Does Not Play Well With Others

Last May, I went to Cancun for the first time. It was early April and I was crusin Travelocity and what should I find? An amazing deal to a all-inclusive resort that I had my eye on for awhile. So what did I do? Call my girls to see if they could get the time off? Call the guy I'm seeing to see if he wants to come? See if Hautechick wants to go? Heck, nah. I asked my boss for the week and then I booked that shit! You see, about 5 years ago I discovered that the fastest way to get Trouble to hate your ass, is to travel with me. It also seems that I can act as a fertility symbol as well, cause chicks go away with me, work my nerves and then within two months announce that they are knocked up. (That happened twice! and no, in the words of Maury Povich, I am not the father)

You know what I hate, slags who ask me to look into a trip, don't get back to me when I send them the info, wait until a week before the trip, and then say "so do you think we can still go to ..." This happens to me at least twice a year. Not to mention that I know someone who is under the impression that hotel rates and plane tickets are fixed price. "You said it was a hundred dollars cheaper 3 weeks ago!" Sweetie (and I mean that in the least sincere way possible) that extra 100 is to replace the damned nerve that you worked to death.

And please don't wait until the last minute to book it. Even though my job is fairly lenient with the vacay time, I don't think that asking on Friday to take next week off to go to Myrtle Beach Bike Fest is going to happen. And why the hell do you want to go there anyway when not nary one of us has a bike? (yeah I know to pick up men, but I am not a got damned groupie so you better come with a better reason than that) And I sure as hell don't want to pay more because you were hemmin and hawing for 3 weeks.

Don't get mad cause I don't want to stay in the crappy roach motel you picked out. I will be 30 in November and my policy is 3 stars or better. If you can't afford it, say that, I'll work with you. But don't come at me with that ignorant "Why you gotta be all bougie" shit, cause I will show you my ghetto side, boxcutter and all. And don't come at me with that "Oh, we probably won't be in the room all that much anyway.*" You want to sleep and shower don't you?! I deal with some of the best hotels in the world working for my boss, so no, the HoJo probably won't cut it for me...

And don't say ok, lets do it, then don't give me your half of the money TIL 3 FUCKING DAYS BEFORE WE ARE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE! ya dumb chit! (obviously that really happened to me) Yeah I have the dough to cover you, but why the hell should I? Especially without a fucking explanation! (This person also ran out of money day 3 into a 7 day trip...)

And please don't invite me to one of those ghetto assed ski trip where you don't even stay on the mountain -you gotta get up at the asscrack of dawn to drive to the slopes after a night of open bar! Sheeeeet, the last time I got roped into one of those, I had to drop my final payment off at a train station in my hood, the token booth clerk was the one throwing the trip, and I didn't see a single snowflake. I also got evil eyed cause I went back to the room and fell the fuck asleep during a wack ass party and took the only room key. And thats another thing, we are all grown ass women and we still 4 to a fucking room! (Let's stick together, it will be more fun = one of these bitches is broke!)

Or how about, "You don't know everything Trouble" when I disagree with you. You asked me to do the research, I did, you didn't, so while I might not know everything I certainly know more than you! And don't get mad cause you think I'm making all the decisions then when I ask for your opinion on something say, "Oh, I don't know what do you think?" Cause as much as I don't like bullies, I DETEST wishy washy wimps!

* And that's another thing, to me a vacation is for relaxing, unwinding, not fucking clubbing every got damned night. I want to lay on the beach all day, shop, eat, stew in some liquor, see some pretty shit, get a massage and maybe ride a horse on a beach or some other shit I can't do at home. And hell, its not like we didn't just LEAVE NYC home of some of the best fucking nightlife in the world. I'll be damned if I pay $40 to get into some club playing a bunch of old music and hosting the hillbilly hick convention!

So I started taking trips by myself. I can do what I want when I want to and I generally come back waaaaaay more relaxed. And by the by, Cancun was fabulous!