Strange ting gwan

Hautechick is famous for telling me how she saw this guy and he would be just perfect for me!  She never really knows the guys, usually she sees them in the street or on the train and I always end up saying to her, "It's not like you're going to run into dude when I'm with you."  So her tactics have changed.  Recently she's been coming to me with guys names.  She and the Artist are renovating their house, so she called up some contractor tells him her name and the guys says, "Oh, you must be Omar's wife."  Actually she's not but dude has the same last name as her hubbie.  So she says to me, "That would be soooo cool if you married Omar and we had the same initials again!"  How or where I'm supposed to meet this guy, I'll never know.  Sheeet we don't even know what dude looks like.

A couple of weeks past and she says to me, "Hey remember Omar?"  like we really knew dude or some shit.  Well turns out she's was standing in line at the post office behind a guy who she thought was even more perfect for me than the possibly imaginary Omar.  And she knew his government.  Of course my snarky ass says, "Well thats nice that you know his name, but where the fuck do you suppose I'm going to meet him?!"  Weird ass sister comes back with "Google him!"  I'm starting to think that either my sister has stalker tendencies that I knew nothing about, or she really has no faith that I'll be able to find the man of my dreams.  

So, skip forward a couple of days, I'm over at Hautechicks for a visit and decide I'm gonna make a pizza for dinner and want some fresh mushrooms.  Hautechick and the Artist don't have anything to dinner so we all take a trip to Foodtown (one of the local stoopidmarkets).  The line was ridiculous, so I'm standing on line with Hautechick while the Artist (who has the longest legs of the three of us) ran around getting the rest of the stuff that we needed.  Hautechick's running her mouth and I'm only half listening when I spy with my little eye a gorgeous specimen of man candy.  Tall, thin, gorgeous locks I would luv to play in, and I can't take my eyes off of him.  I hear Hautechick gasp then she says, "Oh my Gawd, thats RN! I told you, you would like him!"  It would have been perfect, if it hadn't been for the older woman that was sure not his momma that was with him....

More Post Latah...

This is just a reminder to me cause its too fucking nice outside, I wanna go play.  So the posts I had planned to do will have to wait.  Enjoy my notes until then..

• Me Cousin T and her Mommy going to Tangers Outlet in Riverhead (ask me about my new Coach bag that I didn't need but couldn't resist...)
• MonkeyGirls Dance performance and the little bitches mean mugging on my second favorite 13 year old girl (Cousin C) and why she's one of my favorite 13 year olds
• Women with close male friends (Cousin T & J) 
• the state of my job search and how I just might stop looking for a job and start looking for a sugar daddy
• house party with Cousin T and my new Skinny Bitch T-Shirt - "Is the skinny bitch alright?!"
• adventures in target and other retailers (why the hell do people always want to TALK to me!?!  Damn my cuteness!)
• Introducing BluesMan - the closest thing I have to a stepdad, even if he and Mommy aren't together anymore
• the stupidity of tagless panties aka why I had to buy all new underwear (damn you GapBody!)

So stay tuned for more Troublicious fun!  Oh and I did a guest blogger thing over on the Skivvy but a bitch (*Aaaaahautechickhooooo! ) hasn't paid me, and insulted me so I'm not really promoting that shit.  And I was trying to find a job before I came out there PB, so a bitch wouldn't be broke and semi-depressed!  Texas sounds good though!  Just remember LadyShay, no hugging PB!  (and got I hope you got some sand in your ass for me too ShayShay la Funk)

My perfect job...

1. Voicing a character on the Muppets!  But since the Muppet Show is no longer on the air, I may have to settle for...
2. Voicing a character on Sesame Street!  le Sigh, if only Savion was still on there.
3. Being the person at the porno shoot that tells them, "Ewwww, are you fucking kidding me, that dude is gross!"  and "Can't we cover up the scar from her cheap breast implantation surgery?"  and "Sweetie, take 15 minutes and go get that finger nail fixed." and don't forget my favorite, "Cut!  Her tracks are showing!"
4. Running the TypHo estates in the Caribbean.  I call dibs!
5. Shopping.  
6. Being Lewis Hamilton's favorite midnight snack (in a lascivious not cannibalistic way)
7. Being Savion Glover's blunt roller
8. Being Gerard Butlers fluffer
9. Restoring old homes...

Hey, if you believe, you can achieve!  Right?  But just in case I'm pretty sure that I'm going back to school to become an interiors architect...

Young Buck

So I figured out what the Young Bucks name is, but he will be known (for however briefly) on Snarky as Young Buck. As I will it, so mote it be!  ( I would apologize for the last sentence, but you guys should be used to my irreverence by now)  Anyway, we talked a couple of times and he makes me laugh so thats a plus.  BUTT (thats a really big butt - who knows what movie thats from?) I feel a way cause Hautey and the Artist called me a baby cougar cause he's younger than me.  I'm afraid to ask exactly how much younger he is.  ANNNND cause we were speaking the other night and got cut off.  He called me back, we spoke a little longer and then got cut off again.  When I tried to call him off, I got the out of service message and haven't been able to get through since.  So its not looking good for the Young Buck.  

And Brownie is looking for me, but I have yet to answer the phone...

One More Thing About the Fight...

So I watched the house at Bobby's cousin's house.  Now (in case u dont remember) Bobby practically grew up in Cousin T's house, and has kind of adopted them as her own.  Every once in awhile, she'll bring up something about her actual family, but for the most part I don't hear too much about them.  But I have met a couple of them and I do know most of their names.  Well, I would if my memory wasn't for shit.  So we pull up to her cousins house and Bobby's making the introductions, "...and you remember Trouble..."  "No I don't know her, hi nice to meet you."

Now I feel like an ass cause I'm pretty sure that I have in fact met her before.  Don't remember her name, but the face definitely.  No matter, I'm used to it.  Every time I used to see Bubba's ex-fiance, she would say, "Oh its nice to meet you, I've heard so much about you!"  while giving me half of a fake smile.  That happened about 4 or 5 times.  Come on bitch, I'm that chick!   You know the one in that 3 foot by 5 foot picture thats hanging in Bubba's Daddy's house?  Bubba's in it too, its from when we were in the 7th grade at some street fair with his dad.  We have a pact to destroy that picture but his dad loves it for some reason.  You know, the one that is cool with all of his boys?  That doesn't mind going to Knicks games with him (even though I think they've sucked since the 80s)?  Yeah thats me bitch.  

Anyway back to the fight.  So as I was saying, I'm used to that passive aggressive shit from weak women.  But this time, I'm writing it off as maybe she just doesn't remember me since Bobby and I are not what you would call the closest.  Shit is cool.  Everyone is watching the pre-fight, eating, drink, and poppin shit.  And the pictures come out.  "Bobby, you will never believe what I found!  Remember your birthday a couple of years ago?  I found the pictures!"  And there's Trouble in all her glory, smack dab in the middle of about 1/3 of them.  Don't remember me huh?

So, its a little later, the fights about to start and everybody is coming into the living room.  An acquaintance of mine May, and I decide to grab another beer before the fight.  Get to the kitchen and The Cousin's husband is in there, "What do yall need?"  being a good host, but there is only one bottle of beer left, the rest is in a lil mini keg.  So May (part of why I said acquaintance) grabs it and leaves me in the kitchen with the husband who is trying to help me figure out the mini keg.  Him being a "man" can't let me do it myself, which would have been quicker, and ends up breaking the tap.  He's trying to jury-rig that shit, when here comes The Cousin, "Whats going on in here?!"  Tone and face tight.  What do you think bitch, I'm in here banging your man against the fridge while your standing 4 feet away?!

We both turn, him with the keg, me with my cup and look at her like she's stoopid.  "Oh!  I want some beer!"  This little interaction just furthers my thinking that she knows exactly who I am, cause Bobby for some reason thinks that I fuck all comers.  That is sooo not the case, in fact I think I'm coming up on almost 4 months peen free.  I think she's just projecting her own shortcoming onto me, cause dude that she brought with her to the fight, and has been banging for at least 7 years is pretty suspect in my opinion.  Not to mention that he bet on Hatton, fucktard.  Then there was the dude that was married with kids, living with his mistress and also fucking Bobby.  Quite a catch.  Or how about the dude that was borrowing her car and letting other chicks use it?

I'm not gonna lie and say I never fucked a loser, but I sure don't keep them bitches around.  But the point of this post was to ask, what the fuck is up with chicks acting like they don't know who you are when they really do?  Is that supposed to throw me off my game, undermine my confidence or some shit?  Cause it just makes me want to shine a little harder to be honest.  It's funny cause I felt like getting dressed that night, and made my self tone it down.  I started to wear my black leather look legging, a black long chunky turtleneck sweater and my burgundy over the knee boots.  I ended up wearing my black J Brands, a black cashmere sweater and my patent leather boots...

Am I Wrong...

...for getting happy when I heard that Bubba isn't getting married? Cause I dont feel guilty, just really really happy for him. Shit he doesn't sound to broken up about it. He just got back from Paris and we are going to lunch next week. He doesn't know yet, but he's treating and I'm getting pissy drunk!

...for being intrigued by the fact that Hautey went to a titty bar in Las Vegas last night. She's strictly dickly but she's an Aquarius.

Two Two Two Dancing Dudes!

A ha ha ha! (does anyone else adore The Count from Sesame Street?)

I think this was around the time that I fell in love with Savion...

courtesy of YouTube

Gawd Bless The Crackhead

There is such a fine line between genius and insanity and I love to straddle the line! Amy Winehouse is a talented nut that I hope doesn't go the was of Janis and Jimi. Here's the video of my new favorite song by her. It's from her first album Frank (before Blake and the beehive and the weight loss)


...and by the by dude may be a punk but he sure is fun to look at!

One More Thing...

Did anyone else watch Jackie Chan's cartoon?  Anybody?  Anybody?  Ooooooook So anyway I forgot a couple of random things from the previous post and rather than edit decided to do an entirely new post!  Yay for you!  

-I was originally upset that Tyra kicked Heather off of ANTM but then I realized that it was probably the best thing that Tyra could have evah done for that girls career.  Cause lets be real, the winners aren't in Vogue or Harpers, they get a spread in fucking 17 magazine.  Shit I'd take a Lucky spread over 17.  And chickydee is gorgeous so I'm sure someone will pick her up AND get her a handler...

-Yay Elio!  (I luv that guy I think its the dimples)

- Did anyone else notice Coco with IceT on SVU last week?

- I'd make some real money if I had some porn links on this blog.  THERE ARE NO NAKED BLACK CHICKS, IN BOOTS, ON BOYS, ON DOGS OR OTHERWISE ON THIS BLOG!  

le Gasp!

Bossip is reporting that Naomi Campbell is dating Lewis Hamilton!  (and that he's worth $200 million)  I dont know wether to say "get it NayNay!"  or "damn you NayNay!"