Ex Reflux Part Duex

It never ends! So this dude I used to deal with is good friends with a good friend of mine. So naturally I see him from time to time. But he cockblocks like a mutherfucker! "Yo, you need to take your hands off my wife." "I know she's not disrespecting me again with that corny nigger" Once he even told this guy that was trying to get my number "We're just going through some stuff right now. She's mad at me but she always forgives me."

Now I think that I should mention that we only dealt with each other for about 3 or 4 months top. (and I never claimed him!) And that was about 6 or more years ago. So, Presidents Day comes around and our mutual friend throws a bus ride to Atlantic City and I'm horny. Long story short we hook up for like 2 months. And the whole time, he's bitching about how I need to settle down, and he's gonna get me a ring. Honestly, after a while I started hearing "Whah whah whah whah whah" like on the Peanuts cartoons. That shit doesn't interest me. I OWN my home, I have a great job, and I'm way too selfish for kids right now.

So he stands me up one night. I call the next day and the negro sounds like he's sleeping off a hangover. So I tell him I'll call him back later, but in reality I'm done. Like I said, I am way to selfish to have kids. I don't want to have to tell you what you did wrong and it is not my job to keep you in check. You fuck up, thats on you. A week later (yes a whole f-ing week!) he starts leaving me messages. "So you're not going to call me anymore? What the hell is this?" "Where are you?" "I was in a car accident and I dont even get a fuck you?!" Actually he got the fuck you, it was just in my head.

When we finally speak, he's mad. Come to find out the night that he was supposed to take me to dinner, he went drinking with some people from his job (thats what he says, but our mutual friend slipped so I know thats not quite true) and got so drunk that he passed out and crashed his car. Well Boo Fucking Hoo! I'm sorry but I'll be damned if I feel sorry for someone who was driving drunk. Not to mention that if he had taken me to dinner like he was supposed to, he wouldn't have crashed his car! So we stopped seeing each other soon after when he stood me up again.

I believe my final message went something like "You know you get on my last fucking nerve. You're such a fuck up and I can't stand your trifling ass. Go dig a hole!" or something along those lines. Now flash forward to yesterday, I get a voicemail (not a phone call, the asshat must have replied to the last message I left) "Uh, hi, I was just calling to see how your doing. Call me when you get a chance" Yeah he should hold his breath for that. It's gonna happen right after I grow a dick and join Chippendales!