Spottieottiedopaliscious

...like a brown stallion with skates on

I am an ab fab, fantastically fierce, bad little bitch. (Ich bin ein schlechtes dünnes Weibchen - right D?) I am also unfortunately a huge klutz. But like most things involving me, its a little skewed. Put me in some 5 inched pencil heeled platforms and I am poetry in motion. Three inch ledge someone needs to walk across? I'm your girl. Skates, both roller and ice, are my buddies. But put me in flats, sneakers, or flip flops and I trip so much that even the man in the hover-round laughs at me (jerkwad! - I didn't laugh when the firemen had to carry your non walking ass down 10 flights of stairs when the power went out, actually I was a little jealous.)

There was the time when I decided to change the water bottle in the office by myself (I'm also stubbornly independent) and dropped the whole gosh darn bottle on the floor - water water everywhere and not a drop to drink. Or in college when I accidentally kicked my next door neighbor in the face. Or when I laughed so hard, that I threw up on my roommate's bed (funny enough I was standing closer to my bed!) I've ruined countless keyboards, both my own and my bosses, by spilling everything from whiteout, to water, to coffee (I don't even drink coffee!), to Welch's Grape Soda on them. I even once ruined the fabric in my cubicle when Earl Grey tea spontaneously combusted from my mouth and nose (it might have even come out of my ears!). Then about 2 weeks later I had a mishap with some toner and completely destroyed it. Oh to cap off my redecoration efforts, I decided to wear black suede pants one day and lets say damaged my new white leather office chair.

So I was out briefly on Saturday and wore a new badydoll dress that I got for H&M. I looked adorable, if I must say so myself. And since I was only out of the house for about 2 hours, I totally thought to myself, I can wear this again during the week. (What? Oh, come on like you never did that?) No sooner did I think it, I go and drop about half a salad complete with dressing in my lap. So the washer it is. Round two. I put the dress on yesterday, still adorable, and take my ass to work. Strutting my ass down the hall to the pantry, actin like the world is my runway (as usual). My unfuckwithablity was short lived. I'm steaming some milk to go with my morning brownie (I hate eggs, and what better breakfast is there than chocolate?!) thinking about how gosh darn cute I am and you know what? I forgot to turn off the steamer, I pull the cup away and not only does milk fly all over the pantry (good thing that shit is white!) but all over the bottom of my dress. I was really tempted to take my reddish brown ass home...

* And can I just say shitdamnmotherfucker! I lost a button on my jacket at some point today!