For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Murder When The Lysol Is Not Enough

or Bathroom Ettiquette An Open Letter to the Nasty Ass Skanks I Work With

(and white is a color so don't come at me wit no shit! tee hee, I said shit!)

Dear Nasty Bitches;

I understand that some of you lack the common sense that god gave lint, and that some of you may have been raised in barns, whorehouses, or left to fend for yourself in the woods. So instead of lambasting you dumb broads, I will give you some hints and tips that will help you to avoid being "the stinky nasty woman that that cute little black woman muderized."

(1) There are no maids here, and I can't begin to understand why you might think there might be since you were raised in a whorehouse. And seriously, if there were maids, do you really think that they would enjoy wiping your piss off the toilet seats, flushing them bitches for you, and picking your paper towels up from in front of the garbage can? (Seriously, is your depth perception that off that you can't get the shit IN TOO the fucking can? Sheesh)

(2) Stop taking Alli! Maybe if you got off your ass and actually walked around and did something besides talk on the phone and stuff you piehole, you wouldn't need that crap. But noooo, its french fries and diet cokes. And to make up for you laziness you take that crap and subject us all to your, well, your crap! Everybody takes shits, and everybodies stinks, but do I really have to smell your ass every got damned hour on the f-ing hour!?! Get a treadmill crapcakes!

(3) And while I'm on the subject of crapping, did I mention it stinks? So, sitting in the first stall by the door may not be in your best interest, especially when you might have clients waiting in the reception area. Oh, and sitting in middle stalls sucks for us all too. I'm hereby creating a new rule, pooping only in the stall furthest from the door, and if it is occupied, you'll just have to hold it.

(4) Matches and Witch Hazel - striking a match after a turd will greatly reduced the chances of me walking in while your pooping and saying something like, "What the hell crawled up somebodies ass and died?!" and wiping yourself with witch hazel will prevent me from saying something along the lines of "Gawd, I can't believe someone would fuck that stinky cooter!"

Thank you,

Trouble