (probably cause the fish know I can't eat them) I always catch a shit load of fish, but someone has to bait the hook and retrieve the fish for me - even touching them makes my throat itchy.
8. False - at least not to my knowledge, but I have been in the room when other people had sex - not by choice, they thought I was sleeping and I couldn't exactly get up and walk out of the room!
9. False - I have dated someone that was 15 years older than I was.  The youngest person that I've dated was 8 years younger than me.
10. Sadly true - I wasn't aware of it when we first started seeing each other, he said they were separated, but not separated enough for my ass.  They still lived in the same house with their two kids....
11. True, but I'm not telling and I doubt you guys could guess who it is....

I think Swag was the only one who got them all right.  Don't know what the questions were?  Go Here

Dance MonkeyGirl Dance!

I think I owe you guys about two weeks worth of stories.  The week before last, the weather was so nice that I spent as much time as possible outside.  I spent alot of time being Mommy's garden bitch.  But I also went to the Spring recitals at MonkeyGirls school.  She goes to a school that has programs for both the performing and graphic arts and I think thats great.  I also think that its great that they do not let the children preform if their grades are not up to par.  What I don't think is cool is that there were soooo many children in the audience last time I was there (poor grades.)  What I don't like is that they teach them how to preform, but they don't teach them anything about public speaking.  You get these amazing dancers and singers who had the opportunity to preform at DisneyWorld , graceful as shit til its time for them to tell you about their trip.  Um, ah, em, ummm.  That shit was working my last nerve.

What I also don't like is that had the performance been last week, instead of the week before, MonkeyGirl would have not been able to perform.  Little chit failed her Social Studies test.  I had brought her a new swimsuit but shes not getting shit til she gets her act together.

Also that week was Spring Break for public school kids in Connecticut so Cousin T's lil Cuz C (LCC) was in town.  She's the same age as Monkeygirl and has to be my second favorite 13 year old girl.  She's got 3 brothers, one older and two younger, and I've always loved her for her girly tomboy ways.  Now that she's thirteen, she's also gorgeous, not that she wasn't beautiful before but its become very apparent that her and MonkeyGirl aren't lil girls anymore.  Makes me feel old as shit and hella protective.

So you can imagine my reaction when some lil shits were sitting behind LCC at the performance and were clearly talking shit.  LCC being 13, decided to sit behind us, rather than with us.  She was steadily ignoring that shit, like a junior Bad Bitch, but I was about to jump outta my skin at those lil hating asses.  Cousin T must have read my mind cause she got up and went and sat with LCC with a well heard, "Let me go sit with LCC before I have to knock out someone's child."

Lil Heifer...

So me and Cousin T pull up at SuperSlag's house for MonkeyGirl's birthday dinner and here is lil miss thing standing there looking like a junior me.  I have on black skinny jeans, she has on black skinny jeans.  I have on some Coach high top sneakers, and she's got on the low top version.  I say, "Hey Monk, do we have on the same sneakers?"  And this lil shits gonna say, "Uh uh, mine are Coach!"  with full attitude.  I swear I fell the fuck out and then informed the lil heifer that mine were Coach too!

Oh can I just say I put my whole mutherfucking foot in them red velvet cupcakes!  Cousin T's dad (my actual cousin) used to make THE best carrot cake until his diabetes got out of control.  He never gave the recipe to anyone, not even his daughters.  But he's giving it to me after tasting my cupcakes.  And its a good damn thing he got the diabetes under control cause he ate like 3 of them joints.  Even Mommy, the red velvet hater, ate two and was trying to steal more before I left the house with them.

Oh and I'm working on my homework PrettyBlack!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONKEYGIRL!

on this joyous day, in 1995, my god daughter was born.  A whole 4 pounds of eyerolling, hair grabbing, hollering, side eyein bundle of joy and rebellion.  Only baby in the incubator room lifting her head up and I think trying to get out of that damned plastic box.  Gosh I love that kid.  You see, she was born my senior year in high school and at the school I attended, seniors were pretty much finished with classes by the end of March.  (The rest of the year was spent preparing for the senior play and doing community service.)  So I spent alot of time with her, I watched her just about every day until I left for college.  And when I was away, my Mom used to get her and bring her up to see me.  They would usually come up on the weekend and I will never forget the time they were there for one of my volleyball games.  She charmed just about everyone in the stands by the time the match was over.  My coach had to cut the post game meeting short because MonkeyGirl would not be denied!  And she was absolutely adorable with her too small self walking and talking when no one would expect her to.  We were once at the library in the children's room at Grand Army Plaza (it a huge library in Brooklyn that in this amazing building - actually alot of the libraries in Brooklyn are architectural gems) and this maybe 8 month old baby waddles by.  MonkeyGirl was about 2 at the time, and still small for her age, she's gonna look at me and say, "Babies can't walk!"  The kids Mom looks at Monkey at says, "well they aren't supposed to talk either, but look at you!"

She's almost as tall as me now, in fact she can fit most of my clothes and some of my shoes.  We're even built alot alike.  Shes a dancer where I was an athlete, so she's not a musclely as I was at that age.  Lucky her.  The summer before my sophomore year, my varsity basketball team went to an Invitational Basketball Camp.  I spent 2 weeks doing nothing but playing basketball and running basketball related drills.  Two days after I got home, I had to go to a wedding.  It was the first time that I had worn anything besides workout gear since being home.  I put on my girly pink dress, took one look in the mirror and burst into tears!  "I look like a boy!"  It was terrible, I looked like a body building reject.  Mommy still made me go to the wedding though.  What's one of my post without a crazy tangent!  I know alot of you were expecting it and I sooo hate to disappoint!  You should see my biceps after I've actually been working out consistently...

Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled post, I am so glad to have that no longer little girl in my life.  So I'm making her Red Velvet Cupcakes for her party tomorrow!  I might even whip out Mommy's decorating tools and get my icing flower on!

AND as a bonus tangent I present to you my theory about birthdays.  When I was a kid and someone asked me how old I was I would say something like, "well traditionally I'm 10 years old, but actually I've been alive for 11 years."  It used to piss Hautechick off for some reason.  But its true!  When some one celebrates a birthday, they are actually celebrating the completion of that year, so when you turn 30 (like I did last November) you are actually beginning your 31st year of life.  I used to wonder about why age was counted this way.  I also wonder if it has anything to do with high infant mortality rates that used to exist before medical practices were standardized.  AND since this post was in honor of my 13 year old god daughter, I didnt even curse!

The Skin I'm In

• lots and lots of water, I drink that is.  Plus the MAC doesn't hurt a bit
• speaking of makeup, the handle on my makeup train case broke this morning and I'm really sad about it, I think I'm going to take it to the shoemaker since its leather and see if he can fix it.
• remember I used to do those post on things that every woman needs?  well I just thought of another one, a really good old school shoe maker.  They can take the calf of your boots in, or if they are really good make them a little bigger.  Stretch your too tight leather shoes (or do it yourself with some wooden shoe trees and some rubbing alcohol) fix the run down heel on your favorite shoes, replace a worn down sole, fix the leather strap on a makeup case, at least I hope so
• i actually had a really bad case of the chickenpox when I was in the 4th grade.  So bad that I missed the last month and a half of school.  I still have the dots all over including one on my right cheek and a couple on my nose.  They just dont show up in pictures for some reason.  Then again people usually think they're birthmarks...
• speaking of the chickenpox, did I ever mention that I have a half brother?  He's a real shit.  Anyway when I got the chickenpox, he was in the Marines and he came to see me when he was home on leave.  that would have been strange considering that we spent hardly any time together when I was a kid, but our dad had just passed away the year before, so he was trying to pretend that he's not an asshat.  Anywho, guess who gave the fucktard the chickenpox and guess who ended up in military quarantine for 2 months?
• and continuing on the theme of my shitwit brother, have I ever mentioned that I'm an aunt?  dont think so.  well anyway come to find out I'm an aunt again.  How did I find out?  My buppy cousin gets an email birth announcement from Shitwits (I really like that one, and it really fits my brother) wife, Shitwitta (shes an ass too), so she forwards it to my Mom, who checks her email like maybe 4 times a month (and that does not mean once a week) who mentions it to me last week.  The kid, a boy, was born on Valentines day.
• my home phone went out this weekend, actually all three lines in the house were acting wonky, so Mommy called Verizon and they said they would be here on Monday morning.  wait I should correct that, the first dumbass broad that answered the phone told Mommy that it must be a problem with one of our phones.  I said that was bullshit and told Mommy to call them back (after she made me check all the jacks - good thing the designers of this house were asses and there are only three of them, one on each floor) and THEN they said they would come on Monday.  And what a day Monday was...
• I'm knocked the fuck out, and I kinda hear Mommy's line ringing on Monday morning, but I rolled over and what do you know, it stops.  then my cell phone rings, it the verizon guy and he's outside.  oops!  So I throw on some sweat pants and a hoodie and answer the door.  Hello!  I was for a minute regretting my choice of attire when I realized that the sweats are kinda low rise and show off my flat belly very nicely and actually make me look like I have hips!  it didn't turn into anything but flirting, but that was my choice.  he called me once after he left to make sure that everything was ok, then he stopped by a little later to "make sure."
• so the verizon guy leaves and Mommy comes home and says, "huh, i thought that they were going to come and read the meter today." and right on cue the door bell rings.  I'm right there, so even though this is something that Mommy usually does, I answer the door.  First off, by this time Duke is pretty sick and tired of getting locked up everytime someone comes to the door, so he sticks his snooze in the door and follows me out into the vestibule.  Good thing I hadn't yet answered the front door.  So after a brief yet frenzied battle with the hairy beast I answer the door.  Dog hair everywhere and a tall young cutie here to read the meter!  Sheesh!  That boy better be happy Mommy was home cause I was seriously thinking about jumping the young man right there in the basement.
• My god daughter is going to be 13 on Thursday!  She wants a Sidekick and/or to go to Dave and Busters with a crew.  I'm all for the Sidekick - shes a good kid and she doesn't have a cell phone, but me and Cousin T had a long ass talk about the Dave and Busters thingamajig.
• I was in Filene's Basement shopping for MonkeyGirl's birthday and I saw the most adorable Ralph Lauren baby girl clothes.  I really was debating with myself if I should buy something for NewBabyGirl, SuperSlag's newest kid, but I decided against it.  She'll take it as were cool again and as always expect more.  It tears me up that I can't buy something for the kid without her Mom trying to hit me up for more.

Where's My Fuckin Cookie LadyShay?!?

Why is it when LadyShay says "Fuck you!" to me, I feel luved?

I actually took some pics when I finished doing my hair, but I look kinda pissed off and aggravated so I'm not posting them.  There's one of me with curly locks, and one with straight. Sort of a before wash and after.  Anyway, heres some snarky broad in all of her locked glory.  Don't you just love my enormous bamboo hoops?  I'm sooo old school...

Some Shit

No, no more poop tales.

• from time to time, Hautechick and I will end up in hysterical laughter when talking to one another on the phone.  Most recently, she said something about how I always got along with the Artist and that I need to find her a brother in law that she gets along with too.  That lead me to saying that, no, actually I didn't always get along with the Artist, he used to get on my last nerve.  It was Hautechicks fault, she used to tell him all of these embarrassing stories about me, usually things that I did as a child, and he would tease me.   I hated it.  So Hautechick asked me what happened that got him to stop teasing me.  And for a second I couldn't remember.  Then it hit me, it was the time I was hanging out with the two of them (Hautechick, Mommy, and I all still lived together then) and we were inebriated, to say the least, and the Artist went upstairs to use the bathroom and passed out.  He hit the floor so hard that we heard it downstairs.  My mom ended up calling Hautey to come check on him and she found him on the floor with his pants (and underwear) around his ankles.  Just typing about it makes me incredibly giggly.  
• So I think it was yesterday that I got this email announcing $8 fares on a certain airline.  Then today on the news I hear that same airline has been under investigation by the FAA for flying planes that have not been inspected.  
• My god daughter, Monkey Girl, had another recital tonight.  I love that child but can I just say shit, damn, motherfucking 3 hour program, including a got damned dance piece that I saw last time, a whole bunch of teachers on stage so called modeling, and Monkey Girl was only in the last 5 minutes of the damned thing!  I swear...
• Speaking of the recital, I heard about it from Monkey Girl's step family, Step Grandma called me and asked me to get her a leotard and for my help in finding a dress for a formal event coming up in April.  But thats not the point.  The point is, I walk in start looking around for familiar faces and who should wave and quietly call my name, SuperSlag.  Don't choke someone out one time and they think yall cool again.  Buuuut, she had the baby with her and oh does she know how I am a sucker for baby girls.  Actually, its the clothes shopping that I love.  I swear Monkey Girl was dressed to the nines when she was a wee one, and the new one reminds me alot of her.  She's so tiny.  So I sat, behind not next to her, I still don't trust her with my back.  Her and WackThug (baby daddy) actually drove me home.  
• Cousin T's Mom is in the hospital, I'm gonna send her some flowers tomorrow.  She's in my thoughts...
• I had a discussion with Mommy about me moving out of state.  But that lasted just until she told me that I couldn't take Duke with me.  Any time something needs to be cleaned because of him, he's my dog, which is 98% of the time.  Of course he would become her dog on this issue.
• This is kinda wussy but, I can't leave Duke.  He's getting old, I dont know how much time I have left with him, and I'd really be mad at myself if I missed out on it
• My mom has one of those KitchenAid Stand Mixers (how gorgeous is this dark purple one?) my dad brought it for her as a gift.  That means its really old (if you haven't been following along, my dad died when I was 8) and kind of precious to her.  That mixer has made plenty of delectable treats so I've always loved it, but I've also always shied away from using it.  That has soooo changed.  One of my favorite things to make is pizza with homemade dough.  That mixer cut my prep time down by so much and made everything sooo easy.  I've fallen in love with it.  I usually only make pizza about 4 times a year, cause the dough is such a bitch to make.  I made it twice in the last two weeks.  The one with wine soaked mushrooms was reallllly gewd.
• Someone set off a small explosive at the Military Recruiting Station in Times Square early this morning.  Its the third incident in which a man on a bike has set off a small explosive device in the early hours of the morning in NYC  since 1998 (I think it was 98)  No one was hurt.
• I made a bouquet of balloon tulips for Monkey Girl...

SuperSlag Update

I actually spent about 2 hours with my worthless cousin yesterday. Cousin T was there to make sure she didn't say something she might regret, and that I didn't choke the shit out of her on gp. I also finally got to meet her new daughter. She's looks a lot like her older sister did when she was that age. But she's having problems pooping. Usually I dont talk about baby poop but I'm putting it out there cause child is not at all happy.

Seems that the formula that she's on (I'm all for breast feeding!) has a lot of iron in it. Plus something else that she takes has a lot of iron in it, so shes all backed up. Someone (ghetto) suggested that she put some soap up the baby's butt, but that just seems wrong to me on sooo many levels. I mean, soap kinda burns doesn't it? There's got to be something a little more natural and less burny than soapy for the little monkey, right? So any suggestions on how to get a backed up baby to poop?

The reason that SuperSlag and I were together was to go to her sons basketball game. He was supposed to have 2 games yesterday, one at 12 and another at 2. We get there at 2 and SS dont know where the game is going to be at. We finally get in touch with SuperSlags ex and he tells us the games, both of them, are already over. Way to keep track asshat! I mean I know you have the baby and all, but you can't write the information down on a calender or someshit? What the fuck. And stop letting people put soap up your babies butt! Sheesh!

A Lil Bit Of Trouble (aka Tiki)

My adventures in mischief began at an early age.  I think I mentioned getting my head stuck in a banister.  For the most part it was all petty stuff like sticking my finger in freshly iced cakes, or asking too many damn questions for the likes of some adults.  I didn't step up to the big time until the 2nd grade...

I was still in public school, in the Astor program for gifted and talented children which basically equated to a bunch of smartass trouble makers.  Boy did we pull off some scams back in the day, but this little caper was done all on my own.  I'm not sure if schools still require parents to sign all of their children's test, but I had this science test and I was pretty sure that I could forge Mommy's signature.  

I found something that she had signed in her desk drawer and set to work.  I'm not going to reveal my methods, but thinking back, they were pretty sophisticated for a 2nd grader.  I'm feeling pretty good about myself.  Wondering if maybe I should offer my services to some of the other kids.  I hand in my signed test at the end of class, gathering up my stuff when the teacher says, "Trouble can you please stay after class."

Busted!  The teacher took one look at the signature and knew it wasn't my moms.  She was confident that my mother wouldn't sign her name in erasable ink, at least not with so many smudge marks.  Guess I made too many corrections.  What Mommy couldn't figure out was why I would try to forge a signature on a test that I got a 89 on.  I guess I just wanted to see if I could do it.  That extra book report and chores sure served to teach me my lesson.  I never used erasable ink again...

Coockaberry

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree

Merry merry merry merry life had he

(that's how I learned it but its supposed to be Merry, merry king of the bush is he)

Laugh, Kookaburra, Laugh

Kookaburra gay your life must be.

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree

Eating all the gumdrops he can see

Stop, Kookaburra, Stop, Kookaburra

Leave some there for me.

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree

Counting all the monkeys that he can see

Stop, Kookaburra, Stop Kookaburra,

That's no monkey, that's me

Kookaburra had two little girls

Sweet as sugar

and smiles like pearls

Laugh, Koookaburra laugh Kookaburra

Gay your life must be...

This song always makes me a lil weepy, cause my Daddy taught it to me and Hautechick when we were little.  I always thought that he made it up, but its actually an Australian Children's Song.  I also always thought that it was Cookaberry, hence the title of this post.  And I always thought that Cookaberry was my Daddy.  My lyrics are a little different than the original.  The second line is supposed to be Merry, merry king of the bush is he.  But that didn't make sense to lil girls from Bed-Stuy.  Why would anyone want to be king of the rose bush in the front yard?  That thing used to always stick me.  And the last verse I made up when I was 8, after Daddy passed away...

I Swear fore God and 4 Other White People...

so today I heard that ALLEGEDLY Amy Winehouse is in rehab and has admitted to using crack. (see that ALLEGEDLY Afers?) Well there were those pictures of her and what appears to be a crack pipe and while I enjoy her music, I can't help but think, what an asshole! 

I grew up in NY, so I remember a time when you couldn't walk down a street here without seeing or stepping on a crack vile.  And it didn't matter where you where, all neighborhoods were affected.  Families were destroyed.  All over a stoopid little rock.

So I'm posting this video of Gator from Jungle Fever.  Yes, it is slightly funny, but it is also a very real portrayal.  A little reminder that crack is whack...

The Recital

So I actually ended up taking some video of my God daughters performance.  She was pretty good.  I can't even lie and say that most of the program was boring as fuck though.  I clapped for all of the kids, and none of it was actually painful, but boring.  They have a drumline thats pretty damned good.  I liked it even more since it included three young ladies.  But I felt bad for them since they were so much better than the rest of the band.  Most of the drumline looked bored to tears.  

Both sides of the family were there.  Monkeyboy (he is such a serious seven year old, but his deep voice always makes me smile) Monkeygirls stepdad, stepgrand, step aunt, and I think what might have been his new lady friend.  Plus Monkeygirls best friend and a friend of stepgrands. On our side was me, Cousin T, Grandma (Cousin T's Mommy), Greatgrand (who is my dads sister, and who lived downstairs in the house I grew up in.  She still lives there and boy do I have some crazy stories about Aunt Bling), Granddad (Cousin T's stepdad and Superslags dad), Aunt (u know her as Coco of the brown teeth, but boy has that changed! Superslags sister and Cousin Ts stepsister) Superslag, and Wackman (her man that she accused me of sleeping with.)  What struck me was the was that Superslag and her man were dressed compared with the way Stepdad and his lady were dressed.  One couple looked like two people past their prime still trying to dress like teenagers, and the other looked like two people much about their business, young professionals if you feel me.  I think you all are smart enough to figure out which couple was which.

There is this teacher at Monkeygirls school, ooooooh boy is there this teacher.  It was a full house and he was trying to make sure that everyone had a seat.  He sure as hell could have sat on my lap.  And do I know my god child or do I know my god child?  Cause something told me when I was buying her tights to buy an extra pair.  Good thing cause she has an obsession with being properly lotioned, just like myself, put on too much and got grease stains on the first pair she put on.  GodMommy Troubsy to the rescue!

I was going to post some pictures of her but then I decided against it.  It seems hardly fair when I never post pictures of myself.  Not to mention they all include other peoples children.  With all the pervs that slide through here looking for black chicks fucking in boots it was a no brainer.

Look What I Found Daners!

Ok, so I think the Captain Jack Sparrow doll should go to Anners, but I found this one for you!

By the by, the Captain Jack doll talks, it'd be cooler if he said dirty things...

Bad God Mother

yes, I will admit it, I'm a terrible God Mother.  I don't see my Monkey Girl nearly as much as I should and she is such an amazing young lady.  She is going to be 13 in March and while I absolutely adore her alot of shit gets in the way of me spending time with her.  Namely her mother, Superslag (she and the baby are out of the hospital, so I can go back to calling her Superslag without feeling bad) not that she stays with Superslag.  She actually lives with her stepfather, his mom, and her little brother.  I think that her stepdad and his family are an amazing bunch of people for raising a little girl that they certainly didn't have to.  And it pisses me off to no end that my family didn't step up and keep MonkeyGirl with us.  They all talk about the Steps like they are better than them, but my family has their own issues, and Superslag is like the carrier for all of them.

But Monkey Girl does not let me get away with slacking, and since the Steps like me, she calls me pretty often.  Boy do I need to teach that child phone manners cause whenever she calls there is no hey Trouble or anything, she just starts talking.  Luckily I don't know any other sweet voiced 12 year old girls.  Figuring out what she is talking about is a whole nother story.  

It was back in August, and I was chilling with Hautey and the Artist, my cell phone rings "Trouba what kind of smoothie did you get that time?"  Huh?  Ok the nickname stems from when she was a wee one and couldn't say my name so I know who it is.  What smoothie though?  Oh shit, she means the smoothie that I got July 4th weekend when we were in the Vineyard.  Like the hell I remember!  So I had her read me the flavors when she got to the bakery.

Two days ago, I'm playing with Pooper and my cell phone rings, "Trouba whats the address of the Capezio store by your job?"  Huh?  I swear the kid probably thinks I'm slow.  Oh thats right she switched programs at her Junior High School and is now in the dance program.  So I spent a good portion of yesterday running around looking for footless flesh tone tights in a S/M.  And getting them to her for her performance today.  I can't wait cause I usually miss her performances because of my work schedule, but I'm not missing this one!  I'll be sure to take lots of pictures!

Oh and she gets all the clothes that I'm giving away, the little shits legs are almost as long as mine! (and thats saying something cause I'm about 3/4 legs!)  And the reason I called her a little shit just now, is cause I'm telling her that I look and see if I have any size 0 pants and jeans for her and shes scheming on how to get me out of the J Brands that I had on, "Why don't you let me try those on to see what will fit?  Who makes those again?  What size are they?"  

Cold Ain't Cute...

...and neither is stupid!

This weekend Mommy and I took a trip to see my Other Mother. Other Mother and Mommy have been friends since they were 14. Other Mother's parents had dropped her off in Brooklyn (she's from Queens) to visit her cousin (a neighbor and friend of Mommy's) but she wasn't home. Mommy, in a fit of unheard of friendliness, offered to hang out with Other Mother for the day and a TRUE friendship was born. It blossomed even more when two years later my Nana moved the family to Queens, not to far from Other Mother's house. There will be more on Other Mother later, as she's a hoot.

Anyway, Mommy and I stopped by Other Mother's house and Other Mother's 16 year old grandson stopped by to clean up the leaves in the backyard. Now, he's a good kid, doesn't cause too much trouble, but he showed up to clean up the leaves at about 4:45 pm (which if you're on the East Coast you know is right before darkness falls) and he has a little friend with him. At this juncture, I feel it might be prudent to denote that Grandson is a gorgeous gorgeous boy. He's already about 6'1", beautiful clear dark brown skin, huge luminous brown eyes framed by some of the longest lashes you evah did see, and cheek bones you could cut a steak on. Of course I could be partial since he's like my little cousin and I think they are all beautiful. Also in his favor is the fact that he doesn't seem at all aware of the fact that he is gorgeous. So it was no surprise to me, Mommy or Other Mother to find out that his little friend was a girl. Seemingly nice little brown girl who looked her age (I CANNOT STAND seeing these 16 and 17 year olds looking like they're in their 30s) BUTTTTTT it was cold as shit this weekend in NYC (I had to fucking shovel snow yesterday, but thats another story) and all she had on was a little leather bomber jacket and some Air Force Ones (are those like the $54.11's of the new power generation? and in case I just dated myself of people outside of NYC dont call them that, $54.11's are those Reebok high tops that were so popular in the 90s) to sit in the backyard and watch Grandson rake leaves. No gloves, no hat, no scarf, and as tight as her jeans were, I'm betting no long johns or tights either.

Needless to say (cause they are true mothers) Other Mother and Mommy had lil Miss bundled up in a wool shawl and faux-fur headband before allowing her to go back outside with Grandson. They were alot nicer to her than they were to me that time I was in high school and was too lazy to put my tights on after a basketball game and rode home on the train bare legged. I'm still hearing about how crazy I was to do something like that. "Oh, and remember a couple of years ago when she got that cropped wool jacket! Now that was silly!" I wore that jacket exactly 3 times before I realized that it WAS really stupid to think that something that stopped at my belly button would keep me warm in the winter.

I Wasn't Gonna Do This...

...another post that is. But I managed to wrangle a half an hour to myself and made the rounds. (I think I got to everybody) Well actually I was on The Skirkle cause for some reason my link to PrettyBlack didn't want to work. So I saw that it was word association day, (I'll be back Shay! I like to at least read what you guys write cause I really preciates it when you guys read what I write! Even went to Texas to visit Madame Harley! - you know they've been trying to inject radioactive dye into my thyroid for the last 9 months?) but then I headed over to PrettyBlackGold and I am so glad that I did cause she sent me here.

http://www.1hivpositivegirl.blogspot.com/
check it out because HIV and AIDS effects us all
Thanks PrettyBlack!

And on a lighter note, I don't know whose cuter the duck or the ladybug! PrettyBlack and LadyShay have some of the cutest little brown girls I evah did see!

I've got a Daemon!

Ok, so I told you I was excited about the Golden Compass movie, and I posted the preview, but I forgot to mention that I spent about an hour and a half on the movie's website. And I found my daemon! His name is Aenad, he's a crow don't ja know! Apparently I'm modest, spontaneous, inquisitive, proud (and modest? ohkay) and assertive....




And did I mention that DANIEL CRAIG IS IN THE MOVIE!!!!! I think I forgot that part, he's Lord Asriel... (and Eva Green, Nik Kidman, and Sam Elliot)

The original books are by Phillip Pullman, he rocks hard in my humble opinion

wha tha heezy?!

I don't know what happened to the pretty pic.

I fell into Excel Hell yesterday and I'm still trying to claw my way out of that bitch, bear with me.

Speaking of Excel Hell, BossMan had me create this spreadsheet that labels items 1a, 2a, 3a, etc. The letter range from a to h and the numbers from 1 to 22, arranged by letter than number (all the a's then all the b's, c's, etc.) I give the sheet to BossMan and hes like, this is great but can I see it arranged by number than letter also? (all the 1's then 2's then 3's) I say fine, give me a minute to rearrange it. Exactly 60 seconds later, this artless fen-sucked clotpole (see below) is bellowing for me. ITS AN EXPRESSIONS! damn, give me a little more time.

Have you heard of Ron Mueck? He's a pretty fucking cool artist that makes giant babies, among other things...

Thou yeasty rump fed maltworm! Thou churlish earth vexing canker-blossom! Thou loggerheaded knotty pated skainsmate! Wanna learn how to insult someone like Shakespeare? Go here thou gleeking dismal dreaming bugbear! I think my new favorite insult is gonna be "thou pribbling beefwitted giglet!"

I know All Hallow's Eve has come and gone, but if you want a Christopher Walken mask (him on SNL was one of the funniest things they've done besides Dick in a Box, or Lazy Sunday) you can get your very own right chere!

So this morning I decided to wear my red dolman sleeve sweater and a black wool pencil skirt. I'm looking for tights when I remember that I just got a new pair of black sweater tights last weekend. Pop open them bitches, throw on some boots and makeup and I'm out. I'm walking up the block to the train station and look down, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk! them bitches are navy blue, back to the house I go! So you know I was late right?

The Receptionist (formerly known as Crapcakes) and I have banded together to defeat the evil Bambi. Snarkyness will prevail over stoopidity! And Office Manager is on it. She can't stand that churlish boil brained giglet either.

I'm really excited that they made The Golden Compass into a movie, I love those books and sooooo hope it doesn't blow chunks...

This fucking knot in my neck....

Buzz...

...is a really great guy that I work with. All of his kids are older than I am so he's a grandpa and he looks like it! So today he's in a meeting and he steps out so that he can take a call from one of his grandkids, shes doing her homework and she needs to know how many pockets he has on his clothes and where they are. And he took the time to tell her and ended the call with "Love you sweetie, call me anytime you need help ok?"