Jump on it in the morning and ride it til the night...

...wanna give you real jewelry so when it hits the light, bitches will momentarily lose their sight.  She said, "I know what boys like, I know what they want, they want to sex me, they think I'm sexy.  I know what boys like, boys like me."

Just a little trip back in hip hop time when I actually liked Jay-Z.  This is going to be another one of those random post that I do from time to time.  Bear with me...

 I recently realized that I've never slept with more than one man at a time.  Wait, I'm not sure how you took that, but what I mean is that if I'm sleeping with one man, I don't sleep with anyone else.  I guess you would say that I'm sexually exclusive.  I just couldn't see myself going back and forth between men.  Twins on the same night at the same time, now thats another dirtier story.  I don't expect my lovahs to be sexually exclusive, but I do expect them to be discreet and most importantly clean.  Dont you ever fucking come to my house smelling like some other woman or just as bad, you own funky ass.

I thought I lost my The Incredibles DVD.  I love that movie!  Shit, who am I kidding I love Pixar almost as much as I love Jim Henson and thats saying alot if you know how I feel about the Muppets.  Speaking of the Muppets, I just got The Muppets Take Manhattan on dvd!  How cool is that!  (ok maybe not that cool to you, but cool as shit to me! fuck you very much if you think I'm a dork.  But I'm pretty sure dorks don't have head game like I do...)

Speaking of head game (is it wrong to segue from Muppets to Blowjobs?) can I just say as a woman, that I actually do quite enjoy the power of giving a blowjob.  The feel of having something so vulnerable yet so hard in the palm of my hand.  Doing just the right thing to make him hiss and that extra swirl of the tongue that will having him calling out.  If you're a woman and you're thinking that its an act of submission, than sweetie, you really haven't been doing it right.  And to the maybe 3 straight guys that may be reading this, if you learned to really enjoy eating the puss, (that is if you already don't) you'd probably get a hell of a different reaction than if you just eat it cause you think its what she wants you to do it.  If you don't enjoy it, chances are you're partner won't enjoy it either.

Sorry I haven't been around the blog world lately, I've been off playing with a boy.  Well at least part of the time.  I've also been cleaning this sty I call an apartment, fine tuning my resume (I should start sending it out by Wednesday) and trying to groom Duke.  It took me about 4 hours just to give him a really good brushing.  Then I spent another hour using the undercoat rake.  Then I needed a break so the next day I got started with the clippers, and we were doing pretty good until I tried to cut him back left leg.  He didn't want me on that side.  So I was pretty tired and said I would try the next day.  But then it snowed.  And since we live on the corner and own the lot next door I had to shovel all of that shit and I think I pulled something.  So the haircut is incomplete.  He looks alot better, but my back is fucking killing me from the snow shoveling.  Then it had the fucking nerve to rain the next day and most of that fuck ass snow disappeared and today it was in the 60s!?!  Fucking weetodd weather, I blame it on the industrial revolution.  Fucked up weather, cancer and pollution.  What a great fucking time in history that was...

My perfect job...

1. Voicing a character on the Muppets!  But since the Muppet Show is no longer on the air, I may have to settle for...
2. Voicing a character on Sesame Street!  le Sigh, if only Savion was still on there.
3. Being the person at the porno shoot that tells them, "Ewwww, are you fucking kidding me, that dude is gross!"  and "Can't we cover up the scar from her cheap breast implantation surgery?"  and "Sweetie, take 15 minutes and go get that finger nail fixed." and don't forget my favorite, "Cut!  Her tracks are showing!"
4. Running the TypHo estates in the Caribbean.  I call dibs!
5. Shopping.  
6. Being Lewis Hamilton's favorite midnight snack (in a lascivious not cannibalistic way)
7. Being Savion Glover's blunt roller
8. Being Gerard Butlers fluffer
9. Restoring old homes...

Hey, if you believe, you can achieve!  Right?  But just in case I'm pretty sure that I'm going back to school to become an interiors architect...

Who Knew!

This is Lady Shay's fault!

You Are Miss Piggy

A total princess and diva, you're totally in charge - even if people don't know it. You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won't settle for anything less. You're going to be a total star, and you won't let any of the "little people" get in your way. Just remember, piggy, never eat more than you can lift!

The Muppet Personality Test

Rudolph Nureyev

In case you couldn't tell he was a cutie in Swine Lake, here's a better look. Who else wants his jacket? And Afro peep the crotch, I think he stuffed it cause it looks bigger here than it did in his tights. And peep Kermit getting manhandled by Sam...

Tight Tushy

Cause I'd hate to have lead you guys on. Some of you didn't like the Big Wangeroo I showed you, so here's a tight tushy, Mr. Rudolph Nureyev, who is kindof a hottie yes no?

Ah Ni Malllllll

Greatest puppet drummer ever with a true Drumming Gawd...

(said in my best Kermit the Frog voice, which basically sounds like a nasally me)
And now, it is my great pleasure to present to you Buddy Rich and our very own Animal! Yeaaaaaaaaaaa!

It's Not Where You Start

Didja know that it takes two people to do these piano sketches? Jim Henson would control the head and someone else would do the hands...



which means there were 4 people around the piano in that Fozzie and Rowlf sketch

When All Else Fails...

...the Muppets always make me smile. So here's a classic clip of two of my favorite Muppets, Fozzie Bear, and Rowlf (who was almost named Barkley - like the Sesame Street Dog,Woofington, Howlington, Beowolf, or my favorite Barkus)

Rowlf was the first member of the Muppets to gain nationwide fame when he appeared on The Jimmy Dean show from 1963-1966. But he first appeared in 1962 in some Purina Dog Chow commercials. He was designed and preformed by the late Great Jim Henson and was built by Don Sahlin. Henson preformed as Rowlf until 1990 (the day the Muppets went silent) when Bill Barretta took over. Rowlf has a huge crush on Lassie and contrary to popular belief, he was not a member of Dr. Teeth's Electric Mayhem (which is what I'm naming my band - who's in?)

Fozzie is Kermit's best friend and was performed by the enormously awesome Frank Oz (dude was Yoda and Miss Piggy, how fucking cool is he!) Fozzie and Kermit once even played twin brothers in The Great Muppet Caper. Here is a picture of their dad
In case you can't tell, he's the one on the right. And here are Fozzie and Rowlf, ready modulate!

Angels on the Head of A Pin
(I was going to name this in a nutshell, don't know why I changed it)

• I went to lunch with my favorite adult female cousin T on Saturday. I was just thinkin that I hadn't seen or talked to her since we came back from the Vineyard in July and the phone rang (she's gonna live a loooong time!) She was thinkin the same thing so out to lunch we went. It was good and we decided that we would try and go out to eat at least once a month, and try some new restaurants.
  
• I used my 25% off Coach discount (owwwww! preferred shopper in the howwwse!) to buy Mommy's birthday gift. (By the way, she was laughing so hard at the post that I did for her birthday that she couldn't even finish reading it! And she gave me back the scissors that live in the Garage) I got her the Chelsea Leather Swingpack. But then I ended up buying a wallet, some sunglasses, and a cute little elephant cell phone charm for myself. So she's getting a couple more things cause I feel guilty. (T was with me and she soooo did not help!)
• Our cell phone contracts expired. So about 2 weeks ago Mommy and I went to Verizon to renew and pick up new phones. This black guy was helping us, and if I said "Excuse me?" 80 times, I said it 100. (I'm not sure what that means!? - still sleepy) Speak up shitstacks! (Ha ha - I said Shitstacks! lets hope I remember that one) We didn't buy the phones that day, in part due to his shiteous (tee hee!) customer service and partially cause the latina at the register told us we can get them cheaper at Circuit City. Verizon Wireless - $367 for two phones one of which was supposed to be free and one which was supposed to get promotional pricing. Circuit City - $163 for the same phones and I'm getting $100 back in the mail.
• I am soooooo counting taking care of the cell phones as a birthday gift!
• When I went to get the cell phones, I left my Ipod in the house so that Mommy could listen to some new music while I was gone. I felt naked without it! And I realized that getting her a Video Nano or something might not be such a bad idea. So I called Hautechick to see if her and the Artist would want to go halfsies on it. And she's all like "No thanks, Mommy already told me what she wanted me to get her, and I'm getting it!" So of course I'm expecting the waterproof jacket that Mommy asked her for. Imagine my fucking shock when she hands Mommy an envelope with some cash in it! (And it better not had been that piss poor $100 I think it was! - please dont think its about the money cause its not, but I know that our Mom would have rather gotten something thoughtful for $5 than $100 in a Hallmark card)
• Why is it that whenever we (Mommy and I) go to Haute's & The Artist's place for dinner, they never have food for us to take home. Yet when the come over they always are able to bring back food for like 4 days? I mean to the point that they always bring tupperware with them. This time Mommy got to take home a plate and I got a chicken thigh.
  
• About 2 months ago I read this thing about some people with locks who had to cut them off because fungus was growing in them - I had nightmares about that. Dis-fuckin-gusting! Anyway so I absolutely had to wash and tighten my locks yesterday, and I was actually done fairly quickly (I started at 9:30 pm and was done by 1:10 am) but I didn't want to sit under the hairdryer so I went to sleep. But I didn't sleep cause I kept thinking about fungusy locks! It was irrational I know, but it still kept me from completely relaxing. It's about 4:30pm and I'm still not really sure that they are dry. I'm going to sit under the dryer when I get home just in case. (They smell really good though and are super shiny!)
• I only have like 2 more unwatched Muppet episodes and I'm depressed cause I don't know when the next season comes out! Probably not til next June or July if the past release dates are any indication. And then when I was trying to find the release date I found a replica Animal puppet! Oh how I want it - do you think its considered art?
  

Off My List...

Ben Vereen is officially off my list of favorite Muppet Show Guest stars. Something about this is just downright creepy...


Didja know that's Usher's Gawd Daddy? And that in 1975 he recorded a song called "Stop Your Half Steppin Mama"? Or that in 1985 he was named the King of Brooklyn? Or that he was adopted and didn't know if? "Ben Vereen is a raging queen but he rocks the house..." (Tenacious D said that, not me)

Fever!



I don't know what she's sayin' but I love it!