...cause I always thought it wasn't possible. But then again with family, love takes on a whole nother definition. If it can be defined at all. Lord knows the love that I feel for my Mom is boundless, bottomless, unending, even when she's driving me crazy. And even though I may get mad at her, I always trust her.
My sister is another matter. Oh, I trust her, trust her to be her. I may not be able to always depend on her, but I know that I could trust her with my life. I can be sure that when she hurts me (which she does with a depth and percision that is uncanny) she's not aware of how deeply she cuts. She's a very of the moment individual, she says what shes thinking at the time, even if thats not how she feels two days later. And I know that eventually I will go back to hoping that we could have this close dynamic relationship and that she'll start to value me as an individual instead of just as her "little sister", and for a while it will be cool, until someone more interesting than her "little sister" comes along and her attention is diverted. And I go back to my hurt and bitterness. But I'll always trust her to love me.
Oh and my cousin, SuperSlag. I shed some tear over her this weekend, even though I will never admit it anyone in my family, and its not the first time. I cried the time we went out for my birthday some years ago, and she left me and her sisters stranded at the some club in Long Island when she disappeared with some dude she worked with and took the keys to the car with her. I waited til I got home, but I cried. I also didn't talk to her for months. But I got over it. And there were more hurts from her over the years, but the greatest came 2 years ago when she accused me of sleeping with her man. I'm pretty sure that he was playing both sides against each other, I knew it back then, but I still can't believe that she fell for it. You were there when they brought me home from the hospital and take some dude you've known 2 years word over mine? So I wiped my hands of it and I said I was done shedding tears for her. But then this weekend Cousin T called me. And she couldn't say much cause MonkeyGirl (my god daughter, Cousin T's neice and SS's daughter) was with her but essentially, SuperSlag is in the hospital. They had to induce labor, the baby was premature but seems to be doing fine, but my cousin is in a medically induced coma. And I'm hoping and praying that she's ok, and shedding tears for her once again...
12 comments:
Aw, hunnie! I'm giving you a big hug cause I feel for you and I know exactly what you mean with Haute and Superslag (the name rocks, tho)
I wish I could take away the hurt, Trouble!
Love and trust. Idealistically they go together, but really...you give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but never trust them. They walk on you a few times, and then when you begin to wash your hands of them, they turn their lives around.
Remember, never believe anything you hear or half of what you see. Also, don't let one eye trust the other. Foreigner wisdom.
Love and other indoor sports,
Harlequin
Oh, that's so sad! *hugs* I hope everything's fine...
i pray ur cuz will be fine. ur such a wodnerful person trubs, ur always there for ur fam/frins. they are soo lucky to hav u.
onto ur sis. my bro is the same way. ill trust him w/ my life, buh if i told him TODAY that february 15th 2008 we are going shopping, he'd say "ok" then come feb 15th 2008 he'd be like "i dun feel like going, i hav to work, i dun hav any money". so u know wuh? i says foregt it, i luvs u more than life itself, buh ur not dependable sometimes.
ur sis knows u better than u know urself so of course she knows the things to say thatll cut u deeply.
Hopefully all will be alright. Just keep your head up.
Oh gosh I hope ur cousin will be ok. I think u can def love and not trust.
Once i was out in town with my sis, her bf and 3 other peeps (which were mainly my sis's bf's friends) - anyone one of the friends was totally creepy, I was always nice to him as I felt sorry for him but then he sorta started semi-stalking me. i'd explained to him I didn't wanna be in relationship or anything but that night I realised he'd convinced himself i just didn't understand what we meant when he asked me out and kept saying he needed to talk to me and then would say "I can't explain what I mean in words" and then I didn't understand what he mean't or how he felt - I FUCKING KNEW, EVERYONE KNEW. Anywho there was this other guy there who creepy guy didn't get on with that much, he was really nice to me and pretended to be my boyfriend when some sleazy guy was trying to crack on to me in a sleazy nightclub. Creepyboy kept getting me drinks and i said no but he kept insisting and bringing them anyway - so i was completely wasted and ended up kissing the other guy (who had been encouraged to this by his friend (the other guy) that was there). Anyway creepyboy chucked a fit like he had some sort of claim over me or something - the others all went after him and left me (completely wasted) with this guy who i barely knew. We tried to follow them but they got in a taxi and my sister freaked out and tried to stop them but she ended up getting in the taxi with them. Here I was left on the street drunk and confused with this guy I barely knew at 4am in the morning, 40mins drive from my house and I didn't know how to get home.
I was angry at my sister but I knew she was upset about so I was most angry at my sister's bf coz I had lived with him for about 3 years and considered him a close friend, he didn't think tiwce about leaving me there and the other person there who had encouraged that guy to hook up with me and then told creepyboy what arseholes we were for doing it - he was aso the one who told everyone to just leave us there.
So anyway - i totally understand y u were pissed after being abandoned in a nightclub by people u though cared about u, especially on your dam birthday but when we get angry at our family or they abuse ur trust deep down we still love them. I hope your cousin gets better soon and then maybe u can explain how she's hurt u and mend ur relationship.
Shit, sorry didn't realise how long dat was - guess i needed to get that of my chest (still a little pissed of at those wankers I think).
damn janers that was long, and some of the slang was dif than ours, buh no bother. thnk god u got home safely. guys sounded creepy as hell!!
oh and hav us tarted a new blog!? i sees u got a blogger page!
different slang? Like what?
Nup no blog yet, I was thinking about started one where i can whinge about stuff but can't be bothered just yet.
didn't get on with
trying to crack on to me
and maybe a few other things i didnt really notice, buh yeah we are waiting for that janers blog!
Really so u don't use get on with? (get along with) or crack onto someone (hit on them) - ok the cracking on to one sounds weird when i think about it but so does hitting on someone, who came up with those?
idk janers, buh im not arguing w/ the english of a country that gives me thanksgiving and the day after thnksgiving off....
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