Guess What, Chicken Butt!

ahahahahahahahaha! Sorry, that always cracks me up.  Soooooo I hope you're not thinking that I went to some incredible party on Saturday, met an amazing gorgeous man and have spent the last two days dying a million little deaths (fun fact in case you're wondering what the fuck that meant, the french refer to an orgasm as la petit morte)  That was sooooo not the case...

I woke up on Saturday in a wonderful mood.  I laid in bed awhile thinking that I wanted to go buy some black J Brand skinny jeans in case I decided to go out later.  Duke peeked over the edge of the bed to wish me Happy Birthday and I threw back the covers and launched myself out of bed, prepared to face this day with aplomb.  Only to hop right the fuck back in the bed almost as soon as my feet hit the floor.  Shit it was cold!  So I laid there awhile longer, and Duke was patient, I think that was his gift to me.  It took me a while but I finally got myself up and Duke out to pee and poop.

We get back inside, I give Popper breakfast and I'm standing there thinking maybe I should get back in the bed for a little while longer.  Then the phone rings, Hautey calling to wish me Happy Happy Joy Joy.  (We're speaking again, reconnected over taking pictures of her husband sleeping at the table on Thanksgiving, yet again)  She wants to know what I want to do today.  "Nothing much, I need some new black J Brands, so I'm thinking about buying them as a gift to myself."  (Cause if you've been paying attention you know that I hate to pay full price for anything)  And she's all, "I want to go to the City too, so I'll just OH SHIT IT FUCKING COLD!"  I guess thats when she finally got out of bed.  I know my sister, so I know whats coming next, she's not going to want to go.  "I don't want to go outside, it's too cold!"  told ya!  Ok, well I'm gonna go by myself.  "No!  You can't go shopping on your birthday by yourself!"  Uh why not?  So I hang up and go upstairs to get Thanksgiving Dinner 3.5.  

Mommy's all, "what do you feel like doing for your birthday?"  I tell her about the conversation with Hautey and tell her I'm going to the City.  "By yourself?  You can't go by yourself on your birthday!"  Again, why not!?!  She convinces me to wait and she'll drive out to Westbury (home of the best of the Century 21 Department Stores, Roosevelt Field Mall, Off Fifth, Nordstrom's The Rack, The Cheesecake Factory AND Costco) So we both eat and then the turkey hits.  "I really don't feel like driving, how about I take the train with you to the City?"  She got a little offended when I told her no thanks, that I could be to the City and back faster if I went by myself.  But I didn't end up going anywhere during the day, Hautey was right it was too bloomin cold!

So later that afternoon Cousin T calls me, "Happy Happy, what are you doing later?  I'm helping Bobby move some furniture, and I have to go see SS in the hospital later, and drop some stuff off to MonkeyGirl but its your birthday so what do you want to do?"  She didn't really tell me all of the things that she had to do that day cause she's not one to complain, but I figured it out.  Slick also called to see what I was doing that night.  So I looked into a couple of parties, but by 7 I didn't really feel like dressing up, wearing heels, fighting crowds, or paying for an overpriced drink, specially when I had drinking free Prosecco all day.  (free as in Mommy and Hautey bought it)  So I called Cousin T back and asked if she just wanted to go bowling.  I was hoping it would just be the two of us, cause she is my favorite and comes with the least drama and fuckery.  Plus I knew she had been having a hard week with SS's still in the hospital (she's out of the coma and semi back to her slaggish ways. named the baby after her babydaddy's mom that shes known all of 2 years instead of the woman that raised her, Cousin T's mom is SS's stepmom)

So I went bowling with Cousin T.  Wore my favorite limited edition Jimi Hendrix t some tight ass jeans and my over the knee boots.  Comfortable yet sexy.  We got drunk, bowled crappily, and talked about a whole lot of shit.  It was great.  The next day Mommy, Hautechick and I went out to Westbury, Hautey said she would buy me and Mommy lunch for my birthday.  We hit Century 21 (sorry to anyone who doesn't live in NYC or know what Century 21 is, sucks for you!  Its the #1 discount department store in NYC according to Zagat)  Not only did I find my black J Brands (tiny hole on the left thigh, $69)  but I also found that grey and cream silk Walter dress that I lusted over and put on Polyvore.  $69 for a 100% silk dress that was $258 (I think) like 2 months ago.  I.  Love.  Century 21.   Hautechick called me last night to see if the dress fit cause she was sweating it.  And my cashier was the cutest!

I almost got some Chanel platform pumps for $220 with 20% off, but alas they were too small.  And I walked through that store that sells Sarah Jessica Parker and Serena Williams' clothing lines (I really can't remember the name of the store but I know that SJP's line is called Bitten and Serena's is called Eleven) and the challenge winners outfit from Project Runway.  First of all, kudos to Serena.  The stuff looks great and feels pretty good and doesn't smell like I've noticed some items from that store do.  Its mostly sweats and workout gear but the pieces have a nice cut to them.  SJP's shit on the other hand, looked like crap.  And that dress and vest looked a hell of alot cuter on Project Runway.  I would have gotten one to sell on ebay, but I don't believe in selling crap.

And Daaaaaaaaayaaaaaaaam Hautechick!  Did you even take a breathe the whole 30 minutes it took us to get back to your house?  She sure as hell didn't stop talking...

And what the hell is up with telling me you'll take me to lunch then trying to buy me lunch from Ranch 1?  (didn't fall for the banana in the tail pipe, I was a brat but I got my lunch from the Cheesecake Factory and ordered a fried chicken sandwich just to piss her off) Oh and I spent all day sleeping...