Who are the people in my neighborhood...

...in my neighborhood, in my ney-bor-hood! Oh! Who are the people in my neighborhood, the people that I meet, when I'm walking down the street. The pep-ple that I meeeeeet, eeeeeeaaaachhhhh daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Thank you thank you! You're too kind really.

So anyway, here's a little recap of the people in my life. Just in case you've forgotten, or gotten confused, or just started reading along.

Trouble - thats me you doofus! I write this shit. Well, sometimes I just cut and paste shit, but thats another story. I'm gonna be 30 in a few weeks. I've got no kids, never been IN love, own my own home, make very nice money for an executive assistant. Strange things happen to me on the train to and from work, including rat encounters and rampant erections. I've been at my job for 7 years, I work in the real estate industry. Before this I worked in the community development department of a major bank. I was a production assitant at the MTV Awards, twice. I've worked in the continuing education department of leading art institution. I was also the secretary on the board of the directors of a community development organization in Bedford Stuyvesant Brooklyn, where I was born and raised. Holla! I went to an independent school (private is an elitist term) from 7th grade to the high school graduation. I'm a little under 5'7', and weigh about 113. My apartment is a mess, mainly cause I'm usually at work til about 8:30 and I have way too many clothes. Which is another thing, I probably shop more than I should. I think the thing I heard most from teachers was, she doesn't live up to her potential. I love music and I play the trumpet. Well, I used to. I read alot, mostly fiction. I've never had cable tv. (I don't think WHT as a kid counts. Does anyone else remember that? Or when HBO was just a box and their call sign was a black cat?) I'm also something of a antisocial misanthrope at times. Hence my "People Suck" label.

Leggs Diamond - thats my sex crazed single and lovin it alter ego. Leggs Diamond has been known to have one night stands, stare at men's pimply penis' and kicked them the fuck out, and pick up men on the internet. I want to stress that Leggs always practices safe sex on her little adventures. She's also not above kicking a man in the ding a ling. She's also been on hiatus for a minute.

Tiki - me again! Thats my silly side. Mommy used to call me Tiki-tot when I was a kid and I always liked that nickname. Tiki is fascinated by The Muppet Show and Sesame Street. She's also partial to the Thundercats, Transformers, Smurfs, Scooby Doo (the original, not all this new crap they got out now) Jem, Knight Rider, Tigger (the tiger, not the mtc personality)Magnum PI, Kung Fu that came on Channel 5, and pretty much any cool tv show that was on in the 80s when I was a kid. Tiki's been causin trouble since 1977. I had this great night shirt when I was a kid that said "Here Comes Trouble" My Daddy got it for me. Tiki also hates eggs, clowns and bananas (except in fresh hot banana bread.) She's also the reason I have a serious jelly bean fetish. Well all around love for all things sweet. And commercials, Tiki's fscinated by commercials.

Duke - thats my 118 pound Belgian Shepherd mix (I think he's a mix) He also is known as Pooper and my puppy (even though he's about 8) He also likes candy (been known to unwrap and eat an entire pack of hi-chews and will hold the stick of a lollipop between his paws and lick it) and womens feet (he's a toe licker) He enjoys scaring unsuspecting thugs when he's out in the yard, sniffing the flowers my mom grows, and belly rubs. He also thinks that he weighs 18 pounds and that its ok to sleep on my bed when I'm not at home. Duke was rescued and he brings me alot of joy. Even when he tries to run between my legs and knocks me flat on my ass.

Mommy - duh, thats my Mommy. She lives upstairs and is my bestest friend. We bought a house together almost 8 years ago. She got the duplex, I got the studio. She pretty much raised me and my older sister on her own since my dad died when I was 8. I've been trying to get her to retire but she's not quite ready yet. One of the many reasons that Mommy rocks is cause she can cook her ass off. I mean seriously. I'm hoping that she'll make her braided bread for my birthday this year. Which is November 24th, I was born on Thanksgiving.

Hautechick - thats my sister. She started this blog, but you'll never find her here. I either think she's the greatest thing in the world after Mommy, or want to rip her head off. She's also be known as RipeShit when she pisses me off. No one else can talk about my sister though, I'll kick their ass. Seriously, don't test me on that one, I'm not above fightin dirty.

BossMan - thats the man who pays my bills. He's also the man that drives me nutso and one of the most intelligent driven people that I have ever met. You'll see that I vent about shit that goes down between us, but its just that. Me venting. I don't hate my boss. I do however, hate some of the dumb shit he does. But he pays me extremely well and lets me roll my eyes at him whenever I want! I kid about the last part. He hates when I roll my eyes at him. But he doesn't mind my endless questions and keeps me around for the comic relief that I provide my tripping over nothing, spilling water/tea/coffee/soda on his keyboard.

OfficeManager - thats BossMans sister. She runs our office, head bitch in charge. BossMan wouldn't be able to do shit without her and he knows it. And the rest of us know it. We used to hate each other (I once told her that if she wanted to get rid of me, she was going to have to fire me and we both knew her brother wasn't going to let her do it) but now she buys me lunch and gossips with me about the rest of the people that work there. I still don't entirely trust that she won't turn on me agian, but I'm all about the free lunch.

Brownie - he's my off again sex partner. I've known him for about 3 1/2 years now. He's got a kid that he doesn't spend much time with. He never invites me out. He made me take the fucking train home from his house one time talkinbout oh I gotta go to work I didnt tell you and bullshit motherfucker, bullshit! Sorry. No, actually I'm not, that shit was theraputic. I haven't told him that its over yet but I kinda feel like it wasn't shit to begin with so do I really owe him an explanation as to why I stopped calling?

KingofCrap - dude I was seeing right before I started dealing with Brownie again. Fed me some bullshit bout dont you think its time you settled down, I wanna be your man. And I wasnt buying it really. Its just not my style to be sleeping with more than one person at a time. Unless its at the same time, but thats another story. My "relationships" may be short lived, but they are exclusive, at least for however long I'd doing dude. Not really suprised to find out that he was dealing with someone else at the same time, just disappointed in myself for giving him another chance to make me look stoopid.

TheRecept/Crapcakes - she's the receptionist at my job. She's dumb as a post but not as dim witted and clueless as Bambi.

Bambi & Madame BigShot - she's new at my job. She's the assistant to Madame Bigwig. She's a cute girl, but she uses that to try and get people to do shit for her. Since I'm stricly dickly and consider myself an attractive woman who's best feature is the brain in her head (the other brain is serious as shit please believe) I find her very offensive. Not to mention she has one of my skirts. Madame BigShot is her boss, she just started working for us exclusively. I admire her in alot of ways, but she quite often rubs me the wrong way. Then again, most people rub me the wrong way.

Hottie - he was my first friend at my office. When I first started, I was the only American born person there. Not to mention they all knew each other from back home and I was the youngest. He's not really a hottie anymore, but he cracks me up and that really counts for something in my book. Plus he's an internet romeo. He's got all sorts a chicks on his shit based on his typing game. That two finger peck swagger is no joke. I just saw a picture of him when he was 20 and he was a hottie back in the day. Now he's married with twin boys. One looks like a miniture Hottie, and the other looks exactly like his wife.

Frenchie and Giraffe - shes (Frenchie) probably the only woman I work with that I would hang out with outside. He (Giraffe) lives in my hood so we sometimes take the train together. He's cool too and he's like 7 feet tall. I might be rounding up, but he's tall as shit.

Cousin T - my favorite female adult cousin. She's like 8 months yougner than me and not really a blood relative, but I love her and her family. She has the best stern grandmother and jazz lovin fishing grandpa. And her little cousins are the best. Cousin T is a teacher, and her mom married my cousin when she was a kid. My dad was the second youngest of 6 and my mom was 11 years younger than he was, so alot of my cousins have kids that are my age.

SuperSlag - thats one of Cousin T's sisters and my actual blood relative. She's three years older than me, Hautechicks age, and she's got two kids, one on the way. I don't call her SuperSlag cause she's happily married living the white picket fence dream. In alot of ways I feel sorry for her. In fact we became close when I found out that she was pregnant my senior year in high school. She had always been closer to Hautechick up until that point. We were pretty close until about 2 years ago. So close in fact, that she better pray that her ex doesn't call me as a witness in their custody hearing. Cause both of her kids live with him. Including the baby girl that she had when I was a senior in hs that's not even his. (he knows shes not his, but he raised her) That baby, now going on 13, is my god daughter, Monkeygirl. I don't get to see her or her brother much for a number of reasons. One being that her mother threatened to "Fuck you up!" cause I can only assume she thought I had slept with her drug and dick dealing man. The dude she's knocked up by. I got no problems with hustlas, long as they aint got no problem with me or mine, but dont call yourself one when you rocking the same shit all the time. I mean I could keep track of the days by what shirt dude had on. And don't call yourself a pimp with lines like "I got a scar on my ass you wanna see? I gotta take off my pants though." No! WeTodd I dont wanna see! Anything that SuperSlag is shaggin is not gettin touched by me.

Coco - CousinT's other sister. This is the chick with a boob job and 14 teeth, 12 of them brown and the other two are chipped. It's hard to believe, to me at least, but dudes look right past the rotten teeth, straight to those fake ass look 32D's.

Bobby - she grew up with Cousin T, and her wack sisters. I can't say that we don't get along but I can't say that I really like her either. She's also known as Gutz cause her's is huge. A comedian once called her broad backed. I don't remember the rest of the joke but needless to say she was shooting me dirty looks as I proceeded to crack the fuck up! I swear I almost peed on myself.

Stu - my 19 year old cousin. He's in college in Philly. I was there when he was born and I love him to distraction. I bought the kid $198 jeans for pete sake! I once picked all of the nuts out of a brownie for him. He never thought I was strange when I was younger and he always wanted to hang out with me. I don't want you to think I was unpopular, cause I wasn't. It's kind of hard to be unpopular when you go to a high school with 87 kids in it. Or when you're as cute as I am. But Stu always knew me, in sense that a lot of people never did. He still does.

Bubba- that's my white boy. We met in the 7th grade and have been friends ever since. He's another person that knows me better than most. We don't see each other much, in fact we stopped going to school together in the 9th grade. But no matter how much time passes, we just click. It also doesn't hurt that I think he's gorgeous and he's got one of the best asses I've ever had the pleasure of groping.

That's all the people that I can think of for now. TTFN!