How I Know You're Ghetto- The Bookstore Edition

Now don't get me wrong, I don't think that being ghetto is a bad thing. I just feel that there is a time and a place for everything. And I feel that those that are not able to adapt to their surroundings are quickly left behind. While there are times when nothing other than a "Get the fuck outta my face b'fo I bust yo ass!" complete with head roll and hand gestures will do, sometimes thats just not appropriate...

I went to Borders, which I sometimes do if I can't find the trashy paperback I'm looking for at Barnes & Noble. I'm standing on line and there are two young black women working the registers. They are currently helping two middle aged women, one asian, and one white and there is an older white woman behind me on line. Both cashiers finish up with their patrons, and I step up to a register, as does the woman behind me. The cashiers are bantering back and forth, talking about school and all of a sudden 50 Cents "I Get Money" starts playing. Somebodies cell phone is ringing, loudly. So I look at the cashiers, cause I know its not mine. I will admit that sometimes my cell phone ringer is loud, but it is usually blasting something like "Back to Black" or "1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12" (you know from Sesame Street) or "A Love Supreme", never 50. And both of the cashiers are lookin at me like, "I know that's not mine!", complete with raised eyebrows. And the old white woman at the next register starts laughing and pulls out her ringing cell phone out of her Gucci bag.

So on my way home from work on Friday, I stopped at Barnes & Noble. The slightly pervy older West Indian security guard "Hi Baby"ed me as usual. I made my usual circuit - magazines, then upstairs to romance (who doesn't like a little sex on the weekends? - even if I'm only reading about it) and sci-fi/fantasy with a quick trip through mystery and the clearance section, then back downstairs to hit the new releases and features on my way to the register. I'm in the new releases and features section and I hear someone say, "So what happened?" rather loudly. I look up and I see a 30 something nicely dressed black woman standing by the customer service desk looking at a display. I don't see anyone standing near her. "Wellllll, after I told him that..." That's the other 30 something nicely dressed black woman standing at a magazine display about 10 feet away from the first. "If I was you.." I nearly jump the fuck outta my skin cause standing next to me in the features section is yet another 30 something nicely dressed black woman who thinks its ok to hold loud conversations with her friends in the middle of public places. Bookstores at that, where people read and shit, you know quietly. I mean fine talk, but do you have to be standing across the got damned store from each other when you do it? Do you really think I care about you quest to get that ring? Cause let me tell you, I don't. Sheeeet, I want a ring, I save for it and buy it my blessed self.