11.30.2007
One More Thing...
Did anyone else watch Jackie Chan's cartoon? Anybody? Anybody? Ooooooook So anyway I forgot a couple of random things from the previous post and rather than edit decided to do an entirely new post! Yay for you!
-I was originally upset that Tyra kicked Heather off of ANTM but then I realized that it was probably the best thing that Tyra could have evah done for that girls career. Cause lets be real, the winners aren't in Vogue or Harpers, they get a spread in fucking 17 magazine. Shit I'd take a Lucky spread over 17. And chickydee is gorgeous so I'm sure someone will pick her up AND get her a handler...
-Yay Elio! (I luv that guy I think its the dimples)
- Did anyone else notice Coco with IceT on SVU last week?
- I'd make some real money if I had some porn links on this blog. THERE ARE NO NAKED BLACK CHICKS, IN BOOTS, ON BOYS, ON DOGS OR OTHERWISE ON THIS BLOG!
11.29.2007
"So Did You Find Anymore Potatoes?"
Trouble: "What the hell are you talking about Mommy?"
Mommy: "In the bed, did you find anymore potatoes in the bed."
Needless to say soon after this lil convo, I developed a case of the giggles and got kicked out of Mommy's room for getting silly when I'm sleepy. Here's some randomness
- I had to go into the office today even though I'm still on vacation. I've been taking care of some personal bidness and realized that the only official copy of my college transcript was at work. So I called Recept from downstairs, thinking that BossMan might be in a meeting. No such luck, he's in his office, so she suggest I sneak in the back way. I do and run into Hottie and the NewGuy but I Jedi mind tricked them ("I wasn't here. You never saw me. This is all a figment of your imagination. Hold this for me til I get back.") and got confused looks from Buzz. He's a older gentleman and I hate to confuse him so I explained I had to pick something up. Get to my office and Giraffe is in BossMan's office distracting him. I'm so worried about BossMan hearing me that I don't notice that BossManLite has snuck up behind me! "Ah Trouble I was looking for you..." Crap! Luckily BossManLite isn't very demanding and just needed a phone number. I've got my transcript in hand and I'm packing up my deliveries (more on that later) put my coat on turn to leave and run right into BossMan. "What are you doing here?! Are you nuts?" Apparently...
-I've come to realize that the thought of giving birth scares the bejezzus out of me! I mean SS ending up in a coma really helped to bring that home for me. But I mean I freak out thinking about it now, I'm not sure I'll be able to do it. If I see a birth on tv and something goes wrong, I end up curled into a ball with my fingers in my ears. I can't bear it! Lucky for me its not like I'm actually having sex or anything that might result in a baby...
-So I want to go back to school, but I dont know for what. I dont need an advanced degree for what I'm doing now, so it would basically be for whatever I decided to do when I no longer want to work for BossMan. I doubt it will be Real Estate since I've been spoiled and can suffer nothing less than true Indiana Limestone and Italian Marble. Annnnnd since I can't afford that shit its pretty much out of the question. Besides have you guys been paying attention to the shitstorm that is the housing market these days? The only thing that doesn't seem to be effected is the luxury market, but even those properties are staying on the market longer than expected. Real Estate is still one of the most stable investments in my opinion though, specially if you have a property that can generate income...
- I can't drink coffee, it gives me the hypers and a really bad stomach ache. So I drink alot of tea. I think one of my favorites is Earl Grey with half and half . I'm drinking some right now...
- I have a really sensitive nose, specially for baked goods. I think it might have to do with the fact that my Mom used to bake cakes and the like to make cash when I was a wee one. So I spent alot of time sitting in the kitchen while she baked. Its to the point now that I can tell when something she baked is done by smell alone. It kinda freaks her out when I walk into the her house talkinbout, "I think the cakes done" right before the timer rings. I'm eating some of her cream cheese icing right now...
-I joined Bag Borrow or Steal and borrowed three bags, two Botkier and a Coach bag. Its really quite funny since I just got my postcard in the mail for the 25% preferred customer event thats coming up. I spend way too much money on Coach stuff, but I've never had a problem with any of their leather goods. Botkier uses some really nice leather too. I own a Botkier Bombay Satchel that I don't carry enough but I love cause it has this bitchin leather flogger attached to it. I also love that bag cause I got it for like half off from the Saks website. Or it might have been Neiman...
-I'm getting rid of some clothes. So if any of the Typhos are a size 0, 1 or 2 (don't I just make you sick?) you can have first dibs, you pay for shipping though....
11.28.2007
The view from my roof
dont worry the roof is flat I was in no danger, at least I wasn't in alot of danger. More of a controlled danger really...
le Gasp!
Bossip is reporting that Naomi Campbell is dating Lewis Hamilton! (and that he's worth $200 million) I dont know wether to say "get it NayNay!" or "damn you NayNay!"
Wow
I think I went everywhere today. I even stopped by Swag's Pretty Black. I was supposed to be cleaning my house but you guys distracted me.
So I'm a little pissy. Last Friday, Mommy and I priced the Passat and I said, "Lets go tomorrow!" and she was like no, you're off of work next week, we'll go on Monday or Tuesday. And of course you all know today is Wednesday and I haven't regaled (is that the right word Anners? Anners always knows the right word) you with tales of me in the new car. Thats because when I brought it up, Mommy was like "Oh you thought we were really going this week?" Uh yeah cause thats what you said.
And then yesterday, Mommy and I were talking about something and from my perspective, she called me irresponsible and childish. Childish, hell yeah, irresponsible hell nah! Uh do I need to remind you who pays the mortgage every month on time? I don't know how to handle one thing and I'm irresponsible. Thanks. So this happened right before we were about to leave the house. Mommy had to return some things from the shopping trip on Sunday and I was going to ride with her. And I told her, I really didn't feel like riding in the car with her after she just insulted me. I know myself and I know I'm not going to let it go and we'll end up arguing. So she called me immature. Here I am thinking I'm doing the right thing by walking away from an argument with my mother and she calls me immature. Thanks ma! And I sure as hell hope that she didn't think that calling me names would get me to go.
So she leaves and I get an email from Hautechick. Apparently she dropped her cell phone in a glass of water (*snicker) right after she got an text from one of our few boy cousins. Would I mind texting him back and letting him know her phone is broken and she'll get back to him when its replaced? Not such a large request right? Except for when you take into account that thats pretty much what I do at work, and I'm on got damned vacation this week. And the fact that I hate making excuses for people, BossMan included (but at least he pays me!) If you can take the time to explain to me what exactly the person called for and what you want me to say to them, then you can pick up a fucking phone and return the fucking call! Sorry, that shit irks me.
Then I watched Shrek the Third. I think Justa Timberfake ruined it for me. I can't stand that guy. But the part that he wasn't in were good. Bet Cam Diaz is regretting getting him that part huh?
Sheeeeeet....
...I almost passed the fuck out this morning. Ok, it was afternoon, but still, the point is I almost passed out. I think I got out of bed to fast. But it didn't hit me right away. I managed to get up, pee, brush my teeth, go out in the backyard with Duke, pick up poop (maybe thats what did it), get back inside, give Duke his breakfast, pee again and then when I was standing up, I almost passed the fuck out. Good thing I made it back to the bed cause Duke has been known to take advantage of me when I'm on the floor vulnerable. I hit the bed and within seconds I was covered in sweat. Next thing I knew Mommy was standing over me laughing. And I had to explain to her what I was doing flopped across the bed with my sweatshirt on one arm, my henley up over my head, one sock off, and my sweatpants around my knees.
11.27.2007
my obsession with Walter continues
This is the dress I got for $69! (see below for the story) And did anyone see The Game tonight - ok yesterday, cause when MedSchool aka Girl Melanie was knocking on Derwin's door to get the Little Black Boy picture, she was rocking my Diane von Furstenberg dress! Owwwwww!
Guess What, Chicken Butt!
ahahahahahahahaha! Sorry, that always cracks me up. Soooooo I hope you're not thinking that I went to some incredible party on Saturday, met an amazing gorgeous man and have spent the last two days dying a million little deaths (fun fact in case you're wondering what the fuck that meant, the french refer to an orgasm as la petit morte) That was sooooo not the case...
I woke up on Saturday in a wonderful mood. I laid in bed awhile thinking that I wanted to go buy some black J Brand skinny jeans in case I decided to go out later. Duke peeked over the edge of the bed to wish me Happy Birthday and I threw back the covers and launched myself out of bed, prepared to face this day with aplomb. Only to hop right the fuck back in the bed almost as soon as my feet hit the floor. Shit it was cold! So I laid there awhile longer, and Duke was patient, I think that was his gift to me. It took me a while but I finally got myself up and Duke out to pee and poop.
We get back inside, I give Popper breakfast and I'm standing there thinking maybe I should get back in the bed for a little while longer. Then the phone rings, Hautey calling to wish me Happy Happy Joy Joy. (We're speaking again, reconnected over taking pictures of her husband sleeping at the table on Thanksgiving, yet again) She wants to know what I want to do today. "Nothing much, I need some new black J Brands, so I'm thinking about buying them as a gift to myself." (Cause if you've been paying attention you know that I hate to pay full price for anything) And she's all, "I want to go to the City too, so I'll just OH SHIT IT FUCKING COLD!" I guess thats when she finally got out of bed. I know my sister, so I know whats coming next, she's not going to want to go. "I don't want to go outside, it's too cold!" told ya! Ok, well I'm gonna go by myself. "No! You can't go shopping on your birthday by yourself!" Uh why not? So I hang up and go upstairs to get Thanksgiving Dinner 3.5.
Mommy's all, "what do you feel like doing for your birthday?" I tell her about the conversation with Hautey and tell her I'm going to the City. "By yourself? You can't go by yourself on your birthday!" Again, why not!?! She convinces me to wait and she'll drive out to Westbury (home of the best of the Century 21 Department Stores, Roosevelt Field Mall, Off Fifth, Nordstrom's The Rack, The Cheesecake Factory AND Costco) So we both eat and then the turkey hits. "I really don't feel like driving, how about I take the train with you to the City?" She got a little offended when I told her no thanks, that I could be to the City and back faster if I went by myself. But I didn't end up going anywhere during the day, Hautey was right it was too bloomin cold!
So later that afternoon Cousin T calls me, "Happy Happy, what are you doing later? I'm helping Bobby move some furniture, and I have to go see SS in the hospital later, and drop some stuff off to MonkeyGirl but its your birthday so what do you want to do?" She didn't really tell me all of the things that she had to do that day cause she's not one to complain, but I figured it out. Slick also called to see what I was doing that night. So I looked into a couple of parties, but by 7 I didn't really feel like dressing up, wearing heels, fighting crowds, or paying for an overpriced drink, specially when I had drinking free Prosecco all day. (free as in Mommy and Hautey bought it) So I called Cousin T back and asked if she just wanted to go bowling. I was hoping it would just be the two of us, cause she is my favorite and comes with the least drama and fuckery. Plus I knew she had been having a hard week with SS's still in the hospital (she's out of the coma and semi back to her slaggish ways. named the baby after her babydaddy's mom that shes known all of 2 years instead of the woman that raised her, Cousin T's mom is SS's stepmom)
So I went bowling with Cousin T. Wore my favorite limited edition Jimi Hendrix t some tight ass jeans and my over the knee boots. Comfortable yet sexy. We got drunk, bowled crappily, and talked about a whole lot of shit. It was great. The next day Mommy, Hautechick and I went out to Westbury, Hautey said she would buy me and Mommy lunch for my birthday. We hit Century 21 (sorry to anyone who doesn't live in NYC or know what Century 21 is, sucks for you! Its the #1 discount department store in NYC according to Zagat) Not only did I find my black J Brands (tiny hole on the left thigh, $69) but I also found that grey and cream silk Walter dress that I lusted over and put on Polyvore. $69 for a 100% silk dress that was $258 (I think) like 2 months ago. I. Love. Century 21. Hautechick called me last night to see if the dress fit cause she was sweating it. And my cashier was the cutest!
I almost got some Chanel platform pumps for $220 with 20% off, but alas they were too small. And I walked through that store that sells Sarah Jessica Parker and Serena Williams' clothing lines (I really can't remember the name of the store but I know that SJP's line is called Bitten and Serena's is called Eleven) and the challenge winners outfit from Project Runway. First of all, kudos to Serena. The stuff looks great and feels pretty good and doesn't smell like I've noticed some items from that store do. Its mostly sweats and workout gear but the pieces have a nice cut to them. SJP's shit on the other hand, looked like crap. And that dress and vest looked a hell of alot cuter on Project Runway. I would have gotten one to sell on ebay, but I don't believe in selling crap.
And Daaaaaaaaayaaaaaaaam Hautechick! Did you even take a breathe the whole 30 minutes it took us to get back to your house? She sure as hell didn't stop talking...
And what the hell is up with telling me you'll take me to lunch then trying to buy me lunch from Ranch 1? (didn't fall for the banana in the tail pipe, I was a brat but I got my lunch from the Cheesecake Factory and ordered a fried chicken sandwich just to piss her off) Oh and I spent all day sleeping...
11.24.2007
11.21.2007
Music from the Sole...
Can I just say, that he moves his upper body alot more than you would think, but its crazy that the only thing in focus in the first pic is his legs. I think I have better pics, but blooger is being an ass and I had two Grey Goose and Pineapple juices...
*le Sigh
Can I just say, Mommy rocks! Seriously, best birthday gift evah! (at least that I can remember) So the seats weren't the best, but that was my fault (more on that later, if I remember) and I could still see all three dancers and their feet. But damn if I didn't have a cheesy grin on my face from the moment Savion stepped out on stage, wearing a Gregory Hines t-shirt I might add,. Part of the reason that I had such a good time was because you could tell that he was having such a good time. He was smiling and "Yeah Baby!"ing it up, but I think he had the most fun when he was watching the other two dancers (who were bad ass by the by) do their solos.
The name of the set was "Music from the Sole" and he and the other two dancers basically made music by hoofing. There was also a sax/coronet player and a steel pan player, but for most of the set it was either Savion by himself of with the other two dudes backing him up. They horn dude was good, but the steel pan dude blew my mind. He played everything on that pan from jazz to hip hop to rap (cause its not the same thing to me) to pop to fucking Chopin. My favorites of the horn guys pieces were Night in Tunisia and My Favorite Things, which just happen to be two of my favorite jazz songs. I kept hoping for Naima by John Coltrane, but alas it wasn't meant to be...
So I was late, cause all those fuckers I work with broke the fuck out and I don't feel right leaving OfficeManager in the office by herself. Persian Royalty showed up and he's a gentleman so I knew she'd be alright, but by the time I met Mommy at BB Kings, the place was pretty packed. So the host shows us to this table and its kinda cramped but its two seats and we could see the stage. I must have made a face or something cause while we're standing there with the waiter, the manager (kind of a cute if somewhat preppy black dude) appears out of no where to assure us that these are the best seats that they have left. Mommy's giving me the smirk, the one that means "look at my child, flirting again" which I wasn't! But somehow, that manager was always nearby. Despite that I was able to get some pretty ok pictures and since my camera rocks I was also able to get something that I was supposed to but I don't know how to get it off of the camera and onto the blog, so somebody send me an email on how to do that shit.
And can I just say that I was a complete and total fan girl. Since I posted those pics of Savion yesterday, I had them on my ipod so I was showing them to Mommy who shows them to the woman sitting next to her who happened to be a Psychology teacher at Queens College. She was this adorable maybe late 50 ish vegetarian who was taking the tap class of one of the backup dancers - who also teaches at Queens College. So there is a possibility that Savion will hear about the adorable thin chick whose turning 30 on Saturday and has pictures of him and Tony Curtis on her ipod. Speaking of Tony Curtis, Mommy did something ("I don't know, I pressed something!") and the picture of Tony Curtis popped up and Mommy and the Psych Prof were like, "Uh?" so I told them it was Tony Curtis and they were both like, "He used to be so cute" (ha Danae!)
AND HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY SAVION! ( it was on Monday)
11.20.2007
More Pretty Pictures!
Just like Danae likes Jason Bourne but not Matt Damon, I'm gonna say that I like Legolas but not Orlando Bloom (dudes looking a lot worse for wear lately, maybe he needs to stop Turning those Wheels - sorry that was a lame joke)
I even like him with a little grey in his hair.
Will Demps..
Steph Jones, I dont know who he is really, but damn that mouth (oh, he's a singer)
Idris...
Now that's a bad mother - shut your mouth!
Bond on the beach in bikini's (ok they aren't bikini's )
He may very well need a flea dip and some Valtrex, but damn if those abs aren't screaming my name, "Come lick me Trouble! Oh how I need you!"
You were so right, sexy never left, you fine little man!
Oh Pharrell! Why do I find your little pea head sooo sessay?
Brooklyn swagger at its finest! Jay might have gotten this title if he had sat his ass down two albums ago...
Some say he might have broken Halle, but I say dat dude Micheal Ealy is yummalicious
Cutie patootie Lewis Hamilton. Vaa vaa vaa voooooom!
Sometimes, he's not that hot. And I think I might make him keep the hat on. Larry Johnson. Is it me or is he the Camel's bitch? (he is wearing his chain. No offense Larry! Happy Birthday by the by)
THE Dancin Dude, or at least one of THE Dancin Dudes. Shoot he must have been doing something right to have all them kids
Couldn't decide between a Jack Sparrow pic or this one, think I stole it from Daners...(or Anners or one of the TypHos) I've had a crush on him since 21 Jump Street, but I'm only borrowing
Loved his first album, didn't buy the second, but did you see that video of him dancing with the woman from the audience?!?
Pretty Pictures
What?!? Dude plays Elmo! and yall know how I feel about puppets
Marlon Brando
Bad ass James Dean, who was said to have idolized Marlon Brando
Gerard in the front and a little Wisdom in the back. Seriously, Gerard's thighs are a thing of beauty
Now thats swagger for your ass! Get it Mr. Pooper!
Can't remember dudes name, but he's African royalty and plays football (I sooo want to say, "The royal penis is clean your highness.")
Y'all remember Dhani right?
Ok, so they aren't that hot, but its De La Fucking Soul!
Daniel something or other, I think he may have gotten a chin implant though
Dreamy fucking Lonnie Rashid Lynn...
How bout a little Trouble filling for that Barber sandwich?
Tomorrow
When I was a kid, Mommy enrolled both me and sisty in ballet classes. It didn't take long for her to discover that I have a bit of an issue sitting/standing still and I only listen if its interesting. So into gymnastics I went, it was perfect, until the gym I went too closed. So back to dance, but this time into jazz and tap, and I loved it. Then at 12, I saw Tap, starring Gregory Hines and Sammy Davis Jr., and fell in love with Savion Glover. I know, I know, he's kinda scruffy now, but he is where my love of dancing men began.
Maybe a year ago, I was riding the bus cross town and I saw him walking by. I jumped up, squealed like a stuck pig, and ran to the window. Then I had to explain that Savion Glover just walked by and then who Savion Glover is. So guess where Mommy is taking me tomorrow night? TO SEE SAVION GLOVER!!!!! And I'm so excited its ridiculous.
And as if I needed anymore reason to love he, he was on SESAME STREET FOR FIVE SEASONS! I swear thats like my dream job. So there was a little incident with some greenery, that doesn't make him a bad person, just chillaxed as all hell...
Yeah Bitch, I'm Talking To You, The Remix
Just in case you missed it, I got this comment to the last post
Kisses Bitches!
Trouble said...
I dont like her thats my opinion based on what she presents to the public. Is it hate? No its my truth. I don't know her from a hole on the wall to waste that much time on "hating" someone that has no bearing whatsoever on my life Anonymous.
So just because she's "black" and successful I'm supposed to love her?! I'm sorry but its gonna take more than the color of her skin and a few catchy hooks to sway me to the point where I feel its necessary to leave anonymous comments on someones blog when they don't like her.
It was a three sentence post that took me a minute and a half to write. Trust me, my hate is alot more time consuming than that.
And if youre such a strong independent woman, why the anonymous comment?
Kisses Bitches!
11.19.2007
Yeah Bitch, I'm talking to you...
...let me just say that if I happen to see your Josephine Baker biting, Spanx and butt pad wearing, hooker red lipstick rocking, camel fucking, polyester satin wearing, gold killing, just ok singing, no hairline having, pushup bra wearing, dead eyed Robohoe ass on the street, its on.
Bitch gets on my last nerve. How many of yall are chipping in for my bail, cause I know where she lives!
(sorry, but I see that picture of her sticking her ass out at the AMA's one more gain, I'mma hurt somebody)
Bitch gets on my last nerve. How many of yall are chipping in for my bail, cause I know where she lives!
(sorry, but I see that picture of her sticking her ass out at the AMA's one more gain, I'mma hurt somebody)
Ben
That's what I'm naming the dancing rat. Cause I swear its the same one. I almost got a picture of him this morning with a cupcake, but my clumsiness and the arriving train conspired against you. I stood there for about 3 minutes chuckling while the lil fucker tried to drag that cupcake all the way across the track and under the third rail. When he first found it, he did his little dance, then he got took a bite and got spooked and ran away. (Ben is like greased lighting, bitch can move!) Then he came back, nibbled a bit, got hopped up on sugar and thought he was SuperRat. Able to jump burning third rails with a single bound. It was a close thing but he got it. Then he did a little dance and I laughed and the lady with no teeth looked at me like I was crazy.
Maybe tomorrow morning...
this is what my life has come to, getting my shits and grins from a fucking rat. Yeah Harley, NY is so fucking glamorous.
Maybe tomorrow morning...
this is what my life has come to, getting my shits and grins from a fucking rat. Yeah Harley, NY is so fucking glamorous.
11.18.2007
Can you love and not trust...
...cause I always thought it wasn't possible. But then again with family, love takes on a whole nother definition. If it can be defined at all. Lord knows the love that I feel for my Mom is boundless, bottomless, unending, even when she's driving me crazy. And even though I may get mad at her, I always trust her.
My sister is another matter. Oh, I trust her, trust her to be her. I may not be able to always depend on her, but I know that I could trust her with my life. I can be sure that when she hurts me (which she does with a depth and percision that is uncanny) she's not aware of how deeply she cuts. She's a very of the moment individual, she says what shes thinking at the time, even if thats not how she feels two days later. And I know that eventually I will go back to hoping that we could have this close dynamic relationship and that she'll start to value me as an individual instead of just as her "little sister", and for a while it will be cool, until someone more interesting than her "little sister" comes along and her attention is diverted. And I go back to my hurt and bitterness. But I'll always trust her to love me.
Oh and my cousin, SuperSlag. I shed some tear over her this weekend, even though I will never admit it anyone in my family, and its not the first time. I cried the time we went out for my birthday some years ago, and she left me and her sisters stranded at the some club in Long Island when she disappeared with some dude she worked with and took the keys to the car with her. I waited til I got home, but I cried. I also didn't talk to her for months. But I got over it. And there were more hurts from her over the years, but the greatest came 2 years ago when she accused me of sleeping with her man. I'm pretty sure that he was playing both sides against each other, I knew it back then, but I still can't believe that she fell for it. You were there when they brought me home from the hospital and take some dude you've known 2 years word over mine? So I wiped my hands of it and I said I was done shedding tears for her. But then this weekend Cousin T called me. And she couldn't say much cause MonkeyGirl (my god daughter, Cousin T's neice and SS's daughter) was with her but essentially, SuperSlag is in the hospital. They had to induce labor, the baby was premature but seems to be doing fine, but my cousin is in a medically induced coma. And I'm hoping and praying that she's ok, and shedding tears for her once again...
My sister is another matter. Oh, I trust her, trust her to be her. I may not be able to always depend on her, but I know that I could trust her with my life. I can be sure that when she hurts me (which she does with a depth and percision that is uncanny) she's not aware of how deeply she cuts. She's a very of the moment individual, she says what shes thinking at the time, even if thats not how she feels two days later. And I know that eventually I will go back to hoping that we could have this close dynamic relationship and that she'll start to value me as an individual instead of just as her "little sister", and for a while it will be cool, until someone more interesting than her "little sister" comes along and her attention is diverted. And I go back to my hurt and bitterness. But I'll always trust her to love me.
Oh and my cousin, SuperSlag. I shed some tear over her this weekend, even though I will never admit it anyone in my family, and its not the first time. I cried the time we went out for my birthday some years ago, and she left me and her sisters stranded at the some club in Long Island when she disappeared with some dude she worked with and took the keys to the car with her. I waited til I got home, but I cried. I also didn't talk to her for months. But I got over it. And there were more hurts from her over the years, but the greatest came 2 years ago when she accused me of sleeping with her man. I'm pretty sure that he was playing both sides against each other, I knew it back then, but I still can't believe that she fell for it. You were there when they brought me home from the hospital and take some dude you've known 2 years word over mine? So I wiped my hands of it and I said I was done shedding tears for her. But then this weekend Cousin T called me. And she couldn't say much cause MonkeyGirl (my god daughter, Cousin T's neice and SS's daughter) was with her but essentially, SuperSlag is in the hospital. They had to induce labor, the baby was premature but seems to be doing fine, but my cousin is in a medically induced coma. And I'm hoping and praying that she's ok, and shedding tears for her once again...
I forgot some people
From my neighborhood that is.
CFO - this is the guy that hired me. We have a very strange relationship, in that sometimes I want to jump his bones and ride him til we both pass out and other times he gets on my last damned nerve and I can't believe I even thought about putting it on him. My first impression when I met him at my interview was, "Whoa momma! Keep Trouble in control. Whatever you do DO NOT let Leggs out to play! REMAIN PROFESSIONAL!" and I did even though he's is sooooo much fun to look at. But, he's a spoiled brat. Being one myself, it was quite easy to spot. He's a bit messy, again something that I recognize from being a bit messy myself (though I AM NOT messy at the office.) And he farts. In the privacy of his office, but for some reason I always end up having to go into his office right after he does it. Speaking of coincidences, at least once a year we run into each other. He'll be coming around a corner from one direction, me from the other, than BAM! Full body contact that sends a deliciously naughty zing through my system. I swear if I was half a shade lighter I'd blush every time. Last week I was sitting in my office, being slightly goofy as usual. CFO is having a meeting in the conference room thats right across from my office. I look up and he's staring at me gives me a saucy little wink and goes back to his meeting. The man drives me crazy...
CAL - Crazy Asian Lady. She's crazy, a lady (I use the term loosely) and Asian. She's also one of our accountants and very strange. I know she makes nice money, but for some reason she always steals the left over sandwiches that we have from meetings. I'm not talking about taking home whats left after everyone has eaten. I mean homegirl stalks the pantry and the conference room until she is sure that all the participants of the meeting have eaten, then swoops in and takes all the good sandwiches, wraps them up and sticks them in her bag before anyone else in the office can score free lunch. It's gotten so bad, that we post a look out to make sure that we all can eat. She's also the person that will see a dessert tray and take a bite out of every single morsel on the platter just so she can try it. Ooooo or my favorite is when she smells everything. But the greatest thing about CAL is her leopard print leggings and fake fur cardigan sweater. It was one of her favorite Friday outfits until about 3 months ago when in a fit of sophmoric fun, we all growled at her all day. I have never in my life seen a pair of leggings that were so stretched in the front, over her pot belly, and baggy in the back cause of her lack of booty. And the poor teddy bear that gave his life for that sweater. CAl has a penchant for cheap looking hooker shoes, platforms and big chuncky-funky heels, with GoodWill grandma suits. I mean the suits that your grandma gave away cause the lining has been repaired one too many times and it hangs a little funny. CAL is also a bitch on wheels when she wants to be, which makes her a great accountant ("What are you talking about?! We pay you over a million dollars a year and you're giving me a hard time over a $2500 bill being late! Get over yourself, you'll get the money!" all said with her somewhat thick Chinese accent) but a pain in the ass to deal with around the office. During that lunch from hell two Friday's ago she stole Giraffe's order and he let her rather than deal with her mouth. Me however made it a point to go to her office and let her know that that wasn't her food and to let her know that the only reason she pulled that shit was cause me and OfficeManager weren't there.
Persian Cutie - le sigh, alas he is gone. Persian Cutie used to work with me but took a job back home on the left coast. We worked together for about 3 or 4 years, I can't remember. He's actually Persian Royalty's cousin (more on him later) and adorable. I know guys don't like to hear woman say that about them, but he is. I think its the dimples, they make him look kinda innocent and young. I think he's 33 though. He was one of those people that you don't realize you're going to miss until they tell you that they are about to leave. We've kept in touch since he left via email and he was actually at the office two Friday's ago (part of the reason we did the whole office lunch thing.)
Persian Royalty - He was the first non related person to be hired at the company after me. Before me, the 5 people that worked there all knew each other in some way or fashion outside of the office. So I kind of latched on to him. Outsider solidarity and all that. He got married last summer to a beautiful Persian woman, and they just found out that they are having a boy. They are so gorgeous and shiny with love that I call them Persian Royalty and I wish them all the best. Even if her brother calls the office and tries to trick me into thinking that he's her with a cold...
BossManLite - That's my bosses business partner. He has his own company, which shares the floor with our offices, but him and BossMan do most of their deals together. They are good friends outside of work, but where BossMan is intense and yells alot, BossManLite is very chill and I've yet to hear him raise his voice, even when he is uspet. I always feel bad for BossManLite because he sometimes gets lost in BossMan's shadow, though I've been told he prefers the background. He's got the most wonderful hybrid accent and always smells wonderfully, like fresh clean laundry. People often forget to tell BossManLite about meetings and no one likes his assitant the Albino so I usually earn points with him for keeping him abreast of the meetings and shit. He gets slightly ruffled when the don't tell him about meetings and he arrives late. Quite rude!
The Albino - that's BossManLite's assistant, kinda like bizarro me I guess. Thinking about her that way gives me the willies, eeesch! The people in the office like to make jokes about what time I come in everyday, but at least I'm willing to stay when BossMan needs me. This chick here leaves everyday at exactly 4 pm (by which I mean she's waiting for the elevator at exactly 4 pm) and does not work on Friday's. I call her the Albino cause she had them remove all of the lights from her office. All of them. Its like a little cave or some shit, she works by the light of the computer. And she's a pain in the ass. She's one of those women who thinks every man is looking at her "funny" She told OfficeManager that we need to keep the door to the women's room locked because Hottie was looking at her "funny." He was probably looking at her like he wanted to choke her out. She also got my dude Ali the security guard in trouble cause he let a guy up to our floor to deliver my lunch one time. Said she saw the delivery guy in the hall and he was menacing. Yeah meancing all right, all 4 feet 5 inches of him. Dude was practically a midget, oh my bad, a little person.
CFO - this is the guy that hired me. We have a very strange relationship, in that sometimes I want to jump his bones and ride him til we both pass out and other times he gets on my last damned nerve and I can't believe I even thought about putting it on him. My first impression when I met him at my interview was, "Whoa momma! Keep Trouble in control. Whatever you do DO NOT let Leggs out to play! REMAIN PROFESSIONAL!" and I did even though he's is sooooo much fun to look at. But, he's a spoiled brat. Being one myself, it was quite easy to spot. He's a bit messy, again something that I recognize from being a bit messy myself (though I AM NOT messy at the office.) And he farts. In the privacy of his office, but for some reason I always end up having to go into his office right after he does it. Speaking of coincidences, at least once a year we run into each other. He'll be coming around a corner from one direction, me from the other, than BAM! Full body contact that sends a deliciously naughty zing through my system. I swear if I was half a shade lighter I'd blush every time. Last week I was sitting in my office, being slightly goofy as usual. CFO is having a meeting in the conference room thats right across from my office. I look up and he's staring at me gives me a saucy little wink and goes back to his meeting. The man drives me crazy...
CAL - Crazy Asian Lady. She's crazy, a lady (I use the term loosely) and Asian. She's also one of our accountants and very strange. I know she makes nice money, but for some reason she always steals the left over sandwiches that we have from meetings. I'm not talking about taking home whats left after everyone has eaten. I mean homegirl stalks the pantry and the conference room until she is sure that all the participants of the meeting have eaten, then swoops in and takes all the good sandwiches, wraps them up and sticks them in her bag before anyone else in the office can score free lunch. It's gotten so bad, that we post a look out to make sure that we all can eat. She's also the person that will see a dessert tray and take a bite out of every single morsel on the platter just so she can try it. Ooooo or my favorite is when she smells everything. But the greatest thing about CAL is her leopard print leggings and fake fur cardigan sweater. It was one of her favorite Friday outfits until about 3 months ago when in a fit of sophmoric fun, we all growled at her all day. I have never in my life seen a pair of leggings that were so stretched in the front, over her pot belly, and baggy in the back cause of her lack of booty. And the poor teddy bear that gave his life for that sweater. CAl has a penchant for cheap looking hooker shoes, platforms and big chuncky-funky heels, with GoodWill grandma suits. I mean the suits that your grandma gave away cause the lining has been repaired one too many times and it hangs a little funny. CAL is also a bitch on wheels when she wants to be, which makes her a great accountant ("What are you talking about?! We pay you over a million dollars a year and you're giving me a hard time over a $2500 bill being late! Get over yourself, you'll get the money!" all said with her somewhat thick Chinese accent) but a pain in the ass to deal with around the office. During that lunch from hell two Friday's ago she stole Giraffe's order and he let her rather than deal with her mouth. Me however made it a point to go to her office and let her know that that wasn't her food and to let her know that the only reason she pulled that shit was cause me and OfficeManager weren't there.
Persian Cutie - le sigh, alas he is gone. Persian Cutie used to work with me but took a job back home on the left coast. We worked together for about 3 or 4 years, I can't remember. He's actually Persian Royalty's cousin (more on him later) and adorable. I know guys don't like to hear woman say that about them, but he is. I think its the dimples, they make him look kinda innocent and young. I think he's 33 though. He was one of those people that you don't realize you're going to miss until they tell you that they are about to leave. We've kept in touch since he left via email and he was actually at the office two Friday's ago (part of the reason we did the whole office lunch thing.)
Persian Royalty - He was the first non related person to be hired at the company after me. Before me, the 5 people that worked there all knew each other in some way or fashion outside of the office. So I kind of latched on to him. Outsider solidarity and all that. He got married last summer to a beautiful Persian woman, and they just found out that they are having a boy. They are so gorgeous and shiny with love that I call them Persian Royalty and I wish them all the best. Even if her brother calls the office and tries to trick me into thinking that he's her with a cold...
BossManLite - That's my bosses business partner. He has his own company, which shares the floor with our offices, but him and BossMan do most of their deals together. They are good friends outside of work, but where BossMan is intense and yells alot, BossManLite is very chill and I've yet to hear him raise his voice, even when he is uspet. I always feel bad for BossManLite because he sometimes gets lost in BossMan's shadow, though I've been told he prefers the background. He's got the most wonderful hybrid accent and always smells wonderfully, like fresh clean laundry. People often forget to tell BossManLite about meetings and no one likes his assitant the Albino so I usually earn points with him for keeping him abreast of the meetings and shit. He gets slightly ruffled when the don't tell him about meetings and he arrives late. Quite rude!
The Albino - that's BossManLite's assistant, kinda like bizarro me I guess. Thinking about her that way gives me the willies, eeesch! The people in the office like to make jokes about what time I come in everyday, but at least I'm willing to stay when BossMan needs me. This chick here leaves everyday at exactly 4 pm (by which I mean she's waiting for the elevator at exactly 4 pm) and does not work on Friday's. I call her the Albino cause she had them remove all of the lights from her office. All of them. Its like a little cave or some shit, she works by the light of the computer. And she's a pain in the ass. She's one of those women who thinks every man is looking at her "funny" She told OfficeManager that we need to keep the door to the women's room locked because Hottie was looking at her "funny." He was probably looking at her like he wanted to choke her out. She also got my dude Ali the security guard in trouble cause he let a guy up to our floor to deliver my lunch one time. Said she saw the delivery guy in the hall and he was menacing. Yeah meancing all right, all 4 feet 5 inches of him. Dude was practically a midget, oh my bad, a little person.
Missed you...
It was so strange, I said that I was going to be taking a break from posting on Monday, the on Tuesday the server at work crashed. Actually crashed is to polite a term for what happened to our server. It was bruttally beaten and left for dead. We had no internet, no email, and no access to any of our files cause it turns out our operating system was on the server too. They renovated the shit out of our office space but dicked us on the server.
We used to have someone on staff full time (my Persian cutie) but he went back to the left coast so we are stuck with a computer guy (tee hee - sorry inside joke) that only comes to the office once a week. And he's rude as all fuck. One of my favorite interactions with him was when he came to my office and asks me if everything is working ok. I tell him I have no idea what he's talking about and he get's huffy with me. "Didn't you just ask me to fix your (insert program name here cause I really did have no idea what he was talking about) last week?!" No I didn't. "Oh, sorry, it must have been someone else." Which is mondo bizarro since I'm the only brown skinned woman that works there.
So dude arrives at our office on Tuesday afternoon and doesn't leave til Friday night! I shit you not. No shower, no bed, no change of fucking clothes, no tooth brushing (at least from what I could tell and I wasn't getting to close), no personal hygene what so fucking ever. Needless to say I was grossed out. And not a little concerned at the fact that it took him 4 days to fix a problem. A problem that I would think would have had some symptoms or something before the thing gave of all hope and refused to go on. What also pissed me off was that the computer guy fixed CAL's (Crazy Asian Lady, one of accountants who I will tell you more about later), CFO's, and BossMan's computer so BossMan thinks he's aces. Meanwhile I was sending out emails via gmail all week cause I didn't have my Outlook back until Friday night. I'm still not sure that shit is working properly. And OfficeManager was still handwritting checks on Friday morning.
I've come to realize that BossMan treats me and OfficeManager pretty much the same. Which I don't know how to take cause she's his sister and he takes her for granted alot of the time.
The whole server attempted suicide thing had me pretty much off of computers for the week. Specially since I was lugging my MacBook to work so that I could get some shit done. And I realized that I was backed up on books. I had about 3 in my bag that I had started reading, so I finished them all plus one other. I started another yesterday, otherwise I would have posted. I get kinda lost in books.
Anyway, I say all this to let you know that I'm back and I missed you all! You'll probably be wishing for a break from me cause starting on Thursday, I'm off of work for something ridiculous like 11 straight days. Whooo fucking hoooooo! I'm gonna try and finally get my house together. I'm also gonna go and get the car. I decided that what I really want is the pickup and I dont think it will fit in my garage or a 6 series BMW which I can't really afford right now. So since Mommy has been driving a Volkswagen Jetta for the last 20 years about and even Daddy has only Volkswagen's before he passed, I'm gonna continue the family tradition and get a Passat with all the whistles. Well at least thats the plan this week. We'll see when it comes time to actually get the car. But Mommy has loved the two Jetta's that she's had, and so did I for that matter. Those little bitches really move. Plus I figure that in about 3 years I'll be able to afford the car that I really want and the Passat will fully be Mommy's.
Oh, and on a freaky note, there's been a beautiful black Impala parked in front of my house just about every night this week. I kinda felt like it was looking out for me...
We used to have someone on staff full time (my Persian cutie) but he went back to the left coast so we are stuck with a computer guy (tee hee - sorry inside joke) that only comes to the office once a week. And he's rude as all fuck. One of my favorite interactions with him was when he came to my office and asks me if everything is working ok. I tell him I have no idea what he's talking about and he get's huffy with me. "Didn't you just ask me to fix your (insert program name here cause I really did have no idea what he was talking about) last week?!" No I didn't. "Oh, sorry, it must have been someone else." Which is mondo bizarro since I'm the only brown skinned woman that works there.
So dude arrives at our office on Tuesday afternoon and doesn't leave til Friday night! I shit you not. No shower, no bed, no change of fucking clothes, no tooth brushing (at least from what I could tell and I wasn't getting to close), no personal hygene what so fucking ever. Needless to say I was grossed out. And not a little concerned at the fact that it took him 4 days to fix a problem. A problem that I would think would have had some symptoms or something before the thing gave of all hope and refused to go on. What also pissed me off was that the computer guy fixed CAL's (Crazy Asian Lady, one of accountants who I will tell you more about later), CFO's, and BossMan's computer so BossMan thinks he's aces. Meanwhile I was sending out emails via gmail all week cause I didn't have my Outlook back until Friday night. I'm still not sure that shit is working properly. And OfficeManager was still handwritting checks on Friday morning.
I've come to realize that BossMan treats me and OfficeManager pretty much the same. Which I don't know how to take cause she's his sister and he takes her for granted alot of the time.
The whole server attempted suicide thing had me pretty much off of computers for the week. Specially since I was lugging my MacBook to work so that I could get some shit done. And I realized that I was backed up on books. I had about 3 in my bag that I had started reading, so I finished them all plus one other. I started another yesterday, otherwise I would have posted. I get kinda lost in books.
Anyway, I say all this to let you know that I'm back and I missed you all! You'll probably be wishing for a break from me cause starting on Thursday, I'm off of work for something ridiculous like 11 straight days. Whooo fucking hoooooo! I'm gonna try and finally get my house together. I'm also gonna go and get the car. I decided that what I really want is the pickup and I dont think it will fit in my garage or a 6 series BMW which I can't really afford right now. So since Mommy has been driving a Volkswagen Jetta for the last 20 years about and even Daddy has only Volkswagen's before he passed, I'm gonna continue the family tradition and get a Passat with all the whistles. Well at least thats the plan this week. We'll see when it comes time to actually get the car. But Mommy has loved the two Jetta's that she's had, and so did I for that matter. Those little bitches really move. Plus I figure that in about 3 years I'll be able to afford the car that I really want and the Passat will fully be Mommy's.
Oh, and on a freaky note, there's been a beautiful black Impala parked in front of my house just about every night this week. I kinda felt like it was looking out for me...
11.12.2007
I Wasn't Gonna Do This...
...another post that is. But I managed to wrangle a half an hour to myself and made the rounds. (I think I got to everybody) Well actually I was on The Skirkle cause for some reason my link to PrettyBlack didn't want to work. So I saw that it was word association day, (I'll be back Shay! I like to at least read what you guys write cause I really preciates it when you guys read what I write! Even went to Texas to visit Madame Harley! - you know they've been trying to inject radioactive dye into my thyroid for the last 9 months?) but then I headed over to PrettyBlackGold and I am so glad that I did cause she sent me here.
http://www.1hivpositivegirl.blogspot.com/
check it out because HIV and AIDS effects us all
Thanks PrettyBlack!
And on a lighter note, I don't know whose cuter the duck or the ladybug! PrettyBlack and LadyShay have some of the cutest little brown girls I evah did see!
http://www.1hivpositivegirl.blogspot.com/
check it out because HIV and AIDS effects us all
Thanks PrettyBlack!
And on a lighter note, I don't know whose cuter the duck or the ladybug! PrettyBlack and LadyShay have some of the cutest little brown girls I evah did see!
Hasta la Pasta People!
I was gonna say Hasta Whenever, but then I remembered that I used to love this restaurant called Hasta la Pasta! Anyway, totally random that was.
I just came to tell all 14 of you (I only counted about 9 maybe 10 regular readers but analytics insist there are some others) that we're having a little crisis at work here. Welllll actually its like 5 mini crisis'. I just cleared up one of them so I was doing the "Yoooooooooou" part of the superman that hoe dance in my chair. (You know the part when you hop back and forth, well I was sliding) Bitch try and tell me I didn't send something when I know I did and had the Fed Ex tracking number to prove it. Plus you know FedEx is like 22nd Century and shit cause they will post your signature on the web for all and sundry to see.
So until the media frenzy has died down some, I may not be posting (or commenting) for a minute. Which sucks cause I just got a new digicam! (I think I say this often but Costco ROCKS!) Maybe I'll just post some pics and shit in the meanwhile.
I haven't told a rat story lately. So I was standing in the train station and I look down and there are all of these bread crust in the tracks (you know, the edges which some people dont like and cut off, which is stoopid in my opinion cause it taste just like the rest of the bread) and then I see this rat. It was like he hit the jackpot cause I swear the lil fucker did a dance. Then after he got one of the crust in his mouth he did a little hop step (he might have been clicking his heels!) and got the fuck outta dodge! For some reason I thought it was adorable. Then I felt sick for thinking that a NYC transit rat was adorable
Oh and my heart goes out to Kanye West, sorry about your Mommy. I seriously shed a few tears over that...
I just came to tell all 14 of you (I only counted about 9 maybe 10 regular readers but analytics insist there are some others) that we're having a little crisis at work here. Welllll actually its like 5 mini crisis'. I just cleared up one of them so I was doing the "Yoooooooooou" part of the superman that hoe dance in my chair. (You know the part when you hop back and forth, well I was sliding) Bitch try and tell me I didn't send something when I know I did and had the Fed Ex tracking number to prove it. Plus you know FedEx is like 22nd Century and shit cause they will post your signature on the web for all and sundry to see.
So until the media frenzy has died down some, I may not be posting (or commenting) for a minute. Which sucks cause I just got a new digicam! (I think I say this often but Costco ROCKS!) Maybe I'll just post some pics and shit in the meanwhile.
I haven't told a rat story lately. So I was standing in the train station and I look down and there are all of these bread crust in the tracks (you know, the edges which some people dont like and cut off, which is stoopid in my opinion cause it taste just like the rest of the bread) and then I see this rat. It was like he hit the jackpot cause I swear the lil fucker did a dance. Then after he got one of the crust in his mouth he did a little hop step (he might have been clicking his heels!) and got the fuck outta dodge! For some reason I thought it was adorable. Then I felt sick for thinking that a NYC transit rat was adorable
Oh and my heart goes out to Kanye West, sorry about your Mommy. I seriously shed a few tears over that...
11.10.2007
Who are the people in my neighborhood...
...in my neighborhood, in my ney-bor-hood! Oh! Who are the people in my neighborhood, the people that I meet, when I'm walking down the street. The pep-ple that I meeeeeet, eeeeeeaaaachhhhh daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Thank you thank you! You're too kind really.
So anyway, here's a little recap of the people in my life. Just in case you've forgotten, or gotten confused, or just started reading along.
Trouble - thats me you doofus! I write this shit. Well, sometimes I just cut and paste shit, but thats another story. I'm gonna be 30 in a few weeks. I've got no kids, never been IN love, own my own home, make very nice money for an executive assistant. Strange things happen to me on the train to and from work, including rat encounters and rampant erections. I've been at my job for 7 years, I work in the real estate industry. Before this I worked in the community development department of a major bank. I was a production assitant at the MTV Awards, twice. I've worked in the continuing education department of leading art institution. I was also the secretary on the board of the directors of a community development organization in Bedford Stuyvesant Brooklyn, where I was born and raised. Holla! I went to an independent school (private is an elitist term) from 7th grade to the high school graduation. I'm a little under 5'7', and weigh about 113. My apartment is a mess, mainly cause I'm usually at work til about 8:30 and I have way too many clothes. Which is another thing, I probably shop more than I should. I think the thing I heard most from teachers was, she doesn't live up to her potential. I love music and I play the trumpet. Well, I used to. I read alot, mostly fiction. I've never had cable tv. (I don't think WHT as a kid counts. Does anyone else remember that? Or when HBO was just a box and their call sign was a black cat?) I'm also something of a antisocial misanthrope at times. Hence my "People Suck" label.
Leggs Diamond - thats my sex crazed single and lovin it alter ego. Leggs Diamond has been known to have one night stands, stare at men's pimply penis' and kicked them the fuck out, and pick up men on the internet. I want to stress that Leggs always practices safe sex on her little adventures. She's also not above kicking a man in the ding a ling. She's also been on hiatus for a minute.
Tiki - me again! Thats my silly side. Mommy used to call me Tiki-tot when I was a kid and I always liked that nickname. Tiki is fascinated by The Muppet Show and Sesame Street. She's also partial to the Thundercats, Transformers, Smurfs, Scooby Doo (the original, not all this new crap they got out now) Jem, Knight Rider, Tigger (the tiger, not the mtc personality)Magnum PI, Kung Fu that came on Channel 5, and pretty much any cool tv show that was on in the 80s when I was a kid. Tiki's been causin trouble since 1977. I had this great night shirt when I was a kid that said "Here Comes Trouble" My Daddy got it for me. Tiki also hates eggs, clowns and bananas (except in fresh hot banana bread.) She's also the reason I have a serious jelly bean fetish. Well all around love for all things sweet. And commercials, Tiki's fscinated by commercials.
Duke - thats my 118 pound Belgian Shepherd mix (I think he's a mix) He also is known as Pooper and my puppy (even though he's about 8) He also likes candy (been known to unwrap and eat an entire pack of hi-chews and will hold the stick of a lollipop between his paws and lick it) and womens feet (he's a toe licker) He enjoys scaring unsuspecting thugs when he's out in the yard, sniffing the flowers my mom grows, and belly rubs. He also thinks that he weighs 18 pounds and that its ok to sleep on my bed when I'm not at home. Duke was rescued and he brings me alot of joy. Even when he tries to run between my legs and knocks me flat on my ass.
Mommy - duh, thats my Mommy. She lives upstairs and is my bestest friend. We bought a house together almost 8 years ago. She got the duplex, I got the studio. She pretty much raised me and my older sister on her own since my dad died when I was 8. I've been trying to get her to retire but she's not quite ready yet. One of the many reasons that Mommy rocks is cause she can cook her ass off. I mean seriously. I'm hoping that she'll make her braided bread for my birthday this year. Which is November 24th, I was born on Thanksgiving.
Hautechick - thats my sister. She started this blog, but you'll never find her here. I either think she's the greatest thing in the world after Mommy, or want to rip her head off. She's also be known as RipeShit when she pisses me off. No one else can talk about my sister though, I'll kick their ass. Seriously, don't test me on that one, I'm not above fightin dirty.
BossMan - thats the man who pays my bills. He's also the man that drives me nutso and one of the most intelligent driven people that I have ever met. You'll see that I vent about shit that goes down between us, but its just that. Me venting. I don't hate my boss. I do however, hate some of the dumb shit he does. But he pays me extremely well and lets me roll my eyes at him whenever I want! I kid about the last part. He hates when I roll my eyes at him. But he doesn't mind my endless questions and keeps me around for the comic relief that I provide my tripping over nothing, spilling water/tea/coffee/soda on his keyboard.
OfficeManager - thats BossMans sister. She runs our office, head bitch in charge. BossMan wouldn't be able to do shit without her and he knows it. And the rest of us know it. We used to hate each other (I once told her that if she wanted to get rid of me, she was going to have to fire me and we both knew her brother wasn't going to let her do it) but now she buys me lunch and gossips with me about the rest of the people that work there. I still don't entirely trust that she won't turn on me agian, but I'm all about the free lunch.
Brownie - he's my off again sex partner. I've known him for about 3 1/2 years now. He's got a kid that he doesn't spend much time with. He never invites me out. He made me take the fucking train home from his house one time talkinbout oh I gotta go to work I didnt tell you and bullshit motherfucker, bullshit! Sorry. No, actually I'm not, that shit was theraputic. I haven't told him that its over yet but I kinda feel like it wasn't shit to begin with so do I really owe him an explanation as to why I stopped calling?
KingofCrap - dude I was seeing right before I started dealing with Brownie again. Fed me some bullshit bout dont you think its time you settled down, I wanna be your man. And I wasnt buying it really. Its just not my style to be sleeping with more than one person at a time. Unless its at the same time, but thats another story. My "relationships" may be short lived, but they are exclusive, at least for however long I'd doing dude. Not really suprised to find out that he was dealing with someone else at the same time, just disappointed in myself for giving him another chance to make me look stoopid.
TheRecept/Crapcakes - she's the receptionist at my job. She's dumb as a post but not as dim witted and clueless as Bambi.
Bambi & Madame BigShot - she's new at my job. She's the assistant to Madame Bigwig. She's a cute girl, but she uses that to try and get people to do shit for her. Since I'm stricly dickly and consider myself an attractive woman who's best feature is the brain in her head (the other brain is serious as shit please believe) I find her very offensive. Not to mention she has one of my skirts. Madame BigShot is her boss, she just started working for us exclusively. I admire her in alot of ways, but she quite often rubs me the wrong way. Then again, most people rub me the wrong way.
Hottie - he was my first friend at my office. When I first started, I was the only American born person there. Not to mention they all knew each other from back home and I was the youngest. He's not really a hottie anymore, but he cracks me up and that really counts for something in my book. Plus he's an internet romeo. He's got all sorts a chicks on his shit based on his typing game. That two finger peck swagger is no joke. I just saw a picture of him when he was 20 and he was a hottie back in the day. Now he's married with twin boys. One looks like a miniture Hottie, and the other looks exactly like his wife.
Frenchie and Giraffe - shes (Frenchie) probably the only woman I work with that I would hang out with outside. He (Giraffe) lives in my hood so we sometimes take the train together. He's cool too and he's like 7 feet tall. I might be rounding up, but he's tall as shit.
Cousin T - my favorite female adult cousin. She's like 8 months yougner than me and not really a blood relative, but I love her and her family. She has the best stern grandmother and jazz lovin fishing grandpa. And her little cousins are the best. Cousin T is a teacher, and her mom married my cousin when she was a kid. My dad was the second youngest of 6 and my mom was 11 years younger than he was, so alot of my cousins have kids that are my age.
SuperSlag - thats one of Cousin T's sisters and my actual blood relative. She's three years older than me, Hautechicks age, and she's got two kids, one on the way. I don't call her SuperSlag cause she's happily married living the white picket fence dream. In alot of ways I feel sorry for her. In fact we became close when I found out that she was pregnant my senior year in high school. She had always been closer to Hautechick up until that point. We were pretty close until about 2 years ago. So close in fact, that she better pray that her ex doesn't call me as a witness in their custody hearing. Cause both of her kids live with him. Including the baby girl that she had when I was a senior in hs that's not even his. (he knows shes not his, but he raised her) That baby, now going on 13, is my god daughter, Monkeygirl. I don't get to see her or her brother much for a number of reasons. One being that her mother threatened to "Fuck you up!" cause I can only assume she thought I had slept with her drug and dick dealing man. The dude she's knocked up by. I got no problems with hustlas, long as they aint got no problem with me or mine, but dont call yourself one when you rocking the same shit all the time. I mean I could keep track of the days by what shirt dude had on. And don't call yourself a pimp with lines like "I got a scar on my ass you wanna see? I gotta take off my pants though." No! WeTodd I dont wanna see! Anything that SuperSlag is shaggin is not gettin touched by me.
Coco - CousinT's other sister. This is the chick with a boob job and 14 teeth, 12 of them brown and the other two are chipped. It's hard to believe, to me at least, but dudes look right past the rotten teeth, straight to those fake ass look 32D's.
Bobby - she grew up with Cousin T, and her wack sisters. I can't say that we don't get along but I can't say that I really like her either. She's also known as Gutz cause her's is huge. A comedian once called her broad backed. I don't remember the rest of the joke but needless to say she was shooting me dirty looks as I proceeded to crack the fuck up! I swear I almost peed on myself.
Stu - my 19 year old cousin. He's in college in Philly. I was there when he was born and I love him to distraction. I bought the kid $198 jeans for pete sake! I once picked all of the nuts out of a brownie for him. He never thought I was strange when I was younger and he always wanted to hang out with me. I don't want you to think I was unpopular, cause I wasn't. It's kind of hard to be unpopular when you go to a high school with 87 kids in it. Or when you're as cute as I am. But Stu always knew me, in sense that a lot of people never did. He still does.
Bubba- that's my white boy. We met in the 7th grade and have been friends ever since. He's another person that knows me better than most. We don't see each other much, in fact we stopped going to school together in the 9th grade. But no matter how much time passes, we just click. It also doesn't hurt that I think he's gorgeous and he's got one of the best asses I've ever had the pleasure of groping.
That's all the people that I can think of for now. TTFN!
Thank you thank you! You're too kind really.
So anyway, here's a little recap of the people in my life. Just in case you've forgotten, or gotten confused, or just started reading along.
Trouble - thats me you doofus! I write this shit. Well, sometimes I just cut and paste shit, but thats another story. I'm gonna be 30 in a few weeks. I've got no kids, never been IN love, own my own home, make very nice money for an executive assistant. Strange things happen to me on the train to and from work, including rat encounters and rampant erections. I've been at my job for 7 years, I work in the real estate industry. Before this I worked in the community development department of a major bank. I was a production assitant at the MTV Awards, twice. I've worked in the continuing education department of leading art institution. I was also the secretary on the board of the directors of a community development organization in Bedford Stuyvesant Brooklyn, where I was born and raised. Holla! I went to an independent school (private is an elitist term) from 7th grade to the high school graduation. I'm a little under 5'7', and weigh about 113. My apartment is a mess, mainly cause I'm usually at work til about 8:30 and I have way too many clothes. Which is another thing, I probably shop more than I should. I think the thing I heard most from teachers was, she doesn't live up to her potential. I love music and I play the trumpet. Well, I used to. I read alot, mostly fiction. I've never had cable tv. (I don't think WHT as a kid counts. Does anyone else remember that? Or when HBO was just a box and their call sign was a black cat?) I'm also something of a antisocial misanthrope at times. Hence my "People Suck" label.
Leggs Diamond - thats my sex crazed single and lovin it alter ego. Leggs Diamond has been known to have one night stands, stare at men's pimply penis' and kicked them the fuck out, and pick up men on the internet. I want to stress that Leggs always practices safe sex on her little adventures. She's also not above kicking a man in the ding a ling. She's also been on hiatus for a minute.
Tiki - me again! Thats my silly side. Mommy used to call me Tiki-tot when I was a kid and I always liked that nickname. Tiki is fascinated by The Muppet Show and Sesame Street. She's also partial to the Thundercats, Transformers, Smurfs, Scooby Doo (the original, not all this new crap they got out now) Jem, Knight Rider, Tigger (the tiger, not the mtc personality)Magnum PI, Kung Fu that came on Channel 5, and pretty much any cool tv show that was on in the 80s when I was a kid. Tiki's been causin trouble since 1977. I had this great night shirt when I was a kid that said "Here Comes Trouble" My Daddy got it for me. Tiki also hates eggs, clowns and bananas (except in fresh hot banana bread.) She's also the reason I have a serious jelly bean fetish. Well all around love for all things sweet. And commercials, Tiki's fscinated by commercials.
Duke - thats my 118 pound Belgian Shepherd mix (I think he's a mix) He also is known as Pooper and my puppy (even though he's about 8) He also likes candy (been known to unwrap and eat an entire pack of hi-chews and will hold the stick of a lollipop between his paws and lick it) and womens feet (he's a toe licker) He enjoys scaring unsuspecting thugs when he's out in the yard, sniffing the flowers my mom grows, and belly rubs. He also thinks that he weighs 18 pounds and that its ok to sleep on my bed when I'm not at home. Duke was rescued and he brings me alot of joy. Even when he tries to run between my legs and knocks me flat on my ass.
Mommy - duh, thats my Mommy. She lives upstairs and is my bestest friend. We bought a house together almost 8 years ago. She got the duplex, I got the studio. She pretty much raised me and my older sister on her own since my dad died when I was 8. I've been trying to get her to retire but she's not quite ready yet. One of the many reasons that Mommy rocks is cause she can cook her ass off. I mean seriously. I'm hoping that she'll make her braided bread for my birthday this year. Which is November 24th, I was born on Thanksgiving.
Hautechick - thats my sister. She started this blog, but you'll never find her here. I either think she's the greatest thing in the world after Mommy, or want to rip her head off. She's also be known as RipeShit when she pisses me off. No one else can talk about my sister though, I'll kick their ass. Seriously, don't test me on that one, I'm not above fightin dirty.
BossMan - thats the man who pays my bills. He's also the man that drives me nutso and one of the most intelligent driven people that I have ever met. You'll see that I vent about shit that goes down between us, but its just that. Me venting. I don't hate my boss. I do however, hate some of the dumb shit he does. But he pays me extremely well and lets me roll my eyes at him whenever I want! I kid about the last part. He hates when I roll my eyes at him. But he doesn't mind my endless questions and keeps me around for the comic relief that I provide my tripping over nothing, spilling water/tea/coffee/soda on his keyboard.
OfficeManager - thats BossMans sister. She runs our office, head bitch in charge. BossMan wouldn't be able to do shit without her and he knows it. And the rest of us know it. We used to hate each other (I once told her that if she wanted to get rid of me, she was going to have to fire me and we both knew her brother wasn't going to let her do it) but now she buys me lunch and gossips with me about the rest of the people that work there. I still don't entirely trust that she won't turn on me agian, but I'm all about the free lunch.
Brownie - he's my off again sex partner. I've known him for about 3 1/2 years now. He's got a kid that he doesn't spend much time with. He never invites me out. He made me take the fucking train home from his house one time talkinbout oh I gotta go to work I didnt tell you and bullshit motherfucker, bullshit! Sorry. No, actually I'm not, that shit was theraputic. I haven't told him that its over yet but I kinda feel like it wasn't shit to begin with so do I really owe him an explanation as to why I stopped calling?
KingofCrap - dude I was seeing right before I started dealing with Brownie again. Fed me some bullshit bout dont you think its time you settled down, I wanna be your man. And I wasnt buying it really. Its just not my style to be sleeping with more than one person at a time. Unless its at the same time, but thats another story. My "relationships" may be short lived, but they are exclusive, at least for however long I'd doing dude. Not really suprised to find out that he was dealing with someone else at the same time, just disappointed in myself for giving him another chance to make me look stoopid.
TheRecept/Crapcakes - she's the receptionist at my job. She's dumb as a post but not as dim witted and clueless as Bambi.
Bambi & Madame BigShot - she's new at my job. She's the assistant to Madame Bigwig. She's a cute girl, but she uses that to try and get people to do shit for her. Since I'm stricly dickly and consider myself an attractive woman who's best feature is the brain in her head (the other brain is serious as shit please believe) I find her very offensive. Not to mention she has one of my skirts. Madame BigShot is her boss, she just started working for us exclusively. I admire her in alot of ways, but she quite often rubs me the wrong way. Then again, most people rub me the wrong way.
Hottie - he was my first friend at my office. When I first started, I was the only American born person there. Not to mention they all knew each other from back home and I was the youngest. He's not really a hottie anymore, but he cracks me up and that really counts for something in my book. Plus he's an internet romeo. He's got all sorts a chicks on his shit based on his typing game. That two finger peck swagger is no joke. I just saw a picture of him when he was 20 and he was a hottie back in the day. Now he's married with twin boys. One looks like a miniture Hottie, and the other looks exactly like his wife.
Frenchie and Giraffe - shes (Frenchie) probably the only woman I work with that I would hang out with outside. He (Giraffe) lives in my hood so we sometimes take the train together. He's cool too and he's like 7 feet tall. I might be rounding up, but he's tall as shit.
Cousin T - my favorite female adult cousin. She's like 8 months yougner than me and not really a blood relative, but I love her and her family. She has the best stern grandmother and jazz lovin fishing grandpa. And her little cousins are the best. Cousin T is a teacher, and her mom married my cousin when she was a kid. My dad was the second youngest of 6 and my mom was 11 years younger than he was, so alot of my cousins have kids that are my age.
SuperSlag - thats one of Cousin T's sisters and my actual blood relative. She's three years older than me, Hautechicks age, and she's got two kids, one on the way. I don't call her SuperSlag cause she's happily married living the white picket fence dream. In alot of ways I feel sorry for her. In fact we became close when I found out that she was pregnant my senior year in high school. She had always been closer to Hautechick up until that point. We were pretty close until about 2 years ago. So close in fact, that she better pray that her ex doesn't call me as a witness in their custody hearing. Cause both of her kids live with him. Including the baby girl that she had when I was a senior in hs that's not even his. (he knows shes not his, but he raised her) That baby, now going on 13, is my god daughter, Monkeygirl. I don't get to see her or her brother much for a number of reasons. One being that her mother threatened to "Fuck you up!" cause I can only assume she thought I had slept with her drug and dick dealing man. The dude she's knocked up by. I got no problems with hustlas, long as they aint got no problem with me or mine, but dont call yourself one when you rocking the same shit all the time. I mean I could keep track of the days by what shirt dude had on. And don't call yourself a pimp with lines like "I got a scar on my ass you wanna see? I gotta take off my pants though." No! WeTodd I dont wanna see! Anything that SuperSlag is shaggin is not gettin touched by me.
Coco - CousinT's other sister. This is the chick with a boob job and 14 teeth, 12 of them brown and the other two are chipped. It's hard to believe, to me at least, but dudes look right past the rotten teeth, straight to those fake ass look 32D's.
Bobby - she grew up with Cousin T, and her wack sisters. I can't say that we don't get along but I can't say that I really like her either. She's also known as Gutz cause her's is huge. A comedian once called her broad backed. I don't remember the rest of the joke but needless to say she was shooting me dirty looks as I proceeded to crack the fuck up! I swear I almost peed on myself.
Stu - my 19 year old cousin. He's in college in Philly. I was there when he was born and I love him to distraction. I bought the kid $198 jeans for pete sake! I once picked all of the nuts out of a brownie for him. He never thought I was strange when I was younger and he always wanted to hang out with me. I don't want you to think I was unpopular, cause I wasn't. It's kind of hard to be unpopular when you go to a high school with 87 kids in it. Or when you're as cute as I am. But Stu always knew me, in sense that a lot of people never did. He still does.
Bubba- that's my white boy. We met in the 7th grade and have been friends ever since. He's another person that knows me better than most. We don't see each other much, in fact we stopped going to school together in the 9th grade. But no matter how much time passes, we just click. It also doesn't hurt that I think he's gorgeous and he's got one of the best asses I've ever had the pleasure of groping.
That's all the people that I can think of for now. TTFN!
11.09.2007
Oh and Hottie
cause he didn't get to eat, and he comes and says "Come on and eat, all the jerks are gone!" And cause he brought a picture of himself when he was 20 (in 1979!) and he was a hottie! Who knew!
and thank you to Snowball, even though he has terrible taste in music, he totally rocks.
and thank you to Snowball, even though he has terrible taste in music, he totally rocks.
Ungrateful Bastards...
I spent about an hour and a half getting everyone's order for a company lunch. Jumped through hoops cause people didn't get back to me and I wanted to make sure that everyone had lunch. Pissed off BossMan cause I had to run downstairs to meet the delivery guy. And you know what, I can't eat. Cause those ungrateful bastards didn't even have the decency to save me a seat at the table. 15 fucking people can ask me every fucking 5 minutes where the fuck their food is, even though 12 of them only told me what they wanted 10 minutes before. But nobody can make sure that the person that made sure all of you motherfuckers (no cute euphemisms they are motherfuckers!) got food can eat? Alright you bastards I got your consideration right the fuck here!
(I should point out that the only people exempt from this rant are OfficeManager (who paid for the lunch and nobody saved her a seat either) and BossMan who even though he fussed at me, was like "Oh, I'm sorry, go eat!" The rest of them can go choke on a rancid cock! - Ha I said cock!)
(I should point out that the only people exempt from this rant are OfficeManager (who paid for the lunch and nobody saved her a seat either) and BossMan who even though he fussed at me, was like "Oh, I'm sorry, go eat!" The rest of them can go choke on a rancid cock! - Ha I said cock!)
11.08.2007
I've got a Daemon!
Ok, so I told you I was excited about the Golden Compass movie, and I posted the preview, but I forgot to mention that I spent about an hour and a half on the movie's website. And I found my daemon! His name is Aenad, he's a crow don't ja know! Apparently I'm modest, spontaneous, inquisitive, proud (and modest? ohkay) and assertive....
And did I mention that DANIEL CRAIG IS IN THE MOVIE!!!!! I think I forgot that part, he's Lord Asriel... (and Eva Green, Nik Kidman, and Sam Elliot)
The original books are by Phillip Pullman, he rocks hard in my humble opinion
And did I mention that DANIEL CRAIG IS IN THE MOVIE!!!!! I think I forgot that part, he's Lord Asriel... (and Eva Green, Nik Kidman, and Sam Elliot)
The original books are by Phillip Pullman, he rocks hard in my humble opinion
wha tha heezy?!
I don't know what happened to the pretty pic.
I fell into Excel Hell yesterday and I'm still trying to claw my way out of that bitch, bear with me.
Speaking of Excel Hell, BossMan had me create this spreadsheet that labels items 1a, 2a, 3a, etc. The letter range from a to h and the numbers from 1 to 22, arranged by letter than number (all the a's then all the b's, c's, etc.) I give the sheet to BossMan and hes like, this is great but can I see it arranged by number than letter also? (all the 1's then 2's then 3's) I say fine, give me a minute to rearrange it. Exactly 60 seconds later, this artless fen-sucked clotpole (see below) is bellowing for me. ITS AN EXPRESSIONS! damn, give me a little more time.
Have you heard of Ron Mueck? He's a pretty fucking cool artist that makes giant babies, among other things...
Thou yeasty rump fed maltworm! Thou churlish earth vexing canker-blossom! Thou loggerheaded knotty pated skainsmate! Wanna learn how to insult someone like Shakespeare? Go here thou gleeking dismal dreaming bugbear! I think my new favorite insult is gonna be "thou pribbling beefwitted giglet!"
I know All Hallow's Eve has come and gone, but if you want a Christopher Walken mask (him on SNL was one of the funniest things they've done besides Dick in a Box, or Lazy Sunday) you can get your very own right chere!
So this morning I decided to wear my red dolman sleeve sweater and a black wool pencil skirt. I'm looking for tights when I remember that I just got a new pair of black sweater tights last weekend. Pop open them bitches, throw on some boots and makeup and I'm out. I'm walking up the block to the train station and look down, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk! them bitches are navy blue, back to the house I go! So you know I was late right?
The Receptionist (formerly known as Crapcakes) and I have banded together to defeat the evil Bambi. Snarkyness will prevail over stoopidity! And Office Manager is on it. She can't stand that churlish boil brained giglet either.
I'm really excited that they made The Golden Compass into a movie, I love those books and sooooo hope it doesn't blow chunks...
This fucking knot in my neck....
I fell into Excel Hell yesterday and I'm still trying to claw my way out of that bitch, bear with me.
Speaking of Excel Hell, BossMan had me create this spreadsheet that labels items 1a, 2a, 3a, etc. The letter range from a to h and the numbers from 1 to 22, arranged by letter than number (all the a's then all the b's, c's, etc.) I give the sheet to BossMan and hes like, this is great but can I see it arranged by number than letter also? (all the 1's then 2's then 3's) I say fine, give me a minute to rearrange it. Exactly 60 seconds later, this artless fen-sucked clotpole (see below) is bellowing for me. ITS AN EXPRESSIONS! damn, give me a little more time.
Have you heard of Ron Mueck? He's a pretty fucking cool artist that makes giant babies, among other things...
Thou yeasty rump fed maltworm! Thou churlish earth vexing canker-blossom! Thou loggerheaded knotty pated skainsmate! Wanna learn how to insult someone like Shakespeare? Go here thou gleeking dismal dreaming bugbear! I think my new favorite insult is gonna be "thou pribbling beefwitted giglet!"
I know All Hallow's Eve has come and gone, but if you want a Christopher Walken mask (him on SNL was one of the funniest things they've done besides Dick in a Box, or Lazy Sunday) you can get your very own right chere!
So this morning I decided to wear my red dolman sleeve sweater and a black wool pencil skirt. I'm looking for tights when I remember that I just got a new pair of black sweater tights last weekend. Pop open them bitches, throw on some boots and makeup and I'm out. I'm walking up the block to the train station and look down, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk! them bitches are navy blue, back to the house I go! So you know I was late right?
The Receptionist (formerly known as Crapcakes) and I have banded together to defeat the evil Bambi. Snarkyness will prevail over stoopidity! And Office Manager is on it. She can't stand that churlish boil brained giglet either.
I'm really excited that they made The Golden Compass into a movie, I love those books and sooooo hope it doesn't blow chunks...
This fucking knot in my neck....
11.07.2007
11.06.2007
Hello Kitty! are you out your damn mind?
You know, two years ago I brought a ring that looked like this for my god daughter. It was like 7 bucks and she loved it and I thought it was cute. Now this lil motherfucker is nothing like the one that I bought MonkeyGirl. For one thing those are real gems. Yes sire, that is about one carat of diamonds on that thing. And those are rubies in the bow, all on a white gold ring. For the dazzling price of $4250 (matching pendant same price.)
And even though it looks just like the $7 Sanrio ring I got 2 years ago, this one is apparently "designed" (the quotation marks are a physical expression of my sarcasm by the by) by the one and only overblinged, overhyped Kimmora Lee Simmons. Who obviously has a thing for kitties...
If your interested in looking at more of her crap, you can find it here
Question
Does anyone know any straight black guys that say cock? Or do all the ones you know say dick too?
Just curious...
Just curious...
The New Guys Getting Married
and I'm gonna be 30. My Mom was married with one kid and me on the way by the time she was 29, and my sister was at least married by then. Me? Shit I'll be happy if I can get my apartment clean before I turn 30...
One of the first things that people who haven't seen me in a while ask is, "So when are you getting married?" How about when I find someone that makes my toes curl and gives me that sinking stomach feeling when they kiss me? (Gawd I haven't had that sinking stomach feeling in soooooo long) How about when I get my shit in order cause I really feel like I have some more growing to do before I'm ready? How about when I find someone who brings something the table other than a penis and a smile? (And whoa! stop yourself before you take that jump. You know the one that leads to the wrong conclusion? Cause I would have no problem if dude makes less than me or is blue collar, but I want a helpmate, not just a mate. If I meet one more man who tries to get me to help him get his life in order while trying to pass off the lazy dick and spitting lame ass promises of future payouts, I will spit in his face! Seriously.) How about when I find a man that understands that this is my job, and I enjoy it and hell no I'm not sleeping with my boss? (do you know how many men have asked me that? Yes, I describe myself as an executive assistant, but thats just the simplest thing to say. But I do important shit! - well sometimes. And no, you probably dont know to many exec asst that work til 8:20 pm, but I do. So accept that shit, pay my salary- bet you can't afford me!, or step the fuck off) How about when all people in love can get married? (actually I stole that one from Angie and Brad but still) How bout when I meet a nice man with big hands and feet and a sweet smile and a warm heart and a silly sense of humor and eclectic taste and an adventurous spirit and is honest with himself and me?
One of the first things that people who haven't seen me in a while ask is, "So when are you getting married?" How about when I find someone that makes my toes curl and gives me that sinking stomach feeling when they kiss me? (Gawd I haven't had that sinking stomach feeling in soooooo long) How about when I get my shit in order cause I really feel like I have some more growing to do before I'm ready? How about when I find someone who brings something the table other than a penis and a smile? (And whoa! stop yourself before you take that jump. You know the one that leads to the wrong conclusion? Cause I would have no problem if dude makes less than me or is blue collar, but I want a helpmate, not just a mate. If I meet one more man who tries to get me to help him get his life in order while trying to pass off the lazy dick and spitting lame ass promises of future payouts, I will spit in his face! Seriously.) How about when I find a man that understands that this is my job, and I enjoy it and hell no I'm not sleeping with my boss? (do you know how many men have asked me that? Yes, I describe myself as an executive assistant, but thats just the simplest thing to say. But I do important shit! - well sometimes. And no, you probably dont know to many exec asst that work til 8:20 pm, but I do. So accept that shit, pay my salary- bet you can't afford me!, or step the fuck off) How about when all people in love can get married? (actually I stole that one from Angie and Brad but still) How bout when I meet a nice man with big hands and feet and a sweet smile and a warm heart and a silly sense of humor and eclectic taste and an adventurous spirit and is honest with himself and me?
Its Damn Dark Out There
You know there are days, when I look up and the day is gone. Today was one of those days. I got to work almost on time (which means that I was less than 15 minutes late) and BossMan put me right on it. Then he stepped out and that was around the time that I started leaving comments for your guys. But then, in a productive fit, I went back to doing work and now its dark as hell out and I can't really remember what is was that I said I was going to write about today, sooo I guess I'll tell you guys about Slick (since a couple of you were wondering why I dont date him)
I met Slick though Bobby/Gutz. He is actually a friend of her brothers, but when her brother moved outta state, Slick continued to check up on her. Thats just the type of person Slick is. You ask him to look out for your sister, and that is exactly what he'll do. So I think its been like 10 years or something crazy like that since I first met him. And at first I didn't know what to make of Slick. He reminds me of Snoop, although the only physical thing they have in common is the long thin thing. Its probably the tree smoking...
Anyway my first real interaction with Slick was at a party that Bobby brought us both too. I'm standing there giving my best bougie black girl impression and I feel somebody on my ass. Yes, On My Ass. I turn around bout to go off and its Slick. "Listen I know your cool with Bobby, but I dont know you to be all up on my ass like that!" and a friendship was born. Seriously. He cracked up and basically told me that he thought I wasn't gonna go for that but he had to be sure. Seems that all the other females that Bobby brought with her were letting him so he figured what the hell. He bought me a drink to apologize. And we spent the rest of the night talking about what a bunch of hookers most of Bobby's friends were.
About 2 weeks later, the crew decided to go to the beach. Everybody is splitting up to drive out there and I'm not feeling any of the groupings. In fact, even back then I was wondering what the hell I was doing with these people. Then Slick pulls up and he's in the car by himself and I hopped right the fuck in. It took about another hour before everyone was ready and by that time, me and Slick were cool as shit. We talked about music, movies, sports, jewelery, clothes, we talked about everything. Including his two kids (he only had two at the time) with his high school sweetheart. She is a big reason that I would never do anything with Slick. I mean those two have been together foooo evvvvv ahhhh! I'm not gonna lie and say that I've never been the mistress. But I'd like to think that I do have some lines I won't cross and that is one of them. I mean I gave his toddler a Zoe doll last year for pete sake!
Another big reason not to mess with Slick is the fact that the King of Crap is one of his best friends. Maybe two years ago Slick hit on me, but it was a half hearted drunken effort that a "Did you lose your mind?!" quickly put to an end. Plus I'm pretty sure that he and the King of Crap were on the outs and Slick was just trying to piss him off. I think I've mentioned what a loser the King of Crap is and I can just imagine the problems he would cause if Slick and I ever hooked up.
But most importantly, I don't want to lose his friendship. I can be antisocial like a motherfucker, but I always makes an exception for Slick. I'll go months without seeing anyone other than my co-workers and my Mom, but Slick will know how I'm doing. He is the ONLY person that I put Duke in the back hall for (he can't get out of the back hall and he scares the crap outta Slick - no big ass dogs Troubs!)
I met Slick though Bobby/Gutz. He is actually a friend of her brothers, but when her brother moved outta state, Slick continued to check up on her. Thats just the type of person Slick is. You ask him to look out for your sister, and that is exactly what he'll do. So I think its been like 10 years or something crazy like that since I first met him. And at first I didn't know what to make of Slick. He reminds me of Snoop, although the only physical thing they have in common is the long thin thing. Its probably the tree smoking...
Anyway my first real interaction with Slick was at a party that Bobby brought us both too. I'm standing there giving my best bougie black girl impression and I feel somebody on my ass. Yes, On My Ass. I turn around bout to go off and its Slick. "Listen I know your cool with Bobby, but I dont know you to be all up on my ass like that!" and a friendship was born. Seriously. He cracked up and basically told me that he thought I wasn't gonna go for that but he had to be sure. Seems that all the other females that Bobby brought with her were letting him so he figured what the hell. He bought me a drink to apologize. And we spent the rest of the night talking about what a bunch of hookers most of Bobby's friends were.
About 2 weeks later, the crew decided to go to the beach. Everybody is splitting up to drive out there and I'm not feeling any of the groupings. In fact, even back then I was wondering what the hell I was doing with these people. Then Slick pulls up and he's in the car by himself and I hopped right the fuck in. It took about another hour before everyone was ready and by that time, me and Slick were cool as shit. We talked about music, movies, sports, jewelery, clothes, we talked about everything. Including his two kids (he only had two at the time) with his high school sweetheart. She is a big reason that I would never do anything with Slick. I mean those two have been together foooo evvvvv ahhhh! I'm not gonna lie and say that I've never been the mistress. But I'd like to think that I do have some lines I won't cross and that is one of them. I mean I gave his toddler a Zoe doll last year for pete sake!
Another big reason not to mess with Slick is the fact that the King of Crap is one of his best friends. Maybe two years ago Slick hit on me, but it was a half hearted drunken effort that a "Did you lose your mind?!" quickly put to an end. Plus I'm pretty sure that he and the King of Crap were on the outs and Slick was just trying to piss him off. I think I've mentioned what a loser the King of Crap is and I can just imagine the problems he would cause if Slick and I ever hooked up.
But most importantly, I don't want to lose his friendship. I can be antisocial like a motherfucker, but I always makes an exception for Slick. I'll go months without seeing anyone other than my co-workers and my Mom, but Slick will know how I'm doing. He is the ONLY person that I put Duke in the back hall for (he can't get out of the back hall and he scares the crap outta Slick - no big ass dogs Troubs!)
11.05.2007
A boil on the butt of humanity!
So back in the day, Trouble used to do a lil modeling. Nothing at all prestigious, just some ghetto assed fashion shows for my cousin. My cousin Coco (she has a gorgeous African name, but she goes by Coco. this is also the same woman who got a boob job yet has about 12 teeth in her mouth and 9 of them are brown) and her bff (at the time) Bobby used to "design" clothes and I somehow got talked into walking for them. Most of the other girls that walked for them were high school kids. Wait, that doesn't do them right, fast assed (for the most part) high school girls who would have better been served with a textbook instead of a ninjarigged runway.
Don't get me wrong, some of those girls were sweethearts even if they were dumb as stumps. One of my favorites was TT. We used to have "practices" on Sunday at Coco and Bobby's. And by practice, I mean that I would be smoking and drinking all day, then stumble my ass on home. One such Sunday, we were all in the living room and TT is standing there scratching her ass. I'm all TT no one wants to see you scratching your ass girl, why don't you try cleaning it? And she says that she has a pimple on her butt and it hurts. Cousin T was there and she says, "TT that sounds like a boil not a pimple" and lord love her TT says, "Uh uh I don't do that!"
Needless to say, I fell the fuck out and so did Cousin T, and everyone else was looking at us like we were crazy. Which is usually how the night ends when Cousin T and I are together
Don't get me wrong, some of those girls were sweethearts even if they were dumb as stumps. One of my favorites was TT. We used to have "practices" on Sunday at Coco and Bobby's. And by practice, I mean that I would be smoking and drinking all day, then stumble my ass on home. One such Sunday, we were all in the living room and TT is standing there scratching her ass. I'm all TT no one wants to see you scratching your ass girl, why don't you try cleaning it? And she says that she has a pimple on her butt and it hurts. Cousin T was there and she says, "TT that sounds like a boil not a pimple" and lord love her TT says, "Uh uh I don't do that!"
Needless to say, I fell the fuck out and so did Cousin T, and everyone else was looking at us like we were crazy. Which is usually how the night ends when Cousin T and I are together
Heeeeeeeeeeeey!
A big old hey and how u do to
Harlequin!
Swag Ambassador
M A L A !!!!!!
Lyrically Speaking
and
Don
thanks for stopping by to Don and Lyrically Speaking!
Welcome back Swag!
Heya HarleAidenQuinn!!!!
and where the hell you been girl to Mala!
and kisses to my TypHos!
Harlequin!
Swag Ambassador
M A L A !!!!!!
Lyrically Speaking
and
Don
thanks for stopping by to Don and Lyrically Speaking!
Welcome back Swag!
Heya HarleAidenQuinn!!!!
and where the hell you been girl to Mala!
and kisses to my TypHos!
"Left Cheek! Left Cheek! Left Cheek!"
I spent the weekend watching Transformers like 3 times. Hence the title. If you dont remember what I'm talkinbout, Josh D. and Tyrese were in the desert under attack and Josh is looking for Tyrese's wallet. Anywho, here's some things that I learned this weekend
1) I'm not really excited about this upcoming birthday (19 DAYS!!!) It may have something to do with the fact that I'm turning 30, but I'd like to believe that I'm not that shallow. Oh, don't get me wrong, I have my inch deep moments, but I'm not that bad.
2) After 30 plus years of driving a manual, Mommy's shoulder is starting to bother her. I also was kidding about one of her calfs being bigger than the other from all the shifting, but it turns out that one is more defined than the other. Weird!
3) My Mail people are the worst in Brooklyn! I get a slip on Friday for a package that they supposedly tried to deliver on Thursday. But Mommy was home on Thursday, and I was home on Friday. Lucky for me it was the postal supervisor (idk what hes really called, dude had a badge) that helped me when I went to pick up my dvds. I sure did complain bout that shit.
4) For some reason, my mother has picked up the quirky habit of flashing her lights at people when were driving. You know, someone will be going what she thinks is too slow, and rather than go around them, she'll flash her headlights, repeatedly, until the move. She also seems to think that the speed limit is somewhere around 78 miles per hour.
5) If I think its going to rain later and I put on my rain boots and Mommy says, "What are you wearing those for?" its not going to rain. At least it won't rain wherever I'll be so I'll be the ass walking around in galoshes for no reason.
6)Pumpkin Cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory $45 (I might have rounded up) same exact Pumpkin Cheesecake presliced and errything! at Costco $18 (GO COSTCO! They also had my apple cider!)
7)Last year around this time, I bought some copper bottomed cookware even though I hardly ever cook. This year I bought the vacuum even though I hardly clean...
8) I have too many clothes, its kinda ridiculous.
9) A valerian root based tea actually helps me to fall asleep, but only if I'm already a little sleepy and can't drift off. Its no help what so ever if I'm not already sleepy.
10) Those shots the dentist gave me had me loopy for, well I'm still kinda loopy
11) Even though I reminded you all to FALL BACK, it was noon on Sunday before I figured out that it was really 11 am and I had gotten up waaaaay earlier than I would have liked. I did get to see The Artist formerly known as Hobbles though. He's pretty great! He got Mommy an airplant - google that shit if you like plants, this one doesn't need soil or a pot! (if your saying who? the Artist is my brother in law, he was hobbles when I started writing cause he had just torn his ACL)
12) Mommy and I act like fussy sisters sometimes. We went out on Saturday and stopped to get pizza. I ask what she wants and she's like "Oh, just a regular slice." I ask her like 10 times if shes sure then I get her the one slice and get myself a white cheese slice and a regular. I sit down and she's all "Oh, that white cheese is for you?" Uh, yeah, you asked for regular. "Oh, cause that looks really good." I asked you 327 times if you wanted anything else. "Can I have a bite?" You ever tried to tell your Mom no for something? Then she starts listing all the times since your birth that you asked her for something and she said yes? Well I didn't want to have that conversation again so I told her to go ahead. And you know what she does? Rips off half my crust and a nice hunk of pizza too. How the hell and I supposed to eat my slice with half of the crust aka handle missing? And I ask her and she's all "Oh I didn't think about that" and ended up giving her the slice rather than get pissed. So she ate it and her regular and I had to wait while a new pizza finished baking. There should be some kinda rule about misinvoking motherly guilt for pettiness! Cause that was straight some shit that Hautechick would have done...
13) I still haven't spoken to Hautechick, Mommy keeps asking me if I called her. I think she feels guilty cause she often is the hype man for our battles.
14) I was sooooooo gonna tell Brownie that I didn't want to see him anymore, but then I read this horoscope that was basically telling me that all my relationship drama should happen around the 24th (my birthday coincidentally) so I decided to put it off til then.
1) I'm not really excited about this upcoming birthday (19 DAYS!!!) It may have something to do with the fact that I'm turning 30, but I'd like to believe that I'm not that shallow. Oh, don't get me wrong, I have my inch deep moments, but I'm not that bad.
2) After 30 plus years of driving a manual, Mommy's shoulder is starting to bother her. I also was kidding about one of her calfs being bigger than the other from all the shifting, but it turns out that one is more defined than the other. Weird!
3) My Mail people are the worst in Brooklyn! I get a slip on Friday for a package that they supposedly tried to deliver on Thursday. But Mommy was home on Thursday, and I was home on Friday. Lucky for me it was the postal supervisor (idk what hes really called, dude had a badge) that helped me when I went to pick up my dvds. I sure did complain bout that shit.
4) For some reason, my mother has picked up the quirky habit of flashing her lights at people when were driving. You know, someone will be going what she thinks is too slow, and rather than go around them, she'll flash her headlights, repeatedly, until the move. She also seems to think that the speed limit is somewhere around 78 miles per hour.
5) If I think its going to rain later and I put on my rain boots and Mommy says, "What are you wearing those for?" its not going to rain. At least it won't rain wherever I'll be so I'll be the ass walking around in galoshes for no reason.
6)Pumpkin Cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory $45 (I might have rounded up) same exact Pumpkin Cheesecake presliced and errything! at Costco $18 (GO COSTCO! They also had my apple cider!)
7)Last year around this time, I bought some copper bottomed cookware even though I hardly ever cook. This year I bought the vacuum even though I hardly clean...
8) I have too many clothes, its kinda ridiculous.
9) A valerian root based tea actually helps me to fall asleep, but only if I'm already a little sleepy and can't drift off. Its no help what so ever if I'm not already sleepy.
10) Those shots the dentist gave me had me loopy for, well I'm still kinda loopy
11) Even though I reminded you all to FALL BACK, it was noon on Sunday before I figured out that it was really 11 am and I had gotten up waaaaay earlier than I would have liked. I did get to see The Artist formerly known as Hobbles though. He's pretty great! He got Mommy an airplant - google that shit if you like plants, this one doesn't need soil or a pot! (if your saying who? the Artist is my brother in law, he was hobbles when I started writing cause he had just torn his ACL)
12) Mommy and I act like fussy sisters sometimes. We went out on Saturday and stopped to get pizza. I ask what she wants and she's like "Oh, just a regular slice." I ask her like 10 times if shes sure then I get her the one slice and get myself a white cheese slice and a regular. I sit down and she's all "Oh, that white cheese is for you?" Uh, yeah, you asked for regular. "Oh, cause that looks really good." I asked you 327 times if you wanted anything else. "Can I have a bite?" You ever tried to tell your Mom no for something? Then she starts listing all the times since your birth that you asked her for something and she said yes? Well I didn't want to have that conversation again so I told her to go ahead. And you know what she does? Rips off half my crust and a nice hunk of pizza too. How the hell and I supposed to eat my slice with half of the crust aka handle missing? And I ask her and she's all "Oh I didn't think about that" and ended up giving her the slice rather than get pissed. So she ate it and her regular and I had to wait while a new pizza finished baking. There should be some kinda rule about misinvoking motherly guilt for pettiness! Cause that was straight some shit that Hautechick would have done...
13) I still haven't spoken to Hautechick, Mommy keeps asking me if I called her. I think she feels guilty cause she often is the hype man for our battles.
14) I was sooooooo gonna tell Brownie that I didn't want to see him anymore, but then I read this horoscope that was basically telling me that all my relationship drama should happen around the 24th (my birthday coincidentally) so I decided to put it off til then.
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