The Bullshit...

Any woman who has lived in New York for some period of time and reads the weekly mags like New York Magazine or Time Out New York and loves shoes has seen the ads.  The ones for the massive warehouse clearance sales, designer names including Burberry, Juicy Couture, Frye, Ugg and more!  4 Days only from 9 - 7!  New merchandise daily!  45 - 75% off retail!

Wellll I finally went to one today.  Before I tell you about it I feel like I should give you a little more background about that snarky black chick known as Trouble.  Despite the fact that I love to shop, I generally hate outlet stores.  There are a few exceptions, like Off 5th and Nordstrom's The Rack, but for the most part I find the stuff to be mostly picked over and damaged crap.  That is if said outlet store hasn't decided to produce a lower cost lower quality line of clothing to be specifically for their outlet stores (*aaaaaaaagapbananarepublicoldnavychoooooo! - excuse me!)  But I love a good shoe and today was the first day and what do you know it, I'm at home, so I went.  

Can I just say ewwwwwwww!  Ok I found a couple of pairs but the smell of the carpet in the place where they held the sale was making me not want to bend down to try them on.  But before I could steel my stomach to actually bend down, I noticed that 3 of the 4 pairs of shoes that I found (a pair of Burberry suede loafers for 89, a pair of Frye boots for 89, a pair of Converse one star sandals for 29 and some bad ass silk satin evening pumps by a famous designer whose name escapes me at the minute for 89) were damaged.  One of the Burberry loafers looked like someone wore it for a month and then returned it, while the other one only showed a little wear.  Do you know how hard it is to clean tan suede?  They would have had to be about 29 to be worth the effort of even dyeing the bitches dark brown.  The Frye boots were scratched the fuck up, of course they were displayed good side up.  And I think I could get the Converse sandals for the same price at Century 21 (another discount store that I love) and they probably have them in more colors.  Not like it isn't winter and I really need some sandals now.  And I really don't have any place to wear the silk satin dress shoes, even though they were gorgeous and had the most exquisite toe cleavage, so I didn't buy those either.

Although I gotta tell yall its been about 60 degrees the last two days in NYC.  Of course you know that means that folks lose their got damned minds, try and act like its really winter, run around in spring weight clothing, then cough without covering their mouths on the train two weeks later thereby infecting all of the people who had good sense to not be stoopid when the weather went wonky!  Saw a bitch in shorts today.  Not wool shorts either, those shits looks like cotton, maybe a poly blend.

And there was this black woman there.  I don't know, maybe she had on too many clothes and she started sweating.  At least that's the best case scenario that I can come up with.  But in any case bitch stunk, pure and simple BO.  And then some random West Indian woman happens to tell her that she looks familiar and she says, (in her best snooty voice) "I'm an actress, I've been in lots of things" and ducks away like someone was going to ask for her autograph.  How successful of an actress can you be if you can't afford deodorant?  Just asking...

Did I mention Mommy was with me?  Well she didn't find anything either so we left in search of sustenance.  We were going to go to Wendy's (I love the Spicy Chicken Sandwiches with cheese and everything except for tomatoes they have the worst tomatoes at Wendy's -  for some reason if you just say cheese when ordering they wont put anything else on the sandwich)  But then after remembering how expensive fast food can be in Manhattan, especially in the touristy neighborhoods (we were by Madison Square Garden) I decided that I would rather take Mommy somewhere nice.  So we walked downtown to Cafeteria, this very trendy restaurant thats open 24 hours and makes realllllllly delicious fries with truffle oil and shaved parmesean cheese.  yum!  

Sidenote:  Is parmesean a place?  why the fuck does spell check always want me to capitalize that shit?

So I had the fried chicken salad, which was watercress arugula, fresh corn salsa, haricot vert (french green beans) and a big ole fried chicken breast.  It was soooooo good.  And Mommy had the BBQ pulled pork samich which comes with red cabbage cole slaw and plantain chips.  She said she was ruined for other BBQ pork sandwiches.  Oh, and Mr. J from America's Next Top Model was there having lunch as well.  He tried to recruit me for next season but I had to tell him, "Honey, I'm old enough to have given birth to one of those younguns!"  Ok, so not really, but it would have been funny if it happened.

And Cafeteria is right across the street from Loehmann's which is another discount designer clothing store.  Some people swear by it, but I have to say that I'm really not a fan.  I once got some dark red leather Seven for All Mankind jeans from there for about $70, but that was about 9 years ago.  Nothing so good since.  Annnnnd they were selling the same cashmere sweaters that I just saw on sale in Marshall's for $29, but at Loehmann's they were $49.  There were a couple of other things that I saw at other stores for less, so I didn't buy anything.

We headed home on the train, me reading my book and Mommy reading the paper.  As is my habit, I look up whenever the train doors open.  I look up this one time and had to mutter, "Damn!" this brother was looking mighty mighty swaggerlicious!  He was actually just alright in the face but the whole package was delicious.  And Mommy, with out even raising her head from her paper says, "I knew you were going to say that."  I love my Momma...