- A certified pre-owned 5 series BMW
- A new 3 series BMW
- A new C class Mercedes
- A certified pre-owned Mercedes C230 sports Coupe
- An certified pre-owned Infiniti FX35 (in that copper color, kinda matches my hair)
- A new Volkswagen GLI
- A new Ford F150 Harley Davidson Edition with a matching Vespa (I shit you not)
- A new Ford Escape Hybrid, though I think its gonna be boring as shit to drive but it gets like 39 city miles per gallon
10.31.2007
One More Thing...
If you had your choice, which one would you get?
Mwahahahahahahah!*
*no reason for this title except its Halloween and you can always use a good evil laugh on All Hallows Eve. Or Samhain, (blooger must be strictly Christian cause it don't know that word) which means Summers End in some other language.
DONT FORGET TO SET YOUR CLOCKS BACK ON SUNDAY (fall back momofoko, I don't know you like that!)
So I gave myself the day off, cause I was hella busy today and I noticed that I've been doing a lot of post lately. Each month has more post that the one before it. But as you can see, I couldn't stay away. I got the broadband fixed on the macbook, but I spent last night watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition on abc.com. I really like that show, even if it makes me cry every week. This week they helped out a Navajo boy and his family. This little dude didn't have heat in the trailer that they were living in so he invented a solar powered heater for his mom and little sister. I mean homeboy went to the junkyard found some old cans and made that shit work. AND all the while he was going to a school that lacked proper science equipment. They built him and his sisters a green house, complete with sedum on the roof, solar panels that following the sun, and a wind turbine. Plus it lookded (sorry I typed that by mistake but left it in cause it irks me to no end when I hear people say it) amazing.
Something weird happened to me last night. I was walking to the train station after work, on the phone telling Mommy that I was on my way, when I hear someone say, "Wow, beautiful locks." I turn around and look up into some of the nicest eyes I've seen in a long time. No need to tell you that I got off the phone with Mommy quick fast in a hurry. He introduces himself asks if I'm on my way to the train station and if he can walk me. Big pretty man wants to walk me to the train, heck yeah! Pleasant conversation for the most part, but he was weird. He had locks too, but he cut them off, and was carrying them around in his backpack. He's telling me how he's gonna glue them on a cap and wear them for All Hallows. Typical, he cute and crazy. So we get to the train station and he's all, "Well it was nice meeting you Trouble" and I'm all "It was nice meeting you too!" eyes all a twinkling smile all bright and shiny, but I gotta admit that I forgot homeboys name as soon as he told me about the hair in his bag. And he's kinda holding on to my hand, and I let him for a minute. But I have a short attention span so I pulled free and he let me go with a maybe I'll see you around.
Not that I was into crazy pretty boy but I think I'm a little offended that he didn't ask for my number...
DONT FORGET TO SET YOUR CLOCKS BACK ON SUNDAY (fall back momofoko, I don't know you like that!)
So I gave myself the day off, cause I was hella busy today and I noticed that I've been doing a lot of post lately. Each month has more post that the one before it. But as you can see, I couldn't stay away. I got the broadband fixed on the macbook, but I spent last night watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition on abc.com. I really like that show, even if it makes me cry every week. This week they helped out a Navajo boy and his family. This little dude didn't have heat in the trailer that they were living in so he invented a solar powered heater for his mom and little sister. I mean homeboy went to the junkyard found some old cans and made that shit work. AND all the while he was going to a school that lacked proper science equipment. They built him and his sisters a green house, complete with sedum on the roof, solar panels that following the sun, and a wind turbine. Plus it lookded (sorry I typed that by mistake but left it in cause it irks me to no end when I hear people say it) amazing.
Something weird happened to me last night. I was walking to the train station after work, on the phone telling Mommy that I was on my way, when I hear someone say, "Wow, beautiful locks." I turn around and look up into some of the nicest eyes I've seen in a long time. No need to tell you that I got off the phone with Mommy quick fast in a hurry. He introduces himself asks if I'm on my way to the train station and if he can walk me. Big pretty man wants to walk me to the train, heck yeah! Pleasant conversation for the most part, but he was weird. He had locks too, but he cut them off, and was carrying them around in his backpack. He's telling me how he's gonna glue them on a cap and wear them for All Hallows. Typical, he cute and crazy. So we get to the train station and he's all, "Well it was nice meeting you Trouble" and I'm all "It was nice meeting you too!" eyes all a twinkling smile all bright and shiny, but I gotta admit that I forgot homeboys name as soon as he told me about the hair in his bag. And he's kinda holding on to my hand, and I let him for a minute. But I have a short attention span so I pulled free and he let me go with a maybe I'll see you around.
Not that I was into crazy pretty boy but I think I'm a little offended that he didn't ask for my number...
10.30.2007
I'm Blaming This on Lady Shay...
cause if it wasn't for her, I would have never even known who Ben Harper was. Say hello to my new friend...
Do Do Do Do..
Do do do do
do do do do do do do do
I am sitting at the counter at the diner on the corner...
Anybody else remember that song? She says something about "she was looking out the window at someone who wasn't there" and alot more do do's. 100 cool points to the person who can tell me what the hell the name of that song is and who the phuck sang it. I may name my next aminal after you if you can tell me how the hell it got stuck in my head, specially since I haven't heard it in years... (and for some reason I keep mixing it with Crystal Waters 'She's Homeless' in my head - Do do do do, do do do do, la da deee la da daa, la da dee la da daa)
Oh, and dont you just love when you spend two days on the line with customer service, trying to fix someshit, then just when you're calling to complain about fucktard loser technicians, you get one on the phone that solves your dilemma in like 30 seconds? I dont know whether to love him for fixing my shit (oooow, I will be online tonight!) or hate him cause he left me alone with those craptastic techies he works with.
And naked dude abandoned me, I think its cause I had the women in the office on the lookout for him...
do do do do do do do do
I am sitting at the counter at the diner on the corner...
Anybody else remember that song? She says something about "she was looking out the window at someone who wasn't there" and alot more do do's. 100 cool points to the person who can tell me what the hell the name of that song is and who the phuck sang it. I may name my next aminal after you if you can tell me how the hell it got stuck in my head, specially since I haven't heard it in years... (and for some reason I keep mixing it with Crystal Waters 'She's Homeless' in my head - Do do do do, do do do do, la da deee la da daa, la da dee la da daa)
Oh, and dont you just love when you spend two days on the line with customer service, trying to fix someshit, then just when you're calling to complain about fucktard loser technicians, you get one on the phone that solves your dilemma in like 30 seconds? I dont know whether to love him for fixing my shit (oooow, I will be online tonight!) or hate him cause he left me alone with those craptastic techies he works with.
And naked dude abandoned me, I think its cause I had the women in the office on the lookout for him...
Dude
To the Dude Who Brought the Penthouse in the new building diagonal from my office:
You're distracting the hell outta me! Go put on some clothes please. Either that or do something a little more interesting than walking around yapping on the phone. Shake it or something!
Thank you,
Trouble
ps - ok ok I admit that the main reason that I want you put on clothes is that its kinda hard to hide my perv when I keep standing up every 2 minutes to see what you're doing now. Or when I had my nose on the glass trying to get a better look at the kit and kaboodles. Can't really see whats in front, but the tushy is pretty nice.
You're distracting the hell outta me! Go put on some clothes please. Either that or do something a little more interesting than walking around yapping on the phone. Shake it or something!
Thank you,
Trouble
ps - ok ok I admit that the main reason that I want you put on clothes is that its kinda hard to hide my perv when I keep standing up every 2 minutes to see what you're doing now. Or when I had my nose on the glass trying to get a better look at the kit and kaboodles. Can't really see whats in front, but the tushy is pretty nice.
OH
and can I tell you how I took a cab to work today because I was running late, and ended up getting here at 11 instead of 10:30 cause the cab driver didn't listen when I told him to take the Queensboro? Williamsburg is faster my ass....
and about how Players Circle was on Power 105.1 this morning and one of the dudes (I think it was Titty Boy - wtf @ his name?!) says, "Timberlands, nah, no disrespect to them, but I'm rocking Gucci Boots." or something to that effect. Whatever he said, that shit made me chuckle. Thats right dudes, get your grown man on
and about how Players Circle was on Power 105.1 this morning and one of the dudes (I think it was Titty Boy - wtf @ his name?!) says, "Timberlands, nah, no disrespect to them, but I'm rocking Gucci Boots." or something to that effect. Whatever he said, that shit made me chuckle. Thats right dudes, get your grown man on
Issues
I'm having broadband issues on my laptop, so until I get that fixed I might be MIA. I will still try and stop by and see all the TypHos but if you dont see comments from me don't worry. I'll be back. Stoopid verizon is telling me that I need to get internet access on the laptop in order to fix the problem. Uh, if I had internet access on the laptop, why the fuck would I be paying you? Just asking...
So I had the laptop at work yesterday, and couldn't get on the our network. I can't remember the password for shit. And I refuse to ask, cause I think I've asked just about everybody in the company at some point or another in the last couple of months. Granted most of the times I asked, it wasn't for me, but I still look like a dead brain cell momofoko if I ask again.
And I was updating snarky, and checking out some TypHo sites when my cell phone rang. Its my buddy Slick. No matter what Slick always reaches out to see how I'm doing. He stops by to see me and he is never empty handed. Whether it be a bag of chips or a bottle of Hennessey ("cause thats what I like, but you shouldn't have to buy it") So, he's calling to see if I'm home so he can say hi (I haven't seen him in about 2 months or so) and I'm like, "Sheeeeet, I'm still at work!" and it was like 8:20. "Oh hell no, I'm like 5 minutes from the Queensboro Bridge, I'm coming to pick you up." Thats why I love Slick, if there is something that he can do to help you out, he never hesitates to do it. And he hardly ever complains about anything.
We arrive at my house and I'm thinking, if this was anyone else but Slick, I'd be making excuses as to why they can't come in. But Slick is like, "I would come in, but I know you've been at work all day and probably want to relax." See, love him!
So I had the laptop at work yesterday, and couldn't get on the our network. I can't remember the password for shit. And I refuse to ask, cause I think I've asked just about everybody in the company at some point or another in the last couple of months. Granted most of the times I asked, it wasn't for me, but I still look like a dead brain cell momofoko if I ask again.
And I was updating snarky, and checking out some TypHo sites when my cell phone rang. Its my buddy Slick. No matter what Slick always reaches out to see how I'm doing. He stops by to see me and he is never empty handed. Whether it be a bag of chips or a bottle of Hennessey ("cause thats what I like, but you shouldn't have to buy it") So, he's calling to see if I'm home so he can say hi (I haven't seen him in about 2 months or so) and I'm like, "Sheeeeet, I'm still at work!" and it was like 8:20. "Oh hell no, I'm like 5 minutes from the Queensboro Bridge, I'm coming to pick you up." Thats why I love Slick, if there is something that he can do to help you out, he never hesitates to do it. And he hardly ever complains about anything.
We arrive at my house and I'm thinking, if this was anyone else but Slick, I'd be making excuses as to why they can't come in. But Slick is like, "I would come in, but I know you've been at work all day and probably want to relax." See, love him!
10.29.2007
Quickly
- Why is it so got damned hard to find some hot fucking apple cider in this got damned town!?! I blame this shit on Au Bon Pain, who used to carry it every fall and stopped for some reason. And I want Cider people, not some hot ass Mott's Apple Juice. Which incidentally is what they have in Hell aka Starbucks. Yup Steamed Apple juice. All I can think about is when you leave some apple juice out in the summer and come back to freaking tea. And to Cosi, first of all who the hell puts whipped cream on cider, it aint a fucking pie. Second of all, if your gonna advertise something, at least fucking have it, specially when I traipse my little ass 7 blocks away to get it.
- 20 minutes and a lot of cursing later, and I'm still waiting to speak to the Fraud Department at WAMU. Yall asses are real quick with the suspension of activity, how bout you apply that same gumption to PICKING UP THE GOT DAMNED PHONE!!!! Oh are all you all too busy leaving messages for people who brought tampons at a different drug store this month. Shitheads!
- Single Parents, it is sooo not cool to talk about how much you hate/can't stand your child's other parent. Telling me that you hate your sons mother, and cant stand to look at him cause he reminds you of her is sooooooo not a turn on. (King of Crap actually said this to me) Goin on and on about how your daughter's father aint shit, and aint ever gonna be about shit does not sway me to your cause. You sound stooopid, cause if they really aint shit, than what does that make you for having a kid with them?
- Mommy went on and on about how I'm always late for everything. That was last Thursday. This morning she made me wait for her cause she was taking the train and I swear if it wasn't for her I would have been on time. She even admitted it when we got the train station and watched the train pull out.
- I'm about 5'7", 113 pounds, and maybe 75 situps away from a six pack. If I feel like I need to wear some Spanx or a smoother under my sweaterdress, than your 200 pound ass most certainly should. And ooooh weee if she wasnt putting the tensile strength of that sweaterdress to the test, I dont know what was.
- Black is not always slimming, but you know what is? Walking your ass around the block a couple of times!
- 20 minutes and a lot of cursing later, and I'm still waiting to speak to the Fraud Department at WAMU. Yall asses are real quick with the suspension of activity, how bout you apply that same gumption to PICKING UP THE GOT DAMNED PHONE!!!! Oh are all you all too busy leaving messages for people who brought tampons at a different drug store this month. Shitheads!
- Single Parents, it is sooo not cool to talk about how much you hate/can't stand your child's other parent. Telling me that you hate your sons mother, and cant stand to look at him cause he reminds you of her is sooooooo not a turn on. (King of Crap actually said this to me) Goin on and on about how your daughter's father aint shit, and aint ever gonna be about shit does not sway me to your cause. You sound stooopid, cause if they really aint shit, than what does that make you for having a kid with them?
- Mommy went on and on about how I'm always late for everything. That was last Thursday. This morning she made me wait for her cause she was taking the train and I swear if it wasn't for her I would have been on time. She even admitted it when we got the train station and watched the train pull out.
- I'm about 5'7", 113 pounds, and maybe 75 situps away from a six pack. If I feel like I need to wear some Spanx or a smoother under my sweaterdress, than your 200 pound ass most certainly should. And ooooh weee if she wasnt putting the tensile strength of that sweaterdress to the test, I dont know what was.
- Black is not always slimming, but you know what is? Walking your ass around the block a couple of times!
I Swear...
...WAMU has THE WORST fraud department in the history of bank fraud departments. These are the same jack asses that put a block on my card 7 days after I came back from Cancun. All that shit I charged in Cancun got approved, but let me try and buy a fucking box of tampons from my drugstore and they think something suspicious is afoot. Discount Sherlock Holmes wannabes. Shitheads, don't you see like 30 charges for that same fucking drug store each and every month? And yeah ok I get it, you saw some charges in a foreign country. But didn't you also see where I purchased the fucking ticket to said foreign country! Sheesh!
Now I'm on hold with these short bus riding motherfuckers, AGAIN. And if I'm not able to get my Dyson animal there are gonna be some serious consequences and repercussions. Mainly Duke hair will continue to take over my house.
After a weekend of contemplation where I tried to decided if I should buy the $600 Coach bag I'm lusting over or the $400 vacuum that I dont really need, but would make my life a lot less hairy, I went with the vacuum. So I place the order then I notice that I sent it to my office not my home. Oops! My bad, to quick on the clicker. So I call customer service and she's really nice. She goes ahead and cancels the order, but when she goes back to replace it, card denied. Wait a minute motherfucker! I know there is money, I just checked it this morning. So whats the problem. Maybe too large a transaction in two short a period? Maybe the first canceled order hasn't gone through yet. No matter, I can wait. Except when I go back I'm getting the same card denied message.
Call WAMU, oh well we weren't sure if it was you. Uh, why would a crook cancel an order? And better yet, why would they have something shipped to my house? Dumbassess...
Now I'm on hold with these short bus riding motherfuckers, AGAIN. And if I'm not able to get my Dyson animal there are gonna be some serious consequences and repercussions. Mainly Duke hair will continue to take over my house.
After a weekend of contemplation where I tried to decided if I should buy the $600 Coach bag I'm lusting over or the $400 vacuum that I dont really need, but would make my life a lot less hairy, I went with the vacuum. So I place the order then I notice that I sent it to my office not my home. Oops! My bad, to quick on the clicker. So I call customer service and she's really nice. She goes ahead and cancels the order, but when she goes back to replace it, card denied. Wait a minute motherfucker! I know there is money, I just checked it this morning. So whats the problem. Maybe too large a transaction in two short a period? Maybe the first canceled order hasn't gone through yet. No matter, I can wait. Except when I go back I'm getting the same card denied message.
Call WAMU, oh well we weren't sure if it was you. Uh, why would a crook cancel an order? And better yet, why would they have something shipped to my house? Dumbassess...
10.26.2007
5 Things Friday
I got this idea from LadyShay who every Friday list 5 things that are on her mind at weeks end, welllll weeks middle for Shayshay la Funk, and Daner Bananer, and anybody else who works weekends. Anywho, the point is I have some shit to get off my chest this week. Doesn't matter if you dont understand, but I think its gonna make me feel better. And head over to the Skirkle and check out LadyShay's...
1) If I wanted to play with kids, I would've had one by now.
Since I don't take that to mean that I really don't want to be watching other peoples bad ass kids, you know you only got one friend that actually takes care of their kid. The rest of them just dump those little boogers wherethefuckever. AND you want me to chip in $5 to buy the lil bastards (What?! a bastard is a fatherless child, and I aint seen but two daddy's) candy?! So they can get all hopped up on sugar and be even badder? And you want me to wear a costume?! I think not.
2)Can I please get the fuck out of here before 8 at least one night a week?! Then you always wanna nickel and dime me about what time I get here in the morning. And stop rounding up, 10:36 is not 11, its fucking 10:36! 6 minutes does not make a half an hour! Thats why I wont be here next Friday. And whoa on the fucking whining when I have to leave for a dentist appointment or some shit. You want my teef to fall out or something?
3)You're breath was like spoiled breast milk or something. Ever heard of gum.
4) I need to get laid, and I refuse to do Brownie.
5) I wish I could buy my 19 year old cousin a car. He really deserves it and is such a great kid. His brother got one when he went away to school and he got some trailer trash hussy knocked up before his freshman year! So not fair Skip, stop being a cheap ass and get the kid a car!
1) If I wanted to play with kids, I would've had one by now.
Since I don't take that to mean that I really don't want to be watching other peoples bad ass kids, you know you only got one friend that actually takes care of their kid. The rest of them just dump those little boogers wherethefuckever. AND you want me to chip in $5 to buy the lil bastards (What?! a bastard is a fatherless child, and I aint seen but two daddy's) candy?! So they can get all hopped up on sugar and be even badder? And you want me to wear a costume?! I think not.
2)Can I please get the fuck out of here before 8 at least one night a week?! Then you always wanna nickel and dime me about what time I get here in the morning. And stop rounding up, 10:36 is not 11, its fucking 10:36! 6 minutes does not make a half an hour! Thats why I wont be here next Friday. And whoa on the fucking whining when I have to leave for a dentist appointment or some shit. You want my teef to fall out or something?
3)You're breath was like spoiled breast milk or something. Ever heard of gum.
4) I need to get laid, and I refuse to do Brownie.
5) I wish I could buy my 19 year old cousin a car. He really deserves it and is such a great kid. His brother got one when he went away to school and he got some trailer trash hussy knocked up before his freshman year! So not fair Skip, stop being a cheap ass and get the kid a car!
Mr. Olympia
Say hello to 8 time Mr. Olympia Ronnie Coleman. I have to admit that I do like my men on the thicker side, but this is a tad ridiculous. I mean really...
Goodgoogamooga!
Say Hello to Shawn Ray. His thighs kinda scare me. I'm not gonna tell you what I was doing when I found this picture, but it was work related. What do you think he's about to do with that hand...
Lugo's
I was over on Lady Shay's site, and I'll admit, I've deen brinking a widdle bit. Couple la glasses of reisling. I think I fighta mound a wine i actually like. But anywho, I was reminded of the time I went to Lugos with Chautehick.
Lugo's is THE PLACE to go for hair in NYC. Weave hair, all kinds. Kinky straight, and every got dang thing in twebeen. At least frm what i understand. As some if yall now i got locks, and I havent pad a herm since like 97 or 98. Excuse me! Whooo! that shit has ahelluva kick on the return...
Anywhoo, Lugo's, Hautechick took me to Lugo's. That shit was scary. Seriously, I mean the one she took me to ont he Lower East Side (I refuse to call that shit the East Village, fuckin aphtoabett city is wha tthe fuck it is dam nit!) has blacked out windows like a strip club or a xrated video store or some shit. They gotta buzz you in then you sit in this waiting room. For rum season it reminded me of the waiting room for Steve Martin's charcter in Little Shop of Horrors. (Oh! Doc-tah!) Then Hautechick got called to the back, and they wouldn't let me go with her. They told me that I couldn't go in the back if i wasnt byuing hair. Which made me want to ask if the had some chicks tied up in the back waiting to have their hair cut off scared to death and crying for their mommy in some foreign language. Overactive imagination..
I sit down to wait for Hautechikc and this random hispanic woman starts talking to me about hair. "Have you been here before?" Uh, no - this was like maybe 3 years ago at the most, I still had dreads. "Yeah, me neither. I'm thiking of changing my look." Now I should ouint pout that this was a cute chick, and Lugo's kidnapped backroom hair don't come cheap. Sheeet, I'm pretty sure Hautechick still has that hair she bought in her safe at home. Right next to her marriage lisence to the Artist formerly known as Hobbles. She had some dry bleached out hair but she also had some add bass shoes, so I was I was willing to give her the denefit of the bout. That is until she said, "So do you know what type of I should get?" It got extreeeeemely quiet in the waiting room. Yes, there were other people there. So the only reason I can think of that she asked me, was cause I was the badest bitch in the joint. I dont know, seems plausible to me. But anyway I told her I didn't know shit about buying no hair, and shed best ta ask someone else for help. The waiting room bouncer (yup, I'm calling him a bouncer, dude was to cut to be called a receptionist) even chuckled then tried to cover it up with a cough when I gave him the "youaresonothelping" look.
Luckily Hautechikcc came out soom after. Then she paid for her afro hair and we bounced. The charge by the ounce or some shit. I thought that was strange. I made Hatuey take me to eat to make up for the trama of going to the secret underground hair buying store and dealing with clueless broads. Thinkin back on it, I don't think it was enough. Or maybe I'm jsut hooongry.
Lugo's is THE PLACE to go for hair in NYC. Weave hair, all kinds. Kinky straight, and every got dang thing in twebeen. At least frm what i understand. As some if yall now i got locks, and I havent pad a herm since like 97 or 98. Excuse me! Whooo! that shit has ahelluva kick on the return...
Anywhoo, Lugo's, Hautechick took me to Lugo's. That shit was scary. Seriously, I mean the one she took me to ont he Lower East Side (I refuse to call that shit the East Village, fuckin aphtoabett city is wha tthe fuck it is dam nit!) has blacked out windows like a strip club or a xrated video store or some shit. They gotta buzz you in then you sit in this waiting room. For rum season it reminded me of the waiting room for Steve Martin's charcter in Little Shop of Horrors. (Oh! Doc-tah!) Then Hautechick got called to the back, and they wouldn't let me go with her. They told me that I couldn't go in the back if i wasnt byuing hair. Which made me want to ask if the had some chicks tied up in the back waiting to have their hair cut off scared to death and crying for their mommy in some foreign language. Overactive imagination..
I sit down to wait for Hautechikc and this random hispanic woman starts talking to me about hair. "Have you been here before?" Uh, no - this was like maybe 3 years ago at the most, I still had dreads. "Yeah, me neither. I'm thiking of changing my look." Now I should ouint pout that this was a cute chick, and Lugo's kidnapped backroom hair don't come cheap. Sheeet, I'm pretty sure Hautechick still has that hair she bought in her safe at home. Right next to her marriage lisence to the Artist formerly known as Hobbles. She had some dry bleached out hair but she also had some add bass shoes, so I was I was willing to give her the denefit of the bout. That is until she said, "So do you know what type of I should get?" It got extreeeeemely quiet in the waiting room. Yes, there were other people there. So the only reason I can think of that she asked me, was cause I was the badest bitch in the joint. I dont know, seems plausible to me. But anyway I told her I didn't know shit about buying no hair, and shed best ta ask someone else for help. The waiting room bouncer (yup, I'm calling him a bouncer, dude was to cut to be called a receptionist) even chuckled then tried to cover it up with a cough when I gave him the "youaresonothelping" look.
Luckily Hautechikcc came out soom after. Then she paid for her afro hair and we bounced. The charge by the ounce or some shit. I thought that was strange. I made Hatuey take me to eat to make up for the trama of going to the secret underground hair buying store and dealing with clueless broads. Thinkin back on it, I don't think it was enough. Or maybe I'm jsut hooongry.
10.25.2007
Puppy Love
I think the first person that I ever had a crush on was Smokey Robinson. It's actually kinda ironic considering I hate clowns, but something bout those eyes just did something for my 6 year old brain. Hautechick teased me endlessly. Then I had a crush on Billy Dee Williams. Still do. Then in the first grade I met Lloyd and I was a goner.
His sister and my sister were in the same class, so we would often be the only younger kids in the group. And he had a widow's peak that I thought was adorable. Other than that I can't really remember why I liked Lloyd. As is the way with all great tragic romances, I didn't find out that he liked me too til 6 years later when we were at separate schools and he had a girlfriend. A really really really nice girlfriend actually. I was in the seventh grade, my first year at private school, and my best friend from public school was having a birthday party. Lloyd was there with his new girlfriend, and she introduced herself, told me she had heard alot about me and said it was ok if Lloyd and I danced together. Cool as shit. I can't remember her name for the life of me. But I ran into her many years later at Hunter College. She was still one of the most laid back, self confident women I have evah met. She told me that Lloyd ended up in the NFL...
Strangely enough, my next crush came in the seventh grade. Bubba. Yup, if you haven't been following along, he's one of my best friends. TO THIS DAY. I love that man. We might not talk all the time, but when ever we get together its like no time has passed at all. He knows me better than most people, he probably always will. But back the, he was the most popular boy in class. And his blue green eyes used to drive me to distraction. Seriously. This was the first time in my life that I had ever been attracted to someone who wasn't brownish. And boy was my crush a doozy. I got dentention about 4 times a week because of that boy. I found him absolutely fascinating. And apparently he thought the same about me cause we would pass notes all during Lucette's lessons (we called the teachers by their first names) and she always caught one of us. Usually me. My face has always given me away and I think I've mentioned that I'm a terrible liar.
Where I can only really remember two things that I liked about Lloyd, there's alot that I remember about why I liked Bubba. His ass being first and foremost. That man has the best ass I have evah seen and one of my greatest regrets in life is that I will nevah get to see it naked. I've palmed that shit more than enough though. Best believe. Better move on before I distract myself with ponderings on Bubba's butt. I mentioned the eyes. He was also the most popular boy in our class. Not that I was into that, but what I was into was the fact that he didn't care if his other friends liked me, he did. And that was enough. Shit, some of my friends didn't like him. But that never stopped us from hanging out.
He was the best athlete too and was a huge part of the reason that I started playing sports. I'd like to think that I started because of the joy I saw that he got from playing, and thats true to a certain extent. But some of it was the chance to spend more time with him. Sports were co-ed in 7th and 8th grade. Don't think that I was following him around like a love sick fool. Never that. He was taking me with him to practice. Showing me how to shoot a basket, or hit a softball, or trying to teach me to kick a soccer(foot) ball. I never did get the hang of that one. And I ended up being alot better than him in volleyball. By the end of 8th grade he was the top male athlete and I was the top female. I actually one upped him in basketball, cause by then I was playing on the high school team. And I had actually started a game for the varsity team. But the point is, he showed me that I was good at something. A couple of somethings actually and I will always love him for that.
His sister and my sister were in the same class, so we would often be the only younger kids in the group. And he had a widow's peak that I thought was adorable. Other than that I can't really remember why I liked Lloyd. As is the way with all great tragic romances, I didn't find out that he liked me too til 6 years later when we were at separate schools and he had a girlfriend. A really really really nice girlfriend actually. I was in the seventh grade, my first year at private school, and my best friend from public school was having a birthday party. Lloyd was there with his new girlfriend, and she introduced herself, told me she had heard alot about me and said it was ok if Lloyd and I danced together. Cool as shit. I can't remember her name for the life of me. But I ran into her many years later at Hunter College. She was still one of the most laid back, self confident women I have evah met. She told me that Lloyd ended up in the NFL...
Strangely enough, my next crush came in the seventh grade. Bubba. Yup, if you haven't been following along, he's one of my best friends. TO THIS DAY. I love that man. We might not talk all the time, but when ever we get together its like no time has passed at all. He knows me better than most people, he probably always will. But back the, he was the most popular boy in class. And his blue green eyes used to drive me to distraction. Seriously. This was the first time in my life that I had ever been attracted to someone who wasn't brownish. And boy was my crush a doozy. I got dentention about 4 times a week because of that boy. I found him absolutely fascinating. And apparently he thought the same about me cause we would pass notes all during Lucette's lessons (we called the teachers by their first names) and she always caught one of us. Usually me. My face has always given me away and I think I've mentioned that I'm a terrible liar.
Where I can only really remember two things that I liked about Lloyd, there's alot that I remember about why I liked Bubba. His ass being first and foremost. That man has the best ass I have evah seen and one of my greatest regrets in life is that I will nevah get to see it naked. I've palmed that shit more than enough though. Best believe. Better move on before I distract myself with ponderings on Bubba's butt. I mentioned the eyes. He was also the most popular boy in our class. Not that I was into that, but what I was into was the fact that he didn't care if his other friends liked me, he did. And that was enough. Shit, some of my friends didn't like him. But that never stopped us from hanging out.
He was the best athlete too and was a huge part of the reason that I started playing sports. I'd like to think that I started because of the joy I saw that he got from playing, and thats true to a certain extent. But some of it was the chance to spend more time with him. Sports were co-ed in 7th and 8th grade. Don't think that I was following him around like a love sick fool. Never that. He was taking me with him to practice. Showing me how to shoot a basket, or hit a softball, or trying to teach me to kick a soccer(foot) ball. I never did get the hang of that one. And I ended up being alot better than him in volleyball. By the end of 8th grade he was the top male athlete and I was the top female. I actually one upped him in basketball, cause by then I was playing on the high school team. And I had actually started a game for the varsity team. But the point is, he showed me that I was good at something. A couple of somethings actually and I will always love him for that.
For Anners!
My favorite poet and she doesn't know it! HAHAHAHAHA
Jagged little coastline
seriously delirious
with madness
and sadness
and so on
Everything Happens for A Reason
Remember the coat that I found last week? The one that was under $60? Welllllllll, there was a glitch in the matrix and overstock never processed the order. They sent me a nice email telling me they were sorry and to please give them a call and they would make sure that I got everything that I ordered (I didn't tell you guys or Mommy but I also ordered a rose gold chain and a ring) But then I thought about it and decided that I don't really want the coat.
Sure its cute, but I'm not crazy about it. It doesn't inspire retail lust like the patent leather trench coat that I saw on polyvore, so I didn't reorder it. I'm gonna wait until I find the coat that I really love. And its not like I'm at all lacking in the clothing department. I have entirely toooo many clothes, shoes, accessories, etc.
I was watching Tim Gunn's Guide to Style this weekend and he has a list of 10 essential things that a woman needs. I meant to write them down but I got distracted by something shiny as usual. But the point is that I have like 5 different options for each of the 10 essential items! And I also realized that I really dont have a signature style. Even my shirt and wrap dresses are all over the place. From funky retro, to short and sexy, to classic, to bohemian. Monday I was super classic in that tawny shirt dress from the Gap and a pair of Kors heels (they look like high heeled boat shoes). Tuesday I was kinda retro glam in my offwhite with black trim ruffled blouse, pencil skirt and high heeled saddle shoes. Wednesday was a bit of a blur, but I think i had on some greyish tan pants, but cant remember what shirt I wore for the life of me. It was just yesterday, and I'm pretty sure I did the damn thing, damn sleep deprivation! And today I have on my funky DVF shirtdress with my patent leather boots (I decided to keep them obviously) Tomorrow I'm wearing all black cause I look good in it and its easy to match...
*sorry guys - the post seem to have a life of their own these days, starting one place and finishing someplace else entirely. Bear with me please. Oh, and I didn't reorder the coat, I figured it was a sign, but I did reorder the rose gold chain. Do you know how hard it is to find rose gold? and it looks hella good against my skin tone...
Sure its cute, but I'm not crazy about it. It doesn't inspire retail lust like the patent leather trench coat that I saw on polyvore, so I didn't reorder it. I'm gonna wait until I find the coat that I really love. And its not like I'm at all lacking in the clothing department. I have entirely toooo many clothes, shoes, accessories, etc.
I was watching Tim Gunn's Guide to Style this weekend and he has a list of 10 essential things that a woman needs. I meant to write them down but I got distracted by something shiny as usual. But the point is that I have like 5 different options for each of the 10 essential items! And I also realized that I really dont have a signature style. Even my shirt and wrap dresses are all over the place. From funky retro, to short and sexy, to classic, to bohemian. Monday I was super classic in that tawny shirt dress from the Gap and a pair of Kors heels (they look like high heeled boat shoes). Tuesday I was kinda retro glam in my offwhite with black trim ruffled blouse, pencil skirt and high heeled saddle shoes. Wednesday was a bit of a blur, but I think i had on some greyish tan pants, but cant remember what shirt I wore for the life of me. It was just yesterday, and I'm pretty sure I did the damn thing, damn sleep deprivation! And today I have on my funky DVF shirtdress with my patent leather boots (I decided to keep them obviously) Tomorrow I'm wearing all black cause I look good in it and its easy to match...
*sorry guys - the post seem to have a life of their own these days, starting one place and finishing someplace else entirely. Bear with me please. Oh, and I didn't reorder the coat, I figured it was a sign, but I did reorder the rose gold chain. Do you know how hard it is to find rose gold? and it looks hella good against my skin tone...
Fried Ham
Fried Ham
Fried Ham
Cheese and Baloney
And after the macaroni
we'll have onions pickles and pretzels
and then we'll have some more fried ham
fried ham fried ham
Same song second verse,
Southern accent a whole lot worse!
(ok your eyes phuckin work, scroll up and read that shit again, but do it with souther accent!)
Same song third verse,
Australian accent, a whole lot worse!
(Don't be a Wee Todd, you know what to do, scroll up momofoko! and it was actually supposed to be an English accent but I did Aussie in honor of Koala Jane!)
Ok, that was kinda stupid huh? Kinda lost steam somewhere in there. Cant think of any more accents I want to try, entertain yourselves
Fried Ham
Cheese and Baloney
And after the macaroni
we'll have onions pickles and pretzels
and then we'll have some more fried ham
fried ham fried ham
Same song second verse,
Southern accent a whole lot worse!
(ok your eyes phuckin work, scroll up and read that shit again, but do it with souther accent!)
Same song third verse,
Australian accent, a whole lot worse!
(Don't be a Wee Todd, you know what to do, scroll up momofoko! and it was actually supposed to be an English accent but I did Aussie in honor of Koala Jane!)
Ok, that was kinda stupid huh? Kinda lost steam somewhere in there. Cant think of any more accents I want to try, entertain yourselves
Randomly yours
- Stay outta my head, that shit is really starting to phreak me out! luv ya!
- didja know that some stds can stay inactive in your system for 3 months? that includes HIV so a trip to the clinic the night before doesn't guarantee that you and your partner are healthy. Test today, wait three months test again, and if neither one of you has had any sexual contact since then you are probably good to go. And...
- Look at Seattle Slim saving the world one injustice at a time and shit! Do the damn thing girl. When you're lecturing on group and racial dynamics, I fully intend to be one of those "Hey girl remember me!?" hangeroners!
- Thanks LadyShay for that Mr. Slish link, hes an urban griot! (and why the hell doesn't blogger know the word griot - that doesn't make any damn sense)
-Heeeeeelllllllo Anners, I hope you're having fun with your sissy since mine sucks eggs (and Afers I'm not jealous of her, we are two completely different people there is no competition or overlap, to be jealous would be stoopid - my sister that is) And Howdy Do Koala Jane! (why do I love that nickname?!)
- Why is it that it seems that I'm always reading Laurell K. Hamilton books in the rain? Ms. Hamilton do you consult an almanac so that I have the perfect reading weather? You totally rock by the way!
- didja know that some stds can stay inactive in your system for 3 months? that includes HIV so a trip to the clinic the night before doesn't guarantee that you and your partner are healthy. Test today, wait three months test again, and if neither one of you has had any sexual contact since then you are probably good to go. And...
Oral sex is considered less risky for several reasons. First, the mucus membrane lining the mouth is much tougher, thicker, and more resilient than the anal canal, so it is more difficult for HIV to break through. Also, it is easier to remove infectious fluids from the mouth than from the anal canal. To remove precome or semen from the mouth after oral sex, a person can spit out the semen precome and gargle with water, mouthwash, hydrogen peroxide, or alcohol. (We recommend spitting and/or gargling instead of swallowing, just in case the semen, precome, or penile fluids contain blood or other agents such as gonorrhea or chlamydia which can infect the throat.) Finally, recent reports in the scientific literature say that saliva in the mouth contains enzymes which can help neutralize the virus.So like I was saying, ladies do spit!
- Look at Seattle Slim saving the world one injustice at a time and shit! Do the damn thing girl. When you're lecturing on group and racial dynamics, I fully intend to be one of those "Hey girl remember me!?" hangeroners!
- Thanks LadyShay for that Mr. Slish link, hes an urban griot! (and why the hell doesn't blogger know the word griot - that doesn't make any damn sense)
-Heeeeeelllllllo Anners, I hope you're having fun with your sissy since mine sucks eggs (and Afers I'm not jealous of her, we are two completely different people there is no competition or overlap, to be jealous would be stoopid - my sister that is) And Howdy Do Koala Jane! (why do I love that nickname?!)
- Why is it that it seems that I'm always reading Laurell K. Hamilton books in the rain? Ms. Hamilton do you consult an almanac so that I have the perfect reading weather? You totally rock by the way!
10.24.2007
Insomniac...
...I come back!
I'm feelin a little strange. I haven't really been able to sleep. I have a million and one natural and man made remedies, but by the time I realize "Hey, shouldn't I be sleeping?" its usually too late to take something. So I've been getting by on about 4 hours sleep a night for about the last two weeks and spending most of the day on the weekend in bed. Which got me to thinking that I really want to do my bedroom over. I love the colors that I painted it a couple of years ago but I want some furniture, nothing to big but I want to make it really comfortable so even if I can't sleep I'll feel relaxed. If I can just finish the bedroom, I can move on to the living room...
So last night I was upstairs watching tv with Mommy and as usual, I stated getting sleepy so I headed downstairs. But then I remembered that I wanted to start clearing off the futon in the living room so that I can get rid of it. Its pretty much a dumping ground right now since I dont use the living room. I started putting stuff on it, like the handbags I wasn't using, to keep Duke from jumping up there. But then a couple of handbags turned into a couple of jackets and some cardiagans, and my heels that I carry to work (bad back, plus sneakers are better for running from rats. and I thought that rats and mice aren't supposed to cohabitate? cause there sure as hell was a mouse in the train station today) So I decided to put all my Coach bags back into their sleepers and into a big container. When I finished I went into the kitchen and I dont know what I was doing (it couldn't have been washing dishes, cause I hate washing dishes) but I noticed that the sink was dirty, so I cleaned it. Then I remembered that I got some new oils so I dipped some incense. And I had to pee, and I noticed the tub was dirty, so I cleaned it. Then I remembered that I went to Barnes and Nobles and got Laurell K. Hamilton's newest book, A Lick of Frost. It was really good, which is basically where I was today.
Welll, thats not really true. I read most of it last night and the rest today at work. Bossman didn't come into the office til like noon so I used the two hours to put a serious dent in the second half of the book. Then we were pretty busy, and I used the downtime to finish and start the book again. I finished it to fast and I liked it so I'm gonna read it again to see if I missed anything. Then I might go back and read the one that was before it again just to pull everything together.
Plus I'm still a little short on sleep so I'm not entirely sure that I didn't make some parts up. Oh and how could I forget the hellish knot that I had in my back all day (see previous reference to said bad back) I couldn't even raise my right arm to put on my itty bitty bra! By the time I got to work I was doing most shit lefty cause it hurt like heeeellllll. Even taking a deep breathe hurt. By like 2 the heat sticker thingy I put on it started loosening it up enough that I wasn't making faces anymore.
(Since I'm kinda lucid right now I figure I should just do one big ass mondo mega post while I can so bear with me, lets see what else comes out)
It is exactly one month til my 30th birthday. I'm not as excited as I usually get. What I would really like to do is get a private room at a nice restaurant and inviting everyone I love everything on me. Buuuuuuut, I know thats not gonna happen. I love too many flakes and complainers (me included!) I sure as hell dont want to go to a club. My dream birthday would be to rent a house in the Barbados and tell everybody to come on down! But I'm too much of a misanthrope to make that a reality. Maybe I'll go to Montana and learn to ride horses...
Speaking of my birthday, I always buy myself a gift. Usually its jewelery or a bag. So this year I started looking and I actually have a little more to play with this year and I can't find shit I want. When I do see something I like I inevitably end up thinking its overpriced, even when it still falls withing my budget.
And speaking of overpriced, have you ever heard of bag borrow or steal? Its this club that lets you borrow designer handbags and accessories by the week or month. They have all the big names and its like $80 a week to borrow a Chloe bag. But you pay a annual dues of some amount I can't remember. Go look that shit up if you're really interested. But in any case, what do you guys think about that? I mean on the one hand, I have a lot of handbags so I always feel guilty when I buy more, but I always do want to buy more! And this would let me have access to all the bags I dream about without the guilt. Right? On the other hand, I hate paying for shit that I'm not gonna own. And what if I love one of them and have to have it? Or what if I love them all and don't want to give it back? And what if they send me one and I think its in bad condition? (I do remember that they have insurance, but I'm saying can I say "Oh this one has a discoloration send me a fresher one please?" if I'm not happy with what they send me?
I asked Hautechick last week before I decided that she was a jerk (she sent me an email saying that she just wanted to know if I was ok since she hadn't heard from me, Uh, thats cause you left me hanging jerkorella) and she said that she didn't like the idea of it cause then you have all of these women rocking bags that they couldn't really afford otherwise and not doing them justice. I can afford them, I just think its stoopid to pay that much for a bag. Unless its Coach, or on sale I can't resist when something is marked down. Thats how I got my Botkier Bombay bag, which I don't carry nearly enough. Thats a great bag. Real bad ass.
I think my favorite songs on The Reminder are The Water, Intuition and Sea Lion Woman. Ok, I think thats all I got for tonight, gonna go finish rereading the book.
I'm feelin a little strange. I haven't really been able to sleep. I have a million and one natural and man made remedies, but by the time I realize "Hey, shouldn't I be sleeping?" its usually too late to take something. So I've been getting by on about 4 hours sleep a night for about the last two weeks and spending most of the day on the weekend in bed. Which got me to thinking that I really want to do my bedroom over. I love the colors that I painted it a couple of years ago but I want some furniture, nothing to big but I want to make it really comfortable so even if I can't sleep I'll feel relaxed. If I can just finish the bedroom, I can move on to the living room...
So last night I was upstairs watching tv with Mommy and as usual, I stated getting sleepy so I headed downstairs. But then I remembered that I wanted to start clearing off the futon in the living room so that I can get rid of it. Its pretty much a dumping ground right now since I dont use the living room. I started putting stuff on it, like the handbags I wasn't using, to keep Duke from jumping up there. But then a couple of handbags turned into a couple of jackets and some cardiagans, and my heels that I carry to work (bad back, plus sneakers are better for running from rats. and I thought that rats and mice aren't supposed to cohabitate? cause there sure as hell was a mouse in the train station today) So I decided to put all my Coach bags back into their sleepers and into a big container. When I finished I went into the kitchen and I dont know what I was doing (it couldn't have been washing dishes, cause I hate washing dishes) but I noticed that the sink was dirty, so I cleaned it. Then I remembered that I got some new oils so I dipped some incense. And I had to pee, and I noticed the tub was dirty, so I cleaned it. Then I remembered that I went to Barnes and Nobles and got Laurell K. Hamilton's newest book, A Lick of Frost. It was really good, which is basically where I was today.
Welll, thats not really true. I read most of it last night and the rest today at work. Bossman didn't come into the office til like noon so I used the two hours to put a serious dent in the second half of the book. Then we were pretty busy, and I used the downtime to finish and start the book again. I finished it to fast and I liked it so I'm gonna read it again to see if I missed anything. Then I might go back and read the one that was before it again just to pull everything together.
Plus I'm still a little short on sleep so I'm not entirely sure that I didn't make some parts up. Oh and how could I forget the hellish knot that I had in my back all day (see previous reference to said bad back) I couldn't even raise my right arm to put on my itty bitty bra! By the time I got to work I was doing most shit lefty cause it hurt like heeeellllll. Even taking a deep breathe hurt. By like 2 the heat sticker thingy I put on it started loosening it up enough that I wasn't making faces anymore.
(Since I'm kinda lucid right now I figure I should just do one big ass mondo mega post while I can so bear with me, lets see what else comes out)
It is exactly one month til my 30th birthday. I'm not as excited as I usually get. What I would really like to do is get a private room at a nice restaurant and inviting everyone I love everything on me. Buuuuuuut, I know thats not gonna happen. I love too many flakes and complainers (me included!) I sure as hell dont want to go to a club. My dream birthday would be to rent a house in the Barbados and tell everybody to come on down! But I'm too much of a misanthrope to make that a reality. Maybe I'll go to Montana and learn to ride horses...
Speaking of my birthday, I always buy myself a gift. Usually its jewelery or a bag. So this year I started looking and I actually have a little more to play with this year and I can't find shit I want. When I do see something I like I inevitably end up thinking its overpriced, even when it still falls withing my budget.
And speaking of overpriced, have you ever heard of bag borrow or steal? Its this club that lets you borrow designer handbags and accessories by the week or month. They have all the big names and its like $80 a week to borrow a Chloe bag. But you pay a annual dues of some amount I can't remember. Go look that shit up if you're really interested. But in any case, what do you guys think about that? I mean on the one hand, I have a lot of handbags so I always feel guilty when I buy more, but I always do want to buy more! And this would let me have access to all the bags I dream about without the guilt. Right? On the other hand, I hate paying for shit that I'm not gonna own. And what if I love one of them and have to have it? Or what if I love them all and don't want to give it back? And what if they send me one and I think its in bad condition? (I do remember that they have insurance, but I'm saying can I say "Oh this one has a discoloration send me a fresher one please?" if I'm not happy with what they send me?
I asked Hautechick last week before I decided that she was a jerk (she sent me an email saying that she just wanted to know if I was ok since she hadn't heard from me, Uh, thats cause you left me hanging jerkorella) and she said that she didn't like the idea of it cause then you have all of these women rocking bags that they couldn't really afford otherwise and not doing them justice. I can afford them, I just think its stoopid to pay that much for a bag. Unless its Coach, or on sale I can't resist when something is marked down. Thats how I got my Botkier Bombay bag, which I don't carry nearly enough. Thats a great bag. Real bad ass.
I think my favorite songs on The Reminder are The Water, Intuition and Sea Lion Woman. Ok, I think thats all I got for tonight, gonna go finish rereading the book.
10.23.2007
Feisty!
I blame Verizon Wireless and the new video Nano for getting 1,2,3,4 and My Moon My Man stuck in my head! But Feist has a great voice and the album is perfect for listening to at work. Mostly mellow with a couple of uptempo songs. I could totally see Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater doing a piece to Sea Lion Woman, which always makes me want to clap my hands...
Unusual Deaths In Antiquity...
I don't know I thought they were interesting. And if you don't chuckle at dude who got a turtle dropped on his head, than you must have broken your funny bone! Cause that's funny! Or fucked up or something (very little sleepies last nighties!)
Antiquity
Note: Many of these stories are likely to be apocryphal (uncertain authenticity)
- 458 BC: The Greek playwright Aeschylus was killed when an eagle dropped a live tortoise on him, mistaking his bald head for a stone.
- 270 BC: The poet and grammarian Philitas of Cos reportedly wasted away and died of insomnia while brooding about the Liar paradox.[1]
- 207 BC: Chrysippus, a Greek stoic philosopher, is believed to have died of laughter after watching his drunken donkey attempt to eat figs.[2]
- 53 BC: Following his defeat at Carrhae at the hands of the Parthians under Spahbod Surena, Marcus Licinius Crassus was executed by having molten gold poured down his throat. Some accounts claim that his head was then cut off and used as a stage prop in a play performed for the Parthian king Orodes II.
- 48 BC: The Roman general Pompey, fleeing to Egypt after being defeated at the Battle of Pharsalus by his rival Julius Caesar, was stabbed, killed, and decapitated: his head was then preserved in a jar by the young king Ptolemy XIII and presented to Caesar, with whom he intended to ingratiate himself. Caesar was not pleased.
- 43 BC: Cicero, the great Roman statesman, was labelled an enemy of the state by the Second Triumvirate. Like all those proscribed by the Triumvirate, he was hunted down and killed; his severed hands and head were then displayed on the Rostra in the Forum for several days, during which time Fulvia, wife of Mark Antony, is supposed to have stabbed his once-skilled tongue several times with a hairpin.
- 42 BC: Porcia Catonis, wife of Marcus Junius Brutus, killed herself by supposedly swallowing hot coals after hearing of her husband's death; however, modern historians claim that it is more likely that she poisoned herself with carbon monoxide, by burning coals in an unventilated room.
- 4 BC: Herod the Great suffered from fever, intense rashes, colon pains, foot drop, inflammation of the abdomen, a putrefaction of his genitals that produced worms, convulsions, and difficulty breathing before he finally gave up. [3] Similar symptoms-- abdominal pains and worms-- accompanied the death of his grandson Herod Agrippa in 44 AD, after he had imprisoned St Peter. At various times, each of these deaths has been considered divine retribution.
- 64 - 67: St Peter was executed by the Romans. According to many sources, he asked not to be crucified in the normal way, but was instead executed on an inverted cross. This is the only recorded instance of this type of crucifixion.
- 69: The short-time Roman emperor Galba was killed after becoming extremely unpopular with both the Roman people and the Praetorian guard-- however, 120 different people claimed credit for having killed him. All of these names were recorded in a list and they all were later themselves executed by the emperor Vitellius.
- C. 98 Saint Antipas, Bishop of Pergamum, was roasted to death in a brazen bull during the persecutions of Emperor Domitian. Saint Eustace, as well as his wife and children supposedly suffered a similar fate under Hadrian. The creator of the brazen bull, Perillos of Athens, was according to legend the first victim of the brazen bull when he presented his invention to Phalaris, Tyrant of Agrigentum.
- 258: St Lawrence was martyred by being burned or 'grilled' on a large metal gridiron at Rome. Images of him often show him holding the instrument of his martyrdom. Legend says that he was so strong-willed that instead of giving in to the Romans and releasing information about the Church, at the point of death he exclaimed "I am done on this side! Turn me over and eat."
- 260: According to an ancient account, Roman emperor Valerian, after being defeated in battle and captured by the Persians, was used as a footstool by the King Shapur I. After a long period of punishment and humiliation, he offered Shapur a huge ransom for his release. In reply, Shapur had molten gold poured down Valerian's throat. He then had the unfortunate emperor skinned and his skin stuffed with straw or dung and preserved as a trophy. Only after the Sassanid dynasty's defeat in their last war with Rome three and a half centuries later was his skin given a cremation and burial.[4] (Interestingly, a recent report from Iran mentions the restoration of a bridge supposed to have been built by Valerian and his soldiers for Shapur in return for their freedom).[5]
- 415: The Greek mathematician and philosopher Hypatia of Alexandria was murdered by a mob by having her skin ripped off with sharp sea-shells and what remained of her was burned. (Various types of shells have been named: clams, oysters, abalones. Other sources claim tiles or pottery-shards were used.)
Darwin Awards
Do you know about the Darwin Awards? Google that shit and try your damndest not to win one! Here's a nominee...
High on Life
High on Life
2006 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
| Take a deep breath... (3 June 2006, Florida) Two more candidates have thrown themselves into the running for a Darwin Award. The feet of Jason and Sara, both 21, were found protruding from a deflated, huge helium advertising balloon. Jason was a college student, and Sara attended community college, but apparently their education had glossed over the importance of oxygen.
The pair pulled down the 8' balloon, and climbed inside. Their last words consisted of high-pitched, incoherent giggling as they slowly passed out and passed into the hereafter. Sheriff's deputies said the two were not victims of foul play. No drugs or alcohol were found. The medical examiner reported that helium inhalation was a significant factor in their deaths. A family member said "Sara was mischievous, to be honest. She liked fun and it cost her." |
Working again...
Damn these people, dont they know I need these hours to blog! No damn consideration. Well, if tonight is anything like last night, I may be up til 2 in the morning again (Hey Anners!) but I may also have mush for brain so I'm gonna try and get some interesting shit on here before I go home.
Oooo and I can't stand the chick but I now know who to blame for all the teenyboppers and pathetic middle aged woman hanging around my office building. Turns out Beyawnce lives across the street. I would soooo totes (Hey Danae!) post the address but that would only lead to more idiots being around my job. I'm sure if you know NYC and had been reading this blog for a while you can figure out where she lives. AND somebody totes cool and super bad was at my job today. I can't say who it was so lets just say he's an NHL hall of famer and I used to watch NHL with my Daddy so I knew who he was! (He really doesn't play for the NHL, just easier to tell the story this way) But then here comes Giraffe making fun of the women in the job cause we said it was Wayne Gretzky and he said it was Martan Brodeur. Now granted all of the other women in the office had to look up his name, but I KNEW it wasn't Brodeur. And I was right! So Giraffe will never live it down.
Oooo and I can't stand the chick but I now know who to blame for all the teenyboppers and pathetic middle aged woman hanging around my office building. Turns out Beyawnce lives across the street. I would soooo totes (Hey Danae!) post the address but that would only lead to more idiots being around my job. I'm sure if you know NYC and had been reading this blog for a while you can figure out where she lives. AND somebody totes cool and super bad was at my job today. I can't say who it was so lets just say he's an NHL hall of famer and I used to watch NHL with my Daddy so I knew who he was! (He really doesn't play for the NHL, just easier to tell the story this way) But then here comes Giraffe making fun of the women in the job cause we said it was Wayne Gretzky and he said it was Martan Brodeur. Now granted all of the other women in the office had to look up his name, but I KNEW it wasn't Brodeur. And I was right! So Giraffe will never live it down.
10.22.2007
Buzz...
...is a really great guy that I work with. All of his kids are older than I am so he's a grandpa and he looks like it! So today he's in a meeting and he steps out so that he can take a call from one of his grandkids, shes doing her homework and she needs to know how many pockets he has on his clothes and where they are. And he took the time to tell her and ended the call with "Love you sweetie, call me anytime you need help ok?"
Web MD is the debil
I know its been around awhile but it is still the cause of many a freak out. I'll get a scratchy throat, go on there and end up convinced that I have a tumor. Or last year when my skin got really dry and WebMD led me to believe that I may have a flesh eating bacteria. But worse yet is when you type in a symptom and they are basically like, "GET TO A DOCTOR POSTHASTE - WE DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT IS!!!!"
So a while back, Leggs brought a guy home. He seemed like a clinger so she might have told him that she was seeing someone else - which more than likely was true. They are chilling in the living room, doing some light petting and as is the way of things with Leggs Diamond, her hand ended up down his pants. (I've already mentioned WebMD so can you guess where this story is going?!) Thats when Leggs felt something odd. Shes thinking, Hmm, is that lint on his dick? No, no, its not coming off. What the fuck is that? Let's take it out and get a closer look." At which point dude is getting real excited thinking Leggs might be going down. She went down alright, with a flashlight and a "What the hell is this on your dick?!" Ok, I didn't let Leggs pull out the flashlight but I sure as hell let her ask, what the hell is this!
It was like fucking whiteheads on his shit! And at this point Leggs is disgusted, (what a waste of peen, dahlinks protect your magic sticks! They are precious!) Troubles about to go the fuck off of him for bringing what ever the fuck that is into my house (can that shit get into the couch, and hurry up and get the fuck out so I can wash my hands with bleach you nasty assed motherfucker!) and Tiki is bout to throw the fuck up on his ass (I should point out that Tiki has thrown up in a dudes lap before, dipshit I told you I don't fucking swallow!) And Web MD had no idea what the fuck that shit was. (I looked up genital warts, and herpes but it didn't look right) Tiki sure did ask our doctor if that shit could spread just from touching and he said that washing my hand in bleach sure as hell couldn't have hurt. So far no whiteheads on my palm.
So a while back, Leggs brought a guy home. He seemed like a clinger so she might have told him that she was seeing someone else - which more than likely was true. They are chilling in the living room, doing some light petting and as is the way of things with Leggs Diamond, her hand ended up down his pants. (I've already mentioned WebMD so can you guess where this story is going?!) Thats when Leggs felt something odd. Shes thinking, Hmm, is that lint on his dick? No, no, its not coming off. What the fuck is that? Let's take it out and get a closer look." At which point dude is getting real excited thinking Leggs might be going down. She went down alright, with a flashlight and a "What the hell is this on your dick?!" Ok, I didn't let Leggs pull out the flashlight but I sure as hell let her ask, what the hell is this!
It was like fucking whiteheads on his shit! And at this point Leggs is disgusted, (what a waste of peen, dahlinks protect your magic sticks! They are precious!) Troubles about to go the fuck off of him for bringing what ever the fuck that is into my house (can that shit get into the couch, and hurry up and get the fuck out so I can wash my hands with bleach you nasty assed motherfucker!) and Tiki is bout to throw the fuck up on his ass (I should point out that Tiki has thrown up in a dudes lap before, dipshit I told you I don't fucking swallow!) And Web MD had no idea what the fuck that shit was. (I looked up genital warts, and herpes but it didn't look right) Tiki sure did ask our doctor if that shit could spread just from touching and he said that washing my hand in bleach sure as hell couldn't have hurt. So far no whiteheads on my palm.
I CANT GET ON KATE BLOGSWORTH!!!!
Wordpress is being an ass and I miss my Anners and Janers!!!! Hopefully I will be able to get on from home so I can phuck with the Bankheads.
(I was able to get on earlier so I know Anners had a load of fun but I didn't get to make fun of her yet!)
(I was able to get on earlier so I know Anners had a load of fun but I didn't get to make fun of her yet!)
Silly?
I got this dress last week from the Gap and I really love it. Do you think its silly to buy another one in a different color? I have it in tawny and think I want the black one also.
Ooooooo, and I also got this Diane von Furstenberg shirtdress from The Rack (Nordstrom's outlet store) for $80! Which is crazy cause its was like $140 on sale on their website and $195 on Neiman Marcus. DVF tends to run a little small so I got a larger size so it hits me closer to the knee.
I told yall I had a thing for shirtdresses.
Ooooooo, and I also got this Diane von Furstenberg shirtdress from The Rack (Nordstrom's outlet store) for $80! Which is crazy cause its was like $140 on sale on their website and $195 on Neiman Marcus. DVF tends to run a little small so I got a larger size so it hits me closer to the knee.
I told yall I had a thing for shirtdresses.
Must Be Something in the Water
Cause now Giraffe and his wife have announced that they are having a baby as well! To celebrate I brought a pizza for Giraffe and I to share, but then Frenchie was there so of course she can have some pizza. I heart that chick! We are chilling with a couple of other people in the pantry eating pizza, shooting the shit, and here comes Rudenik, a turkish guy I work with who has no social skills what so ever. Rudenik hears Frenchie ask is she can have some pizza then this ass goes and gets him a slice and one of the free sandwiches that were left over from this morning meeting!
Me Frenchie, Giraffe and Buzz are all looking at each other like "What the fuck?!?" and after he left everybody decided that it was just easier to stare at him like he was nuts than to say anything to him. When we first moved up to this floor we didn't have any furniture, and Rudenik goes on Staples and picks out like $3500 worth of furniture. BossMan told me to tell him that there was a $200 limit on temporary furniture and he's gonna come at me on some, "Who are you to tell me how much I can spend?!" and I came right the fuck back with "Who the hell are you to spend $3500 of someone elses money on some temporary furniture?!" He went to Bossman on some she doesn't know her place, and shortly after I got promoted from Office Assistant to Bossman's assistant.
Me Frenchie, Giraffe and Buzz are all looking at each other like "What the fuck?!?" and after he left everybody decided that it was just easier to stare at him like he was nuts than to say anything to him. When we first moved up to this floor we didn't have any furniture, and Rudenik goes on Staples and picks out like $3500 worth of furniture. BossMan told me to tell him that there was a $200 limit on temporary furniture and he's gonna come at me on some, "Who are you to tell me how much I can spend?!" and I came right the fuck back with "Who the hell are you to spend $3500 of someone elses money on some temporary furniture?!" He went to Bossman on some she doesn't know her place, and shortly after I got promoted from Office Assistant to Bossman's assistant.
Get Over Yourself
Seriously Hautechick. Yes I'm putting it out there for all of the blog world to see, you my dear sister are a grade A first class jerk. I know I've told you this before, but I decided to document it for prosperity. But its not like you could evah be so bothered as to, I dont know, say read the blog that you started. So I'm not exactly worried about you seeing this, not that I care. On occasion you have your moments where you are cool as shit, like when you treated me to a massage. But in general, you my dear are a big fat jerkorella with a rancid cherry on top!
So like I said, Hautechick knew I wasn't feeling well so she took me for a massage. But I should point out, that all she did was pay while I made the reservation and research and shit. Thanks but a $60 massage does not mean that I should buy you a $200 Marc Jacobs dress. What am I stoopid?! And why the hell do you feel it necessary to always try and get me to buy stuff for you? Which I would do if you would stop asking me for ridiculous shit...
Ok I must take a minute out of this rant to say "Helllllllo!" to the delicious smelling, nice suited Italian man in my Boss' office. Whoo boy did that make me forget about all sorts of shit! And now back to my regularly scheduled rant...
So last week I may have flaked on her. She invited me to a party for some of NYC's top bachelors. First I was like oh boy man meat! but then I thought about it and figured that there would be alot of women there pretty much thinking the same thing and it probably wont be fun. And then I start thinking about how Hautechick favorite way to piss me off is to tell some embarassing ass story about me, or better yet to ignore me. She'll embarass me if she thinks I'm getting too much attention, and ignore me when she thinks that I'm trying to steal her spotlight. Not exactly ideal conditions to be meeting me. Then she tells me that shes bringing a friend of hers. Not one I know, like M, but this gay dude that I've only met once. THEN she tells me she will call me at 6:30 and I dont hear from her til 7:15. "Oh me and J are having drinks at blah blah, come on whats taking you so long?" Ohkay, how about I'm waiting for your fickle ass to call me, and since you didn't at 6:30 I started doing something at work and I can't leave now. How about I don't know J from Eve so what the fuck do I care if I make him wait? Oh or how about my favorite, now I'm tired and I'm going the fuck home.
So even though this is a move that she often does to me, I'm the flake cause I didn't want to play her entourage. But I tried to make it up to her. I asked if she wanted to go for mani/pedis my treat, she can pick the place (which in Hautechick land means that shes gonna pick a place thats more expensive than she would pay for herself) and we will go on Sunday. Except we didn't go on Sunday. I called her on Saturday afternoon to see if we could go later in the day on Sunday (I forgot that I was supposed to go to lunch with cousin T) and her phone was going straight to voicemail. So I waited about 2 hours or so then I called back, same thing, so I just left a message. Next day Sunday, I call her around 2, no answer, I don't leave a message. Then its 4 and Cousin T and I rescheduled and I still can't find Hautechick. So I call once more, but I don't leave a message. I figure she's got the one from yesterday and the cell is gonna tell her she missed my calls. No big deal.
Now its like 6:30 and I'm upstairs at Mommy's and she asks me if I heard from Hautechick this weekend. I tell her no, that she must be in one of her funks cause she's not answering the phone and we were supposed to get pedicures. So, Mommy picks up the phone to see what is going on with her other child. "Oh nothing Mommy, I was just tired. But what the hell is up with Trouble, she's been stalking me all weekend. She needs to get some friends."
Ah, no jerkorella I do not need to get some friends, cause if I wanted to smack the shit outta my sister for saying some dumb shit like that, I'd more than likely kill a bitch not related to me. And I suppose I should have friends like you? that come over eat all your shit, smoke all your weed, drink all your liquor and then break the fuck out? (Not you M! Those other sometimey hookers that Hautey calls friends) Or how about your bestest friend, that fat hateful jealous thing thats comes to Brooklyn every weekend and yet you never see her or your godchild?
Seriously, I thank gawd everyday for the Artist, just cause it means that I dont have to deal with you as much..
So like I said, Hautechick knew I wasn't feeling well so she took me for a massage. But I should point out, that all she did was pay while I made the reservation and research and shit. Thanks but a $60 massage does not mean that I should buy you a $200 Marc Jacobs dress. What am I stoopid?! And why the hell do you feel it necessary to always try and get me to buy stuff for you? Which I would do if you would stop asking me for ridiculous shit...
Ok I must take a minute out of this rant to say "Helllllllo!" to the delicious smelling, nice suited Italian man in my Boss' office. Whoo boy did that make me forget about all sorts of shit! And now back to my regularly scheduled rant...
So last week I may have flaked on her. She invited me to a party for some of NYC's top bachelors. First I was like oh boy man meat! but then I thought about it and figured that there would be alot of women there pretty much thinking the same thing and it probably wont be fun. And then I start thinking about how Hautechick favorite way to piss me off is to tell some embarassing ass story about me, or better yet to ignore me. She'll embarass me if she thinks I'm getting too much attention, and ignore me when she thinks that I'm trying to steal her spotlight. Not exactly ideal conditions to be meeting me. Then she tells me that shes bringing a friend of hers. Not one I know, like M, but this gay dude that I've only met once. THEN she tells me she will call me at 6:30 and I dont hear from her til 7:15. "Oh me and J are having drinks at blah blah, come on whats taking you so long?" Ohkay, how about I'm waiting for your fickle ass to call me, and since you didn't at 6:30 I started doing something at work and I can't leave now. How about I don't know J from Eve so what the fuck do I care if I make him wait? Oh or how about my favorite, now I'm tired and I'm going the fuck home.
So even though this is a move that she often does to me, I'm the flake cause I didn't want to play her entourage. But I tried to make it up to her. I asked if she wanted to go for mani/pedis my treat, she can pick the place (which in Hautechick land means that shes gonna pick a place thats more expensive than she would pay for herself) and we will go on Sunday. Except we didn't go on Sunday. I called her on Saturday afternoon to see if we could go later in the day on Sunday (I forgot that I was supposed to go to lunch with cousin T) and her phone was going straight to voicemail. So I waited about 2 hours or so then I called back, same thing, so I just left a message. Next day Sunday, I call her around 2, no answer, I don't leave a message. Then its 4 and Cousin T and I rescheduled and I still can't find Hautechick. So I call once more, but I don't leave a message. I figure she's got the one from yesterday and the cell is gonna tell her she missed my calls. No big deal.
Now its like 6:30 and I'm upstairs at Mommy's and she asks me if I heard from Hautechick this weekend. I tell her no, that she must be in one of her funks cause she's not answering the phone and we were supposed to get pedicures. So, Mommy picks up the phone to see what is going on with her other child. "Oh nothing Mommy, I was just tired. But what the hell is up with Trouble, she's been stalking me all weekend. She needs to get some friends."
Ah, no jerkorella I do not need to get some friends, cause if I wanted to smack the shit outta my sister for saying some dumb shit like that, I'd more than likely kill a bitch not related to me. And I suppose I should have friends like you? that come over eat all your shit, smoke all your weed, drink all your liquor and then break the fuck out? (Not you M! Those other sometimey hookers that Hautey calls friends) Or how about your bestest friend, that fat hateful jealous thing thats comes to Brooklyn every weekend and yet you never see her or your godchild?
Seriously, I thank gawd everyday for the Artist, just cause it means that I dont have to deal with you as much..
Preach Angry 40 and Single, Preach...
If you take all of his views and put them in the perspective of a 30 year old single woman, you'd pretty much get how I feel...
RE: 40's and dating
Date: 2007-10-11, 11:29AM MDT
I am a man in my 40s and dating. I was married and against my wishes the marriage ended. I loved my wife deeply, she decided she no longer loved me and she wasn't "happy". So, now I date. I didn't ask to be in my 40s and single, but reality being what it is I live with it.
I have no plans to ever get married again. I might have a steady girlfriend if the occasion arises, but she'd have to be pretty damn spectacular for me to make that leap. I have had all my children, I am financially secure and have a plan for myself that is better done without a typical American woman's bullshit to goof it up. I don't hate women at all by the way, I just know what is worth my time and what isn't.
I date for the occasional bit of company and to occasionally have sex, that's about it. I don't need a woman in my life full time. I can cook and clean, etc, etc. If I wanted full time companionship, I'd get a dog. Dog's are much easier to deal with than women at this point in my life. Call me shallow, etc etc whatever, that's fine with me. I know me a helluva lot better than anyone else does.
I do have some rules for dating. Since I am not a horny, partying twenty something or a desparate to have kids thirty something these rules work for me. I think everyone ought to come up with what works for them, keeping the reality of their particular situation in mind.
My personal rules:
1. I never seriously date a woman who terminated her last relationship because she wasn't "happy". Happiness is an emotional response to external stimuli. To break the vow of "til' death do us part" over an emotional state that may or may not be another person's fault, is shallow and shows a lack of emotional maturity. It tells me that woman is too self absorbed to be a reliable partner in the future.
2. I don't date fat women. Sorry, all you "BBWs"; get a grip on reality. If you are walking around looking like you have a beer keg stuffed in your pants, you don't give a shit about yourself, so I really don't expect you to give a shit about me in the long run. Don't give me that crap about how happy you are with yourself, you're not and we both know it. If you and I had fallen in love twenty years ago, gotten married and had a family and you had put on the weight, I would still be with you, but we didn't and so I see no need to accommodate your lack of character and discipline.
3. I won't seriously consider dating a woman who has a lot of hangups about sex. Since I have had all my children, since I can cook and clean and make a damn good living for myself and my children, you bring nothing to the table I need in the traditional sense. Hell, most women can't or won't cook a decent meal anymore and are as a general rule clueless in regard to the domestic arts. If you have a lot of hangups about sex before we are monogamous, I pretty much see the writing on the wall after we have been together for a while. You might not like it, but sex is important to men, yes actually, it IS mostly about sex. Now that we are all well educated as to the dangers of unprotected sex, STDs and birth control, I don't see the problem. Your pussy is not the only one in the universe and it isn't plated with gold. If you won't have sex with a man, one of your slutty sisters around the corner will.
4. Feminists. I don't date women who are avowed feminists with a "you go girl" mentality. Sorry, but your little movement fucked things up in a major way. I think women ought to vote, receive equal pay for equal work etc. etc. I do have enough sense to recognize that whether by design or chance, men and women are different and since I think that form follows function there is a reason for our differences. I don't want to be around a woman who wants to prove to me she is as good as I am at "man" stuff. It is annoying. It makes you look stupid and insecure.
5. "Independent" women. I never date a woman who feels the need to tout her own independence. First, independent entities by definition do not want or need to be in any type of union with another entity. When the United States declared independence from Great Britain, we dissolved the ties that had connected us to the British. I myself am independent and feel no need to tell everyone about it. It is called being an adult. Being able to take care of yourself doesn't make you special, it makes you "grown folks". Second, if you are that independent, why are you looking for a relationship in the first place? Independence is the opposite of dependence and being able to depend on others is why we get into relationships of any kind in the first place.
6. Women who spend every weekend perched on a barstool. I don't date these over the hill party girls because as an adult male, I know why men go to bars and clubs and as a mature adult woman you ought to as well. If you do know and still sit there every weekend you are trying to be something you aren't (young, unless you are a drunk) and I have no desire to be with a woman who lives in a fantasy world. If you haven't figured out why men go to bars and clubs and you are sitting there hoping to meet prince charming, you are clueless and I like to think the women I date have a modicum of intelligence.
7. I don't date women who have their children full time. Might come across as a shitty attitude to have, but I see no need to be a full time father to someone else's children and a part time father to my own. This is a personal preference I developed after having discussions with my own children. Mine have been through enough already, I'm the Dad and feel I am doing what is best for my children, they were here first.
8. Anyone who is fanatical about much of anything. If you are religious fanatic, I too believe in God. I have a degree in Theology as a matter of fact, but as far as I can tell, God didn't assign any woman at anytime to be my moral gatekeeper. He did tell you to be "keepers at home", if you are so caught up in church work that you are making your family the second priority in your life you aren't following your own rule book. I digress, fanaticism of any kind is a psychological addiction and I prefer to spend my time with people who lead a well balanced life. Addiction of any kind is a turn off.
9. Overly materialistic. My preference. I grew up dirt poor and have by hard work gotten myself to a pretty good spot in life. If you have a desire and need to get the latest and greatest and keep up with the Jones family, you aren't for me. I see no need to potentially work myself into an early grave to keep you in shiny trinkets and new cars. I am pretty content with a pot of beans and a nice clean, comfortable house in a decent neighborhood and a vehicle that works and is safe. If $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ is what motivates you, I am not mad at you or knocking you for it, I am personally not interested. No, I am not "poor", it is about priorities.
There ya go. Don't know why I posted this. Saw the comments about people in their 40s dating and this is what came to mind. I have no real interest in getting into another permanent relationship. I am content to spend the rest of my life single, but that works for me.
For those disparaging the over 40 dating crowd, even 40 somethings get lonely at times, some more than others. Some of those people are there through no fault of their own. they were and are good men and women who had an ex get middle aged crazy and left a good man or woman behind to chase after something they thought they were missing. Maybe the other person was an abusive asshole or addict and the one who is single had to leave for any number of reasons. All sorts of reasons people over 40 are single. Keep breathing and you might find yourself there some day.PostingID: 446210922
- Location: COS
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
260th Post!!!!
Not really that exciting, but I didn't know what else to title this post. And I haven't done one of these in a while. Plus Bossman's got me busier than Superhead at the Source Awards...
It's the pictures that got me...
guy that flashed me on i-90
Dear Man who flashed me on I-90.
I was in the passenger side of my friends car, on a quiet saturday driving home from crossgates mall. I am usually driving, so i was taking this time as a passenger to take in the beauty that is I-90.
As i am innocently gazing out my window, i notice a large blue chevy i belive pick up truck 2 lanes over. Normally i would of not looked twice but something caught my eye.
You sir were waving wildly at me, thinking i might know you, i took my sunglasses off to get a better look at you.
Some movement again caught my eye, you were no longer waving at me, but fiddaling with your pants. This should of been a sign to turn away, but i was confused.
Thats when it happend. You some how managed to keep one foot on the gas, along with your right hand on the steering wheel. and in a matter of seconds were able to stand up with your whole front body facing me (which im still baffled how you managed to do this ans drive)
you then started pelvic thrusting your 'cash and prizes' in my direction, while laughing hysterically, like i just opend a can of peanuts, but a snake made out of springs popped out. This action looked much like any movie where you see a male stripper pelvic thrusting, but unlike its done in the movies usually with the saftey of boxer shorts, or tight black pants like the Chippendales wear. Not you sir, no no. You had the pants, and the boxers pulled down, and your t shirt pulled up a little. I even saw belly button.
(see picture examples)
This act lasted around 5, or 6 seconds, then you cowardly took the next exit to escape my face full of horror.
Im sure scareing me for life is hilarious. and im not exactly sure what the thrill was of flashing me on I-90. Im sure it wasnt to impress a friend, because you were alone. And you were not an old guy, im sure you could of had a girlfriend, or a wife, so flashing a random 21 year old girl on the highway is a little baffaling to me.
But this letter flasher guy, is not to express my anger twords you. Its to let you know, my friend that was driving is upset she missed this horrifying/hilarious act, and would like you to drive by us again, but this time on the driver side.
Thanks buddy.
(i probably spelled 10000 things wrong in here, im at work, im typing fast, i dont give a shit)
(ALSO my drawing of flasher guys 'cash and prizes' are of fruit, because again, im at work, and i cant draw penises on paint in the fear of beign fired)
- Location: i-90
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 452732709
It's the pictures that got me...
10.21.2007
Went bowling
and scored a 144 pissy drunk! I dont even remember what was in the Purple Frost's that I was drinking, but it was pretty and gooooooood. I needs to get me one of these t-shirts....
I actually wore some black skinny jeans, a black racer back wife beater, a off white puff sleeve track jacket, and my off white and black high heeled saddle shoes with my black leather motorcyle jacket. I was going for a 50s rocker glam kinda vibe. And yes I had socks in my bag. It was some chicks birthday and I was tagging along with Cousin T who got a new car. This one broad didn't have any socks and even though I had two pairs, I didn't know chicky so she was shit outta luck.
And I know Pretty Black is gonna say that she hates those lil booties...
I actually wore some black skinny jeans, a black racer back wife beater, a off white puff sleeve track jacket, and my off white and black high heeled saddle shoes with my black leather motorcyle jacket. I was going for a 50s rocker glam kinda vibe. And yes I had socks in my bag. It was some chicks birthday and I was tagging along with Cousin T who got a new car. This one broad didn't have any socks and even though I had two pairs, I didn't know chicky so she was shit outta luck.
And I know Pretty Black is gonna say that she hates those lil booties...
10.19.2007
I guess I was working...
but don't ask me for specifics. Its all still kind of a blur. Oooo, I got a new wool coat.
The navy blue one, it was under $60! And don't be a biter and get my coat cause I'm planning to kick anyone I see wearing it in the shin! (in other words your cool if you dont live in NYC)
The navy blue one, it was under $60! And don't be a biter and get my coat cause I'm planning to kick anyone I see wearing it in the shin! (in other words your cool if you dont live in NYC)
10.18.2007
Patterns
I don't have a type of man really. I've dated tall, short, skinny, fat, fit, muscular, light, dark, medium. But I definitely have patterns. I have great sex with guys named Jason. But the relationships were 3 of the most emotionally trying and most fucked up of my life. Guys with B names are great friends, like Brian and Ben. But they both disappear from time to time. They are the only two men that I actually chase after. That is if you call chasing calling them about every three months and leaving a crazy silly voicemail to let them know that I'm thinking about them, and that I'm still a nut.
Ron's, are difficult. One is my godfather and the other is the only man that I think I could have fallen in love with.* I already loved him as a friend and when we took the next step it could have been right but it soo wasn't. My godfather moved out of state and lost touch when I was 16. He still comes back to NYC, all of his family does. But they never contact me and whenever people that know me and my family ask him if he's talked to us, he says that I stopped talking to him when he moved. He never gave me the address and it still stings a little. Just like what happened between me and the other Ron. He was my best friend when I was away at college. It wasn't until I came home after my sophmore year to take an offer I couldn't refuse that it turned into more.
I would travel to see him on weekends. Even went up to see him at our old school. Then he stopped returning my calls. 3 calls. That's all anyone gets before I stop calling. Maybe less. So about a year later he calls me and tells me that he stopped calling because he got my old roomates best friend pregnant. You could say that still stings a bit too.
Freshman and sophmore year of college, I dated mostly athletes, mostly basketball and soccer. After I came home from college, I dated about 3 dj's. Within the last 5 years, I've dated 4 corrections officers (none of which knew each other.) And I've had two crushes on guys named Ian. Guys with D names are some missed and mishandled opportunities for the most part.
*I think that there is a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. While I have loved a select few men, I have never been in love. (but I'm dying to try it, I hear it's great fun)
Ron's, are difficult. One is my godfather and the other is the only man that I think I could have fallen in love with.* I already loved him as a friend and when we took the next step it could have been right but it soo wasn't. My godfather moved out of state and lost touch when I was 16. He still comes back to NYC, all of his family does. But they never contact me and whenever people that know me and my family ask him if he's talked to us, he says that I stopped talking to him when he moved. He never gave me the address and it still stings a little. Just like what happened between me and the other Ron. He was my best friend when I was away at college. It wasn't until I came home after my sophmore year to take an offer I couldn't refuse that it turned into more.
I would travel to see him on weekends. Even went up to see him at our old school. Then he stopped returning my calls. 3 calls. That's all anyone gets before I stop calling. Maybe less. So about a year later he calls me and tells me that he stopped calling because he got my old roomates best friend pregnant. You could say that still stings a bit too.
Freshman and sophmore year of college, I dated mostly athletes, mostly basketball and soccer. After I came home from college, I dated about 3 dj's. Within the last 5 years, I've dated 4 corrections officers (none of which knew each other.) And I've had two crushes on guys named Ian. Guys with D names are some missed and mishandled opportunities for the most part.
*I think that there is a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. While I have loved a select few men, I have never been in love. (but I'm dying to try it, I hear it's great fun)
Hmmm...
A while back, I got a comment from someone new. Don't get me wrong, I luuuuuuuuv all the TypHos and even some of the lurkers (well at least the ones that I know), and I think you all are hilarious. But the new comment was exciting. That is until I went to some of the other TypHo blogs and found the exact same comment, almost word for word. And I felt a little dupped, deceived, duplicitied even!
And then some time today or yesterday, I got another new comment. I deleted it and I think I should explain why. I dont want anyone to think I dont like new people, but please do not use my comment board to advance your new blog. You want me to check out your blog? Fine, no problem leave me a comment, some food for thought, and I garooonteee I will look you up and check you out. But I'm not gonna fall for the banana in the tail pipe. At least not again.
You don't have to agree with the things I say, just come with a decent argument and no malice. But dont insult my intellegence with "Hey I really like your blog, add me to your blogroll please."
Thank you!
And then some time today or yesterday, I got another new comment. I deleted it and I think I should explain why. I dont want anyone to think I dont like new people, but please do not use my comment board to advance your new blog. You want me to check out your blog? Fine, no problem leave me a comment, some food for thought, and I garooonteee I will look you up and check you out. But I'm not gonna fall for the banana in the tail pipe. At least not again.
You don't have to agree with the things I say, just come with a decent argument and no malice. But dont insult my intellegence with "Hey I really like your blog, add me to your blogroll please."
Thank you!
Damn, that can't be good
I'm sure that most of you know how I feel about Crapcakes, but Bambi is quickly replacing her as the bane of my existence. She is quite obviously one of those women who uses her looks rather than her brain. Thats fine for the dudes here, most of whom ignore her cause they dont know who the fuck she is (again with the not introducing her self.) But for the women, its just a pain in the ass. "Trouble, can you please help me?!" Nope sorry, busy doing shit that dont have crap to do with work, come back never.
So when I was out sick, Bambi used my office. And by used, I mean left it any old kinda way. I will admit that I have alot of shit on my desk, most of it overflow from BossMan's desk. But everything is in neat piles that I need to go through and round file or real file. I come back and my desk is filled with post its. Blank post its, every fucking where. And of course I'm like "What the fuck?!?" and OfficeManager was like, "Dumb ass Bambi" Then I find a menu and some other shit (underneath the blank post its, that have been ripped off the pad and posted all over my desk for some strange reason that only that dipshit knows.) And sure enough later that afternoon here comes Bambi looking for the menu. So I give it to her, clean up my desk and tell Office Manager to keep an eye on her if she uses my office.
That was like 2 weeks ago. So today imagine my confusion when she comes to me today asking for that menu. No really I was confused as shit, cause I dont remember sleeping last night. She insist that she left it here and that she just saw it, and I'm telling her I dont have it and to print it from menupages.com. I stand up to grab some labels, and this bitch slides into my seat and goes online to get the menu. "Uh, I was about to print something." "Oh I'm sorry but Madame BS is gonna kill me cause I can't find the menu!" "Hurry and move" That got her out of my chair and I think she's starting to realize that I don't like her.
So 10 minutes later here she comes back into my office, opening drawers on my desk. "What are you doing in my desk?" (Notice the "my desk" bitch?) "Oh, I was just going to put the menu with your other ones so that we wouldn't lose it again." And thats when I notice that its not the menu that she just printed out, its the one that she was looking for. The one I didn't have shit to do with losing and don't want to be responsible for. So I pull it out of her hand and put it on the window ledge, which is where I put all of Madame BS's stuff. Its also the place that I told Bambi to check every so often to make sure that her boss doesn't have any mail. Of course she hasn't. And dipshit is looking at me like I kicked her dog, cause I dont want her fucking up my shit. I do that well enough without help thank you! But the best or worse part about it, is that Crapcakes was walking by when this happened and she sticks her head in after Bambi has gone and says, "Damn that chick is dumb! She's like totally fucking clueless and is always trying to get me to do her job for her!"
So if an idiot calls you totally fucking clueless, what does that make you?
So when I was out sick, Bambi used my office. And by used, I mean left it any old kinda way. I will admit that I have alot of shit on my desk, most of it overflow from BossMan's desk. But everything is in neat piles that I need to go through and round file or real file. I come back and my desk is filled with post its. Blank post its, every fucking where. And of course I'm like "What the fuck?!?" and OfficeManager was like, "Dumb ass Bambi" Then I find a menu and some other shit (underneath the blank post its, that have been ripped off the pad and posted all over my desk for some strange reason that only that dipshit knows.) And sure enough later that afternoon here comes Bambi looking for the menu. So I give it to her, clean up my desk and tell Office Manager to keep an eye on her if she uses my office.
That was like 2 weeks ago. So today imagine my confusion when she comes to me today asking for that menu. No really I was confused as shit, cause I dont remember sleeping last night. She insist that she left it here and that she just saw it, and I'm telling her I dont have it and to print it from menupages.com. I stand up to grab some labels, and this bitch slides into my seat and goes online to get the menu. "Uh, I was about to print something." "Oh I'm sorry but Madame BS is gonna kill me cause I can't find the menu!" "Hurry and move" That got her out of my chair and I think she's starting to realize that I don't like her.
So 10 minutes later here she comes back into my office, opening drawers on my desk. "What are you doing in my desk?" (Notice the "my desk" bitch?) "Oh, I was just going to put the menu with your other ones so that we wouldn't lose it again." And thats when I notice that its not the menu that she just printed out, its the one that she was looking for. The one I didn't have shit to do with losing and don't want to be responsible for. So I pull it out of her hand and put it on the window ledge, which is where I put all of Madame BS's stuff. Its also the place that I told Bambi to check every so often to make sure that her boss doesn't have any mail. Of course she hasn't. And dipshit is looking at me like I kicked her dog, cause I dont want her fucking up my shit. I do that well enough without help thank you! But the best or worse part about it, is that Crapcakes was walking by when this happened and she sticks her head in after Bambi has gone and says, "Damn that chick is dumb! She's like totally fucking clueless and is always trying to get me to do her job for her!"
So if an idiot calls you totally fucking clueless, what does that make you?
10.17.2007
Seriously Dude
So Monday night I'm on my way home and the train is seriously crowded. Theres this asian chick hugging the pole but she can't help it. She's got a dog in a carrier, two huge ass bags, and it looks like shes trying to study for a test (looked like philosophy.) A seat opens up behind her and I see this behemoth bitch lumbering over to it, pushing lil old ladies out of her way in her efforts to get to this seat (which I dont think she would have fit in anyway.) So what do I do? I tap the asian chick on the shoulder, show her the seat and then set a screen so she can get to it before Big Bertha. "Thank you soo much!" It was so worth it just to see the look on Big Bertha's face. Oooooo weee did she give me the evil eye, and I smiled back at her like sugar wouldn't melt in my mouth.
Then a while later this young dude was standing slight behind and the the left of me and was reaching over my head to hold on to the pole. He kept knocking into me and saying "I'm sorry!" and was clearly as uncomfortable as I was so I said, "Hey, why don't you switch arms so we can both be more comfortable." For some reason this made him get a little bashful, instead of his arm being over my head it was now kinda reaching around me, but it worked and I didn't get bumped anymore. But I do think he might have been sniffing me...
Then a while later this young dude was standing slight behind and the the left of me and was reaching over my head to hold on to the pole. He kept knocking into me and saying "I'm sorry!" and was clearly as uncomfortable as I was so I said, "Hey, why don't you switch arms so we can both be more comfortable." For some reason this made him get a little bashful, instead of his arm being over my head it was now kinda reaching around me, but it worked and I didn't get bumped anymore. But I do think he might have been sniffing me...
Hurry Blooger is shutting down at 7!
yes I said blooger on purpose, like booger. Anywho, the root canal wasn't so bad. I'm just really sleepy and my jaw is a little sore (from holding it open for so long). But my dentist rocks - he's got really small strong hands and gives out the bestest drugs - so I didn't feel a thing. Even after the lydacaine (sp? that shit that makes you numb) wore off all that I really felt was the stiff jaw and the shredded lip (I somehow managed to mangle my lip on the way home even though the dental assistant told me "be careful you dont bite your lip!")
But my dentist is about 45 minutes away from my house and about an hour away from my job. So while I can take the train from work straight to the dentist, the easiest way to get home is to take the bus. It stop by my dentist is actually the last stop on that line, and it drops me off 4 doors away from my house which is cool. Or would be if I didn't hate the bus. And this bus is always crowded cause it runs all the damn way through Brooklyn. But I get on at the first stop so I always get a good seat. Except this time cause when I left the dentist I saw the bus pulling away from the stop. It has to make this elaborate turn to get back on route so I hustled my skinny ass and beat it to the next stop. But I end up sitting in the front and I'm a middle of the bus kinda woman. (I dont know what that means, still a lil loopy) So I'm in one of the single seats that faces forward and the bus is getting crowded. Question: How is it that West Indian woman are able to find 30 different patterns that will all be the same exact colors?
So I'm sitting there, on the phone with Mommy, and this older West Indian woman is like "Oh baby can I just put my bags right here by you?" Nother Question: Why is it that when guys I'm seeing call me something like Babygirl I giggle and when women call me something like that I bristle? Of course you know she didn't wait for an answer and proceeded to reach past 2 other people that were standing closer to me and drop her bags on my feet. ON MY FEET! So I kicked them off and said as sweetly as possible (while on of her apples rolls outta the bag and around the bus, cause I kicked her shit. That's right I kicked it!) "Ok, but how about you put them by my feet, not on my feet." Mommy starts cracking up and so does the woman sitting behind me. But I wasn't trying to be funny...
But my dentist is about 45 minutes away from my house and about an hour away from my job. So while I can take the train from work straight to the dentist, the easiest way to get home is to take the bus. It stop by my dentist is actually the last stop on that line, and it drops me off 4 doors away from my house which is cool. Or would be if I didn't hate the bus. And this bus is always crowded cause it runs all the damn way through Brooklyn. But I get on at the first stop so I always get a good seat. Except this time cause when I left the dentist I saw the bus pulling away from the stop. It has to make this elaborate turn to get back on route so I hustled my skinny ass and beat it to the next stop. But I end up sitting in the front and I'm a middle of the bus kinda woman. (I dont know what that means, still a lil loopy) So I'm in one of the single seats that faces forward and the bus is getting crowded. Question: How is it that West Indian woman are able to find 30 different patterns that will all be the same exact colors?
So I'm sitting there, on the phone with Mommy, and this older West Indian woman is like "Oh baby can I just put my bags right here by you?" Nother Question: Why is it that when guys I'm seeing call me something like Babygirl I giggle and when women call me something like that I bristle? Of course you know she didn't wait for an answer and proceeded to reach past 2 other people that were standing closer to me and drop her bags on my feet. ON MY FEET! So I kicked them off and said as sweetly as possible (while on of her apples rolls outta the bag and around the bus, cause I kicked her shit. That's right I kicked it!) "Ok, but how about you put them by my feet, not on my feet." Mommy starts cracking up and so does the woman sitting behind me. But I wasn't trying to be funny...
Read this
If you like panties and shit....
www.theskivvy.com
ooooh snap! I should have posted that last week so you guys could enjoy the sale! And Afro they have boy panties too...
www.theskivvy.com
ooooh snap! I should have posted that last week so you guys could enjoy the sale! And Afro they have boy panties too...
10.16.2007
Me and my Llama!
Me and my Llama are going to the dentist today! ok, ok, so I dont have a llama but I am going to the dentist. I've been putting this appointment off for like a month and a half. No more excuses, I'm going...
TTFN!
TTFN!
10.15.2007
Yay and Nay
Cheers! to the Persian Royalty who are expecting their first baby!!!! Yea! I kinda suspected when the half that works with me started asking what I thought of baby names but I kept it to myself. That baby is gonna be cute as shit and is sooo getting the bestest teddy bear evah from Auntie Trouble. (Dude is seriously one of the coolest people and his wife if gaw-jus so I made them royalty. Plus they invited everyone in the office to their wedding, which was really a nice thing. He showed me the ultrasound and the baby looks like a little gummy bear! so cute)
Boo! to my body for making me bloated today! I look cute as hell but I am sooo uncomfy cause this pencil skirt is trying to cut me in half. I bent over to set the dishwasher and almost had a "Oh shit!" moment
Yay! to BC Footwear for making my adorable high heel saddle shoes!
Boo! to Blogger for shutting down at 7 and making me forget what I was going to originally write
Boo! to my body for making me bloated today! I look cute as hell but I am sooo uncomfy cause this pencil skirt is trying to cut me in half. I bent over to set the dishwasher and almost had a "Oh shit!" moment
Yay! to BC Footwear for making my adorable high heel saddle shoes!
Boo! to Blogger for shutting down at 7 and making me forget what I was going to originally write
Where did the day go?
Well I spent a mayjah part of it babysitting Bambi. How many times do I have to say that stoopid is not cute! And sorry I'm strictly dickly sweetie so batting your lashes at me won't get you shit but breezy eyeballs.
Chickadee musta been watching out the window to see when I got to work, cause no sooner did I walk in my office and drop my bag than she's calling me. (My most annoying mistake is that I gave her my direct dial number.) "Hey Trouble, is Madame Big Shot in that meeting with BossMan?" Of course she is, she's there every Monday as well you know. "Is the door closed?" I smell somebody about to ask me to do something I probably won't want to! "Why Bambi?" "Oh well cause I tried to call her cell and send her an email but she's not answering me, would you mind asking her to come out and call me?" Heck yeah I would mind cause Madame Big Shot is not above telling people off in the middle of meetings and her not answering the phone is a sure sign in my mind that she doesn't want to be disturb. So I tell Bambi that the door is open but I dont think they want to be disturbed. And as the more experienced admin asst. I give her a little hint. If the boss doesn't answer the phone, then just leave a message. The last thing you want to do is annoy your boss, your supposed to keep annoyances AWAY from your boss. If its urgent send an email marked urgent (they are all mobile) because the are more likely to look at an email than listen to a voicemail (BossMan is anyway.)
So 15 minutes later, here's Bambi! By this point Madame Big Shot had stepped out of the meeting so I told her that her ass(t) was looking for her. She says thanks and heads right back in, which tells me that whatever Bambi is pitching a fit over can't be that serious. And the fact that she heads right into my office instead of into the conference room just reaffirms that for me. "Hey Trouble, if you need to get BossMan out of a meeting, what do you do?" Huh? Is this a joke and she's about to tell me the punchline cause I just walk to the door, knock on something and say "Excuse Me BossMan".
Now let me tell you a little something about me. I have absolutely no problem admitting that I dont know something or dont understand something. "I dont understand" is probably my most used sentence, especially with BossMan. I dont like for there to be any misunderstandings between us, specially since on occasion he starts speaking in another language and doesn't realize it. Its alot easier to ask questions before hand than to have to redo something cause its not what he wanted. Its not that I'm dumb, far from it, but if someone wants to think that I rarely go out of my way to correct the misconception. By the time the person has figured out that I'm a cute and smart, I've already screwed them all kinds of way.
So Bambi is looking at me like I'm the dumb one cause I told her "I don't understand what your asking." I mean I really didn't think that she could be asking me what the proper way is to interrupt your boss? Raised my mannerless boobs much? Same thing that I noticed about her last week. Don't people parents teach them how to answer a phone, or how to get someones attention with out being rude?
And who the hell appointed me the manners tutor, dont they know I'm fucking rude unless I like you?! I spent about 30 minutes describing to Bambi how she can enter the meeting and get her bosses attention without interrupting. And of course I had to say things like, "make sure shes not speaking or waiting for someone to answer her questions." and Bambi's like "why?" and I wanted to say nevermind forget I said that and get the little twit screamed on. She then spent the next 5 minutes outside the door preparing to stick her head in. You would have thought it was brain surgery.
Chickadee musta been watching out the window to see when I got to work, cause no sooner did I walk in my office and drop my bag than she's calling me. (My most annoying mistake is that I gave her my direct dial number.) "Hey Trouble, is Madame Big Shot in that meeting with BossMan?" Of course she is, she's there every Monday as well you know. "Is the door closed?" I smell somebody about to ask me to do something I probably won't want to! "Why Bambi?" "Oh well cause I tried to call her cell and send her an email but she's not answering me, would you mind asking her to come out and call me?" Heck yeah I would mind cause Madame Big Shot is not above telling people off in the middle of meetings and her not answering the phone is a sure sign in my mind that she doesn't want to be disturb. So I tell Bambi that the door is open but I dont think they want to be disturbed. And as the more experienced admin asst. I give her a little hint. If the boss doesn't answer the phone, then just leave a message. The last thing you want to do is annoy your boss, your supposed to keep annoyances AWAY from your boss. If its urgent send an email marked urgent (they are all mobile) because the are more likely to look at an email than listen to a voicemail (BossMan is anyway.)
So 15 minutes later, here's Bambi! By this point Madame Big Shot had stepped out of the meeting so I told her that her ass(t) was looking for her. She says thanks and heads right back in, which tells me that whatever Bambi is pitching a fit over can't be that serious. And the fact that she heads right into my office instead of into the conference room just reaffirms that for me. "Hey Trouble, if you need to get BossMan out of a meeting, what do you do?" Huh? Is this a joke and she's about to tell me the punchline cause I just walk to the door, knock on something and say "Excuse Me BossMan".
Now let me tell you a little something about me. I have absolutely no problem admitting that I dont know something or dont understand something. "I dont understand" is probably my most used sentence, especially with BossMan. I dont like for there to be any misunderstandings between us, specially since on occasion he starts speaking in another language and doesn't realize it. Its alot easier to ask questions before hand than to have to redo something cause its not what he wanted. Its not that I'm dumb, far from it, but if someone wants to think that I rarely go out of my way to correct the misconception. By the time the person has figured out that I'm a cute and smart, I've already screwed them all kinds of way.
So Bambi is looking at me like I'm the dumb one cause I told her "I don't understand what your asking." I mean I really didn't think that she could be asking me what the proper way is to interrupt your boss? Raised my mannerless boobs much? Same thing that I noticed about her last week. Don't people parents teach them how to answer a phone, or how to get someones attention with out being rude?
And who the hell appointed me the manners tutor, dont they know I'm fucking rude unless I like you?! I spent about 30 minutes describing to Bambi how she can enter the meeting and get her bosses attention without interrupting. And of course I had to say things like, "make sure shes not speaking or waiting for someone to answer her questions." and Bambi's like "why?" and I wanted to say nevermind forget I said that and get the little twit screamed on. She then spent the next 5 minutes outside the door preparing to stick her head in. You would have thought it was brain surgery.
10.13.2007
Random...
- What ever happened to Keith Sweat? Mommy used to love him...
-Mommy does not like J Holiday's new album. "Is he singing about smoking a blunt?" she actually thought that was kinda cute. "I dont want to hear some young buck singing about feelin on somebodies ass. What is he like 17?" She said she only heard one song that she liked but she didn't like it enough to remember which one it was. "Please dont play that on the way home."
- We went to Cheesecake Factory for lunch and had a great waitress this time. They sat us at this table by the windows that overlooks the parking lot and for some reason it was fascinating to Mommy and me! "Oh shit if he had just waited one more minute he would have gotten that spot!" "He's just gonna sit there, doesn't he know people are waiting" It was utterly ridiculous. So much so that we even had the waitress looking out the window at the parking lot drama! I'm such a dweeb...
-The new Berry Almond Struedel Cheescake was delicious! I bought home a piece of Pumpkin Pecan... (I have a thing for Pumpkin pie, and pecan pie, and cheescake so I figure it should be like a party in my mouth)
-I saw a pair of gorgeous grey suede boots in Macy's and when I picked them up I noticed this woman was holding the matching shoes. We both went "Oooooooooo!" when we saw what the other was holding then cracked the fuck up. I can't remember who made those boots...
-I haven't decided if I'm going to keep the Coach boots, I have 30 days
-Whenever I go to a discount shoe store, the first thing I do is look for things that are out of place. You know a box stuck underneath a rack, or turned the wrong way, or one out of place box (you know like a Charles David box in the middle of a bunch of Nine West). I look for the shit that people hide. Thats how I found the Coach boots today. Someone had stashed the last 8 underneath a rack of Cole Hann boots. Sorry bitch your boots are gone! Mwahahahahahahaha! I also found some tan shearling flat boots underneath there but they were a 6.
-When I went away to college freshman year, you were the shit if you had a tv and a vcr in your dorm room. And when I was a kid my dad thought he was the shit cause we had a BetaMax player (anyone else remember those?) "This is the wave of the future!" he told Mommy when she asked him why he got that big ass thing...
-Mommy used to also love Colonel Abrams, when we were kids she dragged me and Hautechick to a free concert he had in the park. We still tease her about it. "Not gonna let, no no, let youuuuu, no, you get the best-a, you get the best of meeeeee!"
-I broke 4 nails today, and they weren't even long!
-Mommy does not like J Holiday's new album. "Is he singing about smoking a blunt?" she actually thought that was kinda cute. "I dont want to hear some young buck singing about feelin on somebodies ass. What is he like 17?" She said she only heard one song that she liked but she didn't like it enough to remember which one it was. "Please dont play that on the way home."
- We went to Cheesecake Factory for lunch and had a great waitress this time. They sat us at this table by the windows that overlooks the parking lot and for some reason it was fascinating to Mommy and me! "Oh shit if he had just waited one more minute he would have gotten that spot!" "He's just gonna sit there, doesn't he know people are waiting" It was utterly ridiculous. So much so that we even had the waitress looking out the window at the parking lot drama! I'm such a dweeb...
-The new Berry Almond Struedel Cheescake was delicious! I bought home a piece of Pumpkin Pecan... (I have a thing for Pumpkin pie, and pecan pie, and cheescake so I figure it should be like a party in my mouth)
-I saw a pair of gorgeous grey suede boots in Macy's and when I picked them up I noticed this woman was holding the matching shoes. We both went "Oooooooooo!" when we saw what the other was holding then cracked the fuck up. I can't remember who made those boots...
-I haven't decided if I'm going to keep the Coach boots, I have 30 days
-Whenever I go to a discount shoe store, the first thing I do is look for things that are out of place. You know a box stuck underneath a rack, or turned the wrong way, or one out of place box (you know like a Charles David box in the middle of a bunch of Nine West). I look for the shit that people hide. Thats how I found the Coach boots today. Someone had stashed the last 8 underneath a rack of Cole Hann boots. Sorry bitch your boots are gone! Mwahahahahahahaha! I also found some tan shearling flat boots underneath there but they were a 6.
-When I went away to college freshman year, you were the shit if you had a tv and a vcr in your dorm room. And when I was a kid my dad thought he was the shit cause we had a BetaMax player (anyone else remember those?) "This is the wave of the future!" he told Mommy when she asked him why he got that big ass thing...
-Mommy used to also love Colonel Abrams, when we were kids she dragged me and Hautechick to a free concert he had in the park. We still tease her about it. "Not gonna let, no no, let youuuuu, no, you get the best-a, you get the best of meeeeee!"
-I broke 4 nails today, and they weren't even long!
Damn You Off Fifth!
Off Fifth is Saks Fifth Avenue's outlet store in case you didn't know. They have the most ridiculous sales, where you buy one thing and get something else for 50% off. This weekend the Westbury store was having a sale on shoes, boots and handbags. I found a pair of boots. Patent leather Coach...
What do you think?
Nordstrom's The Rack was also having a sale, 15% off of all non Clearance merchandise. I got a Diane von Furstenberg silk shirt dress for $80. Mommy was absolutely no help in curbbing my spending. "Well, they are real patent leather Troubsy, and they fit your skinny ass leg. You've got 30 days to return them..." " Ooooo, thats going to look really nice on you and its so well made." I got her a pair of Swavorski (sp? ) earrings from Off Fifth.
Then we went to Macy's in Roosevelt Field Mall. Would you believe that they don't sell BCBG or French Connection at that store? Well actually they were missing alot of the brands that I go to for work clothes. I wondered around the woman's comtemporary floor for like 30 minutes and didn't see a damn thing comtemporary. Mommy of course loves that Macy's. It's either clothes for women Mommy's age or clothes for teengers. I did see a couple of cute wool jackets but nothing that I wanted to buy.
So since I was in the mall I went to the BCBG store (if youre thinking thats why they dont have BCBG in Macy's, Mommy would agree with you, but I still say thats stoopid specially since the BCBG is small) I walk in and there are like 5 sales women for this one tiny assed store and they are all standing at the register yukkin it up, loudly. So I'm there for like 10 minutes. I'm turning pants inside out (checking for fabric content and to see the stiching), I'm checking to see if shit has a lining, how the embellishments are attached. I'm bascially being my mothers daughter (she sews and will stand in the middle of a store and tell you exactly what they did wrong or right with a garment, if she can't find anything wrong, you'd besta buy it) plus I'm a little off put that none of these retail bitches are even acknowledging my presence so I'm making a little bit of a mess as well. I can admit that I look a little young, but I dont know many teenagers that are checking out career spearates in BCBG. And its not like I'm in sweats or something. I had on my off white BGBG short sleeve sweater, J Brand Doll Jeans, some tan suede Kors lace up wedge booties, carrying my Botiker bag and rocking my banging Coach shades. Granted you wouldn't know to look at me who made any of the stuff that I had on, except for maybe the sunglasses, but I was polished.
Then here comes Mommy, and she picks up right away on whats going down. All of a sudden 2 sales bitches are jumping through hoops to ask Mommy if she needs some help. "Well, first off I dont wear this stuff, and I'm not the one with the money, my daughter is. You know the nicely dressed young lady whos been in your store for about 15 minutes. I may not be the one with the money, but I sure as hell can stop her from spending it, come on Troub lets get out of here." Not that I was gonna give any of them my chippers but still Mommy rocks. Just don't call her heat increases hot flashes, she'll go off on you. I learned that about 20 minutes later in the car when I tried to turn off the air conditioner (it was like 50 degrees outside!)
What do you think?
Nordstrom's The Rack was also having a sale, 15% off of all non Clearance merchandise. I got a Diane von Furstenberg silk shirt dress for $80. Mommy was absolutely no help in curbbing my spending. "Well, they are real patent leather Troubsy, and they fit your skinny ass leg. You've got 30 days to return them..." " Ooooo, thats going to look really nice on you and its so well made." I got her a pair of Swavorski (sp? ) earrings from Off Fifth.
Then we went to Macy's in Roosevelt Field Mall. Would you believe that they don't sell BCBG or French Connection at that store? Well actually they were missing alot of the brands that I go to for work clothes. I wondered around the woman's comtemporary floor for like 30 minutes and didn't see a damn thing comtemporary. Mommy of course loves that Macy's. It's either clothes for women Mommy's age or clothes for teengers. I did see a couple of cute wool jackets but nothing that I wanted to buy.
So since I was in the mall I went to the BCBG store (if youre thinking thats why they dont have BCBG in Macy's, Mommy would agree with you, but I still say thats stoopid specially since the BCBG is small) I walk in and there are like 5 sales women for this one tiny assed store and they are all standing at the register yukkin it up, loudly. So I'm there for like 10 minutes. I'm turning pants inside out (checking for fabric content and to see the stiching), I'm checking to see if shit has a lining, how the embellishments are attached. I'm bascially being my mothers daughter (she sews and will stand in the middle of a store and tell you exactly what they did wrong or right with a garment, if she can't find anything wrong, you'd besta buy it) plus I'm a little off put that none of these retail bitches are even acknowledging my presence so I'm making a little bit of a mess as well. I can admit that I look a little young, but I dont know many teenagers that are checking out career spearates in BCBG. And its not like I'm in sweats or something. I had on my off white BGBG short sleeve sweater, J Brand Doll Jeans, some tan suede Kors lace up wedge booties, carrying my Botiker bag and rocking my banging Coach shades. Granted you wouldn't know to look at me who made any of the stuff that I had on, except for maybe the sunglasses, but I was polished.
Then here comes Mommy, and she picks up right away on whats going down. All of a sudden 2 sales bitches are jumping through hoops to ask Mommy if she needs some help. "Well, first off I dont wear this stuff, and I'm not the one with the money, my daughter is. You know the nicely dressed young lady whos been in your store for about 15 minutes. I may not be the one with the money, but I sure as hell can stop her from spending it, come on Troub lets get out of here." Not that I was gonna give any of them my chippers but still Mommy rocks. Just don't call her heat increases hot flashes, she'll go off on you. I learned that about 20 minutes later in the car when I tried to turn off the air conditioner (it was like 50 degrees outside!)
10.12.2007
Sorry....
I was adding stuff to my polyvore in the morning and then I was actually working (gasp!) this afternoon. And if that last post didn't make sense, its cause it took me 4 hours to write with a great many interruptions. Then there was the whole search for a banana debacle (I tried to do a post about it but the pastrami made me sleepy and words no come.) I'll try and do something fun for you guys over the weekend. Maybe I'll finally get around to the Leggs Diamond post...
Wow...
Let me begin by saying that BossMan has two business partners, one who has the other half of our floor and his assistant is an ass (she once told OfficeManager that Hottie looks at her funny - funny as in she thinks he wants her, sooo not the case), the other is MadameBigShot and her assistant is new. Well she started about a month ago and Office Manager says to me "Maybe I should wait to enroll her in the healthcare cause I dont think she's gonna last..." Madame Big Shots last assistant lasted about 3 months. The new one is nice but I'm not so sure about her - lets call her Bambi (I dont know why it just popped into my head)
Wednesday, was the day after both of our Bosses came back from overseas and I fully expected to be at work til about 8:30. Madame Big Shot actually has an office across the street from ours so thats where Bambi works. Its like maybe 6:15 and Bambi calls, "Hey Trouble, Madame BS asked if I could stay late today to go over the things that she missed when she was away, but I've been waiting here for like 15 minutes! Do you think I should just go and leave her a note?" Uh hell no, not if you wanna still have a job tomorrow plus you get off at 6 calm the fuck down. I might have actually said something like, "No, I wouldn't leave. She's still here, their meeting just finished up and I think shes on her way over." Then she's like "Well, do you know how long shes going to ask me to stay tonight?" Nope sorry left my crystal ball in my other handbag. "I have no idea but last night I was here with BossMan til about 8:45." I said this thinking it will stop her from complaining but nope, she goes on for about as long as it takes Madame BS to get across the street...
So today, I'm covering the phones for the Recept (see I didnt call her crapcakes! I really am trying to be nicer) and I get a call from Bambi, she needs to speak to JohnHolmes, so I put her on hold. Right before that AssHat called to talk to NewGuy so he was on hold too. John Holmes says, "Bambi's not there Trouble." Ok, I dont think I hung up on her but I say sorry and give him the number she called from (we have caller id.) So he calls her and I think end of story (you guys no better I'm sure.) Two minutes later, Bambi calls me back in full on freak out mode. "Oh my Gosh! When I called before you put me on hold and someone picked up and I thought it was JohnHolmes so I told him what I had to say and he was like ok why are you calling me and I was like cause you called me before and asked me to get back to you but he didn't know what I was talking about and he was like ok and I was like ok and I hung up and then JP was like JohnHolmes is on hold for you and I was like ohmygosh I was just speaking to him and JP was like you couldn't have and do you think the phone transfered me to like someother place?" (and she said it really really fast and I swear she didn't take a breath the whole time and Ohmygosh are you a we todd?!?) So I calmed her down and explained that phones dont just transfer people to other phone numbers so it had to be someone in the office. Then I asked NewGuy if he picked up the wrong line and he's like, "Ohmygosh! I checked the first park (park is where you put people on hold) and Asshat wasn't there so I picked up the second park and was like Asshat and some girl was on the phone and she was like no then proceeds to tell me some shit and I'm like ok so why are you telling me and shes like because you called me and asked me to get back to you so I am and I'm like Ohhhhhkay and shes like Ohhhhkay and then I'm like bye it was totally weird." And now I'm like Ohhhhhkay and me and JohnHolmes bonded by laughing at the We Todds.
I dont know about anyone else, but I was taught that you identify yourself when you answer the phone. A simple "Hi this is Bambi" or "Good Afternoon this is NewGuy" and the whole shenanigan could have been avoided!
Wednesday, was the day after both of our Bosses came back from overseas and I fully expected to be at work til about 8:30. Madame Big Shot actually has an office across the street from ours so thats where Bambi works. Its like maybe 6:15 and Bambi calls, "Hey Trouble, Madame BS asked if I could stay late today to go over the things that she missed when she was away, but I've been waiting here for like 15 minutes! Do you think I should just go and leave her a note?" Uh hell no, not if you wanna still have a job tomorrow plus you get off at 6 calm the fuck down. I might have actually said something like, "No, I wouldn't leave. She's still here, their meeting just finished up and I think shes on her way over." Then she's like "Well, do you know how long shes going to ask me to stay tonight?" Nope sorry left my crystal ball in my other handbag. "I have no idea but last night I was here with BossMan til about 8:45." I said this thinking it will stop her from complaining but nope, she goes on for about as long as it takes Madame BS to get across the street...
So today, I'm covering the phones for the Recept (see I didnt call her crapcakes! I really am trying to be nicer) and I get a call from Bambi, she needs to speak to JohnHolmes, so I put her on hold. Right before that AssHat called to talk to NewGuy so he was on hold too. John Holmes says, "Bambi's not there Trouble." Ok, I dont think I hung up on her but I say sorry and give him the number she called from (we have caller id.) So he calls her and I think end of story (you guys no better I'm sure.) Two minutes later, Bambi calls me back in full on freak out mode. "Oh my Gosh! When I called before you put me on hold and someone picked up and I thought it was JohnHolmes so I told him what I had to say and he was like ok why are you calling me and I was like cause you called me before and asked me to get back to you but he didn't know what I was talking about and he was like ok and I was like ok and I hung up and then JP was like JohnHolmes is on hold for you and I was like ohmygosh I was just speaking to him and JP was like you couldn't have and do you think the phone transfered me to like someother place?" (and she said it really really fast and I swear she didn't take a breath the whole time and Ohmygosh are you a we todd?!?) So I calmed her down and explained that phones dont just transfer people to other phone numbers so it had to be someone in the office. Then I asked NewGuy if he picked up the wrong line and he's like, "Ohmygosh! I checked the first park (park is where you put people on hold) and Asshat wasn't there so I picked up the second park and was like Asshat and some girl was on the phone and she was like no then proceeds to tell me some shit and I'm like ok so why are you telling me and shes like because you called me and asked me to get back to you so I am and I'm like Ohhhhhkay and shes like Ohhhhkay and then I'm like bye it was totally weird." And now I'm like Ohhhhhkay and me and JohnHolmes bonded by laughing at the We Todds.
I dont know about anyone else, but I was taught that you identify yourself when you answer the phone. A simple "Hi this is Bambi" or "Good Afternoon this is NewGuy" and the whole shenanigan could have been avoided!
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