Is It Any of My Business?

For as long as I've worked for BossMan he's had a driver. A very nice if somewhat ticket prone and forgetful Filipino man. But we recently hired a new big wig and it was decided that we would hire her old driver to work for our company instead of us always using cabs, and freeing up my bosses driver so that he only has to work with BossMan's wife and kids. The new guy is an ass. He tells jokes that he thinks are hilarious but aren't. He's a former cop so for some reason he thinks he's above the law (he is constantly cursing out cops that ticket him - like thats gonna make it better.) And he drives like a loon - why oh why did I sit in the front seat when he took me to the bank for my boss? I swear I was white knuckled, which is quite an accomplishment for a brown girl.

Then one day I'm talking to the old driver Jeff, and he's telling me how the new guy Joe, is going to start taking my bosses $100K Mercedes home at night and on the weekends. Huh? Then one Friday, I'm hanging out in the city afterwork and I get a email from OfficeManager (aka BossMan's sister) asking me if I remember the license plate of the Mercedes, which for some strange reason I do. She swears that she just saw the Joe driving someone else around in my bosses car, but the plate was one letter off. And over the weekend I remember how he told me how he got out of a ticket once by using tape on the license plate.

Then I call him on a Friday afternoon to see if he can take my boss to a meeting and he's like "Oh man I was just gonna call you. I just got a call and my Mom is in the hospital, I'm leaving for Florida in the morning but I've gotta go home now. She fell and broke her hip and hit her head. I don't know what to do!" Ok maybe I'm a jerk or maybe I'm really close to my Mom so I just don't understand but somethings rotten in the state of Denver. First of all, Joe's like 70 so his Mom has got to be (you decide so I dont sound like too much of an ass) so why the hell does she live so far from him? And secondly, your Mom falls and shit and your not getting on the first plane outta this bitch? But even more suspicious in my mind was that he was back in NY first thing Monday morning. I'm not doctor but broken hips do not heal in two days do they?

I've also noticed that homeboy will jump through hoops for his former boss, but my boss, not so much even though he is the dude signing his paychecks. Lady BigWig (I actually really like her she's a ballsy kickass brilliant woman, hence the Lady before her nickname) asked me if I could see if Joe could take her to a meeting downtown. I call and he tells me that he's uptown its gonna take him 20 minutes to get here. Then I tell him who he's taking and Lady BigWig tells me she has to run across the street so she'll meet him downstairs. Why do I call Joe 20 minutes later to see if he's picked up Lady BigWig and they are already where she needed to go? He also pisses me off when he's parked in front of the office and leaves his cell phone in the car while he chats with the other drivers. I can look out my window and see the motherfucker ignoring the phone. Once Lady BigWig was on her way down and I'm calling him to let him know. He doesn't answer the phone so I look out the window to make sure he's there and then leave a message. He calls me 15 minutes later, "Why didn't you give me a heads up that Lady was coming down?!" Ex-squeeze me motherfucker! I just said, "Two things Joe. 1) don't raise your voice at me or try to pass the blame, there is a message on your phone. 2) did you know I can see you from my office?" What I saw was Lady chewing his ass out for goofing off and him checking his phone.

But the worst thing I've seen is the odometer on the car. My boss has only had it for about 5 or 6 months, why the hell is it at 14,000 miles? Even driving out to Long Island (where Joe lives) every night doesn't account for those miles, and since the car is leased that means that my boss is going to have to pay extra when he turns it in. And I can hear him complaining already even though thats about 2 years away...