Murphy's Bitch

It never fails. I start thinking about playing hooky from work and I get sick! On Monday, I worked really hard and I thought to myself

hmm I deserve a day off. maybe go get a mani-pedi. or I could even finally go to Body by Brooklyn and get a massage. oh and Billion Dollar Babes is this week too...

As soon as I thunk it, I started getting chills. Tuesday night I even dragged out my down blanket because I was FUCKING FREEZING! But I still couldn't sleep. I spent the first part of the night huddled under my big down blanket in full pajamas with sweat shirt and socks on. I spent the second half of the night consuming every thing edible I could find in my apartment and then went upstairs to raid Mommy's fridge. By the time Wednesday rolled around, I was headachey, slightly bloated and sweaty - I felt like crap. So I called in and slept til about 2:30 pm. That's when the receptionist decided to call me to see if I had anymore yellow toner for my printer because the alert message was saying that I was almost out. Another thing that never fails, I call out sick and the receptionist always finds some dumbass question to call and ask me. "Uh hi, what's your password for voicemail?" "My password?!" (I croak cause I lost my voice the last time she called to ask me this) "Yeah, Bossman wants me to check your voicemail." "Oh, my voicemail password, you mean those 5 numbers that ARE WRITTEN ON MY PHONE AND LABELED VOICEMAIL?!?!?!"

And no I didn't have any fucking toner, but that shit starts flashing and it won't run out for like 4 weeks, which I explained to the dumb broad.

Then I got up and ate. Apparently while I was sleeping, Mommy blessed me with some mac and cheese (made with champagne cheddar - taste kinda like brie) baked chicken breast and cucumber and tomato salad. Oh and a huge effin carrot cake with cream cheese icing on the side (for me! cause she doesn't eat icing. And I also got told, "And don't let me catch you eating the icing by itself!" Like I'm gonna get caught, sheesh, I am a professional icing and batter thief. trust!)

Then I watched a little The People Court, which is hilarious by the way. This stupid chit, who gave 19 year olds a bad name, was suing her ex for 289.02, the 89.02 was for a printer cartridge and the 200 was for emotional distress cause she had to bring the printer home on public transportation. I should point out that part of the reason they broke up is cause he was in the hospital and she came to visit him and was running her mouth to some random women in the waiting room about his ex-girl and his wife (dude married a chick so that she could get a green card and the dumb 19 year old thought that was cool cause she's for immigrant rights) and guess what? She was running her mouth to the ex-girlfriend and homeboys sister. And then I watched the news, which I hardly ever get to do, and what do I see, a huge fucking grease fire about 9 blocks from my job. For some strange reason, the last two times I got sick and stayed home, some shit, blew the fuck up (steam pipe) or caught on fire by my job. I might be Murphy's bitch, but I think that's his way of telling me I'm his favorite bitch. At least on the East Coast...