Train Tales

In my first Rat Tale, I mentioned some other crazy things that have happened to me on the train. Here are a couple of examples...

One day I was heading downtown on the E train with a girl I know, and we see this guy in a suit fidgeting. Pretty young, nice looking, good suit, great shoes...

So anyway, in between stations, the guy all of a sudden rushes in between the cars. Now I think I should point out that I'm like Wakko Warner in that every thing is a potty emergency (a box of "I'm Not A Bad Lay" (which is a story in itself)Candy to whom so ever can tell me where I got that from.) So I assumed the guy REALLY had to pee. Well, he had to use the bathroom, but peeing was not what he did. I don't even think he bothered to pull his pants down, because when the train next pulled into the station he runs from between the cars and off the train. Trailing shit the whole way. (He ruined those great shoes in case you were wondering.)

Another time, I'm heading uptown on the 4 and when we get to Union Square this dreadlocked dude gets on. Now even though I have natural hair, I hate it when other people with the same assume that we are cool, cause we rock similar styles. Furthermore, dude was a strobe light hoe. He might have looked good in a dark club, but light was not this boys friend. So when he gave me the "You know you want me" look, I came back with the "Negro please" look and went back to my book. Not to be thwarted by my evil eye, he saunters over to the bench across from where I'm sitting and poses for maximum effect. I'm not buying it and act like I can't see him. (I am VERY good at acting oblivious while cataloging everything that goes on around me - I'm great at eavesdropping!) So when we get to Grand Central and he gets up, I figure that he's gotten the point that I'm not interested. Instead on his way out of the train, he drops a card in my lap. I'm so busy think "Dumbass" that I don't even look at the card and I really try not to litter so I threw it in my bag. I get to work, sit down at my desk with my large Earl Grey with half and half and reach into my bag for my glasses. With the glasses, the card also comes out. I look at it and I swear, Earl Grey came out of my nose. All over the computer screen, all over the keyboard, all over the million little post-it notes covering my desk. But it doesn't end there, I get up to go get a paper towel, and I'm still choking, so I spray regurgitated tea all over the interior glass wall in my office (its like working in a fishbowl).

Homeboy card says that he's a personal masseuse, who is available for private work in your home, gormet (that's how it was spelled on the card) available upon request. He also does bachelor parties...