Marmaduke!

(another one of Duke's nicknames and sooo fitting)

He doesn't know many tricks but the ones he does know are priceless!

• "Show me your tummy" - he'll roll over and (*gasp*) present his big old hairy tummy for a rub.
• "Shake Hands" and "No, Your other hand" - pretty self explanatory.
• "Take this upstairs" - kind of obvious except he hasn't really learned to let things go so once he gets upstairs you have to chase him to make him give whatever it is up. And keep an eye on him cause things have been known to disappear into Duke space.
• Waking me up - he's big enough so that he can rest his head on my bed. I tell you there is nothing quite like getting smacked in the face by a big hairy paw and then opening you eyes to a mouthful of very large teeth.
• Protecting the Baby Birds - a family of those little brown NYC birds has adopted our yard. The first year they moved in, Duke kind of sort of might have could've maybe hurt one of the babies (He was playing! and got very upset afterwards) and ever since he's been their protector. Don't let some other bird come in the yard and start some shit. Duke will be right there surrounded by little brown birds while they fuss at the intruder.
• Not scaring the old folks - I always think he's going to start barking at some poor old woman or man and give them a heart attack. But somehow he never scares the old farts.
• Scaring the thugs - this is actually my favorite trick, and probably the one most likely to get me shot. He has the uncanny ability to sneak up on thugs and cause them to scream like girls. I swear I spent half of Saturday sitting in my hammock, cracking the fuck up as thugs went flying away from my gate! That shit is priceless.
• Getting me to dance - His newest and most annoying trick. He lays in front of the bathroom door and won't move. Meanwhile I'm dancing back in forth, trying not to pee on myself screaming "Duuuuuuke! Come on move your big ass before I pee on you!" Oh and he lays so that you can get the door open like an inch, so I can see the toilet which usually makes it worse. He also has a version of this trick where he waits until I'm in the bathroom and then lies in front of the door so that I can't get out. Or where he lies in front of the front door so that I can't leave for work.