The Soapbox and the Slippery Slope!

All credit for the incredibly cool name of this post goes to my bro in law, The Artist, cause that was the name of his gallery exhibit that I went to see tonight.  I'm drunkish by the by, so blame any mistakes on Grey Goose and his slippery slope. 

Would you believe that I was doing my hair?  Yeah that sounds good, I've been doing my hair since Christmas eve.  Or how about I was playing with boys?  That sounds even better!  How about I won the lottery and was making arrangements to fly you all to Barbados?  Nah, don't believe that one cause I would hate to disappoint you all.  I'm a flake and thats all the explanation that you need.  Mind you, you all love me for my fickle ways so get over it and enjoy the story.  (I kid I kid!)

So I met a new guy and Hautey started calling me a Baby Cougar cause Young Buck was about 24.  Unfortunately Young Buck was a lil nutzo and went the way of the dinosaur, he disappeared and I can't really offer you an explanation.  Last Friday rolled around, and I was in the house, but I left my cell phone in my apartment (which is on the first floor) while I was watching tv in Mommy's room (which is on the third floor)   I came downstairs to get something (look away Daners cause you luv me! that should be legalized damn it! and yes Mommy knows I do it) and noticed that Young Buck had called twice no message.  So I call him back leave a message and make sure that I bring the phone upstairs with me.  Except, I stopped in Mommy's kitchen to get some Limeade and left the phone on the second floor.  By the time I noticed that the phone wasn't with me, Young Buck had left me a message that went a little something like this!  Hit it...

"Troub I'm sorry, I don't know where I went wrong but I haven't heard from you so I'm gonna assume that you don't want to deal with me anymore.  Which sucks cause I was really feeling you, you have such a great spirit and I was looking forward to spending time with you.  But I guess its not meant to be.  If I did something to offend you, please know that I didn't mean to offend you and I'm sorry.  Damn!  I was really hoping that this would work out.  But my phone is fucked up and I can't even see if you called or check my messages.  I'm sorry but I'm gonna try and call you from time to time to see if I still have a chance.  Take care, damn!"

Ooooooohkay, Young Bucks new name is Idjeet!  Cause we hadn't spoken for 3 days and the fucker gave up!  What kind of half assed cockamammy shit is that!?!  And I thought every one knew how to check their messages when they dont have their cell phone with them?  (Seriously if I have to explain how to check you messages when you dont have you cell phone you are too dumb to be cool with me.  I'm dead ass serious about this!)

So, the next night, I was supposed to go see the Rza with Hautey and the Artist, but Cousin T called me that afternoon to see if I wanted to go to a house party.  I hadn't see Cousin T since my birthday (and yall know I loooooooove me some Cousin T) and I when I brought the ticket to the show (it was only $10) I got the members of Wu Tang confused and later realized that the Rza hasn't had any new music out in a minute, and I felt like getting drunk as shit without paying more than $20, so I went to the alcohol heavy house party with Cousin T. 

What a great decision that was!  I wore some grey J Brand skinny jeans, my patent leather Coach boots and a t- shirt that said "Little Miss Bad".  I see this adorable guy that I think I saw at a BBQ that Cousin T invited me to earlier this year, and his dimples are calling my name.  Then in comes this illegal looking (could pass for 19) hottie that I've been digging for a minute that I met at yet another function that Cousin T invited me to (I checked, he's actually like 23.)  Illegal is acting, well he's actin like a 19 year old, flirting from afar, shooting me looks like I'm supposed to be chasing him or some shit.  And Dimples is like fuck that, can I be Big Mister Bad?

Needless to say, Dimples aka Big Mister Bad and I had our first date tonight.  It was kinda high pressure too cause I invited him to come with me to the Artist opening and all a good majority of the people that are important to me were there.  Including Mommy, Hautechick, the Artist, OtherMother, Mommy'sBuddy (that used to watch me and Hautechick afterschool when I was in the 2nd grade), PFunk (the Artist Cousin) and his girl Lovey (she is the sweetest thing you ever met!  Everyone who meets Lovey can't help but like her) plus a bunch of Hautey friends.

Ok, I want to just take a minute out to say the show rocked, my Bro-ham is a talented dude and his shit is hot!  And I also want to say hi to Hautey's girl I, who I've heard so much about and finally got to meet!  Hi I!  Thanks for reading my blog!  She's one of the few people that reads my blog that actually knows who I am!  Very cool!  

So OtherMother gives Big Mr. Bad a hug before she gives me one!  Then she whispers in my ear, "Oh I like him, he gives good hugs!"  Later she tells him that she wants to be a bridesmaid.  I was to busy choking to hear what Big Mr. Bad said next, but was later told that he said, "I'm glad, cause that means I've already got someone on my side."  I should point out that Hautechick was carrying her ginormous leather bag, and inside was some cans of Sophia Coppola's champagne and a bottle of rum.  I should also point out that when Mommy, OtherMother and Mommy'sBuddy get together, I call them the bottle killers.  

And in what might be deemed a first, Hautechick actually approved of my date!  "He's fucking adorable, I want to tickle him or something!"  She later called him an adorable cub, you know to my cougar, he's only 25.  She said the tickle him thing cause he is a big guy, and I think cause of the dimples.  He smiles alot, which I dig.  So after we left, we headed back to Brooklyn and picked up his Uncle (not too much older than him) and his girl and went to play pool.  I actually beat Big Mr. Bad one game and we were killing them when we played as a team.  Mostly cause he's pretty good (I think he threw the game so I could win, although I'm not terrible) and cause like I said, I'm not terrible.

We have another date tomorrow, we're supposed to go see a high school production of Othello (long story that I may tell if we actually go.)  I like this guy for the fact that he gives me butterflies when he kisses me, and he was nice to my Mommy and her drunk friends, and he let me beat him at pool, and the dimples are simply lovely (another thing that OtherMother told him!)