I hate old ladies...

...not all of them.  But the ones who think that having some wrinkles and grey hair entitles them to speak to people any old way.  Sorry old bitch, my respect is earned, but you knew that didn't you?

So last night should have been a wonderful evening, I took Mommy to go see ALVIN AILEY!!!!  and you know how I feel about Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater. (NYC residents - if you were unable to get tickets to this years City Center performances, they will performing at BAM in June)  Plus it was a night of all new works, including Firebird, which was first.  In this staging, the lead role of the firebird was danced by a male, Clifton Brown.  And oh boy did his ass and thighs make me forget where the hell I was!  Then the other firebird comes out, and boy was he ever the perfect compliment to Mr. Browns light and lovely looks.  Jamar Roberts (I think) is a luscious piece of chocolaty man candy, yes indeed.  We also saw Unfold, which while short was phenomenal!  I think that was my favorite piece of the night.  It was danced my Linda Celeste Sims (who is one of the more recognizable faces of Ailey, she appears in a number of their promotional materials and is really quite beautiful, then she starts dancing and it becomes impossible to take your eyes off of her) and Clifton Brown, Mr. Firebird.

There were two other pieces, The Groove to Nobody's Business and Saddle Up, both were being preformed for the first time this year.  They weren't bad, but I think I prefer the older choreography.  They seems to beheading more towards a modern dance flavor and I'm hesitant to like it since one of the things that I find so mesmerizing about AAADT is their ballet skills.  The leg extensions, the beautifully pointed toe, all of that seemed lacking in The Groove.  Saddle Up was better, but Mommy didn't get it.  Part of the reason that I like Saddle Up is that they used the music of Yo Yo Ma and I dig him.

Now about the old ladies.  If you've ever been to the theater, you know that if you arrive late, they usually make you wait and watch on a closed circuit tv until intermission.  Well thats what happened to the 6 old ladies that were sitting next to and behind me.  And of course I would get stuck sitting next to and in front of the most annoying old biddies in the bunch.  The one next to me, comes in and sits down and decides that I'm in her seat.  I know its not because not only do I know what seats I bought (I looked at the seating chart with the ticket agent when I got them) but we were also seated by an usher, and I'm pretty sure she would know.  Also I heard one of the other women say, "we have the three on the end in both of these rows."  So when she looks at me and says, "You're in my seat!  I'm not going to ask you to move, yet"  I looked at her like, bitch you better not ask me to do shit but excuse your rude attitude!  So the next piece starts and the one behind me, who of course has the most annoying voice you ever heard, decided now is the time to complain about having to wait outside during the first piece.    And my seat mate decides to continue talking about how I'm in her seat. 

Luckily it was a short piece and they shut the fuck up when just about everyone in the section around them cleared their throats as a subtle hint to "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU OLD BAG!"  Oh how I wanted to say that last night.  So its a brief pause in the show and the old bitch next to me finally realizes that I'm not 19 like she first assumed, and she changes her tone.  "I'm pretty sure that she's in my seat and I can't see anything from here, but I don't want to cause any trouble."  So now she's gonna play the poor old woman card.  Sorry bitch not buying it, and neither for that matter is Mommy.  

"What the hell is she going on about now.  Like it wasn't bad enough that they were talking all during the beginning of the piece.  If you were in her seat, don't you think the usher would have asked you to move already?  Sheesh!"  "It's alright Mommy, I know what seats I bought and since she doesn't feel its necessary to address me directly, she can kiss my ass."  I dont think that I need to mention that these women were sitting right next to us so they undoubtedly heard everything Mommy and I said, just like we heard everything that they said.  All of a sudden old bitch wants to check her ticket and lo and behold, she is in the right seat.  Which of course she doesn't want to sit in anymore, she ended up going upstairs to the cheap seats by herself.  Honestly, I think she was annoying the snot out of her friends too, cause no one offered to go with her. 

Lord, please don't let me grow up to be a bitter old woman.   Please!