Body Language

I once made the mistake of dating my sisters best friends little brother. As if that's not a loaded relationship, add to it the fact that his grandfather and my paternal uncle were best friends and married sisters and you have a recipe for disaster. I liked him because, well I guess I liked him because he really liked me. When we first started dating he treated me like a doll. In fact Leggs had to bring out the claws in order to get any action. I literally had to throw him down and jump on him, and while that was fun, I like to be the recipient of ravishment every once and again. But I digress...

The first couple of months were great, except for the fact that I was getting any. He was in the Marine reserves (those dudes are crazy if you didn't know) and would spend hours in the gym working on a body that I loved (the face was another story, but I was able to look below it) And in return he would always tell me what great shape I was in and used to constantly take pictures of me. (Very glad I didn't let him take all the pictures he wanted since he's come to hate my ass. I would have been ass out - literally) But a couple of months into it, things started changing.

He started bringing me food gifts, like huge chocolate bars he got for cheap on base. Then he started ordering more food for me when we went out to eat. And like the greedy bitch that I am, I ate it all! Then he starts getting pissy.

"Are you anorexic?" Fuck no asswipe! Didn't you just watch me eat all that shit?! "Are you bulimic?" Sheeet what the hell have you been smokin?! I hate to throw up and aint no way in the world I'm sticking my finger down my throat. Do you know how much I used to pay to get my nails done back then? "I think you should speak to a doctor about gaining weight." Say what now mutherfucker? "We've been together for about 6 months now, don't you think it's time we settled down?" Uh no sorry work to do, shit to learn gotta keep it moving and you can come wit me if you don't slow me down. "If you're my girl, I don't understand why you have to go around looking like that anymore, who are you trying to impress?"

Huh? I'm not trying to empress anyone, I just don't like to leave the house lookin a mess. The not argument/argument went on for a couple of days before I realized that lackwit was trying to fatten me up! And I asked him as much, he hemmed and hawed for a minute but finally it came out that he thinks that women in relationships should let themselves go (especially when their boyfriends have low self esteem and are tardos!) Now this is the same man that thought Josephine Baker was a stripper.

But the dumb thing about it is that usually the more I eat, the more energy I have, the more energy I have the more I do, and the more I do the more I eat. Its an endless loop. Needless to say a couple of months later we were done. He got a job in Corrections down south and when he told me about it I said that it was a great opportunity and he should go for it if that's what he wanted to do. (I think a big part of his decision to apply for the job had to do with the fact that I made waaaay more money then he did.) Then he tells me that we would be moving down there in 3 months. Wait a minute motherfucker! I had a good job, and had just signed the contract on my house. I didn't want to go anywhere. Not to mention the fact that the Dickhead never actually asked me if I would go with him. When I mentioned all this, he said that I can't always be in control and I need to realize that I'm not the man in this relationship. And I might have replied with something along the lines of "Well one of us has to be the man" and maybe something about if I was a man I'd have bigger balls. And I might have told him to get off his mothers tits. But I'm not sure cause all I was seeing was red at that point.

Oh did I mention how two months later his mother called my mother to tell her that she should encourage me to get back with her bitch boy? Or how even though he's married with kids now, I'm still not invited to any events that he could possibly be at, and if I am there he runs from me? Punkass buster...