Cause you bit me!

My sister is one of my best friends. My mom is one of my others, but you can't get into a smackdown drag out Leon Neon whipping fight with your mother. Your big sister on the other hand....

There is no one who can get under your skin more than a sibling. She can take me from giggles to screaming quicker than you can say boo. One the one hand, she taught me everything that she learned in kindergarten, first, second, and third grades. On the other hand, I got kicked out of kindergarten cause of her. (Like it was my fault that they hadn't changed any of the lessons since my sister was in the class! I'd be disruptive cause I was bored and then I'd get sent to Haute's class - great school that was, you can't handle an energetic 5 year old so you send her to her 8 year old sister?!)

Then there was the time that she told all of our cousins how I suck my tongue (the best way I can describe this is to say, "Imagine a baby sucking it's thumb, then pull the thumb out of their mouths, and sucking tongue is what you get.") and that was the first time that I ever hit someone. (Came in quite handy about a year later when this big fat bitch picked on me cause I didn't have boobs - like third graders are supposed to have boobs, it was fat you chit! And I smote that bitches ass too!) Or the time when she and one of our cousins (Shout out to Philly!) tormented me when I was trying to sleep. That was the first time that I ever cursed someone (two someones actually) out. And I can't remember what exactly she did to me that time I whipped her with a Leon Neon

But for every time she woke me up in the middle of the night to go with her to the bathroom, I woke her up in the morning (in a "I asked and I thought you might have said yes" kind of way) stealing clothes out of her closet when I was in high school. And for every time she promised me a big lollipop to try and bribe me into doing something (and I would fall for it! Then she finally bought one for me - it was ginormous and it was terrible! Worse lollipop ever!) she was the person who bought me my first Coach bag. And for every embarrassing story that you ever told about me (how I almost drowned at Sesame Place, how I got a garbage bag filled with hot water dumped on my head, how I stuck Bert's eye and then Ernie's nose up my nose, etc) there are the embarrassing stories that I get to tell about you (slipping in some spilled water and going com-fuckin-pletely horizontal before crashing to the ground, getting pissed cause people kept saying "Samu-el" not knowing that his middle initial is L (Samuel L. Jackson), the family thinking the Artist might be imaginary.) And for every freaking time you made fun of some crazy shit I did, you always showed me that it was alright to be different. But I still don't forgive you for biting me when they brought me home from the hospital! (you knew I was real!)

I love you, you big chowderhead (and your crazy husband too!) HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! now go out there and make me an aunt so Mommy will stay off my back!