"Left Cheek! Left Cheek! Left Cheek!"

I spent the weekend watching Transformers like 3 times. Hence the title. If you dont remember what I'm talkinbout, Josh D. and Tyrese were in the desert under attack and Josh is looking for Tyrese's wallet. Anywho, here's some things that I learned this weekend

1) I'm not really excited about this upcoming birthday (19 DAYS!!!) It may have something to do with the fact that I'm turning 30, but I'd like to believe that I'm not that shallow. Oh, don't get me wrong, I have my inch deep moments, but I'm not that bad.

2) After 30 plus years of driving a manual, Mommy's shoulder is starting to bother her. I also was kidding about one of her calfs being bigger than the other from all the shifting, but it turns out that one is more defined than the other. Weird!

3) My Mail people are the worst in Brooklyn! I get a slip on Friday for a package that they supposedly tried to deliver on Thursday. But Mommy was home on Thursday, and I was home on Friday. Lucky for me it was the postal supervisor (idk what hes really called, dude had a badge) that helped me when I went to pick up my dvds. I sure did complain bout that shit.

4) For some reason, my mother has picked up the quirky habit of flashing her lights at people when were driving. You know, someone will be going what she thinks is too slow, and rather than go around them, she'll flash her headlights, repeatedly, until the move. She also seems to think that the speed limit is somewhere around 78 miles per hour.

5) If I think its going to rain later and I put on my rain boots and Mommy says, "What are you wearing those for?" its not going to rain. At least it won't rain wherever I'll be so I'll be the ass walking around in galoshes for no reason.

6)Pumpkin Cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory $45 (I might have rounded up) same exact Pumpkin Cheesecake presliced and errything! at Costco $18 (GO COSTCO! They also had my apple cider!)

7)Last year around this time, I bought some copper bottomed cookware even though I hardly ever cook. This year I bought the vacuum even though I hardly clean...

8) I have too many clothes, its kinda ridiculous.

9) A valerian root based tea actually helps me to fall asleep, but only if I'm already a little sleepy and can't drift off. Its no help what so ever if I'm not already sleepy.

10) Those shots the dentist gave me had me loopy for, well I'm still kinda loopy

11) Even though I reminded you all to FALL BACK, it was noon on Sunday before I figured out that it was really 11 am and I had gotten up waaaaay earlier than I would have liked. I did get to see The Artist formerly known as Hobbles though. He's pretty great! He got Mommy an airplant - google that shit if you like plants, this one doesn't need soil or a pot! (if your saying who? the Artist is my brother in law, he was hobbles when I started writing cause he had just torn his ACL)

12) Mommy and I act like fussy sisters sometimes. We went out on Saturday and stopped to get pizza. I ask what she wants and she's like "Oh, just a regular slice." I ask her like 10 times if shes sure then I get her the one slice and get myself a white cheese slice and a regular. I sit down and she's all "Oh, that white cheese is for you?" Uh, yeah, you asked for regular. "Oh, cause that looks really good." I asked you 327 times if you wanted anything else. "Can I have a bite?" You ever tried to tell your Mom no for something? Then she starts listing all the times since your birth that you asked her for something and she said yes? Well I didn't want to have that conversation again so I told her to go ahead. And you know what she does? Rips off half my crust and a nice hunk of pizza too. How the hell and I supposed to eat my slice with half of the crust aka handle missing? And I ask her and she's all "Oh I didn't think about that" and ended up giving her the slice rather than get pissed. So she ate it and her regular and I had to wait while a new pizza finished baking. There should be some kinda rule about misinvoking motherly guilt for pettiness! Cause that was straight some shit that Hautechick would have done...

13) I still haven't spoken to Hautechick, Mommy keeps asking me if I called her. I think she feels guilty cause she often is the hype man for our battles.

14) I was sooooooo gonna tell Brownie that I didn't want to see him anymore, but then I read this horoscope that was basically telling me that all my relationship drama should happen around the 24th (my birthday coincidentally) so I decided to put it off til then.