For the Love of GOD!!

"I usually don't do this, eh, I'm lying..." (-can't believe that I just quoted Lil Wayne, what the fuck is this world coming to!)

I've got something like 5 email addresses. Two of them, I've had forever, my work email which I've had since 2000, and my aol account that I've had since gawd-knows-when. Both of them are fairly easy to remember if you know me, and my work address you can find online if you search for my company or my full name(why I'm the only one that comes up, I have no idea.) But hell for my aol address, all you have to do is remember my first and middle names.

Soooo, as if the way of things, I've got this ex. I took him to my senior prom (yes you read correctly, I paid for his ticket and the limo - and he had the nerve to wear a fucking ELECTRIC BLUE SUIT!) and I've seen him a couple of times (once of twice naked) in the interim. Now the second to last time that we stopped speaking, it was because we had just finished having sex, and he thought that was the perfect time to tell me that he had a 1 year old daughter. There are no words to explain how apeshit banana boat crazy I went. But we weren't really together, so the only thing I could really get mad at was his terrible fucking timing. Then the last time I stopped speaking to him, was after we decided to just be friends (which came right after that time I rode him for all he was worth and then politely hopped the fuck off after I got mine (and he didn't) and he told me that I had changed - ha!) and about a month later he says, "Oh, and by the way, I've got a 3 year old son" At that point I realized that if we really were friends I would know something like that about him, and I also asked myself if I really wanted to be friends with a man whose kids were afterthoughts. I should also point out that this is the same brokedick mountain motherfucker who a couple of years ago went off on me because I forwarded him a joke.

Now, skip ahead to a couple of months ago, when I get to work and what the hell do I see in my inbox, a email from Egbert (yes that really is his fucking name). No wait, that doesn't properly describe it, it's a fucking lame ass 5 year old joke from Egbert. So I take the high road. I reply and ask him to not send joke or personal material to my work address. And this candyassed bitchcakes has the nerve to say, "So give me your personal email address" and me? "why the fuck should I? you had it once, if you dont have it know its on you!" So needless to say, he's still sending me stooopid ass we todd jokes about once a week, to my WORK EMAIL ADDRESS (can you say inappropriate asshat?) So here it is, my open letter to Egbert...

Egbert stop! It's not funny, its not cute, it certainly is not amusing. Stop sending jokes to my work email address. I seem to recall a time when you told me that you didn't enjoy getting jokes and I respected your wishes. Do you realize how utterly unprofessional and not to mention rude it is to keep sending me these craptastic jokes?

No, I don't want to give you my personal email address, you had it and if you lost it (or erased it), that’s on you. I certainly won’t be providing it so that you can continue to bombard me with this shit. We aren't friends, and are barely acquaintances, so please for the love of god remove me from your mailing list and stop sending me these lame ass jokes!

I wanted to curse more, but since its being sent through my work email (and will forever be immortalized on the company server) I though less might be more...

I should also point out that I was going to post his email and ask you guys to send him millions of crappy jokes, but then I realized that he might enjoy that, since he is sooo fond of the craptastic comedy